Beer Steak Bullshit

Trophy wives are basically successful gold diggers. Though being a baseball player isn’t particularly a win so in case of Texas Rangers pitcher Kris Benson it’s hard to tell who’s actually scored. Anna Benson was voted the hottest baseball wife of 2009. Heidi DeRosa, who won the hottest baseball wife of 2008 and is the wife of St. Louis Cardinals infielder Mark DeRosa finished 4th, proceeded by Karen Burnett, wife of New York Yankees pitcher A.J. Burnett and Lisa Dergan, wife of Chicago White Sox outfielder Scott Podsednik.

Anna Benson has posed her naughty bits for several men’s magazines, including FHM (pic below), Playboy and Maxim but enough talk, let’s move on to gallery of pics with what baseball players like Kris Benson come home to after a game:

This is way too hilarious. Some funny Jew and an Obama Ass Kisser in one (tragic combination) was pouring his guts out on camera talking some mindless shit about how soldiers are taken care of in Israel and how they get top notch health care when Pamela Pilger shouted “Heil Hitler” out loud off camera. Jew Obama Worshipper got all pissy and yelled “Shame of you” at Pamela Pilger. Funniest scene I’ve seen since Breathalyzer Test Fail Video.

“You telling me, to a Jew, Heil Hitler? Shame of you!” That guy needs a role in a movie. He makes for a good drama queen. Otherwise makes no damn sense whatsoever. But funny as queef during anal sex. Video is below (shame of you):

Look at the face of a douche. Jasmine Fiore was found dead in a dumpster, stuffed inside a suitcase (must have been quite a job to fit those silicones in there) and Ryan Alexander Jenkins is a “person of interest”. Whether he’s a murderer we don’t know yet, but looking at the picture I can answer one thing for sure – yes, he’s a douche. You got to be a douchebag if you wear stupid pubestache like that.

Aside from being a potential murderer, garbage bin depositor and suitcase stuffer of Jasmine Fiore, Ryan Alexander Jenkins is also a reality TV contestant. That’s right, Ryan Alexander Jenkins got his douche ass on VH1’s Megan Wants A Millionaire. That means that he’s a millionaire, right? Well, he better be, cause if convicted of murder of Jasmine Fiore, he’s gonna need some change to buy Hubba’s favor which is the only way to get fucked with lube. Otherwise he’s gonna have to take Hubba’s dick up his dry ass.

I can hear you asking – aside from being a douche and a reality TV contestant, what else is this Ryan Alexander Jenkins? Well sadly – he’s a Canadian. And not only that. He’s Alberta, right from Calgary. If I looked outside the window, I might see him there. Why do people from my province have to be such amateur murderers? I thought after Jasmine Fiore’s dead body was discovered, that it’s gonna be one of those mindblowing criminal cases similar to Black Dahlia in which the murderer has never been found. That would immortalize Jasmine Fiore but now that there is a suspect basically right after her body was discovered, she’s got no chance of becoming as famous as Elizabeth Short. I’m sorry Jasmine Fiore, I tried finding something worthy of remembering about you, but Buena Park police spoiled it all. Skilled chaps, these are, I tell ya.

The police say that Jasmine Fiore was strangled to death. If Ryan Alexander Jenkins is in fact her murderer – I can’t help but wonder what would prompt a 32 year old real estate developer/investment banker (whatever title you give it, at the end of the day it equals “millionaire”) to kill young woman. Seemingly he had everything he wished for – a pubestache, an appearance on VH1, a bank account full of green stuff… why killing a blonde? WHat was missing in his life that he would wrap his douche hands around her neck and squeeze tight? This will be an interesting case to follow. Ryan Alexander Jenkins is probably somewhere in Venezuela or Thailand by now.

EDIT: latest news has it that Ryan Alexander Jenkins and Jasmine Fiore were married. TMZ was allegedly contacted by lawyers of Ryan Alexander Jenkins who said that their client will co-operate with the authorities. See? I told you he was a douche. Who else would marry Playboy representative with fake boobs? RIP Jasmine Fiore

This awful looking blond in the picture is Jasmine Fiore. 28 year old Jasmine Fiore is a bikini model and Playboy representative. Why am I not surprised that when I see a fake blonde with atrocious fake boobs and beastly make-up with chola eyebrows, it’s somehow associated with Playboy. Hugh Hefner has the worst taste in women and he imposes it on unsavvy men through his outdated magazine. Hef needs to realize that there’s only one creature worthy of coveted title “model” – Squirrel the Magnificent. Nobody can pose those moobs like he can, nevermind the best impersonation of Nosferatu since Max Schreck.

However, despite her horrendous looks, I’m not gonna focus on that too much as poor Jasmine Fiore may be going through some hardship. Lisa Lepore, mother of Jasmine Fiore reported to the police that her daughter was last seen on Friday, August 14, 2009 and has not been heard from since.

Jasmine Fiore, whose name was Jasmine Kinkaid until her recent move to Los Angeles, moved to California from Las Vegas to start a personal training business there. She lived in the 800 block of Edinburgh Avenue, close to Melrose Avenue and according to her mom, she was not planning to go anywhere. And then bam – missing. Lisa Lepore says it’s not typical of her daughter to vanish without saying where she’s going so she’s rightfully freaked out.

If you see said Jasmine Fiore, don’t freak out. Collect yourself and contact LAPD about her whereabouts. I know she may scare the living poop out of you, but she’s just a harmless blonde with nasty tits is all.

This Squirrel Vacation Picture is real – no photoshop there. The squirrel totally stole the scene for himself – no shame whatsoever. Melissa Brandts and her husband wanted to take a picture of themselves in the rugged wilderness of the beautiful Lake Minnewanka in the Banff National Park which is part of the Canadian Rockies, they put the camera on the rock, posed themselves up in front of it, pulled a happy smile when out of the effin blue a squirrel popped right in front of the camera and stole the shot. Total hotness in his eyes. The squirrel has natural modeling talent, he should be cast by Elite and pose for pictures in Tokyo, Milan and Paris. Send scouts to the Canadian Rockies. We have squirrels there that are naturally photogenic and are not afraid of cameras.

The squirrel vacation picture was submitted by Mrs. Melissa Brandts to the American National Geographics where it gains all kinds of applause. Canadian Squirrels for the win!

Google is watching you in more ways than one. It is no secret that Google is the biggest repository of people’s online behaviors. If you have used Google but once on your computer, a cookie has been nested in it that tracks everything you do on line and every track of it is stored in Google databases. It gets far worse if you use Google toolbar and further worsens if you agreed for Google History to store your own data for yourself to see. But Google is watching you in more ways than by just tracking your activities on line.

As satellite technology improves, Google Maps views of our planes from space get more detailed. Then you have Google Street View with pictures taken by cameras mounted on cars and trikes riding the streets of popular cities. Google claims that it respects people’s privacy and their software automatically blurs people’s faces and license plate numbers. While the idea of being able to see what streets you may wish to visit look like, there is also an idea of one of those Google tricycles may capture your precious ass in an awkward moment and pictures of it will be all over Google. Imagine you get captured walking with toilet paper stuck to your shoe or vomiting after a good night out. Blurring my face my ass. Google is watching you and while there is a lot of convenience to being able to look up stuff, the inconvenience of being stripped of any and all privacy negates the purpose.

Oh, that cookie that Google embeds in your computer never quits and if you increase your computer’s security settings so it rejects cookies, all Google services quit functioning. You will get an error message appealing on your to enable cookies or else Google won’t provide any of their services. They want something in return for their “services”. They want to know everything about you. And given that Google are good buddies with CIA, this whole “Google is Watching You” phenomenon should make everyone feel uneasy. And rightly so.

Michael Vick went on 60 minutes to make his first public address since release from jail. CBS provided full length video of the charade so I actually went and watched it. Needless to say, Michael Vick came out will all the polished words you can imagine. It was nice to listen to him turning from a bad guy who tortures animals into a nice guy who wouldn’t hurt a fly. Some mighty words you pulled off there on 60 Minutes, Michael Vick, let’s see if you can stand by them in the years to come.

James Brown interviewed Michael Vick and i found him a really good interviewer. He’s a man at the right spot. He asked the very important question whether words that Michael Vick spoke during the interview were words of his PR team or words of Michael Vick. The response was that it was Mike Vick speaking. He sounded convincing, but I’m having hard time swallowing all this high profile talk. He said exactly what would be the right thing to say – that he’s remorseful for organizing dog fights, that he realizes what he did was wrong, that he re-thought his life and became a different person after serving time in jail, that he hopes the public and NFL give him a second chance, blah blah.

Perhaps the most powerful PR move on behalf of Michael Vick and his team was to bring Wayne Pacelle, the president of the US Humane Society along and work by his side to remedy his past actions. 60 Minutes also got exclusive footage of Michael Vick talking to some kids and appealing to them to love their animals whatever it is they have. So from now on we will only see brand new Michael Vick. The animal abuser is the past, the role model is the future. At least that’s what Michael Vick would like everyone to believe. His PR team trained him well for this 60 Minutes interview. Watch the full length video above.

The baddest search engine on the internet – Bing, just got badder. Formerly known as Virtual Earth, Bing Maps offers an awesome Birds Eye View feature which allows you to see some areas of the planet from the air, but under an angle, which offers pretty clear perspective of said area. This unsurpassed feature just got better on August 4, 2009 after folks from Microsoft Corporation added 41TB worth of aerial and birds eye photography to Bing Maps. That means there will be many more places covered at higher resolution and many more offered from birds eye perspective.

Bing Maps has a really cool demo site located at http://bingmapsupdates.cloudapp.net/ which has a really cool slideshow that will take you on a virtual tour throughout the planet. It’s a fascinating ride and I recommend everyone checking that link out. It also shows new places that Bing Maps added to their depository and has icons to indicate whether the area has aerial view or whether it also has birds eye view. Check it out, it’s really cool. Make sure you roll your mouse over Map Options and click Play Slideshow. They just sit back and indulge in your personal “around the world in a few minutes” tour.

I have been watching is whole morning and can’t seem to get enough of it. The slideshow obviously focuses primarily on newly covered areas of Bing Maps (to show what those 41TB of data were collected from) but you will see many interesting places of the world. According to Bing Community bulletin post, new satellite imagery covers extra 189,000 square kilometers of the planet and includes more than 12,000 square kilometers of new Bird’s Eye Photography. During my first few minutes of enjoying the virtual tour I have been to Taiwan, Henderson Island, Luanda, Angola, Diego Garcia and Cardamum Amihi, Maldives, Leuven, Belgium, Goteborg and Malmo, Sweden, Denali, Alaska, Huahine and Moorea, French Polynesia, Kanggye and Gumi, South Korea, Tolyatti, Russia, Wellsford, New Zealand, Pasuruan and Chatrapur, India, Pavia and Crotone, Italy, Avila, Spain, Sydney and Fredericton, Canada, San Blas, Mexico, Brazzaville, Congo, Dakar, Senegal, Bourail, New Caledonia, Munich and Stuttgart, Germany, Tubukiniberu and Ijaki, Kiribati, Xinxiang, China, Leiden and Rotterdam, The Netherlands, Graz, Austria, Upolu Samoa, Jyvaskyla, Finland, etc etc. Sweet ride. Bing Maps rules.

As foot fetishist I droll each time I see a nice pair of feet but at the same time it grosses me out beyond belief when I see a set of nasty feet. On my path through life I’ve seen gross feet like you wouldn’t believe. Feet tend to get nastier the further west you get (must a gene that deforms feet and is prevalent in the western world). But I’ve never before seen feet that would be as gross as those of Shawn Southwick-King, the trophy wife of world’s most popular zombie – Larry King. Putting nasty feet aside – you can tell Shawn Southwick-King is with Larry out of pure love. She’s so full of love for Larry, cupids come dancing around her feet. What? That you can’t see any cupids? Of course you can’t. They saw her nasty feet and ran away to vomit and rinse their eyes with bleach. The showcase of pure love nevertheless.

When a gold digger sucks on saggy skin of a big bag of money that’s one foot in the grave, the bond of love is evident. But with all this easy cash rolling into her bank account, Shawn Southwick-King could at least fix her nasty feet. Fuck! It’s offensive. There should be the law to prohibit women with nasty feet like that to wear open toe shoes. If you have six toe feet you should be required by law to wear padded rubber boots and report every day to the law enforcements on your whereabouts so decent people can avoid encounters with you. Nobody wants to get grossed out by your feet. Keep them off sight for crying out loud. And elect Shawn Southwick-King the queen of nasty feet. She’s already got “King” in her name for sucking Larry into saying “I Do!” shit. Set her on a throne of lave and allow her feet to dissolve in the molten rock so no one ever has to suffer the sight of her gross flaps. Damn that’s nasty!

The gallery with pics of Larry King and his trophy wife Shawn Southwick-King, the queen of nasty feet is below. Have a barf bag at the ready:

When I grow up, I’m gonna buy myself a brand new Bugatti Grand Sport but not in effin white. I could never understand why anyone would spend $70k for a nice set of wheels and choose one in white. What kind of idiocy is that? But when it comes to cars like 2009 (or 2010) Bugatti Veyron 16.4 Grand Sport, a car that costs $2.2 million – if anyone’s gonna spend this type of money on a sweet ass pussy magnet like Bugatti Grand Sport and gets it in white, that’s where comprehension hits solid wall. White is nasty. Leave white cars to the police and ambulance. Pick up something decent. Like pink or poop orange – anything’s better than white for crying out loud.

Bugatti Grand Sport sports 8.0 litre, 16 cylinder engine that boasts the impressive 1,001 horsepower. It’s an all wheel drive with 7 speed transmission and engine boosted by 4 turbo chargers. The Grand Sport version of Bugatti Veyron comes with a transparent and removable top so you can get some air in your hair while you’re flooring those 1,001 horses under its hood. To put tires on Bugatti Grand Sport, one would have to shell out $30k, but that’s an easy one if you can shell out $2.2 million to buy it in the first place. There’s obviously a good reason why there are only 150 of these Bugatti Grand Sports made. I’m getting one. It looks like a sweet second ride. Mercedes SLR McLaren still remains my primary vehicle. Hey, a boy can dream, right?