Now that Tiger Woods is in the spotlight, all forms of weird characters are coming out of the woodwork to share juicy details about his affairs. The latest one has to do with Ambien Sex. Yes, friends of Rachel Uchitel told Radar that Tiger Woods was seeing her to have Ambien Sex with him. That’s what they allege he asked for. Now don’t be surprised that someone like Tiger Woods knows and practices Ambien Sex yet you have never even heard of it. You’re not alone. Not even a deviated mind like mine has come far enough to understand Ambien Sex. Looks like I have not been lucky to boink with crazy enough bitches. Let’s look into what Ambien Sex is to get it explained once and for all:
When you take Ambien, the drug gets you into the infamous Ambien Haze and if you engage in a sexual activity while still hazing, the sex will be wild and uninhabited. You’ll do things you’d never do sober. Then when you wake up in the morning, you won’t remember a damn thing. That could be beneficial cause you will only see the aftermath of your kinky night, such as the toilet brush up your ass. Unless of course you set up the cameras to film your charade but then you could end up puzzled like those kids in The Blairwitch Project. As long as you don’t gut and dismember your Ambien Sex partner, it’s all cool. Where do I get some, anyway? I’d like to know what I’m capable of when I don’t hold back. Let’s have Ambien Sex. We’ll keep it a secret. Tiger Woods does it, why can’t we all?
Did you know Quentin Tarantino is a TV star in Japan – so big he gets cast to star in Japanese TV commercials? Ha, effin ba. That’s so awesome. He does great job acting and speaking gibberish Japanese too. Quentin Tarantino for the win.
The only trick is that I have not a damn clue what the commercial is all about. It displays a message towards the end and the only English word in it contains “Bank” (Soft Bank) but then there is a picture of a dog listening to a cell phone with MP3 playback capability or something like that so who knows. Otherwise it’s all in Japanese. Does anyone have a clue what this commercial advertises?
This is a $9 Billion Dollars check that was issued by Mitsubishi UFJ and payable to Morgan Stanley. Mitsubishi UFJ issued the $9 Billion Dollars check in fall of 2008 and sent it to Morgan Stanley to save them from complete financial collapse. The original intentions were to wire the money electronically but since Morgan Stanley was in a lot of poop and could pop any minute, the electronic transfer may not have reached them fast enough, so Mitsubishi UFJ made an exception and issued an actual hard copy check for 9 Billion Dollars. It is likely the largest check ever written.
Speaking of Marilyn Manson and his reunion with Evan Rachel Wood it’s worth a mention that the reunion was proceeded by the music video released by Marilyn Manson for his song Running to the Edge of the World. The video is pure genius. Most of it is a mugshot of Marilyn Manson singing the lyrics of Running to the Edge of the World which is then sneakily intertwined with footage of him beating the shit out of and killing a half naked woman who happens to look similar to Evan Rachel Wood. How awesome is that??
The Running to the Edge of the World music video was posted on MySpace by Marilyn Manson. The song itself is amazing, just as everything Marilyn Manson has released, but the video itself proves he’s a multi talented genius. Whether the video had anything to do with his reunion with Evan Rachel Woods is left for speculations but I don’t think the two are related. Running to the Edge of the World is the works of art, both as far as music and video are involved. The message is simple – love hurts! Kudos to Marilyn Manson for releasing yet another work of a genius.
Evan Rachel Wood knows where her priorities lie. When she was a girlfriend of Marilyn Manson, not only was she getting lots of press and lucrative roles in music videos, but also a big boost to her ego. Then when Evan Rachel Wood and Marilyn Manson were no longer an item, the spotlight was taken off the wench. It took her a while to come out of the woodworks and admit to herself that she misses that spot and went on to reunite with the only man that could take her from being a plain Jane to being a talked about girlfriend of a famous rock star. Yes, Evan Rachel Wood and Marilyn Manson are back together.
The news of their reunion was broken by Marilyn Manson himself in an interview with Metal Hammer (fuck, that magazine still exists? I used to read it when I was like 15. Who would have thought they’d endure…). Brian Hugh Warner went on a big melee about “being me” and how it helped him to get back with Evan Rachel Wood.
Evan Rachel Wood tried her pussy luck with some other wannabe celebrities like Shane West or Alexander Skarsgard, but it was never it. She simply looks the best next to Marilyn Manson, especially when she has make up on. Otherwise she’s nothing special. I’m glad Marilyn Manson has her pretty snatch back. She’s the only one who looks hot enough to be by his side.
Pictured above are wife of Tiger Woods – Elin Nordegren and her identical twin sister Josefin Nordegren. This is Tiger Wood’s close family – his wife and sister in law. Even if we forget about double beauty and leave Elin Nordegren’s twin sister out of the equation, we’re still looking at a gorgeous blonde the presence of which would make any man’s dream come true. Yet Tiger Woods pulled out his dick and inserted it in the mouth of someone like Rachel Uchitel. For the record, let’s take a side by side comparison photo between Elin Nordegren and Rachel Uchitel and then you can ask with me again – what on Earth was Tiger Woods thinking when he pulled his dick out of Elin Nordegren and put it in Rachel Uchitel. WTF?
I’m puzzled. Why exactly would Tiger Woods cheat on Elin Nordegren, who’s an incredibly hot wife with someone like Rachel Uchitel? But let’s not talk about Rachel Uchitel, let’s talk about Elin Nordegren’s Twin Sister Josefin Nordegren. We all know Elin is out of question – first of all she’s married, secondly she’s married to Tiger Woods. Your name would have to be Bill Gates in order to be more interesting to her than Tiger Woods. Not only is Tiger Woods a billionaire, he’s also famous and one of the most celebrated athletes. No matter what you do, you ain’t getting in Elin Nordegren’s underwear.
But that matters not, because there’s one more woman out there, who’s identical to Elin so you would be compromising absolutely nothing when it comes to sheer beauty. Elin Nordegren’s twin sister has all the hotness of Elin but no ties with anyone whom you can’t outdo with fame and wealth.
Josefin and Nordegren both grew up in a coastal town just outside of Stockholm called Waxholm. Tiger Woods was introduced to Elin Nordegren by Swedish pro golfer and his friend Jesper Parnevik, for whom Elin (as well as Josefin) worked as a nanny. There is very little info out there on Josefin Nordegren. I should trace down her email.
There’s nothing like a little jerk-off to a picture of fruit in a glass bowl. If you’ve never jerked off to a picture of a fruit in a glass bowl – OWM, you have no idea what you’re missing out on. Here’s a video to give you some inspiration and seriously… don’t pass up on the best this life has to offer. Jerk it off… to a picture of fruit in a glass bowl. Hellz yeah!
Tiger Woods stepped up and apologized on his official website tigerwoods.com for his “transgressions”. The Tiger Woods Apology came as a response to massive media bombing that was driving him insane and making his family unhappy. Obviously, Tiger Woods is a public figure but also a man with penis and as we all know, men with penises need to ejaculate semen into women. And when Elin Nordegren is not there, what’s a little tiger to do. He shoves his dick up the ass of some random cocktail waitress or a marketing manager from Las Vegas.
The apology statement is a rather long read, but if you’re up for learning the whole truth as Tiger Woods has it to say, then real the whole text. It’s provided in full below:
I have let my family down and I regret those transgressions with all of my heart. I have not been true to my values and the behavior my family deserves. I am not without faults and I am far short of perfect. I am dealing with my behavior and personal failings behind closed doors with my family. Those feelings should be shared by us alone.
Although I am a well-known person and have made my career as a professional athlete, I have been dismayed to realize the full extent of what tabloid scrutiny really means. For the last week, my family and I have been hounded to expose intimate details of our personal lives. The stories in particular that physical violence played any role in the car accident were utterly false and malicious. Elin has always done more to support our family and shown more grace than anyone could possibly expect.
But no matter how intense curiosity about public figures can be, there is an important and deep principle at stake which is the right to some simple, human measure of privacy. I realize there are some who don’t share my view on that. But for me, the virtue of privacy is one that must be protected in matters that are intimate and within one’s own family. Personal sins should not require press releases and problems within a family shouldn’t have to mean public confessions.
Whatever regrets I have about letting my family down have been shared with and felt by us alone. I have given this a lot of reflection and thought and I believe that there is a point at which I must stick to that principle even though it’s difficult.
I will strive to be a better person and the husband and father that my family deserves. For all of those who have supported me over the years, I offer my profound apology.
Those are some pretty colorful words Tiger Woods is using. I wish there was one man who would just man up and come out straight. For example:
Well, fuck it. I’ve fucked some skanks to see what other pussy feels like from the inside. Have not each men done the same. What’s so special about me. If any other cocktail waitress comes my way, I’ll fuck her too. What’s the big deal bitches?
Tiger Woods Photo by Glyn Kirk, Getty Images
No matter how hard you try, you can’t be any more of a loser than this groom in the video. He’s standing before the minister, he pulls out his cell phone to update his status on Facebook and Twitter. His wife to be in a few second – Tracy was handed a cell phone too to help updating cause when loser marry, you wanna make sure both are on the same page. Complete fail at life.
Now that the alleged affair between golf star Tiger Woods and some random gold-digger Rachel Uchitel has gone public and took off like there’s no tomorrow, more and more gold-diggers are coming out of the woodwork claiming that Tiger Woods also had an affair with them. Is this some gold-diggers society they are all proud members of? Cause it sure seems like they wait patiently until chief gold digger gives a sign and then they all come out and start claiming they had Tiger Wood’s penis in their mouth. Gross. Rachel Uchitel was followed by Jaimee Grubbs who swears she’s got over 300 text messages from Tiger Woods she would be sent during her affair with the golf pro. And now the Tiger Woods affair scene was also entered by gold digger Kalika Moquin who maintains that she was sucking on Tiger Wood’s penis as recently as in October of 2009. Photo of Kalika Moquin from Life & Style magazine is included above.
Oddly enough, Kalika Moquin is NOT a cocktail bar waitress from Los Angeles of Las Vegas. Kalika Moquin allegedly works as a marketing manager for Las Vegas nightclub called The Bank. So Las Vegas is there, but no cocktail waitress as job title. That’s freaking odd. The oddballs who come out of nowhere to gain their five minutes of fame typically work as coctail waitresses (shoutout to Jaimee Grubbs), but this one breaks the golden rule. FIRED!
Elin Nordegren disapproves. She’s gonna own those bitches with a golf club. I wonder if this alleged Tiger Woods affair with Kalika Moquin is just a publicity stunt on behalf of The Bank night club. Being in Las Vegas, they are surely struggling with decreased revenue just as any other Vegas venue and this could put The Bank in the spotlight. And if Kalika Moquin truly is a marketing manager for the club, then she’s an effin good one cause the club could not have asked for any more publicity than this. Just pick a random celebrity that’s being currently slammed with affair allegation and throw your own in the pile. Collect media attention and revenue that it delivers and move on with your life when someone else’s secret affairs hit the news. Kalika Moquin is an effin genius marketer. But can she lift a ball with her vagina?
