Celebrities

Shocking – 67 year old Monty Python actor Terry Jones still has a sperm active enough to knock up 26 year old chick. On a second note, 26 year old Swedish cutie Anna Soderstrom can probably deliver pussy squeeze that would promote sperm production in a man of any age. They rock like that in Sweden. They also obviously know how to dig gold cause Anna Soderstrom isn’t anyone particularly special. She’s a graduate from Swedish Oxford University which doesn’t mean much. She was however smart enough to know which is the right (albeit wrinkled up) penis to sit on. She sit on it, delivered massive inter-vaginal squeeze, swallowed all the semen with her womb and now she’s pregnant with Terry Jones’ baby. That’s how gold diggers do it. High five!

Props to Terry Jones who’s near 70 but fucks like a teenager and doesn’t look anything close to his age. Perhaps it’s the Swedish ass he’s got by his side that uplifts spirit and enhances production of youth endorphins which are only created when quality blowjob is received.

According to reports, Anna Soderstrom has been dating Terry Jones for almost 5 years. It was this relationship to a slick Swedish university student that ruined Terry Jones’ marriage to Alison Telfer. And now that Anna Soderstrom is pregnant it irks Alison Telfer, who was married to Terry Jones for 35 years even more.

According to British Daily Mail, Anna Soderstrom is expected to give birth in fall. And Terry Jones is right – why not go for a trophy wife who can still give you a woody. Old man’s prostate is still working. Might as well stick it to some pussy before his time comes. And Anna Soderstrom benefits too, cause she’s a successful gold digger. The only person who doesn’t benefit is Alison Telfer, but she should have remembered to suck on that old man’s dick more often while he was sleeping in her bed still. Way of the world.

Source: Daily Mail

Susan Boyle, 47 year old woman from but-eff nowhere, Scotland took the world by the storm when she performed on Britain’s Got Talent. Having become an international celebrity virtually overnight with massive support of the internet community, it comes as no surprise that eyes of the paparazzi and all major media player are affixed on Susan Boyle and trace her every step. And Susan Boyle shocks us sporting brand new look.

I was a big supporter of Susan Boyle and was a little bit disappointed to find out that she was lying about being a virgin and never being kissed. It kind of turned me off, however it changes nothing on the fact that she’s the finest female voice since Sinead O’Connor. Obviously, Susan Boyle is getting used to massive media attention and is adjusting to it with new looks. Plucking up her eyebrows recently was the beginning and now look at the photo above – that’s a whole new way to look slimmer and younger. Not sure if that new look is good or bad. Myself as well as all of the blogosphere supported the underdog Susan Boyle who looked as your typical stove side mom from Scotland. Now she looks like businesswoman from headquarters of the insurance company.

I will continue to support Susan Boyle. Despite the makeover. I’m sure she’s still the same crazy lady with the voice of an angel. She just needed a new look for her own sake. Perhaps she saw herself on TV and got too self conscious and needed her own self confidence boost now that she knows she’s been seen all over the world. She may not have realized how popular she would become so she didn’t pay much attention to the way she looked. That’s one of the things that won our hearts, but I do appreciate that she needed to do this for herself. The voice is still there, it ain’t going anywhere. Next time Susan Boyle sings she’s gonna get our jaws dropped the same way as when she did I Dreamed a Dream.

Remember Miranda Tozier-Robbins from American Idol season 5? Yeah, me neither. Well, the 26 year old ex American Idol contestants went crazy when she decided to stalk Britney Spears at her private residence in Calabasas. Security personnel guarding the property of Britney Spears noticed a camouflage wearing person creeping around the windows to the residence, went to check out on the situation and found Miranda Tozier-Robbins taking peeks inside, while carrying a backpack with a video camera inside. That must be the most boring celebrity stalker story ever. I thought stalker are more creative – you know, like they get in the house through the chimney, pack themselves up in a cupboard and quietly jerk off snooping at them through tiny gap. 21st century stalkers suck.

According to reports, when security people told Miranda Tozier-Robbins to leave as she was on a private property and could be charged with trespassing, she disregarded their requests and stalked on hoping for an encounter with Britney Spears. The security didn’t put up with any of that and called sheriffs people who removed Miranda Tozier-Robbins from the property. The ex-American Idol turned Britney Spears stalker is now charged with trespassing and disorderly conduct. The mugshot of her awesomeness is above.

The biggest joke is that Britney Spears was not even at home when Miranda Tozier-Robbins went on her routine stalk around the house. What was she thinking she’d accomplish? Take a picture of her washroom and sell it to OK Magazine? Boring. She needs to get her logistics straightened out. You don’t go stalking Britney Spears unless Britney Spears is around. That is of course provided it wasn’t the security guy she wanted to stalk. In which case she can give herself a Borat toned: “GREAT SUCCESS!”

Quentin Tarantino is the shit. He was a guest judge on American Idol in 2004 and Simon Cowell co. has invited his awesomeness to guest judge the competition one more time. Considering that’s he’s a rather extravagant movie director, it is hard to believe he would have the clue as to how people sing, but he actually does. As reepy as it sounds, Quentin Tarantino is the tits on American Idol and he actually makes sense.

Below is the video montage from Quentin Tarantino’s old judging back at season three of American Idol. Even though he actually sounds like a real douche, he’s at the same time retaining thew charm that’s so typical for him and that’s really awesome. I think Quentin Tarantino is a decent choice for guest judging of American Idol. Makes watching that otherwise boring crap worth while.

Quentin Tarantino Photo by Francois Mori, AP Photo

Irreconcilable Differences – that’s got to be the most commonly used reason for divorce in Hollywood. This time it’s actor Mel Gibson whose wife Robyn Gibson has had enough of him filed for divorce and quote Irreconcilable Differences as reason. What better way to celebrate Easter than by getting your lawyer hand divorce papers to your significant other.

Mel Gibson divorce comes after 28 years of marriage to his wife Robyn. You’d think after 28 years as married couple they would bite the bullet and pull through the rest. Maybe it’s all different – maybe Robyn Gibson is a gold digger extraordinaire who was patiently waiting for 28 years cause she knows the settlement will be generous. Perhaps 28 years was worth it and all she could think of during that time was the chunk she was gonna get one day. She’d be a good wifey, blowing on Mel’s peen as he wished, cause she saw the fortune in the distance that would be all hers one day. That day is here. Let’s call it “The Easter Split of the Gibson’s”.

As it turns out, when Mel Gibson married Robyn, the two did not sign a prenup, hence according to the law of California, the Robyn Gibson will be entitled to half of Mel Gibson’s fortune. Damn, 28 years were worth it. Mel Gibson has been a big movie star and producer for 3 decades. His fortune is estimated at close to one billion. What a score for that gold digger. She can merrily quote Borat: “Success”!

The Mel Gibson divorce will likely involve the biggest divorce settlement in the history of Hollywood, but it will likely go smoothly and quietly. Mel has got more than enough to give away so both parties will end up with pockets full of cash. According to reports by TMZ who were the first to bring the news of Mel Gibson divorce, Robyn Gibson is also seeking spousal support, attorney fees and joint custody of their 10 year old son – the only of their 7 children who is still underage.

Johanna Cox is the latest addition to the ever sustaining family of gold diggers. As it turns out, Johanna Cox is the new girlfriend of Alec Baldwin.

I’m kind of surprised that Alec Baldwin still does movies. Apparently director Derick Martini thought Alec was worthwhile and gave him the role in the movie Lymelife. Wait – Alec Baldwin produced that movie… Nevermind, I take my previous statement back.

Before she hooked up with Alec Baldwin, Johanna Cox appeared on TV as contestant in the reality TV show Stylista. Since she kicked everyone’s ass, she ended up winning and was awarded a one year gig with Elle Magazine as a fashion editor. She’s presently still working for Elle as part of her Stylista victory.

Johanna Cox is 29 year old, Alec Baldwin is 51 year old. I’m sure there’s no gold digging involved, it’s pure love. Must be. Hope she understands the dos and don’ts of successful gold diggers. She wouldn’t want to end up like Sarah Larson. Until you are married to your big fish, you got to keep it low profile and suck it up the best you can. Your “sponsor” always does everything right and everything he says is right and said the best it can be said. Give best blowjobs in the world, always swallow and tell your sponsor how incredibly he makes you cum.

The reports are speculating that Johanna Cox is Alec Baldwin’s new girlfriend because Alec took her to the premiere of Lymelife in New York and the two seemed into each other. Congrats to Johanna Cox on scoring a big one. Her life all of a sudden starts to have the meaning.

Photo of Johanna Cox, the video of her in Stylista is below:

Jamie Waylett is best known for being the fatty bully Vincent Crabbe from the Harry Potter movies. In a string of unfortunate events, Jamie Waylett was busted for growing his own marijuana. That spoils the image of bully big time. Bullies don’t have brain capacity to grow their own weed. They drive pick up trucks, have small penises and talk about owning a gun. Potheads are cool. That only means that Jamie Waylett is a good actor. As marijuana grower he’s too cool, yet still he can pull off a role of a bully Vincent Crabbe in Harry Potter. Kudos, my friend!

Reports from Great Britain suggest that home of Jamie Waylett was busted by the police who found almost $3k worth of marijuana he’s been quietly growing himself. Jamie Waylett was apprehended by the police on April 2 as he was driving his Audi car (I told ya, he’s too cool to be a bully – dude grows his own weed and has good taste in cars). The police pulled him over because his behavior was suspicious. Personal search revealed that Harry Potter actor has eight bags of marijuana on him. Cops when raided his home where he lives with his mother and three siblings and seized 10 marijuana plants he was growing.

Because Jamie Waylett was found growing the drug, if convicted, he could be facing up to 14 years in jail. God fucking damn. 14 years in a choker for growing weed? Fuck me with a cork screw!

When the cops pulled Jamie Waylett over, he should have pulled out his magic wand and pull a magic spell at them screaming “Cannabis Maximus”

When Carrie Underwood got on stage at last night’s Academy of CMA 2009 – Country Music Awards in Las Vegas to perform her hit song “I Told You So”, everyone’s jaws dropped. It wasn’t her stunning performance, it was the dress she was wearing. And truth be told, it was something else. Look at the pic above.

Six times entertainer of the year CMA award winner Carrie Underwood was wearing a cascading russet ball gown which literally filled up the stage at MGM Grand. It looks majestic, but I have to give Carrie Underwood kudos for actually being able to move wearing such dress. You’d think one would need seven concubines to assist with the dress if you’re wearing one of that size.

Prior to being awarded the best entertainer of the year award, Carrie Underwood also received the top female artist award. The video of her I Told You So performance along with the acceptance speech is below. Carrie Underwood totally owned the CMA 2009. Not bad for a former American Idol winner. :

Photo of Carrie Underwood at CMA 2009 by Mark J. Terrill, AP Photo

Not here, geeee. Beer Steak Blog is a safe for work site. But we know where to go to see the pic of Robert Pattinson naked. And I will tell, but let me tell you first – the kid has grown up on me. I used to see just a hairy dude, now I see Edward Cullen. And I’m not even a 12 year old girl and I kind of enjoyed Twilight. Does it mean I’m gay?

If you didn’t know, Robert Pattinson played Salvador Dali in the upcoming movie Little Ashes (release date set for May 8th, 2009). Little Ashes is rated R and as it turns out, at one point Robert Pattinson aka Salvador Dali poses in front of the mirror butt naked with his penis tucked in. Pubes are showing, not sure about butt. Does talking about naked dudes make me even more gay?

Click here for NSFW pic of Robert Pattinson Naked!

Cloris Leachman jumped on a bandwagon full of celebrities who release their tell all autobiographies. The banwagon is known for reaching said celebrities at such stage in their lives, when nobody really gives a poop about them (we all get there sooner or later) and this is just about the last shout in the dark they can make. The autobiography like that is guaranteed to include some spiced up stories full of sex and booze and midget amputee tranny bukake parties cause otherwise no one would buy that crap. And so does the Cloris Leachman autobiography.

The New York Post got a pre release peak of the upcoming tell-all book by Cloris Leachman titled simply “Cloris” (am I the only one who thinks of clitoris each time I see her name?) and shared a few lines with their readers which include… you guessed it – a story of how Cloris Leachman bumped into Gene Hackman in San Francisco while they were both shooting in the area in the 1970’s. The two went to have a dinner together, they didn’t even finish eating, ran upstairs and had epic sex together.

What a boring story, Cloris Leachman. You should have blown him in the elevator and get busboy clean up the sperm by telling him it much have been a dog vomit. To be fair, Cloris Leachman did add a spark to it at the end when she said she’d never seen Gene Hackman since. I like love stories with happy ending.

Kudos to grandma Cloris Leachman, though. Nice of her to be still so cheerful and share (most likely) truthful stories from her life. I hope her book does well. Cloris Leachman is now 82 year old.

Cloris Leachman Photo by Stefano Paltera for Los Angeles Times