Movies

This guy up there, Chris Weitz, will be directing the sequel to Twilight called New Moon. Chris Weitz replaced Catherine Hardwicke – director of first Twilight movie because Summit Entertainment didn’t like the bitch. Apparently she was too bitchy and didn’t want to suck owners cock. I made up that past part, the one about sucking cock. She’s probably just a real bitch so they booted her ass out of Twilight despite apparent success of the movie she directed.

As a director, Chris Weitz is best known for American Pie and The Golden Compass. Main protagonists of Twilight Kristen Stewart (Bella Swan) and Robert Patterson (Edward Cullen) are allegedly not impressed with major change on director’s seat, but fat pay check will make shut their pie holes irrevocably. Twilight grossed $140 million so far and 8-11 year old are still competing at who’ll see the movie more times.

Hopefully Chris Weitz has the ability to convey special effects – one obvious part at which Catherine Hardwicke failed. He’s gonna have much thicker budget since movie was an obvious success. Needless to say, Summit Entertainment will expect more dough out of New Moon so expectations are not low. Chris Weitz will have to put up with that pressure and deliver. It won’t be too difficult, me thinks. Any romantic chick flick will sell out like hot cakes. That’s the easiest demographics to target. These pre teen bitches suck money out of their dads like there’s no tomorrow and they spend it all on that shit just because it’s fucking IN.

Good luck to Chris Weitz. I hope he delivers with New Moon. Afterall, I went to see Twilight and I liked it. I guess I’m not all that different from a pre pubescent little whore.

This video is a great documentary about the dangers of aspartame and how diet coke causes cancer. It’s called Sweet Misery – A Poisoned World. It’s one and a half hour long but well worth your time. You can in fact just play it back and just listen to it without watching while you’re doing your work on a computer – it will still deliver a lot of great information that may help you save or improve your life.

Aspartame is an artificial sweetener used in diet coke. When one switches to diet coke, it would appear that you’re doing yourself a favor but exact opposite is true. Aspartame is a poison. Aspartame dangers and its connection to many forms of cancer have been known for a while yet it is still available in form of diet coke (and others). There is hardly any win/win situation when it comes to soft drinks. You can either opt for diet version of it (such as diet coke) which contains aspartame and other carcinogens that can give you cancer or you can drink regular coke with high sugar to give you diabetes and high calorie volume to make you fat and clog up your colon.

Aspartame dangers were entirely ignored even though there was evidence of sweetener’s deadly effects. Donald Rumsfeld had his investment in aspartame, so the mass production accompanied with advertising campaign were launched and diet coke took off. The occurrence of brain cancer sky rocketed and so did cystic fibrosis and other terrible diseases.

Watch this documentary on aspartame dangers to get answers to some questions you may not have asked, but they could literally save your life. Diet coke causes cancer. It’s a fact. Find out how and make wise decisions. It’s your body, your health. Do what’s best for it. Stay away from aspartame.

So I’m watching this trailer for Punisher: Warzone and can’t help but think – is it gonna be the worst movie of the decade? Kind of the same as its predecessor that sucks sweaty whale dick? The trailer definitely suggests so yet I’m sure brainless kids from their mom’s basements will buy Punisher t-shirts and get Punisher tattoos cause to a brainless kid that’s “cool”.

As if completely lame original Punisher was not enough, Lionsgate decided to follow up with another torturously faggy piece that connects on lameness the original started. The synopsis or Warzone – Frank Castle aka The Punisher (Ray Stevenson) goes on a rampage, kills everyone to eventually face Jigsaw – his main nemesis. How mindboggling. Who came with this original script. Even the name of a bad guy is so fucking original it gives me anal warts.

Judging by the trailer, makers of Punisher: Warzone (directed by Lexi Alexander, co-written by Nick Santora and Art Marcum) realized that they suck ass and that the idea of The Punisher is beyond lame, so they added what they could to spice up the movie – gore. Basically, Punisher: Warzone is bound to suck any way you look at it. This worthless piece of d-list cinematography opens in theaters this weekend. Bring vomit bags with you and not because of snuff. Expect lameness to a point it’ll make you puke.

Punisher: Warzone Trailer is below:

Actually, I don’t know for sure if they’re stoned out of their vaginas, but look at the pic.. That’s Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattison, the stars from a big ass chick flick movie Twilight during movies UK Premiere. Don’t they look like they’ve just spent the evening puffing on a doobie and rubbing vaginas together? I’m sure Robert Pattison has a vagina. That being said, I wouldn’t be surprised if Kristen Stewart had a penis. Kristen looks pretty hot stoned though.

Or maybe it’s my pot that clouds my sight so I see all hot bitches as stoned. Too many Cuban cigars I had in Cuba, the smoke still keeps me afloat. And I did go to see Twilight. I actually liked it. Even though I feel that if there is one more chick flick that I like, I should grow a vagina. Maybe Robert Pattison can lend me his. Unless Kristen Stewart rubbed the crap out of it so it’s all worn and overused.

Brooke Smith, an actress who portrayed Dr. Erica Hahn on Grey’s Anatomy may be taken off the show. ABC executives say they didn’t like Brooke Smith’s character and wanted Grey’s Anatomy without her. I’m not sure if it’s her lesbian nature that they didn’t like (or not enough lesbianism) but obviously someone at ABC’s got the stick up their ass.

I find Brooke Smith a great actress and think Grey’s Anatomy will lack without her, but the show must go on. There’s nothing unusual about characters coming and going. That’s the nature of the beast. Brooke seems talented and ready to rub vagina’s at the right places. She’s gonna fill herself in soon. She’s real, many women can relate to her. I can’t. I have a dick. I’d cuddle with her lesbian vagina though.

The video below has Brooke Smith as Dr. Hahn after sexual awakening. It’s weird and funny at the same time. When she talks about green blobs turning to leaves and says “you are glasses” I just wish I could shove it right up her ass. She’ll be missed

An American Carol is a comedy that ridicules the man who makes films to ridicule others – Michael Moore. I like most of Michael Moore’s movies – as a matter of fact I like all of Michael Moore’s movies except from one – Slacker Uprising. Yes, that’s the latest movie by Michael Moore and while I approve of him making fun of politicians, as soon as he starts telling people who to vote for, he’s pretty much lost it right there. Now here’s a strike back using his own weapons – An American Carol makes fun of him.

Seeing how Barack Obama worshippers are unable to like anything that makes fun of fellow Barack Obama worshippers, I don’t expect we’ll see any staggering reviews of An American Carol. I think Obama worshippers and other blind-folded liberals will get rather upset. But who cares… I myself haven’t seen it yet, but judging from the trailer below, it’s gonna be a fun ride. Not for the Democrats, they are forever doomed to not understand the fun, but they’ve already shown the world they don’t think rationally. And no – before you ask. I’m not a republican. I don’t even live in America.

An American Carol is a movie by David Zucker. It’s based on the idea of A Christmas Carol, except that Scrooge is Michael Moore and instead of lacking human feelings, the main character lacks appreciation for his country.

An American Carol opens for public screening today. Yes, screening for critics was skipped – maybe in order to avoid deliberate bad reviews from ever so revengeful Liberals. Kevin Farley looks great as Michael Moore. I’m also guessing the movie will not be funny to those who are not into politics. Since it makes fun of political situation and Liberal filmmakers, not being too big into politics may mean you won’t enjoy this political movie satire. Otherwise, go see An American Carol. Looks like a fine shit to watch.

I found this viral video on a website with long URL that contains all of the words – Something Bad is Going to Happen Here – somethingbadisgoingtohappenhere.com.

It’s pretty intense, well executed and rather brow rising. Even though I hate to spoil it for everyone with a few factsproving that it’s fake. So if you’re easily offended, don’t read on.

In general, when a guy puts his face on what appears to be red hot stove element, his hair never catches fire nor it melts as result of extreme heat. The effect of smoke underneath the element as well as burned flesh and skin are impressive though. Awesome viral video – Something Bad is Going to Happen Here!

Catch That Kid is an English adaptation of successful Danish movie Klatretøsen. It’s a pretty, family friendly movie that’s along the lines of Robert Rodriguez’ Spy Kids, except that the kids are not spies, the kids are bank robbers.

Catch That Kid features trio of kids – Maddy, Austin and Gus who are on a mission to steal $250 000 from a bank in order to pay for the operation of Maddy’s father who’s paralyzed from neck down after he fell mountain climbing.

Catch That Kid is a very simple movie, so simple you wonder how it made its way to be a feature, but it’s one of those things you can watch when you don’t want to think too hard and just want to release the stress of the day. If you’ve had enough fanboy blabber regarding The Dark Knight, check out Catch That Kid and have yourself taken aback for day, to the time when you were a kid. Now go and Catch That Kid.

Marcia Nasatir and Lorenzo Semple Jr. aka Reel Geezers shared their (valid) opinions about The Dark Knight, the most overhyped movie of all time. They’re definitely right about everything they say, and they haven’t even covered all aspects of why The Dark Knight Sucked.

Reel Geezers loved the performance of Heath Ledger, but that’s about the only worthy part of The Dark Knight. And I have to agree. Take away The Joker and what you have left is a “joke” of a movie. Yes, The Dark Knight broke boxoffice records, but tht doesn’t necessarily mean it was a good movie.

It all boiled down to one thing which I completely agree with. Reel Geezers believe that the success of The Dark Knight was due to death of Heath Ledger and they’re right. RIP Heath

First official movie trailer for upcoming sixth installation of the Harry Potter franchise – Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince has been released today.

The trailer is kind of different. It sets weird mood. Probably the whole movie will be much darker than the previous ones. But it’s the first official trailer, there will be other ones. Voldemort is pretty scary, though. The trailer shows him as kid – he was Tom Riddle before he became Lord Voldemort. Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince will be an awesome movie, can’t wait to see it.

Tom Riddle, the 11 year old version of Lord Voldemort is played by 10 year old Hero Fiennes-Tiffin who’s a real life nephew of Ralph Fiennes, the guy who plays Voldemort.

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince is directed by David Yates and will be in the theater near you in November.

The first official movie trailer release is below: