Music

I’ll be honest with you, I’m a little bit uncertain about this American Idol performance of Adam Lambert. He was singing Tears for Fears song Mad World which happens to be one of my favorite songs and a song that incredibly fit Donnie Darko movie (Mad World was originally written by Tears for Fears but was re-recorded by Gary Jules and Michael Andrews for Donnie Darko). I’m torn because of two things – first of all, Adam Lambert is without doubt a good singer who has great control over his voice. However… at the same time – he butchered my favorite song. You can’t sing Donnie Darko’s Mad World and sound like gay slave who’s getting early morning prostate massage from his master. Adam Lambert should simply grow up and realize that he’s got a penis, which means he’s a boy, not a 12 year old girl. Girls pee from their bums. You Adam Lambert pee from your peepee. That’s why they effin call it a pee pee.

Still, Adam Lambert has got an erotic voice that can make any gay man cringe in his pants. Girls have a thing for gay singers too, I’m sure. Maybe they could share the vibrating anal plug with him. Or should I say – Adam Lambert could share his vibrating anal plug with the girls, cause it’s still up his ass spinning around since he put it up there before going on stage to sing Mad World. Great singing, Adam Lambert. You may be gayer than pink pony from Matel, but you’re a good singer. Even Simon Cowell gave you standing ovation. Maybe he wanted to try some of that anal plug you’re using.

Video of Adam Lambert singing Donnie Darko song Mad World by Tears for Fears is above. Hold your gay holes tight while you watch and don’t cream on your computer chairs. It’s gross.

Eminem is back. Yeah, shocking. I know punk’s not dead but hip-hop. It’s been dead the moment it got born. Eminem would be the only hip hop artist that’s actually bearable so let’s take a look at his first single from upcoming album Relapse – We Made You. Eminem’s lyrics are actually pretty awesome most of the time and after I’ve watched the video, I’ve decided to look into lyrics a little more closely as it features all favorite characters, like Jessica Simpson, Lindsay Lohan and the most droolicious lesbian under the son – Samantha Ronson. The best part is that the celebrities are not only sang about, they are also impersonated and looking pretty believable.

Eminem’s new album Relapse will be available in store on May 19, 2009

We Made You Lyrics

by Eminem

Intro:
Guess who?
Did ya miss me?
Jessica Simpson, sing the chorus!

CHORUS:
When you walked through the door, it was clear to me, (clear to me)
You’re the one they adore, who they came to see, (who they came to see)
You’re a rock star, everybody wants you…
Player, who can really blame you
We’re the ones who made you!

Verse 1:
Back by popular demand,
Now pop a little Zantac or antacid if ya can
Ready to tackle any task that is at hand
How does it feel? Is it fantastic, is it grand?
Well look at all the massive masses in the stand
Shadyman no don’t massacre the fans
Damn, I think Kim Kardashian’s a man
She stomped him just cause he asked to put his hands
on the massive gluteus maximus again
Squeeze it, then squish it then pass it to her friend
Can he come back as nasty as he can?
Yes he can can, don’t ask me this again
He does not mean the lyrics to offend
Lindsay please come back to seein’ men
Samantha’s a 2 you’re practically a 10
I know ya want me girl in fact I see your grin

CHORUS:
When you walked through the door, it was clear to me, (clear to me)
You’re the one they adore, who they came to see, (who they came to see)
You’re a rock star (baby), everybody wants you…
Player, who can really blame you
We’re the ones who made you!

Verse 2:
The enforcer, look at the more women to torture
Walk up to the cutest girl and charlie horse her
Sorry Portia but what’s Ellen Degeneres have that I don’t?
Are you tellin me tenderness?
Well I can be gentle and as smooth as a gentlemen
Give me my Ventolin inhaler and two Xenadrine
And I’ll invite Sarah Palin out to dinner then
Nail her, maybe say hello to my little friend
Brit quit gettin wit K Fed, let’s cut off the middlemen
Forget him or ya gonna end up in the hospital again
And this time it won’t be for the Riddalin binge
Forget them other men girl pay them little attention
and little did I mention that Jennifer’s in
Love with me John Mayer so sit on the bench
Man I swear them other guys ya give em an inch
They take a mile they got style not bigger than Slim

CHORUS:
When you walked through the door, it was clear to me, (clear to me)
You’re the one they adore, who they came to see, (who they came to see)
You’re a rock star (baby), everybody wants you…
Player, who can really blame you
We’re the ones who made you!

Eminem:
and that’s why Lyla you never left with out
I know ya want me girl cuz I can see you checkin me out
and baby you know,
You know you want me too,
Don’t try to deny it baby I’m the only one for you

Verse 3:
Damn girl I’m beginning to sprout an alfa alfa
Why should I wash my filthy mouth out
Ya think that’s bad you should hear the rest of my album
Never has there been such finesse and nostalgia
Man Cass I don’t mean to mess wit ya gal but
Jessica Alba put her breasts on my mouth bro
Wowsers, I just made a mess in my trousers
And they wonder why I keep dressin’ like Elvis
Lord help us he’s back in his pink house shirt
Lookin like someone shrinked his outfit
I think he’s bout to flip just a car
Rest assure Superman’s here to rescue ya
Can ya blame me? you’re my Amy I’m your Blake
Matter of fact make me a birthday cake
With a saw-blade in it to make my jail break
Baby I think you just met your soul-mate
Now break it down girl!

CHORUS:
When you walked through the door, it was clear to me, (clear to me)
You’re the one they adore, who they came to see, (who they came to see)
You’re a rock star (baby), everybody wants you…
Player, who can really blame you
We’re the ones who made you!

Eminem:
So baby baby get down, down down
So baby baby get down, down down
Baby baby get down down down
Baby get down get down
(repeated)

Oh Amy! Rehab never looked so good!
I can’t wait, I’m going back
haha…..wooooh!
Dr. Dre! 2020!
Yeah!

Eminem – We Made You Video

Do you remember the second biggest controversy surrounding Britney Spears? Yes I’m talking about the If You Seek Amy aka FUCK ME sing. The mishap with her pussy hanging out tops it. First there only was the audio for If You Seek Amy but now we have the official video release and it’s available in High Definition. I have a beef with the If You Seek Amy Official Video – it looks pretty damn cheap. it just doesn’t have the spark and the production I’d expect from latest video release by Britney Spears. Did she cheap out and got herself an incompetent video production company to take care of such important video? I mean it is important – If You Seek Amy is currently the most talked about song by Britney Spears. Don’t screw over important songs, Brit. What’s the deal?

Yes, it seems like today is not only the Pi Day, it’s also the official Britney Spears appreciation day – at least here at Beer Steak Blog industries. And I even have nice things to say about her. Maybe I’ll luck out and get laid tonight. Karma should throw a cheap ho my way. I can feel it. I’ll unload one tonight. Damn… Where’s my camera. I should upload that hotness on here. It truly is a remarkable event. I hope I won’t pass out like the last time I ended up with two lesbians. Don’t ask, I’m still embarassed.

Britney Spears If You Seek Amy Official Video in High Definition is below:

American Idol continued with another episode of awesomeness and ever so awesome Ryan Seacrest brought back a former idol – Kelly Clarkson. Kelly shows up on stage looking… well – fat. That immediately sparked speculations that Kelly Clarkson could be pregnant. She’s not pregnant, folks. She’s just plain fat. Besides, she told it to the microphone that she’s not dating anyone anyway. You’d think that is someone knocked her up, she’d be all over news telling everyone about it.

Kelly Clarkson performed her painful hit “My Life Would Suck Without You”. I could not listen to that song all the way through. How can she be a platinum selling artist with this type of music? People pay for this? I’m really not sure if it’s Kelly Clarkson to blame for writing painful music, or people for buying it. Just plain awful. But then again – we’re talking about former American Idol.

Check out the video above. I don’t know who’s gayer – Ryan Seacrest or Kelly Clarkson, but her music is definitely painful. And no, she’s not pregnant, she’s just fat.

Sing along with me:
Interior Crocodile Alligator, I Drive a Chevrolet Movie Theater

This song has the best fucking lyrics ever. Only you can’t get it out of your head once it gets stuck there. WTF?

Rihanna’s real name is Robyn Fenty. And you’re probably thinking the same as I was – who the fuck is Rihanna? And… who the fuck cares. The answer is simple – nobody. That applies to both questions. I’ve done some research on Robyn Fenty aka Rihanna and yes, there’s some painfully awful music connected with her name. Made me puke rum and coke out of my beer gut. Luckily I puked in a bucket so it all went back in the gut.

The reason why name Robyn Fenty started popping out, even though almost nobody knows Rihanna under that name, is alleged attack on her by the one person who does know her as Robyn Fenty – Chris Brown. That’s another douche who should get proper education on what the music should sound like so he no longer tortures our ear drums with his shit. Chris Brown had erection problems or some shit, got all pissy about it and beat the fuck out of his girlfriend Rihanna. He’s now facing domestic violence charges.

The whole incident took place in Hancock Park, which is part of Los Angeles, California. Cali cops arrested Chris Brown, but have the policy not to issue names of victims of domestic violence crimes, so it is not 100% known whether it was in fact Robyn Fenty he beat the shit out of. Several mainstream media however identified the victim as Robyn Fenty, who was also seen entering Cedar hospital.

I made that shit about erection problems up, but I’m trying to think of any other reason why a douche would beat up his girlfriend. Maybe Rihanna gave Christ Brown herpes for all I know. That’s all but speculations. The reason I can’t think of any reasons, is because I don’t remember last time I had a girlfriend. I don’t even see erection problems as problems. I’m actually glad if I can locate my penis within never-ending folds of fat that built up around my waist area. I’m lucky they make stationary dildoes. I can always superglue one of those on my oversized chair, pour motor oil on it and shove it up my ass as I’m sitting on the chair. Yes, I still have sex life, as you can see.

And just in case talking about crappy music spoiled your day, let me fix you up. None of that Robyn Fenty aka Rihanna shit, enough of that Chris Brown bullcrap, have some motherfucking Gojira from Hellfest 2006 in France. Fucking sick shit!

Legendary guitarist (BTW, who decides which guitarist becomes “legendary”) Eddie Van Halen is taking his relationship with Janie Liszewski seriously. Eddie Van Halen and Janie Liszewski got engaged in October last year and by now they already have a wedding day set up. The plans are for this Summer, likely in June but I don’t know exact date yet. Janie Liszewski has been Eddie’s publicist, a girlfriend and a manager of Van Halen for a while.

In a recent interview with The Rolling Stones, Eddie Van Halen revealed his intentions to record first Van Halen’s album with David Lee Roth in 25 years and first Van Halen album in general in over a decade. It’s surprising, but despite their grandpa type of age, Van Halen still kicks it and makes crap loads of money playing music. Damn…

With all that commotion happening around him, Eddie Van Halen also introduced a new guitar to the world of six strings – The Fender Wolfgang Guitar. Eddie has a son whom he named Wolfgang now plays base guitar with Van Halen. Wolfgang is also a name of Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart – arguably the best music composer of all time. The Fender Wolfgang Guitar, as one of Eddie Van Halen collection guitar has been available for sale since mid January 2009. The Fender Wolfgang Guitar comes in three colors – tobacco burst (pictures above), vintage white and black and costs around $3000. You can find out more about it on EVH Gear Site

Video of Eddie Van Halen introducing and playing The Fender Wolfgang Guitar with Guitar World Magazine is below:

New Britney Spears song titled If You Seek Amy (in video below) is raising eyebrows and I can’t help but give kudos to Britney Spears. Girl is a genius. This is show business 101, she knows what she’s doing and she’s doing it right.

Britney Spears used a little word game to put together a song that offended enough people to get massive media attention. Media attention brings If You Seek Amy to people like me, who would never otherwise listen to it, because music of Britney Spears does not give me a hard on. That’s why I think Britney Spears truly deserves the fame she gets – cause she’s doing it right. Now let’s take a look at If You Seek Amy – it took me a minute to get it so I have to explain it to you, in case your brain is in your pants too.

The stand alone title of the song If You Seek Amy doesn’t really suggest all that much, but it starts making perfect sense when you put it in context in which Britney Spears signs the line. It goes something like this (excerpt from If You Seek Amy lyrics):

All of the boys and all of the girls
Are beggin’ to If You Seek Amy

If you say these lyrics fast enough or repeatedly several times, you’ll get what Britney Spears is saying right away. She’s awesome. She’s basically talking about boys and girls wanting to fuck her:

All of the boys and all of the girls
Are beggin’ to F*U*C*K ME

Britney Spears gets exactly what she needs and what she was aiming for with If You Seek Amy – controversy. The Parents Television Council is already complaining and wants the song off the air between 6 am and 10 pm saying it violates indecency laws. Give me a break you bunch of fucking prudes… However, it plays off well for Britney Spears. Everybody, whether fans of shitty music or not now wants to check out what If You Seek Amy is all about. Could she have promoted her own shitty music better? No damn way!

If You Seek Amy doesn’t even have a video to accompany it yet and is already on Billboard Top 100. The single appears on New Britney Spears album titled Circus. Fan made video to If You Seek Amy is below.

Britney Spears pic is from Good Morning America on ABC. Photo credit: Bryan Bedder for Getty Images

Latest video from Metallica titled All Nightmare Long. Pretty frigging awesome video, even though the song is rather boring. Video makes up for it. It’s a movie on its own.

Metallica’s been getting lots of great reviews for their new album Death Magnetic which I don’t get. It’s definitely better than last few albums, but comes out rather try hard. As if a desperate attempt to come back to the roots, to when Metallica rocked, but they miss the aggression and non-compromise approach they had back them. Also, back then they could play. Nowadays they come out pathetic.

All Nightmare Long is definitely not much of a song, but once again, the video is worth spending 9 minutes watching. I grew up listening to Metallica. This shit doesn’t address to me the same way their old stuff did. I think it’s time to retire Metallica before they make any more fools out of themselves.

File this under: Truly Awful Music. But at the same time it should be filed under: Funny as fuck. Jizz In My Pants is a new single by faggy band The Lonely Island. The singer pulls funny faces in the video each time he says: “Jizz In My Pants”.

The tune is pretty catchy, even though the music is really faggy. I’m sure the two guys from the band rub their dicks against each other every day. It’s ironic how two gays sing about jizzing in their pants when a chick is around. Like we can’t tell. Have fun watching the video but contain yourself… Don’t jizz in your pants! Especially when Justin Timberlake gets in the view, you gays…