CNN was full of this Diver vs. Tiger Shark Video today claming that Craig Clasen, one of the divers fought and killed 12 foot long tiger shark who attacked his friend diver. Following up on this mind-blowing story, I went to examine what was supposed to be the most bad ass video I’ve ever seen, only to see that CNN were once again full of baby poop.

Yes, it’s an overinflated story. It’s actually not even a story, just a no-adventure of a bunch of nobodies who over inflated it to get on TV. There was clearly no fight. Craig Clasen did not fight any shark. He was fighting half dead animal. I mean let’s be serious for one minute. A 12 foot long tiger shark vs. diver and diver wins killing a shark? Give me a break. Let me tell you what is not on the video and why it is not on the video. My theory is more likely what the real story went down as:

Bunch of blood thirsty animal killers armed with harpoons went to kill themselves a big fish to have something to brag about. You know – that’s one way to impress your boyfriend and get laid. Armed with harpoons, they dived in the ocean and waited around. Then a tiger shark showed up out of nowhere and may have got pretty close to one of the divers, but nothing happened. Shark did not bite diver’s penis off, he can still pleasure his boyfriend. Harpoon shots were fired at the shark, delivering lethal damage, but it did not kill him instantly. Bleeding profusely, tiger shark sort of floated around in agony knowing he was wounded so badly he could no longer fight back or swim away. That’s when Craig Clasen climbed on paralyzed animal and finished him off, which is what we see in the video.

Fighting the shark my ass. Craig Clasen – if you were actually fighting the tiger shark who was not hit several times with harpoon arrows, you would get pulled out of the ocean looking something like THIS or at least THIS. I mean seriously – there is a reason no actual “fight” as you claim was recorded on the video. Everything else was, just no sign of a fight. Are you really expecting me to believe you killed a 12 foot tiger shark? Yeah right…

Craig Clasen in Diver vs. Tiger Shark Video is below. Take a look and tell me if he’s not bullshitting us all. Just as additional info – the video was shot last June off the coast of New Orleans in the Gulf of Mexico.

Shoe-Humping Turtle will make your day. He made mine. I never realized turtles can hump faster than they can walk, but that’s understandable. I masturbate faster than I walk too. Only I don’t masturbate into a shoe… unless I have a visit cause humping your own shoes is just gross.

Shoe-Humping Turtle, star in this hilarious video is one horny boy and what is he supposed to do. So he climbs up on a loose shoe and starts humping it. His penis is erect hard and long, but he’s too far from any holes. How do turtles hump anyway? Female turtle would still have the armor on her, how would get to her vagina? Seriously, being a turtle sucks, you even fuck with armor on and a chick you fuck is also wearing an armor. Where’s fun in that.

On the other hand, being a turtle doesn’t suck that bad. Just look at the size of this bad boys penis. Seen that thing? His penis is 1/3 of his body size. Imagine if fatty like me had a penis 1/3 of my size. That thing would be 50 feet… around!

I also never realize turtles make these cute noises when they hump. It reminds me of JAV (Japanese Adult Videos) stars – they also make those cute noises when they get humped. I wander what noises girl turtles make when they take it in doggy style. Hmmm…

Enough talk. Enjoy the video starring Shoe-Humping Turtle. That boy is the shit. The only thing I don’t like are people in the background laughing at him Have they never been so horny they’d fuck a shoe? Comon!

Warning, some may find this video disturbing. Innocent kitty is shot point blank to the head. With a hand gun. I mean literally… a hand gun. Poor kitty

This video made my day today. I laughed my ass off several times over. Poor dog… so funny though.

This pups name is Bizkit. Bizkit obviously has very vivid dreams, to a point that he starts acting on the outside as if he was fully awake. In this video Bizkit is obviously trying to catch a Frisbee of some sort, gets really frisky, ready… and then takes off… Still sleeping and on his side, Bizkit runs for it full speed when all of a sudden he awakens, gets on his feet but continues running until he runs into wall.

Notice how he speeds up and then actually springs his head as if trying to catch a Frisbee. That jump up for Frisbee gets him on his feet and as he continues to run with imaginable Frisbee in his mouth, he runs into the wall. I’m sure that’s what he was dreaming about – giant, majestic Frisbee. Unless he was fighting some other scary dogs, tried to bite them as they were delivering bites into his ears and then wanted to take off cause he was alone against many. That’s a possible second scenario.

Poor Bizkit obviously feels embarrassed afterwards, but I can’t understand how a cameraman did not laugh their ass off. This is just plan hilarious.

Pinky the Pink Dolphin was discovered by Erik Rue, the 42 year old charter boat captain when he was sailing the Lake Calcasieu in Louisiana. Pinky is the world’s only pink Bottlenose dolphin. Pinky is an albino dolphin. His eyes are bright red and skin, well… bright pink. He’s otherwise perfectly healthy, the only oddity about him is that he’s all flashy pink.

Pinky the Pink Dolphin has been swimming in the waters of Louisiana’s Lake Calcasieu since 2007. He’s been a big attraction, to the point that conservationists want to limit the time allocated for observation.

Dolphins are awesome. Their sense of community is unsurpassed. Family of dolphins will never abandon a member who’s injured, rather they’ll stay with him and protect him until he’s capable of keeping up with them again. When pinky the Pink Dolphin was first spotted, there was a group of five dolphins around with Pinky’s mom always by his side. Dolphins are so amazing. Especially this pink albino dolphin.

More pictures of Pinky the Pink Dolphin in the photo gallery below:

Cats are so gorgeous. Look at this beautiful boy who got nicknamed Ugly Bat Boy. Isn’t he just previous?

Ugly Bat Boy is bold all over his body, except from his chest where fur grows widely. He’s currently a resident kitty at Exeter Veterinary Hospital and his favorite spot is atop a computer (because of the heat). Because of his unique appearance and striking name, Ugly Bat Boy has been a celebrity with local and international media coverage. We at Beer Steak Bullshit industry recognize worthy adepts to the hottest bitch on the net library and Ugly Bat Boy definitely deserves a nomination.

Obviously, veterinary clinic in Exeter is abusing the fact that Ugly Bat Boy is such a beautiful kitty to boost their advertising efforts and it’s working out. Dr. Stephen Bassett surely approves of this. But let’s go back to our gorgeous kitty Ugly Bat Boy.

When he was born, Ugly Bat Boy had a twin sister who looked just like him. Sadly, she didn’t live to see the fame and died when she was only weeks old. I’m sure deep inside his gorgeous soul, Ugly Bat Boy dedicates all his thoughts to his little sister.

Ugly Bat Boy is 8 years old. The stuff at Exeter Veterinary Hospital addressed questions about him be putting up fliers that said he was a normally kitty, just looked ugly (dumb bitches, he’s beautiful, why would you call that beauty “ugly”?). I hope he enjoys the attention and lives a long a happy life. Here’s to Ugly Bat Boy – the beauty of the day.

More pics of Ugly Bat Boy are in a gallery below:

Do you remember back in August of 2008 when Snakehead Fish wreaked havoc in New York rivers and had to be eliminated by force before they eliminated other native fish? Well, major mainstream media are putting together the list of most significant events of 2008 and guess what – Snakehead Fish are famous, they’re on the list. Snakehead Fish deserve to dominate that damn list. 2008 should forever be remembered as the year of Snakehead Fish.

Aside from New York, Snakehead Fish also took over the rivers in Arkansas in 2008. That was back in April and Piney Creek in Lee County had to be rescued by the biologists who declared war on Snakehead Fish. The final score – obviously – is in favor of biologists, Snakehead Fish lost, but do not underestimate the power of this Asian native species. Snakehead Fish are already on the most bad ass list. That’s the way it starts and before you know it, Snakehead Fish will rule the world. Every smart man will join them cause there will be no beating them. Planet Earth will become a fish planet. The fish will breed humans for food. How awesome. Leave it up to Snakehead Fish – there will be no global warming no more and the ozone hole will patch itself. Sweet!

Awesome Snakehead Fish photo by Associated Press (AP)

You know you’re a redneck when… In this video, poor dog fell through thin ice into freezing cold water. Smarter than humans, dog did the best thing he could – nothing. Most death associated with falling through thin ice are because of drowning. At first, your body experiences major shock which could lead to an attempt for a big gasp of air. If you’re surrounded by water, you’re gonna fill your lungs with it and drown immediately. If you survive this initial shock and don’t drown, you can try to return to the part of the ice from where you fell in (it should be strong enough as it held you up to the point where you fell through), shake your legs so you get yourself to as horizontal a position as you can and try to slide on to the ice. Sometimes it doesn’t work and if first few attempts to get out fail, you will likely get your body to the point at which it doesn’t have enough power to get itself out of there. In such case, you must wait for help. It will take on average a few hours before cold water kills you. Put your hands on the ice and try to get someone to call help or throw you something to drag you out of there.

The dog in the video did exactly that – realized he could not spring himself out from the water on the ice, so he just waited. Despite my lecture on how not to kill yourself if you fall through thin ice, this video is not about it. It’s about stupid family that went overboard after their dog fell in cold water and third party rescue was needed.

Basically, first the moronic dad doesn’t appreciate the presence of the police. What were they supposed to do – they did not have the equipment to save the dog safely without sacrificing their own life. That’s always the idea of every rescue mission – make sure you don’t become a victim yourself. The police showed up, assessed the situation but found themselves unable to help with the equipment they had. They adviced the owner to wait for proper rescue team. The owner did not appreciate that and started yelling and pushing the officers. Into all that, his wife starts acting like a cunt and gets feisty with the news cameraman and the police too. What a fucking white trash family.

Watch the video for yourself – incredibly ungrateful family. I feel sorry for the dog. I wish they could find him a better family.

PS – you may need to fast forward to a 0.40 second mark of the video. The beginning is just a neverending notice that the video contains vulgar language.

Sadness before Christmas. These beautiful black kittens have been mutilated by piercings in order to make them look “gothic” so a mean person can make money off of it. Gothic Kittens were pierced in ears, neck and tail and ads for sale were posted on several classifieds and auction websites, including eBay. The woman from Luzerne County, Pennsylvania who was selling gothic kitten was tracked down and poor kitties were removed from the torturous home by humane officers.

Luzerne County officers from the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals were notified after Gothic Kittens ads were reported by compassionate citizens. Sale of live animals is prohibited on eBay so that was easy to spot.

When humane officers obtained the search warrant from the judge and entered the house, they found three pierced kittens, one cat and there was also a dog that was pierced too. What cruel owner. The bitch needs to have her asshole pierced… Vlad Tepes style.

According to Timesleader, the homeowner was running a pets grooming service named Pawside Parlor in the basement of her house. She should have called it Kitten Torture Dungeon instead, fucking bitch!

You can help making this stupid bitch pay by contacting Wilkes-Barre Courthouse attorney Jackie Musto-Carol either by email at jackie@jackiemustocarol.com or by phone at 570-825-1674. Insist on pressing this case to the fullest extent of the law including jail time. I hope this is the last time we hear of such atrocity as Gothic Kittens.

This is one absolutely awesome video of a dog having time of his life plowing through piles of snow. According to YouTube user baileyandfriends, the video was recorded in late 1990’s in Colorado after a heavy snow blizzard. Bailey the dog went absolutely nuts throwing himself into the snow and just plowing his way through thoroughly buries in white oblivion.

I’m not a dog expert so I can’t tell you what breed Bailey the dog is, but maybe some of the readers will know and fill the rest of us in. The video is accompanied by a pretty obnoxious Christmas tune, Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer.