There are times I really wish I was rich. Tyler Perry is rich so he plans to do what rich people can do – buying his own private island. While I’m freezing my ass off back in Canada, I’m vaguely remembering my recent stay in Dominican Republic and Cuba – gorgeous islands in the Caribbean where there is warm any day of the year. I secretly wished to be able to buy my own island, down there where it’s always warm, where the sea is never too far, where you can go pick up a coconut off the tree and drink it on the spot. Ahhh well, instead I’m stuck here blogging about it. What a wannabe I am.

Yes, Tyler Perry is buying an island. Unlike me, he’s not a wannabe and can afford an island. According to reports by People, his own private island will be the present for himself for his 40th birthday. Well, come to think of it, maybe by the time I’m 40, I’ll score a big one and will get myself an island too. Perhaps one next to Tyler Perry so we can smoke weed together like good neighbors.

Director, producer and actor all in one – Tyler Perry says he enjoyed his stay on a private island in the Great Exumas in the Bahamas that he’d recently rented. Freedom from hassles of the world has appealed to him so much he’s looking to buy his own island. He doesn’t have an eye on one yet, doesn’t know where he’ll be looking to buy one from but he already know he’s not gonna name it the Tyler Perry’s Island. According to his own words, “I’ll know what to call it once I’m there.”

Anyone rich enough wanna marry me so I can buy myself a private island? Seriously. I’ll even start working out. Damn, I’d even watch American football with you for an island. Wait… I’m not sure I can turn gay that easily.

Yeah, bitches got married. Tom Brady and Gisele Bundchen have been bumping genitals like there’s no tomorrow and yesterday they sealed the deal and joined their genital juices exchange in holy matrimony.

That basically seals the deal with me and Gisele Bundchen. I’m no longer jacking off to that ho. Anyone who spreads their pussy for a dick of a football player is hands down dumb. I mean comon – sex with a football player is likely as exciting as football itself. Gisele was probably using sex with Tom Brady as nap time: “Hey dear, can come fuck me, I could use a little nap”!

According to reports, Brazilian supermodel Gisele Bundchen and New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady got married at the St. Monica Catholic Church in Santa Monica, less than a mile from beach in a small and intimate ceremony on Thursday. Neither Tom Brady nor Gisele Bundchen had been married before. This is their first time. You can call them marriage virgins. Or n00bs if you rather. Gratz!

That dude in the picture with Megan Fox is Brian Austin Green and he grabs at Megan’s ass no more. Megan Fox did what every hot chick should do – dump her boyfriend’s ass so nice dudes like me and you can get their shot at that ass. I’d even shower if Megan Fox let me stick my hairy moobs between her ass cheeks. Yeah, Megan Fox is single and available to suck on a new dick. Imagine those luscious lips wrapping around your cock… fap, fap, fap. To celebrate the Ash Wednesday and the singleness of Megan Fox, Beer Steak Bullshit Blog brings you the picture gallery of this hot piece.

For your information, the news of Megan Fox breaking up with Brian Austin Green was first released by US Weekly. The report says that their relationship had run its course. Of course it had, she must have stumbled upon my blog, immediately fell in love with me, broke up with her boyfriend and is now eagerly awaiting my call. Hot Megan Fox Picture Gallery is below. Don’t fap at work, m’kay?

Oh noooos, Miss Washington Elyse Umemoto got high on booze, had good time with her gay friends and took some photos. Photos got leaked (translation: sold) and TMZ posted them. Bis scandal now – racy photos of young bitch are all over the net. Unheard of, what’s this world coming to?

Miss Washington Elyse Umemoto finished third at the 2008 Miss America Pageant. Then sometimes earlier this year, Elyse Umemoto got excited about life and did what all young people do – consume alcoholic beverages. Cameras are ever present nowadays, and people are ever greedy. Elyse Umemoto’s fun times were captured on camera and photos sold to TMZ. Now it turned into big ass scandal, cause I suppose once you become Miss Washington, you are expected to put on a nun dress and lock your vagina behind chastity belt.

I don’t know what the big deal is all about. Nobody remembers any Miss contestants, unless they cause a scandal. What’s the deal with snorting a little cocaine anyway?

Mike Miller – one of executive directors at Miss Washington told TMZ that Miss Washington organization is embarrassed. However, at least these people did not immediately over-react and strip Elyse Umemoto off her crown. According to Mike Miller, Elyse Umemoto has been representing Miss Washington Scholarship Organization and did good job (translation: bitch sucks mean cock) so they are not considering any disciplinary action against her ass based on the behavior depicted in these racy photos. Anyone hiring for a position of executive director at any Miss pageant? My needs a quality blow job.

More scandalous racy pictures of Miss Washington Elyse Umemoto posted by TMZ in the gallery below. You can leave comments on each photo individually:

Rihanna got a worthy gift for her birthday – a photo of her face battered, beaten and bruised after domestic violence incident with Chris Brown has been leaked and is now all over the internet. Beer Steak Bullshit blog can not pass on this spectacular way to wish Rihanna aka Robyn Fenty a happy birthday either. TMZ posted the pic of battered Rihanna’s face late last night and that shit spread like wildfire.

LAPD are a bit unhappy about the photo leak. They are investigating on the matter and want to find out who sold the pic of beaten Rihanna to TMZ. According to LAPD, they take confidentiality of domestic violence victims seriously and this misconduct throws their efforts off.

It’s priceless how this photo leaked just on the day of Rihanna’s birthday. Nothing like being reminded on your birthday that you were a victim of domestic violence and got your ass kicked by your gay boyfriend. That’s what bitches get for rubbing pussies with fags. I find the music of Rihanna painful, but if bitch could shut her mouth, I’d give some ass loving. She wouldn’t have to worry about domestic violence from my ass, cause I’m so fucking fat, I couldn’t put on a fight. I’d give her best ass loving of her life. Bitches who don’t appreciate nice ass loving from a quality boyfriend like myself, deserve to get battered, bruise and beaten. I offer cuddles, night long cunnillingus, breast massages, labia stretching and all that good shit. Other boyfriends, like Chris Brown offer punch to the fat lip. Rihanna you bitch, swap ass beating with ass munching. I’m your guy to munch on your ass. The only bruises you get from me are sexually related spank bruises. I’d hook you to my St. Andrew’s Cross, whip your fine tits with my leather bdsm whip, ass fuck you with my dildo, cause I probably won’t get a hard on and apply clothes pins on your nipples. Pouting of hot wax on your pussy is optional. If you like fisting, I have fat hands and love to massage cervixes. You’ll get the best loving of your life, Rihanna. Just give me a bell, k?

Amy Fisher, one of the most famous female criminals who committed a crime of love and became known as Long Island Lolita already has enough experience whoring herself out. A sex tape titled Amy Fisher Caught On Tape became an instant hit and remains one of the most sought after celebrity sex tapes. Amy also got to understand how proper promotion for celebrity sex tapes works – she co-operated hand in hand with the distributor of the Amy Fisher Caught On Tape – Red Light District and pretended she was gonna sue them, just to get attention of media and receive world wide coverage. Following fake law suit propaganda, Amy Fisher set up a Sex Tape release party and invited all media representatives. She knows how it works in show business already, but her star is beginning to fade away and that’s not what Amy want. So what does a whore girl do? She consider switching career to become a high paid stripper.

That makes sense. Someone who made a career out of shooting Mary Jo Buttafuoco in the face and subsequently turned it into making herself a porn star will not go to work 9 – 5 shifts, right? So before her tits completely sag below her pussy level, Amy Fisher is gonna take on the path of a high paid stripper pole dancer. Joey Buttafuoco doesn’t approve, I suppose… but who cares about that old fuck anyway? Lou Bellara on the other hand just keeps his mouth shot. He got to fuck Long Island Lolita. What more could he ask for. I’d fuck her. She’s kind of hot. Even as a MILF she is now.

Good luck to Amy Fisher with her new career of a high paid stripper. According to Page Six, she’s going to be polishing stripper poles until fans tell her to put her clothes back on. That ain’t gonna happen anytime soon. It doesn’t matter how old she gets – there is only one Long Island Lolita, only one Amy Fisher who did not hesitate to shoot Mary Jo Buttafuoco in the face to keep Joey Buttafuoco’s cock for herself. Everyone will want to see her pussy for as long as there are no crabs crawling out of it while she’s on stage. Amy will do good as stripper. I just hope she take a tour through Canada. I’d love to throw some Loonies at her cooch. There’s nothing like having a failed murderer shake her bare hips in front of your nose for change.

If you haven’t seen Amy Fisher Sex Tape, go straight to Amy Fisher Caught on Tape official site!

It took me a sec to recognize Mel Gibson behind his Halloween mask. Pretty good way to embody d’Artagnan, but where’s his hat and cape? Wait… that’s a real chin strip and mustache Mel Gibson is wearing. That’s not a mask. He’s actually sporting a brand new look. I actually got to say he looks good. Maybe I’m just jealous cause after 34 years on the planet, I still have not developed proper ability to grow mustaches. My pubes aren’t worth growing cause they just make me look like John Travolta.

On a second thought, yeah I’m diggin’ Mel’s new look. It’s awesome. I’ve actually looked up all various beard styles that men wear. At least Mel Gibson is wearing manly trim. Can’t say that about Adnan Ghalib and his landing strip. So gay and Britney Spears wiped her vagina into it.

The relationship between Ryan Adams and Mandy Moore started by bumping each other’s naked genitals and the two have now decided to move it to the whole new level. No, I’m not talking about anal sex. Singer Ryan Adams and his girlfriend, singer and actress Mandy Moore got engaged. Boring…

The news of engagement (that could be the title of the movie) was confirmed by couple’s publicist Jillian Fowkes. Awesome, celebrities have publicists to inform general public of their bullshit. Why don’t publicists step up and tell us how far Mandy Moore can deepthroat.

Mandy Moore was previously bumping genitals with DJ AM. That part of her sexual experience was over, but it seemed as though she was getting back to him after that unfortunate plane crash situation with Travis Barker. As we can see, there was no fire out of that spark. Instead her vaginal magnet got a attracted to the magnetism of Ryan Adams’ penis. The magnetic force of his mighty stick kept dragging Mandy Moore’s vagina close and closer until that think wrapped itself closely around man’s mighty shaft. And today the magnetic field prevailed and the couple is engaged.

Seriously, do you think Ryan Adams shaves his pubes? He strikes me like the kind of guy who waxes his genitals. Mandy Moore on the other hand surely grows nice patch of hair between her legs.

Mandy Moore is releasing new CD in May called Amanda Leigh. Ryan Adams is being more romantic and is looking to leave The Cardinals to focus entirely on poem writing. His first book bearing the title Infinity Blues will be released soon.

Mandy Moore and Ryan Adams photo credit: WENN

King of all speech impeding morans Christian Bale apologized for his fuck filled tirade against Director of Photography on the movie set for Terminator, Salvation – Shane Hurlbut. Kevin & Bean from radio show on L.A.’s KROQ caught up with Christian Bale over the phone and gave the moran a chance to apologize and explain himself. Of course Christian Bale clarified that they are best of buddies with DP Shane Hurlbut and continue tossing each other’s salads like they always have. BTW – as I was writing title for this post, I managed to misspell Christian Bale’s name. I was basically done with the post when I noticed that two of the letters at the end swapped order turning the moran into who he actually is – a fucking cry baby girl Christina Bale!

During the phone apology Christian Bale told Kevin & Bean (BTW, do all LA radio DJs suck gay cock or just these morans do, cause they are the most pathetic hosts I’ve ever heard) that his cock took over his head and as a result verbal fuck filled diarrhea came out. He was supposed to ejaculate man cum during scheduled masturbation break, but he had a permature ejaculation – through his speech impediment screwed set of mouth. Actually, he said he felt embarrassed for ejaculated fuck filled diarrhea on the set and asked everybody to ask themselves to see if they had a bad day and spewed fuck tirade just the way he did. He kind of got me when he encouraged everyone to mock his moranic ass as he deserves it. Well, here you go Christian Bale, you still fucking suck, you moran!

Full audio from an over the phone talk with Christian Bale conducted by absolutely pathetic Kevin & Bean from KROQ is below.

Christian Bale mugshot pic by WENN

Miley Cyrus Racist Scandal turned the web upside down and Asian Pacific American group (OCA) is not impressed. In her racist tirade, Miley Cyrus slanted her eyes which is believed by Asian Pacific American to be a mockery of Asians.

In a picture leaked on the net, Miley Cyrus is seen with a group of gay friends slanting her eyes, which is a common impression of an person of Asian descent. Miley’s gay boyfriend Justin Gaston is present too, but he’s not slanting his eyes, he’s lavishing that vibrating anal plug he’s got on full up his ass.

An Asian American is present in the picture, he’s not pulling no slant-eyed stunt, but then again – how would that work out? It’s like telling a fat person to blow up his cheecks to make himself look fat. It’s stupid, cause he looks fat to begin with.

But anyway. Not impressed with Miley Cyrus going racial, Asian Pacific American issued following statement to TMZ:

“The photograph of Miley Cyrus and other individuals slanting their eyes currently circulating the Internet is offensive to the Asian Pacific American community and sets a terrible example for her many young fans. This image falls within a long and unfortunate history of people mocking and denigrating individuals of Asian descent. Not only has Miley Cyrus and the other individuals in the photograph encouraged and legitimized the taunting and mocking of people of Asian descent, she has also insulted her many Asian Pacific American fans. The inclusion of an Asian Pacific American individual in the photo does not make it acceptable.”