The NBA game between Chicago Bulls and Toronto Raptors is on, when at the end of the quarter the ball gets passed to Raptor’s player Jarrett Jack. He casually jams the ball under his arm, bends over and starts to tie his shoelace. The Chicago Bulls players just stare at him humiliated, unaware of what’s happening and none barged in. When his shoe lace was all done up, Jarrett Jack casually stood up and continued with the game like nothing happened. Unfortunately, his three point throw didn’t go in. If it did, it would have been thorough and utter humiliation of Chicago Bulls. Laughs galore. The video of the humiliation is below:

Jarrett Jack Photo by Getty Images

Tiger Woods stepped up and apologized on his official website tigerwoods.com for his “transgressions”. The Tiger Woods Apology came as a response to massive media bombing that was driving him insane and making his family unhappy. Obviously, Tiger Woods is a public figure but also a man with penis and as we all know, men with penises need to ejaculate semen into women. And when Elin Nordegren is not there, what’s a little tiger to do. He shoves his dick up the ass of some random cocktail waitress or a marketing manager from Las Vegas.

The apology statement is a rather long read, but if you’re up for learning the whole truth as Tiger Woods has it to say, then real the whole text. It’s provided in full below:

I have let my family down and I regret those transgressions with all of my heart. I have not been true to my values and the behavior my family deserves. I am not without faults and I am far short of perfect. I am dealing with my behavior and personal failings behind closed doors with my family. Those feelings should be shared by us alone.

Although I am a well-known person and have made my career as a professional athlete, I have been dismayed to realize the full extent of what tabloid scrutiny really means. For the last week, my family and I have been hounded to expose intimate details of our personal lives. The stories in particular that physical violence played any role in the car accident were utterly false and malicious. Elin has always done more to support our family and shown more grace than anyone could possibly expect.

But no matter how intense curiosity about public figures can be, there is an important and deep principle at stake which is the right to some simple, human measure of privacy. I realize there are some who don’t share my view on that. But for me, the virtue of privacy is one that must be protected in matters that are intimate and within one’s own family. Personal sins should not require press releases and problems within a family shouldn’t have to mean public confessions.

Whatever regrets I have about letting my family down have been shared with and felt by us alone. I have given this a lot of reflection and thought and I believe that there is a point at which I must stick to that principle even though it’s difficult.

I will strive to be a better person and the husband and father that my family deserves. For all of those who have supported me over the years, I offer my profound apology.

Those are some pretty colorful words Tiger Woods is using. I wish there was one man who would just man up and come out straight. For example:

Well, fuck it. I’ve fucked some skanks to see what other pussy feels like from the inside. Have not each men done the same. What’s so special about me. If any other cocktail waitress comes my way, I’ll fuck her too. What’s the big deal bitches?

Tiger Woods Photo by Glyn Kirk, Getty Images

Now that the alleged affair between golf star Tiger Woods and some random gold-digger Rachel Uchitel has gone public and took off like there’s no tomorrow, more and more gold-diggers are coming out of the woodwork claiming that Tiger Woods also had an affair with them. Is this some gold-diggers society they are all proud members of? Cause it sure seems like they wait patiently until chief gold digger gives a sign and then they all come out and start claiming they had Tiger Wood’s penis in their mouth. Gross. Rachel Uchitel was followed by Jaimee Grubbs who swears she’s got over 300 text messages from Tiger Woods she would be sent during her affair with the golf pro. And now the Tiger Woods affair scene was also entered by gold digger Kalika Moquin who maintains that she was sucking on Tiger Wood’s penis as recently as in October of 2009. Photo of Kalika Moquin from Life & Style magazine is included above.

Oddly enough, Kalika Moquin is NOT a cocktail bar waitress from Los Angeles of Las Vegas. Kalika Moquin allegedly works as a marketing manager for Las Vegas nightclub called The Bank. So Las Vegas is there, but no cocktail waitress as job title. That’s freaking odd. The oddballs who come out of nowhere to gain their five minutes of fame typically work as coctail waitresses (shoutout to Jaimee Grubbs), but this one breaks the golden rule. FIRED!

Elin Nordegren disapproves. She’s gonna own those bitches with a golf club. I wonder if this alleged Tiger Woods affair with Kalika Moquin is just a publicity stunt on behalf of The Bank night club. Being in Las Vegas, they are surely struggling with decreased revenue just as any other Vegas venue and this could put The Bank in the spotlight. And if Kalika Moquin truly is a marketing manager for the club, then she’s an effin good one cause the club could not have asked for any more publicity than this. Just pick a random celebrity that’s being currently slammed with affair allegation and throw your own in the pile. Collect media attention and revenue that it delivers and move on with your life when someone else’s secret affairs hit the news. Kalika Moquin is an effin genius marketer. But can she lift a ball with her vagina?

Remember Royce Lyndsay Reed? Yeah, me neither. The nobody champion Royce Lyndsay Reed used to dance for Orlando Magic until Lady Luck tired out and sat on her skanky ass. Dwight Howard of the Orlando Magic was just in the neighborhood and made Royce Lyndsay Reed’s golddigging dream come true by shoving his penis into her vagina. Royce Lyndsay Reed got pregnant and now there is a 2 year old son out of that failed relationship.

The thing is, Royce Lyndsay Reed did manage to score a big one (at least when it come to height, cause Dwight Howard’s got it) but a relationship between a basketball star and a gold digger is bound to fail sooner or later. Oddly enough, it was Royce Lyndsay Reed herself who fuelled the rage and put a stump on the affair between the two. It all started in October od 2009 when Royce Lyndsay Reed crossed the line and called the NBA star a “deadbeat” on Twitter (I told you she was a loser. Sane people don’t use Twitter). She also labeled Dwight Howard with the same coveted title on her blog and even brought it up with ESPN. What a deadbeat!

Needless to say, Dwight Howard wasn’t having none of it, brought his baby mama’s ass before the judge who ruled that Royce Lyndsay Reed is banned from “using or publishing, directly, indirectly or by innuendo, {Dwight Howard’s} name, nicknames, image, brand photographs, and/or likeness.” This is pretty funny, because Royce Lyndsay Reed was aspiring to fast-forward her gold digging career by appearing on NBA Wives, but now that she can’t be in no way associated with the name of Dwight Howard, she can literally forget about it and get back to cheerleading. PWNED!

Everybody wants to see Rachel Uchitel Pictures, and I won’t deny it… myself included. I’m a grumpy old man who gets off on fluffing crap on everyone famous, but I have had undeniable respect for Tiger Woods and his… what appeared to be a perfect life. I was kind of surprised when scandal around his persona surfaced but at the same time I was not. That’s because the scandal bore the title Tiger Woods Mistress.

Everything seemed to be so perfect in Tiger Woods’ life that I could not think of anything that could have gone better for him. He has a beautiful family, Scandinavian model Elin Nordegren is a wife to die for, and let’s not forget that he’s one of the most celebrated sports figures of all time and the best paid one too. Yet something was missing in Tiger Woods’ life. And that’s probably where mistress needed to step in. And what best way to fill in the need for a successful person to get a spank than by a wannabe gold digger. Enter Rachel Uchitel.

There has been way too much buzz around Tiger Woods and then some more. Yesterday accident and gold club through the window was just a cherry on top, but let’s focus on Rachel Uchitel and her pictures. Look at the gallery below. WTF is wrong with Tiger Woods. Why do all these rich and famous people go for the ugly and skanky sluts? Why not pick a cute girl next door? Rachel Uchitel is fucking nasty and so plastic it makes me wanna puke dildos. Duh!

Gallery of Rachel Uchitel Pictures aka Tiger Woods Mistress is below:

Trainwreck tennis player Serena Williams has lost her cool (actually not, you can’t lose something you don’t have to begin with) at the US Open semi finals against Kim Clijsters, got pissed off at the line judge and went to tell her something nasty. But what did Serena Williams say to the line judge?

Cool thing is, the judge was not having any of this PoS bullshit and went to set the record straight, to which the loser Serena Williams, who was gonna lose the game anyway, responded by leaving the court. The line judge told the Tournament Referee Brian Earley that Serena Williams said she was gonna kill her. Stupid ho denied and unfortunately we can’t really hear form audio recording provided by the broadcast team.

Serena Williams was kicked out of the game and went on TV to tell everyone that she’s not sorry. Thanks a lot Serena for confirming that you are a loser ho who thinks the world revolves around her and gets pissed off at everyone when she’s shown that nobody gives a dump about her.

While it’s still inconclusive as to what exactly she said to the lineswoman, other than “I will kill you” there are also reports that she said: “I swear to God, I’ll fucking take this ball and shove it down your fucking throat”. The video from the press conference is below. The video of Serena Williams throwing verbal diarrhea at the lines judge as at the top.

Spanish tennis player Rafael Nadal likes his balls. When a crazed fan somehow made it through the security and onto the US Open court, Rafael Nadal got a kiss he first avoided, but then the itch in his balls won out and a desire for some more man on man kissing became prevalent. Actually, while Rafael Nadal is quite possibly gay, the gay alert of the day did not go all the way to the red because Rafa is simply this cool. Being Spanish, he always stands by his fans and tells the security to leave them alone. If it was some American player who got gay kissed, US Open would get sued and gay fan prosecuted. That’s how we rock in North America.

Gay alert video of the day with Rafael Nadal getting a gay itch after a male fan kissed him at the US Open is below. Put your gay specs on:

Former tennis star Martina Navratilova has eventually come public with her new partner in pussy – Julia Lemigova. Martina Navratilova appeared on I’m A Celebrity… Get Me Out Of Here! last year and mentioned she had a new, drop dead gorgeous girlfriend but there were no other hints who exactly she’s rubbing vaginas with. The secret is no longer the secret. Julia Lemigova is a combined peen sucker as well as clit licker (aka bisexual) and a former bewuty queen who represented Soviet Russia on Miss Universe in 1991 in London. Martina Navratilova is 52 year old already, her new girlfriend Julia Lemigova is 36. Julia is the one with big, saggy tits.

The pictures of Julia Lemigova and Martina Navratilova are from St Tropez in South France where the couple went on a little sexy trip together. It was the first time Martina went public with her new girlfriend so it turned into a big deal. French media speculate that the clit lickers may be engaged to each other, judging by the fact that both were wearing rings on their left hands when photographed in France.

Julia Lemigova was Soviet Russia’s last Miss as after 1991 the Soviet Union collapsed and was no more. Aside from being a Miss Universe pageant contestant, Julia Lemigova is a successful entrepreneur. She’s lived in Paris, France since the 90’s where she owns a beauty spa called the Joiya and a cosmetics company White Russia. She turned rich after she pulled a successful gold digging move and got engaged with peen sucking sessions with big time French banker Edouard Stern. The name of Julia Lemigova didn’t mean much to anyone until 2005 when her affair with Edouard Stern surfaced following his murder by his mistress Cécile Brossard during a BDSM session. Edouard Stern was found shot dead, bondaged up and wearing latex outfit. Julia Lemigova is still reaping benefits of correct gold-digging move from back then.

Julia Lemigova had her path crossed by Cécile Brossard before the death of Edouard Stern. The beginnings of her gold digging with this French banker date back to 1997. She was doing everything right, sucked on that banker’s dick and when the chance came, she had his sperm collected inside her vagina and spawned a kid in 1999. Maximilien only lived to be 5 months old. He was found dead in March of 2000 and autopsy report says he died of internal injuries. Julia Lemigova believed he was killed by the nanny she hired shortly before his death. The nanny, who was from Bulgaria disappeared after Maximilien’s death and has not been heard from since.

The case of Maximilien’s death was closed in 2002 for lack of evidence, but took a strange turn in 2004 when Julia Lemigova got a phone call from Cécile Brossard who told her she knew the truth regarding her son. Cécile was probably just pissed that Julia was doing better as gold digger than her who also sucked on banker’s dick but never got to spawn his kid and collect heavy paycheck.

So that’s the woman who swapped one billionaire dick for one celebrity clit. She knows how to keep the gold digging money flowing through. Bloody Russians. Martina Navratilova is now going though legal crap with her ex girlfriend who wants some checks for sucking on the tennis clit as well. It’s all about the money.

Next time you go to see a Philadelphia Eagles game (lol, who in their right state of mind would want to go to see a football game?), don’t be surprised if you see a dog wearing an official Michael Vick Dog Jersey. As it turns out, the NFL Shop sells customizable dog jerseys that you can have labeled with name and number of your “favorite” football player. As we all know, everyone’s favorite football player is Michael Vick. He’s a good kid, right? Michael Vick would never hurt a fly, never mind a dog.

If you head over to NFLShop.com by clicking on that link, you’ll be able to customize your own dog jersey and own this memorable piece of NFL history along with name of Michael Vick and #7 on it. Dress your pooch up in it and take him/her to a game. I’m sure ladies will be all over you. You can even save up if you order more than one Michael Vick Dog Jersey from said NFL Shop. Up to 20% savings if you buy 4 or more items. Wow!

I have the feeling that NFL Shop’s gonna experience increased sales of previously unknown proportions. Who wouldn’t want to dress up their dog in official NHL Michael Mick Dog Jersey? Four different sizes are available. Funny thing is – any attempts to customize your jersey with “Ron Mexico” or just “Mexico” fail. You can’t dress up your dog in a Ron Mexico jersey, but it’s OK to buy a Michael Vick one. Go figure.

Michael Vick went on 60 minutes to make his first public address since release from jail. CBS provided full length video of the charade so I actually went and watched it. Needless to say, Michael Vick came out will all the polished words you can imagine. It was nice to listen to him turning from a bad guy who tortures animals into a nice guy who wouldn’t hurt a fly. Some mighty words you pulled off there on 60 Minutes, Michael Vick, let’s see if you can stand by them in the years to come.

James Brown interviewed Michael Vick and i found him a really good interviewer. He’s a man at the right spot. He asked the very important question whether words that Michael Vick spoke during the interview were words of his PR team or words of Michael Vick. The response was that it was Mike Vick speaking. He sounded convincing, but I’m having hard time swallowing all this high profile talk. He said exactly what would be the right thing to say – that he’s remorseful for organizing dog fights, that he realizes what he did was wrong, that he re-thought his life and became a different person after serving time in jail, that he hopes the public and NFL give him a second chance, blah blah.

Perhaps the most powerful PR move on behalf of Michael Vick and his team was to bring Wayne Pacelle, the president of the US Humane Society along and work by his side to remedy his past actions. 60 Minutes also got exclusive footage of Michael Vick talking to some kids and appealing to them to love their animals whatever it is they have. So from now on we will only see brand new Michael Vick. The animal abuser is the past, the role model is the future. At least that’s what Michael Vick would like everyone to believe. His PR team trained him well for this 60 Minutes interview. Watch the full length video above.