Beer Steak Bullshit

Weight loss has become an unexpected hot topic now with all those new breakthroughs that we the innocent obese people with no lives have to listen to. As if magical African Mango Extract was not enough, now we have a celebrity publically displaying significant weight loss. Valerie Bertinelli is best known for being Barbara Cooper Royer, the daughter of Bonnie Franklin in One Day at a Time TV series. 48 year old Valerie Bertinelli, who’s always been overweight posed for the cover of People Magazine and damn… she’s no overweight woman no more. She’s a sexy looking, lean cougar. What happened? What’s the Valerie Bertinelli Weight Loss Secret?

The career of Valerie Bertinelli took off when she was a young girl. It started with being Barbara Cooper and continued with being becoming a wife of Eddie Van Halen, who was at the time the biggest rock star ever. Wild lifestyle with bad drinking and eating habits put some pounds on her. Fast forward few decade later – Valerie Bertinelli sees herself as overweight and self conscious because of it. She joins the Jenny Craig weight loss program, sheds 20 pounds and writes the book about her weight loss success titled “Losing It: And Gaining My Life Back One Pound at a Time.”

Now there is no secret – if you were hoping to find a get-slim-fast formula here, I will let you down. Get-slim-fast schemes are the same as get-rich-fast schemes. Only the person who sells the schemes benefits. Others never see results and all they got was monetary loss (as you have to spend money to join the scheme). If I were you, I’d say – eff it! Don’t buy no book, don’t join no program. Yes, Valerie Bertinelli lost some nice weight, but hell – don’t think the same is gonna happen to you if you buy her book or join her program (or a program she’s associated with). It all screams all forms of weird at me. There are too many names and items that cost money attached to the Valerie Bertinelli weight loss secret. Surely she did something right and did lose a lot of weight, but I find it ridiculous how everybody jumped on a bandwagon and is looking to monetize on it. This part I don’t like.

Forget about Valerie Bertinelli weight loss secret. Listen to Mark’s weight loss secret – quit eating fast food junk, you fat bastard. Buy as much organic as you can. 100% organic is the preference, but there aren’t many such out there. You got to get rid of addiction that preservative in conventional foods keep you stuck at. Get yourself a pedal bike and ride to work, instead of driving your ugly, penis-enhancing truck. It helps the environment anyway. And then when you stop being an ugly fat bastard, you can write your own book and you monetize on it. Don’t be a tool and make someone else rich by buying the dream they are selling. The dream is a dream is a dream. There are no magic formulas. But there are wise lifestyle choices. They will need help, but you can find it in health food and organic produce stores. See you when you’re lean. And don’t forget to eat lots of organic mango from Africa. I’m sure that stuff has some beneficial, weight loss promoting properties. You’ll feel much better about it than by following some questionable Valerie Bertinelli weight loss secret.

Let’s get real – you laugh at me for being a fat bastard, but your gt is just as fat as mine. You’re a fattie, you just don’t admit it. Luckily, there’s hope for us fat losers – African Mango Extract is the latest in magical fix-all-your-fat-problems discoveries. According to latest study (got to love those studies), extract from West African Mango can not only help you lose your nasty fat gut, it can allegedly also lower your cholesterol. Now I know you care not about cholesterol, as that’s not gonna get you laid, but shedding that fat gut you’re carrying around… uhhhhh, imagine the hotties that will start rubbing your butt.

To be fair, though – all of you ladies with cropped images on MySpace, let’s not pretend you’re all hotties. You’re just as fat as that guy I was talking to. You need African mango extract more than everyone else cause you’re all fat. You’re fat and ugly and you hook up with everyone but me. But there’s help – African mango extract will make you lean and pretty and when I drop my 600 pounds, you’ll be flattered I wink at you.

African Mango

African Mango, also known as Irvingia Gabonensis grows profusely in West Africa. Extract from seeds of this fruit inhibits fat production – according to lab tests from the University of Yaounde in Cameroon (published by Lipids in Health and Disease journal). Through positive effect on metabolism regulating genes and enzymes, African mango extract sheds those pounds while you sleep. The study was conducted on several fat individuals who were told not to change their diet or exercising habits, but were provided the pills they were expected to take. Some pills were African mango extracts, others were placebo sugar pills. Fat gut individuals who were taking African mango extracts magically turned from ugly fat bastards into sexy lean studs and hotties. Well, not quite so, but there was an average of 28 pounds lost among those taking African mango extracts where as those taking placebo experienced no change and remained as fat as they were before. Fat bastards who took African mango extract also showed dropped sugar and LDL cholesterol levels.

So here – African mango extract aka Irvingia Gabonensis is your ultimate weight loss solution. No more fat gut, take some mango, and become slim.

No joke, this photo is old, small and weird, but it’s the only photo of David Letterman and his first wife and a high school sweetheart Michelle Cook. David Letterman first met Michelle Cook at the Ball State University and it was love at first sight. The two got married on July 2, 1968 – David Letterman was 21 year old and Michelle Cook just turned 22 on the day of their wedding. Since David Letterman keeps his personal life at low profile, everybody wants to know what the scoop with Michelle Cook was, since he’s now married to Regina Lasko, so let’s take a look at his previous marriage to his college sweetheart:

As it turns out, David Letterman married Michelle Cook in secret. His parents did not find out about it until four weeks later, when Michelle Cook came to see them after her already husband somewhat disappeared on her. Obviously, David had some explaining to do and even though he was drunk when beans got spilled, he confessed that he didn’t think the marriage through, but they got married because they loved each other, not because Michelle Cook was pregnant and neither of them was forced into marriage.

Michelle Cook was a music major, while David Letterman got his own degree in telecommunications. Shortly after the marriage, David went to work as weatherman in Indianapolis. The marriage to his college sweetheart lasted till 1977 when the two divorced. Michelle Cook is now 62 year old and I have no idea where she is or what she does. There are basically no verifiable photos other than the picture posted above (still working on tracking some down). Check out the video of David Letterman with Borat below – hilarious stuff.

After beautiful 23 years together, Regina Lasko married David Letterman. What a beautiful thing to say, especially since marriages among celebrities are such a conveyor belt thing. Considering that Regina Lasko has been with David Letterman for 23 years and they’re still going strong at it, one can easily say that this marriage is built on solid base.

Now, we know how rare pictures of Regina Lasko are. Unlike common Hollywood gold diggers who get a chance to hook up with a celebrity, Regina Lasko does not spend her time off promenading herself in front of the paparazzi to get her dose of self conceit. Exact opposite is true. Regina Lasko is very reserved and values her privacy. David Letterman is just the same – he’s a public figure with a high profile TV talk show, but when he’s off TV, he likes to keep to himself and his… now wife Regina Lasko. Very rare vise among rich and famous.

Regina Lasko married David Letterman at the Teton County Courthouse in Choteau, Montana courthouse last Thursday. Did you know where Montana is? It’s a US state – I swear. It’s right south of Alberta in Canada, where I live. Montana is perhaps the most low profile of all US states. Nothing big ever happens in Montana. When was the last time you’ve heard the news from that state? I mean, aside from Regina Lasko and David Letterman marriage. Yeah, as I thought. I’m not surprised the Lettermans chose Montana as the state where to get married.

David Letterman casually dropped the news of his marriage to his girlfriend of 23 years with whom he has a 5 year old son Harry during taping of his CBS Late Show today. The show has not gone live yet, but ET is already leaking the news. Yep, Regina Lasko and David Letterman are now married.

And as I have mentioned at the beginning, photos of Regina Lasko are rare, but we still have one for you to share. It’s not a wedding photo, those will probably never leak, but it’s still a cute picture of a (now married) couple in love. Happy married life to you, Regina Lasko and David Letterman.

Alaska volcano eruption is here as expected. And not just one, according to reports from The Alaska Volcano Observatory, Mount Redoubt has erupted several time already and the activity is ongoing. What started with rumblings deep within the gorge has now turned into separate explosions as Alaska’s Mount Redoubt Volcano erupted overnight.

Remember when Beer Steak industries international reported of seismic activity at said Mt. Redoubt, near Alaska’s largest city Anchorage? Of course you don’t, but I’ll refresh you memory – just head over to Alaska Volcano Mount Redoubt Erupting Any Minute.

Mount Redoubt is located in Lake Clark National Park, 100 miles from Anchorage. It stands 10,197 foot tall and has been shaking angrily since early 2009. Come near midnight (Alaska time), Sunday March 22, The Alaska Volcano Observatory has elevated the aviation color code to RED (meaning Eruption is either imminent or underway with significant emission of volcanic ash into the atmosphere) and issued an ashfall advisory to the residents of Susitna Valley, Cantwell, Willow and Talkeetna. According to geophysicists from the Alaska Volcano Observatory, there have been a minimum of five eruptions by early Monday morning.

The first Alaska volcano eruption sent ash up to 9 miles in the air, but luckily for Anchorage residents, the ash appears to be heading north – aka in the opposite direction from Anchorage. Many Alaska Airlines flights to and from Anchorage have been cancelled.

Check out the video of Alaska volcano eruption in an interesting time lapse below:

Marcus Jordan, son of arguably the most famous basketball player of all time – Michael Jordan is slowly pacing his way to the reign that previously belonged to his father. Marcus Jordan plays basketball as part of Chicago Whitney Young team. Last night, when Chicago Whitney Young played against Waukegan basketball team in the Illinois Class 4A championship, Marcus Jordan scored a game-high 19 points, contributing to a 69-66 victory.

Michael Jordan attended his son’s championship game even though it meant that he did not go to the Charlotte Bobcats game, where he’s a part time owner. BTW, Charlotte Bobcats lots their game to Indiana. But it didn’t matter, Michael Jordan was there when his son Marcus Jordan scored a game high and lead his team to victory. The reports say that Michael Jordan cried as he clapped his hands. It must surely have been a powerful moment for a big NHL star to see his son doing well in the same sport.

Michael Jordan has another son who also plays basketball. His name is Jeff Jordan, he plays for the University of Illinois. Congrats to Marcus Jordan for his team’s big win.

I never watch So You Think You Can Dance as it always ends up being really effing gay. However, I stumbled across this audition performance of Robert Muraine aka Mr. Fantastic and I was blown away. Guy has mad skill. He’s extremely flexible and even though this type of dancing style does nothing for me, I appreciate sick skills.

The only thing that this video is missing is less of the judges. They spoiled entire performance. Why did cameras point at their mugs anyway? And what’s that loud mouthed bitch in the middle called anyway? She needs to shut the fuck up. Damn she’s obnoxious. She screams at you even if she whispers. Anyway, Robert Muraine kicked ass at So You Think You Can Dance and it’s really worth checking out this video. I think it dates back to 2008 – yeah, I’m this up to date

Collisions of navy vessels are the tits. Multimillion dollar monsters equipped with technology we the regular folk don’t even know exists run into each other in vast open waters – got to love that. The collision of two U.S. Navy vessels USS New Orleans and USS Hartford which occured earlier today in the Strait of Hormuz was at least not as bad as collision of Nuclear Subs of British and French Armies in the Atlantic, cause these guys had an entire Atlantic ocean for themselves and managed to collide. Strait of Hormuz isn’t as vast, but still. The collisions involving nuclear powered submarines are getting off the hand. How long till one gets in a collision strong enough to detonate nuclear warheads it carries?

USS Hartford

USS Hartford (SSN 768) is a nuclear powered submarine of the US Navy.

USS New Orleans

USS New Orleans (LPD 18) is an amphibious ship.

Both USS Hartford and USS New Orleans were going in the same direction in the Strait of Hormuz when a submarine crashed into the ship. Since subs are stronger built, USS Hartford suffered no damage to the nuclear propulsion system. USS New Orleans however suffered a ruptured fuel tank resulting in 25,000 gallons of diesel fuel being spilled in the waters of the Strait of Hormuz. 15 crew members from USS Hartford reportedly suffered minor injuries and were returned to duty after check up by the physician.

Strait of Hormuz

Strait of Hormuz is a narrow waterway between Iran and Arabian Peninsula. It’s one of the most trafficked bodies of water when it comes to commercial tankers carrying oil. With fuel spillage, US Navy basically spilled oil right in the frontyard of Iran. What that means is hard to tell at the moment.

Unless you’re super slow, I’m assuming that by now you understand that Barack Obama is the biggest joke of a president ever. He’s ridiculous, incompetent and just plain moronic. Furthermore – he’s the most incompetent speaker to ever walk this Earth. His worthless public speaking abilities prompted his own teleprompter to start its own blog and blog about his worthless user – President Barack Obama.

When Barack Obama’s Teleprompter goes out, the dude is lost. He has no idea what to talk about. He’s entirely dependent on his team of well paid linguists who work behind the scenes and tell him what to say. He either gets these messages on the teleprompter, or through miniature wireless receiver he has in his ear in case he speaks in a large hall where he can’t use a teleprompter. And what happens when there is a malfunction on any such device and he’s left on his own to speak without his well paid linguists tailoring sentences for him? Well, just check out the video below for the fail he performed when a teleprompter died on him mid town hall event in Bristol, VA. He circles around, looks at other teleprompters and they’re all out. Completely lost, this clueless idiot blabbers some incoherent bullshit that would make baby Jesus cry. And this person now has access to the big red button. Good job, America.

Anyway – needless to say, Barack Obama Teleprompter has had enough of the abuse and started bitching on the internet. Here’s the link to Barack Obama Teleprompter Blog, here’s where the teleprompter, without which Barack Obama is lost talks about his worthless user: http://baracksteleprompter.blogspot.com/

Charles Manson is a hot piece. At 74 and after almost 40 years in prison, he’s still looking content, confident and at ease. New prison photo of Charles Manson, one of America’s most notorious mass murderers has been released by Californian correction officials. The photo had Charles Manson with his iconic swastika on the forehead.

August of 2009 will mark 40th anniversary of the Manson Family killings. It’s funny how the release of Charles Manson’s updated prison photo was scheduled just months prior to such anniversary. Maybe it’s just a random happenstance.

Check out the interview with Charles Manson if you haven’t seen it yet to get a picture of how bad ass Charles Manson. Obviously, at 74 he’s probably much calmer. He’s gray and balding, but he’s still famous Charles Manson.

To refresh your memory, Charles Manson and his four followers: Susan Atkins, Charles “Tex” Watson, Patricia Krenwinkel and Leslie Van Houten were convicted of several charges, including murder. Over two nights in August 1969, Manson Family members killed eight people. First they carried out the infamous Sharon Tate Murder, which left the pregnant actress dead in her house in Benedict Canyon. Her unborn baby was ripped from the womb. The following night Manson Family got together to murder Leno LaBianca and his wife Rosemary in Los Feliz.