Beer Steak Bullshit

How dirty is your mind? Mine is very dirty and so is yours. Don’t try to pretend it isn’t. Check out the video with “dirty drawings” which are not so dirty, just your dirty mind makes them so. Excellent artist, excellent drawings and drity, dirty minds.

It looks as though the artist is Brazilian. The music is Brazilian which makes me assume the artist would be too. Why otherwise would you put a soundtrack with weird foreign language on your video? Excellent skill. Just watch the video and be blown away. That is of course you haevn’t seen it yet. I remember seeing it a long time ago. It’s an oldie, but one of the best vids out there. Worth reminding us how dirty our minds are.

The Twilight Series craze does not ease up. The cast took a little break after an insane success of first installment of The Twilight Saga and now they’re back hard at work on the sequel – New Moon. And your authority blog on all things Hollywood is here to present to you first New Moon set pictures which just leaked. Check them out!

From the pictures it appears as though the New Moon set was one big smoking area, though. Every member of the New Moon cast is smoking a cigarette, except from I am so excited to see these first pictures from the New Moon set. What freaks me out though is that everyone seems to have a smoke in their hands except for Taylor Lautner and Jackson Rathbone.

The production on New Moon started on the set in Vancouver. Kristen Stewart was not seen anywhere near Robert Pattinson – which most likely doesn’t mean anything, I’m just saying. Taylor Lautner kind of bulked up, at least seems to me as though he did and the wig looks sick on him. Kellan Lutz, Jackson Rathbone, Ashley Greene and Nikki Reed also showed up and appear on those just leaked pictures from the set of New Moon.

First New Moon Set Pictures in the Gallery Below:

Well, I guess I shouldn’t be judgmental. We all age, but as a beauty queen myself I must address shining good looks that Pamela Anderson with no make-up radiates in this photo. Maybe she was just having a bad hair day – hangover and a menstruation knocked on the door as soon as she woke up. It’s Friday the 13th afterall (pic was not taken today, though).

Without make-up or not, I have never found Pamela Anderson attractive. But then again, fake boobs give me chlamydia by just looking at them. And to be honest – Pamela Anderson is over 40 year old, if I remember correctly. I know 20 year olds that don’t look any better without make-up. Some chicks simply don’t cut it. But who would have thought that fake boobed Baywatch stars age. I thought they were invincible, like Chuck Norris.

CNN was full of this Diver vs. Tiger Shark Video today claming that Craig Clasen, one of the divers fought and killed 12 foot long tiger shark who attacked his friend diver. Following up on this mind-blowing story, I went to examine what was supposed to be the most bad ass video I’ve ever seen, only to see that CNN were once again full of baby poop.

Yes, it’s an overinflated story. It’s actually not even a story, just a no-adventure of a bunch of nobodies who over inflated it to get on TV. There was clearly no fight. Craig Clasen did not fight any shark. He was fighting half dead animal. I mean let’s be serious for one minute. A 12 foot long tiger shark vs. diver and diver wins killing a shark? Give me a break. Let me tell you what is not on the video and why it is not on the video. My theory is more likely what the real story went down as:

Bunch of blood thirsty animal killers armed with harpoons went to kill themselves a big fish to have something to brag about. You know – that’s one way to impress your boyfriend and get laid. Armed with harpoons, they dived in the ocean and waited around. Then a tiger shark showed up out of nowhere and may have got pretty close to one of the divers, but nothing happened. Shark did not bite diver’s penis off, he can still pleasure his boyfriend. Harpoon shots were fired at the shark, delivering lethal damage, but it did not kill him instantly. Bleeding profusely, tiger shark sort of floated around in agony knowing he was wounded so badly he could no longer fight back or swim away. That’s when Craig Clasen climbed on paralyzed animal and finished him off, which is what we see in the video.

Fighting the shark my ass. Craig Clasen – if you were actually fighting the tiger shark who was not hit several times with harpoon arrows, you would get pulled out of the ocean looking something like THIS or at least THIS. I mean seriously – there is a reason no actual “fight” as you claim was recorded on the video. Everything else was, just no sign of a fight. Are you really expecting me to believe you killed a 12 foot tiger shark? Yeah right…

Craig Clasen in Diver vs. Tiger Shark Video is below. Take a look and tell me if he’s not bullshitting us all. Just as additional info – the video was shot last June off the coast of New Orleans in the Gulf of Mexico.

I’m filing this under “Celebrities” even though Crystal McCahill really isn’t one. At least not yet, unless we count her appearance on The Girls Next Door. This could quickly change as Crystal McCahill is scheduled to appears in May issue of Playboy Magazine (Playboy still exists? You mean it’s 2009 and people would still pay for photos of overphotoshoped women with undeveloped labia and fake tits?) as Playboy’s Miss May 2009. But before the centerfold, Crystal McCahill unvolunterily introduces a different kind of photos of herself – mugshots. She was caught driving under influence on January 7, 2009 and must appear before a Cook County judge on March 19. Hmmm, who would have thought Playboy bunnies could drive. Perhaps DUI is how they do that…

Crystal McCahill was arrested for DUI after she drove through red light in Chicago. 25 year old future Playboy Miss told the police she only had three shots at Climax, a nightclub where she works (why does it not surprise me that aspiring Playboy model would start her career working at a nightclub?). The police smelled strong reek of alcohol coming from her mouth and her eyes were blood shot. Crystal McCahill blew a load from her lungs into an alcohol detector which shower her alcohol levels were twice the legal limit. Busted. Nice mugshot photo, BTW Miss Crystal McCahill.

Muntazer al-Zaidi (also known as Muntadar al-Zeidi) was sentenced to three years in jail for throwing shoes at George Bush. Muntazer al-Zaidi became a worldwide recognized superstar after his heroic deed as a Bush Shoe Thrower. He failed to hit George Bush in the head, he missed with ech of two shoes he threw, that’s probably why he got three years in jail. The blasphemy.

30 year old Muntazer al-Zaidi had pleaded guilty to assaulting George Bush at the Iraq Central Criminal Court on December 14, 2008. After the sentence was read, Muntazer al-Zaidi shouted: “Long live Iraq!” According to lawyer, the Baghdad judge showed leniency because of al-Zaidi’s age and no previous convictions. He was facing up to 15 years in prison. I think judge was under pressure from the US and delivered the three year in jail sentence to please American special interest groups that support George Bush. I mean comon – three years for throwing a shoe? Let’s get real. Iraq or not, judge was either bribed or forced to deliver a sentence.

It still changes nothing on the fact that Muntazer al-Zaidi stole 2008 for himself. He was the hero of the year. Hope he pulls through the following three years. Even though it’s likely a death sentence. He will be tortured and then murdered and never seen again.

Shoe-Humping Turtle will make your day. He made mine. I never realized turtles can hump faster than they can walk, but that’s understandable. I masturbate faster than I walk too. Only I don’t masturbate into a shoe… unless I have a visit cause humping your own shoes is just gross.

Shoe-Humping Turtle, star in this hilarious video is one horny boy and what is he supposed to do. So he climbs up on a loose shoe and starts humping it. His penis is erect hard and long, but he’s too far from any holes. How do turtles hump anyway? Female turtle would still have the armor on her, how would get to her vagina? Seriously, being a turtle sucks, you even fuck with armor on and a chick you fuck is also wearing an armor. Where’s fun in that.

On the other hand, being a turtle doesn’t suck that bad. Just look at the size of this bad boys penis. Seen that thing? His penis is 1/3 of his body size. Imagine if fatty like me had a penis 1/3 of my size. That thing would be 50 feet… around!

I also never realize turtles make these cute noises when they hump. It reminds me of JAV (Japanese Adult Videos) stars – they also make those cute noises when they get humped. I wander what noises girl turtles make when they take it in doggy style. Hmmm…

Enough talk. Enjoy the video starring Shoe-Humping Turtle. That boy is the shit. The only thing I don’t like are people in the background laughing at him Have they never been so horny they’d fuck a shoe? Comon!

American Idol continued with another episode of awesomeness and ever so awesome Ryan Seacrest brought back a former idol – Kelly Clarkson. Kelly shows up on stage looking… well – fat. That immediately sparked speculations that Kelly Clarkson could be pregnant. She’s not pregnant, folks. She’s just plain fat. Besides, she told it to the microphone that she’s not dating anyone anyway. You’d think that is someone knocked her up, she’d be all over news telling everyone about it.

Kelly Clarkson performed her painful hit “My Life Would Suck Without You”. I could not listen to that song all the way through. How can she be a platinum selling artist with this type of music? People pay for this? I’m really not sure if it’s Kelly Clarkson to blame for writing painful music, or people for buying it. Just plain awful. But then again – we’re talking about former American Idol.

Check out the video above. I don’t know who’s gayer – Ryan Seacrest or Kelly Clarkson, but her music is definitely painful. And no, she’s not pregnant, she’s just fat.

The owner of MMA clothing line TapouT Charles Lewis Jr. aka The Mask was found dead in his ultra-rare $300,000 Ferrari Modena after crashing into a light pole at high speed, slicing the Ferarri in half. The police believe that Charles Lewis was racing another driver on a Porsche, lost control over his Ferrari, slid off the roadway, hit the curb and plowed full speed into a light pole killing himself instantly. Female passenger who was in a car with him was ejected and is in a hospital in serious condition.

Fatal crash occured on Jamboree Road, at Newport Beach in Orange County, California. A Costa Mesa man believed to have been racing Charles Lewis on a Porsche has been arrested by the police later that morning. His bail was raised from original one million dollars to $2 Million. Police also believe alcohol may have been a factor in the car crash.

The police spotted speeding white 1977 Porsche 911 Targa and a red 2004 Ferrari 360 Modena driving southbound at almost 200 mph on Jamboree Road at 1am. By the time they caught up with the vehicles, red Ferrari driven by Charles Lewis Jr. was wrapped around a light pole with owner of TapouT dead inside. Skid marks on the road indicated that he hit the light pole at a very high speed – police investigation on the matter is on going. 51 year old Jeffrey Kirby, driver of white Porsche had abandoned the scene but the police caught him and his female passenger 32-year-old Lynn Nabozny of Newport Beach on Bison Avenue, not far from the car crash accident.

Jeffrey Kirby is in police custody on suspicion of vehicular manslaughter while intoxicated. Lynn Nabozny was released at 7:45 a.m. after sobering up. The police say Kirby’s white Porsche had scratches on its side consistent with scratches on red Ferrari suggesting that Jeffrey Kirby may have purposefully clipped Charles Lewis Jr. to win the race. Investigation is ongoing.

There goes the life of one of MMA icons. Charles Lewis Jr. aka The Mask, owner of TapouT is dead. His expensive Ferrari has been ripped in half with halves being 30 feet away from each other. RIP Charles Lewis Jr.

I scarcely ever watch American Idol, but Lisa Lampenelli makes me want to get into it again. That chick’s the tits. Jay Leno had Simon Cowell as guest on his show and added Lisa Lampenelli to the mix later on, who totally stole the show. The woman’s insane, just the way I like it. She basically did not shut her yap and kept spewing funniest shite I’ve seen in a long time.

I particularly liked at the beginning when she took a breath and unleashed her ode to hot piece Simon Cowell. Quoting Lisa Lampenelli:

“Why do people watch American Idol? Simon Cowell! Am I right folks? Please! Who are they going to watch? Randy Jackson? Please… that fat bastard. He looks like the chef from South Park. And that Paula Abdul… OMG – everybody’s good, everybody’s good. Bitch, pick the three guys you wanna bang this season, tell the rest they stink.”

How can you not like that woman. She’s hilarious and very witty. Added great amount of energy to otherwise mundane Jay Leno show. Video worth watching, check it out.