Beer Steak Bullshit

Russian people are hilarious. They are the most violent and most honor-lacking, but girls are hot and based on a small sample of what I have had the privilege of meeting, they give great blowjobs. But let’s not go there. Yet! This hilarious video is from Russia as well. The police had stopped a car the driver of which appeared intoxicated, so they asked him to step out of the vehicle and submit to the breathalyzer test. Visibly drank grandpa agrees to take on the test and that’s where he fails in such hilarious way I’d never imagine.

When you’re so drunk that you grab at the breathalyzer and try to take sip of more booze from it, then you’re really effin drunk. The laughter that one of the police makes only adds to the whole awesomeness of the video. Gradpa smiles himself cause he thinks they pulled a joke on him by tricking him into drinking from an empty bottle. The fail in this case is truly epic. Instead of blowing into the breathalyzer, he went to drink from it. Does it get any better than that?

It might be different in Russia, but I know in Canada DUI lawyers make ridiculous amount of money exploiting holes in the drinking and driving law. However with video evidence like that, I don’t see how they could possibly make any case. Bye, bye drivers license

The story of 9 year old Amber Hagerman who was kidnapped as she was riding a bicycle and subsequently murdered prompted the introduction of Amber Alert – the missing children system which sends out a bulleting each time there is a suspicion a child has been abducted.

Amber Hagerman Story

When Amber Hagerman was 9 year old, she was at her grandma’s in Arlington, Texas and went for a bike ride. It was January 13, 1996 – Jimmie Kevil, the neighbor of Amber’s grandma heard little girl scream. As he ran outside to find out what was going on, he saw a man in black pick up truck pull Amber Hagerman off her bike and stuff her inside the vehicle. Seconds later, he drove away at high speed.

Jimmie Kevil immediately alerted the police and provided description of the abductor and the car. Arlington police launched search for the car and were followed by countless volunteers and FBI. Local media, including TV and radio stations covered the Amber Hagerman story with hopes it would help recover the 9 year old girl but it was all in vain. 4 days from her abduction, Amber Hagerman was found dead in a drainage ditch only four miles from where she was kidnapped. Her abduction and murder remain unresolved, however the police are looking into files of Terapon Adhahn, who’s a person of interest in the case of Amber Hagerman.

Amber Alert

Amber Alert system for missing children was originally implemented in the USA and was inspired by the kidnapping and murder of Amber Hagerman. The system was later adopted by Canada, UK and other countries. Amber Alert is based on a similar principle weather alerts work – where mainstream media player receive an alert of some upcoming weather condition and pass it on immediately.

In order to avoid false alarms, certain conditions must be met to issue Amber Alert:

• A Case must be filed with the law enforcement
• A child must be at serious risk
• There must be description of a child, an abductor, and their car
• Only children up to 17 years of age can have an Amber Alert issued

Once there is a reason to issue Amber Alert, the bulletin is immediately dispatched to commercial radio and TV stations, satellite and cable providers, further Amber Alerts are sent via e-mail and to the LED billboard signs such as the one located in the example below. This is what Amber Alert looks like in action:

While success rate of Amber Alert system is questionable, it is without doubt a way to get more eyes involved in looking for missing children. The loss of 9 year old Amber Hagerman was truly a horrible tragedy, but perhaps her story will help prevent murders of some other children.

Remember Miranda Tozier-Robbins from American Idol season 5? Yeah, me neither. Well, the 26 year old ex American Idol contestants went crazy when she decided to stalk Britney Spears at her private residence in Calabasas. Security personnel guarding the property of Britney Spears noticed a camouflage wearing person creeping around the windows to the residence, went to check out on the situation and found Miranda Tozier-Robbins taking peeks inside, while carrying a backpack with a video camera inside. That must be the most boring celebrity stalker story ever. I thought stalker are more creative – you know, like they get in the house through the chimney, pack themselves up in a cupboard and quietly jerk off snooping at them through tiny gap. 21st century stalkers suck.

According to reports, when security people told Miranda Tozier-Robbins to leave as she was on a private property and could be charged with trespassing, she disregarded their requests and stalked on hoping for an encounter with Britney Spears. The security didn’t put up with any of that and called sheriffs people who removed Miranda Tozier-Robbins from the property. The ex-American Idol turned Britney Spears stalker is now charged with trespassing and disorderly conduct. The mugshot of her awesomeness is above.

The biggest joke is that Britney Spears was not even at home when Miranda Tozier-Robbins went on her routine stalk around the house. What was she thinking she’d accomplish? Take a picture of her washroom and sell it to OK Magazine? Boring. She needs to get her logistics straightened out. You don’t go stalking Britney Spears unless Britney Spears is around. That is of course provided it wasn’t the security guy she wanted to stalk. In which case she can give herself a Borat toned: “GREAT SUCCESS!”

Ohio born rapper Charles Hamilton released a song titled Bud Dwyer and everyone is puzzled about who Bud Dwyer is. The song for those wo like rap is below. If you’d like to find out who Bud Dwyer – a person Charles Hamilton raps about…. read on:

To cut to the cheese – Bud Dwyer committed suicide live on national TV. The footage of his suicide is widely available and look rather graphic, especially since the cameraman who was recorded it zoomed in on dying Bud Dwyer and the video shows blood gushing out of his nostrils like a waterfall.

Bud Dwyer was a politician who was accused of bribery and was charged with agreeing to receive kickbacks. While Bud Dwyer repeatedly professed his innocence, he was found guilty and was facing up to 55 years in jail and a $300k fine. One day prior to his sentencing (January 22, 1987), Bud Dwyer called a press conference. The media gathered believing he was going to resign but instead he professed he was innocent again, pulled out a magnum revolver, put the barrel inside his mouth and pulled the trigger. All of this was recorded and live on TV. People of all ages, including little children watched this suicide live on TV.

Bud Dwyer loved his family and knew that if he resigned, he would go to jail and his family would be in debt. But since he never resigned, he remained government employee until he died (albeit by suicide). As such, his family got an insurance settlement that high ranking government employees with the type of pay check Bud Dwyer had would get. So instead of being $300k in debt, his family ended up with $1.2 Million settlement money. Bud Dwyer loved his family so much, he plotted this whole scheme and committed suicide live on TV in order to provide for his family. What a father.

If you are insane enough and would like to see the video of Bud Dwyer committing suicide, click on the link below, but be aware – it’s a graphic and upsetting footage many of you would find offensive:

Bud Dwyer Suicide Video

Don’t forget that the video below contains audio track of Charles Hamilton’s song titled Bud Dwyer. It’s not the Bud Dwyer death video. For that you must visit Best Gore.

Quentin Tarantino is the shit. He was a guest judge on American Idol in 2004 and Simon Cowell co. has invited his awesomeness to guest judge the competition one more time. Considering that’s he’s a rather extravagant movie director, it is hard to believe he would have the clue as to how people sing, but he actually does. As reepy as it sounds, Quentin Tarantino is the tits on American Idol and he actually makes sense.

Below is the video montage from Quentin Tarantino’s old judging back at season three of American Idol. Even though he actually sounds like a real douche, he’s at the same time retaining thew charm that’s so typical for him and that’s really awesome. I think Quentin Tarantino is a decent choice for guest judging of American Idol. Makes watching that otherwise boring crap worth while.

Quentin Tarantino Photo by Francois Mori, AP Photo

Irreconcilable Differences – that’s got to be the most commonly used reason for divorce in Hollywood. This time it’s actor Mel Gibson whose wife Robyn Gibson has had enough of him filed for divorce and quote Irreconcilable Differences as reason. What better way to celebrate Easter than by getting your lawyer hand divorce papers to your significant other.

Mel Gibson divorce comes after 28 years of marriage to his wife Robyn. You’d think after 28 years as married couple they would bite the bullet and pull through the rest. Maybe it’s all different – maybe Robyn Gibson is a gold digger extraordinaire who was patiently waiting for 28 years cause she knows the settlement will be generous. Perhaps 28 years was worth it and all she could think of during that time was the chunk she was gonna get one day. She’d be a good wifey, blowing on Mel’s peen as he wished, cause she saw the fortune in the distance that would be all hers one day. That day is here. Let’s call it “The Easter Split of the Gibson’s”.

As it turns out, when Mel Gibson married Robyn, the two did not sign a prenup, hence according to the law of California, the Robyn Gibson will be entitled to half of Mel Gibson’s fortune. Damn, 28 years were worth it. Mel Gibson has been a big movie star and producer for 3 decades. His fortune is estimated at close to one billion. What a score for that gold digger. She can merrily quote Borat: “Success”!

The Mel Gibson divorce will likely involve the biggest divorce settlement in the history of Hollywood, but it will likely go smoothly and quietly. Mel has got more than enough to give away so both parties will end up with pockets full of cash. According to reports by TMZ who were the first to bring the news of Mel Gibson divorce, Robyn Gibson is also seeking spousal support, attorney fees and joint custody of their 10 year old son – the only of their 7 children who is still underage.

Barack Obama continues his blood filled charade of being the most murderous country leader of all time. Not even Easter time is sacred enough for this man who gave orders to shoot to kill the Somali pirates who held Captain Richard Phillips captive aboard a lifeboat. Obama’s blessing to kill everyone and anyone was a green light to bloodthirsty, trigger happy US Navy Seals who wasted no time and unleashed their killing spree on Somali pirates killing all three of them. The fourth one was aboard USS Bainbridge negotiating exchange of Captain Phillips for money or whatever it is pirates are after.

The bloodthirsty navy seals who are as happy to kill without reason as Barack Obama is to give orders to kill without reason, fabricated their ridiculousness with blatant lies. According to one of the worthless, bloodthirsty navy seals, the life of Captain Phillips was in imminent danger so they opened fire killing all three pirates on the lifeboat where Richard Phillips was held captive.

Well, I understand the excuse like that would work for your average Obama voter, cause just as their leader, they have no brain either. So they would take this stupidity for a reason why three pirates were killed. For those of use who can add two and two, we don’t need ridiculousness to recognize bloodthirsty ambitions. The killing of pirates by US navy seals was nothing less than murder. A mindless killing for sport. The pirates had no intentions to cause any bodily harm to anyone, the life of Captain Phillips was in no danger whatsoever – he was looked after and held without harm. Even his attempt to escape was treated with respect. He was not killed, nor was he harmed despite failed escape. Still, the worm dick navy seals say Captain Phillips was in imminent danger – way to compensate for your undeveloped dicks, dicks!

Johanna Cox is the latest addition to the ever sustaining family of gold diggers. As it turns out, Johanna Cox is the new girlfriend of Alec Baldwin.

I’m kind of surprised that Alec Baldwin still does movies. Apparently director Derick Martini thought Alec was worthwhile and gave him the role in the movie Lymelife. Wait – Alec Baldwin produced that movie… Nevermind, I take my previous statement back.

Before she hooked up with Alec Baldwin, Johanna Cox appeared on TV as contestant in the reality TV show Stylista. Since she kicked everyone’s ass, she ended up winning and was awarded a one year gig with Elle Magazine as a fashion editor. She’s presently still working for Elle as part of her Stylista victory.

Johanna Cox is 29 year old, Alec Baldwin is 51 year old. I’m sure there’s no gold digging involved, it’s pure love. Must be. Hope she understands the dos and don’ts of successful gold diggers. She wouldn’t want to end up like Sarah Larson. Until you are married to your big fish, you got to keep it low profile and suck it up the best you can. Your “sponsor” always does everything right and everything he says is right and said the best it can be said. Give best blowjobs in the world, always swallow and tell your sponsor how incredibly he makes you cum.

The reports are speculating that Johanna Cox is Alec Baldwin’s new girlfriend because Alec took her to the premiere of Lymelife in New York and the two seemed into each other. Congrats to Johanna Cox on scoring a big one. Her life all of a sudden starts to have the meaning.

Photo of Johanna Cox, the video of her in Stylista is below:

Jose Luis Galindo-Sanchez and his brother Lucio Galindo-Sanchez are both Mexicans who were illegally in the USA. On Wednesday April 8th, 2009 the brothers were driving a pick-up truck on their way from a sprinkler company in Medford where they illegally worked. Jose Luis Galindo-Sanchez was driving and utilizing his unsurpassed driving skills, he broadsided the vehicle driven by a 27 year old, 7th grade teacher Amy Voorhees killing her on the spot.

At time of this post the police have not made an official statement as to whether any traffic laws were violated prior to crash that killed Amy Voorhees, however both Galindo-Sanchez brothers were taken to police custody and are held on an immigration detainer.

26 year old Jose Luis Galindo-Sanchez (shown in the photo above on the left) is charged with obstruction of justice, hindering apprehension and witness tampering as he told his brother to leave the scene after the crash. Lucio Galindo-Sanchez was apprehended a quarter mile away as is being held as material witness.

Amy Voorhees was a teacher at Evesham’s DeMasi Middle School. She was killed on her way to work. According to New Jersey State police statistics, Amy Voorhees is the 11th car accident fatality in Burlington County this year. The incident is being investigated by the New Jersey State Police, the Evesham Police Department and the Burlington County Prosecutor’s Office.

38 year old Kelly Coffman-Lee from Denver, Colorado says she’s a vegan who loves Tofu so much, she wanted a personalized license plate which would clearly express her love for tofu. Because number of letters you can put on a license plate is limited, Kelly Coffman-Lee abbreviated her originally intended “I LOVE TOFU” into ILVTOFU and applied for a vanity license plate with her local DMV (Division of Motor Vehicles). When DMV official saw the tofu license plate and put a big “rejected” sign on it because of possible double meaning. And rightly so.

According to Mark Couch, a spokesman for Colorado Department of Revenue, FU is not allowed on license plates as it can be misrepresented as “street language for sex”. That’s the way he put it, cause he needs to remain politically correct, I’d say it straight: “Bitch says she wants a tofu license plate but she just wants to let everyone know that she’s a horny cougar who wants to fuck”. It’s like re-living If You Seek Amy all over again, only on a smaller scale.

Seriously, I believe DMV made the right decision. Even though the reason they rejected the tofu license plate was because they have strict guidelines they have to follow. According to the officials, they regularly meet in order to make sure license plates are free of letters that abbreviate drug terms, gang slang or obscene phrases. So they really just followed their protocol when they rejected the ILVTOFU, but I read this Kelly Coffman-Lee like an open book and this is what I see:

Kelly Coffman-Lee is a 38 year old woman – in other words, she’s a horny cougar in heat. Her clit is probably size of boar penis with brain of its own and it’s constantly asking to get rubbed. Secondly – I don’t care how much you love tofu, I don’t care if all you ever eat is tofu, I don’t even care if you’re so fond of tofu you stick it up your vagina to masturbate with it. But nobody in the damn world ever wants a tofu license plate – a license plate which would say ILVTOFU – just because of your love for tofu. Regardless of how much you love tofu and how big a part of your life tofu is, nobody would ever want that expressed on their license plate. I’ve seen weird in my time, but nobody is this weird. This Kelly Coffman-Lee is simply one horny MILF who really needs to get it on at all times and love for good fuck is definitely a worthy cause for a vanity license plate. Love for tofu is NOT. It just happened that “I Love To Fuck You” abbreviates to ILVTOFU hence tofu came in as handy excuse. Well, surprise… it didn’t work for you, Kelly Coffman-Lee. You ain’t fooling anyone with that trickery!