Beer Steak Bullshit

Russian model Anne Vyalitsyna is the latest ho to score prestigious Beer Steak award for being a successful gold digger of the week. Anne Vyalitsyna scored herself a date with Leonardo DiCaprio and her ratings immediately sky rocketed. While she previously posed in bikini for Sports Illustrated, the name of Anne Vyalitsyna means very little to most people and look what happened overnight – now she’s talked about across the blogosphere. If a chance to dig some gold comes, grab at it, sit on it and don’t let it pull out. Make sure sperm stays in your vagina. That’s the key to successful gold digging. It’s like moving it up to second base.

Leonardo di Caprio has recently broken up with another bikini model – Bar Refaeli. Having her replaced with Anne Vyalitsyna shows lack of imagination on behalf of Leonardo DiCaprio but hey… she’s Russian. Maybe she gives hell of a good head. Leonardo DiCaprio and Anne Vyalitsyna have been spending time together on Spanish island of Ibiza but Leo’s rep would not confirm that the two are an item. Yet. I’m not too fond of Anne Vyalitsyna. If you look up SI bikini photos, there are some sideboob pics there that make her boobs look sagged the same way Lindsay Lohan has.

Looks like despite financial troubles and rumors that once popular men’s magazine will shut its production, Playboy still employs world’s finest photoshop artists. That’s not to say that Heidi Montag looks spectacular on the cover of Playboy, but guy has got to give those retoucher props on doing an amazing job. I’m assuming her puppy Spencer Pratt was around to help apply the mud on her skin. I mean, chicks like Heidi Montag don’t get touched by mere mortals. It takes a douche the ranks of Spencer Pratt to get Heidi Montag all dirtied up and then put clean, white bikini on top of that shite.

The Heidi Montag Playboy Cover Pic was revealed by none other but Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt themselves at the premiere of G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra in Los Angeles. Funny thing is, Heidi Montag told Access Hollywood that she worked out hard to get the body worthy of playboy cover. LMFAO – this bullshit will work on just about anyone but me. Stupid ho think I don’t understand the magics of Photoshop and how skilled Playboy retouchers are with it? Dude, get your blond hair straight… if ever pre doctored pictures leak, I will be the first to point my finger and laugh out loud.

Congrats to Heidi Montag. Playboy with her on the cover comes out right on her birthday – August 14.

Legendary rockers Aerosmith played a gig at Sturgis Motorcycle Rally in South Dakota last night and somehow the sound system went poof during “Love In an Elevator” so Steven Tyler decided to improvise on stage to keep the audience entertained while techs are busting their asses to make their failed PA work. And as he was entertaining the masses with his ass shaking, Steven Tyler fell off stage. And what happens when a public person falls? Internet responds laughing their effin asses off. By now the blogosphere floats in all forms of Steven Tyler jokes and all I can say is: watch the Steven Tyler Falls Off Stage Video and pay close attention at around 21 second mark, cause you “Don’t Wanna Miss a Thing.” Hahaha, lame, I know.

For 61 years of age, Steven Tyler still knows how to thrust his crotch forward and dance around the pole. A little tumble off the stage won’t set him off. He’ll be back to bone some more screaming chicks in no time. The Steven Tyler Falls Off Stage Video is below:

Vanessa Naked, I mean Vanessa Hudgens self shot pictures of her naked again – or so it seems. I was expecting new Vanessa Hudgens scandal sometimes soon and here it comes. When spotlight starts to dwindle, you bring it back on by creating a little scandal and give than Vanessa Hudgens has never had more attention than after her naked pictures leaked on the net the first time, she probably felt inspired, grabbed her camera and went through the thrill of self shooting herself naked again.

I do not yet know for sure whether this naked hot piece is in fact Vanessa Hudgens, but she sure looks like her. We’ll haev to wait for confirmation, but this time around we at least don’t need to worry about these pics possibly depicting her while she was underage. I don’t see any bush though, but these are still her perky, nipple lacking titties. Sorry about the censorship, this is a work safe blog (except from my big yap). You can see all New Self Shot Vanessa Hudgens Naked Scandal Pictures HERE. What do you think? Is this really Vanessa Hudgens or not?

American journalists Laura Ling and Euna Lee were released from jail in North Korea after months of detention and everybody is freaking out. I don’t understand what the big deal is – it’s North Korea we’re talking about. If they were put in jail by Americans, then there would be a reason for concern as Americans are known for sending prisoners to countries in Middle East and Africa to torture them. North Koreans are civilized compared to Americans. And don’t even get me started on the “nuclear weapons” bullshit. There is only one country with history of (ab)use of nuclear weapons and that’s not North Korea. To assume that a peaceful nation such as North Korea would abuse nuclear weapons is absurd. If there is a nation to fear, it’s the USA. They are the only ones with history of use of nuclear weapons as they are the ones with history of oppression and military aggression against other countries for no reason. The people of North Korea are fine. They have even released Laura Ling and Euna Lee from jail after Bill Clinton asked them nicely. Would Americans do something like that? Forget it, just look at Cuban 5. Americans keep people illegally in jails and enjoy doing it.

So retired US president Bill Clinton went over to North Korea to speak with Kim Jong-il who gracefully granted Laura Ling and Euna Lee amnesty. The entourage boarded the private Boeing jet owned by Steve Bing – Hollywood producer and friend of Bill Clinton. Laura Ling and Euna Lee were facing 12 years of work in a hard labor camp for illegal entry and engagement in hostile acts. There’s nothing to discuss here – Laura Ling and Euna Lee broke laws of a sovereign country and were arrested. They deserved the punishment to the fullest extent but merciful North Korean government led by Kim Jong-il granted them amnesty. Now these “freed journalists” are looked upon as heroes. They are effin criminals. They should have been punished to the full extent of North Korean law. You don’t go to Saudi Arabia to film porn, because it’s illegal there. You can film porn in California, but not in Saudi Arabia. If you do it in Saudi land, you could get arrested and sent to prison. You would be a criminal for breaking laws of the country you have entered. It is the same with Laura Ling and Euna Lee – criminals dressed up as journalists. And they got away with it. Now they can resume their abuse freely. Such wonderful world we live in.

Yet another Cameron Douglas arrest. 30 year old stepson of actor Michael Douglas got busted in an undercover Crystal Meth sting operation at the Gansevoort Hotel in New York. Cameron Douglas was allegedly trying to take $18,000 worth of crystal meth from New York to Los Angeles (or the other way around?) with intentions to sell it there.

The DEA task force arrested Cameron Douglas in a room at the Gansevoort Hotel where he’s lived for a while. The room was paid for by Michael Douglas. What a dad, he’d even pay for his stepson’s long term stay in a hotel. Are there no available apartments to rent in New York anymore?

Cameron Douglas is no newb to jail. He was arrested twice before, this is his charming third time. Each of his three arrests were drug related. Dude knows how to party it out through life. All he needs to do is to play a drug addict. He’ll be sent to a rehab instead of a choker and the life will be back to normal once more. Afterall, they still want some meth in LA, right?

Or maybe Michael Douglas could cut him from his sponsorship pay check and let him live on his own. Dude gets paid for his hotel room by his step dad – he has no financial worries cause dad sorts it all out for himself. Let Cameron Douglas hit the rock bottom and wake up to reality.

Check out the lyrics for the song The Warning by Eminem in whcih he responds to the song Obsession by Mariah Carey. Here’s the video for Eminem The Warning

Eminem The Warning Lyrics

Only reason I dissed you in the first place is because you denied seeing me
Now I’m pissed off
Sit back homey relax, in fact grab a six pack, kick back while I kick facts,
Yeah Dre’s sick track, perfect way to get back
Wanna hear something wick wack?
I got the same exact tat that’s on Nick’s back
I’m obsessed now
Oh gee, is that supposed to be me in the video with the goatee
Wow Mariah, I didn’t expect you to go balls out
Bitch, shut the fuck up before I put all them phone calls out you made to my house when you was wild n out before Nick
When you was on my dick and give you somethin to smile about
How many times you fly to my house? Still trying to count
Better shut your lying mouth if you don’t want Nick finding out
You probably think cuz it’s been so long if i had something on you I woulda did it by now
On the contrary, Mary Poppins, I’m mixing our studio session down and sending it to mastering to make it loud
Enough dirt on you to murder you
This is what the fuck I do
Mariah, it ever occur to you that I still have pictures?
However you prefer to do and goes for you too, Nick, faggot
You think I’m scared of you?
You gonna ruin my career you better get one
Like I’ma sit and fight with you over some slut bitch cunt who made me put up with her psycho ass over 6 months and only spread her legs to let me hit once
Yeah, what you gonna say? I’m lucky? Tell the public that I was so ugly that you fucking had to be drunk to fuck me?
Second base? What the fuck you tell Nick, punk?
In the second week we was dry humping. It’s gotta count for something.
Listen, girly. Surely you don’t want me to talk about how I nutted early cos ejaculated prematurely and bus all over your belly, and you almost started hurling and said I was gross, go get a towel you’re stomachs curling. Or maybe you do.
But if I’m embarrassing me, I’m embarrassing you and don’t you dare say it isn’t true.
As long as the song’s getting airplay I’m dissing you.
I’m a hair away from getting carried away and getting sued.
I was gonna stop at 16. This is 32. This is 34 bars. We ain’t even a third of the way through.
Damn, Slim. Mariah played you. Mariah who?
Oh did I say ”whore”, Nick? I meant a liar too.
Like I’ve been goin off on you all this time for no reason.
Girl you out ya alcholic mind. Check ya wine cellar. Look at all the amounts of wine.
Like I fuckin’ sit around and think about you all the time.
I just think this is funny when I pounce you on a rhyme.
But fuck it now i’m about to draw the line.
And for you to cross it that’s a mountain that I doubt you wanna climb.
I can describe areas of your house that you wouldn’t find on an episode of Cribs
A blubba load ribs if I hear another word so don’t go opening your jibs cos every time you do it’s just another load of fibs
I ain’t saying this shit again, ho. You know what it is.
It’s a warning shot for before I blow up ya whole spot
Call my bluff and I’ll release every fucking thing I got
Including the voicemails right before you flipped your top
When me and Luis were tryin’ to stick two CD’s in the same spot
(Slim Shady I love you)
I love you too
Let me whisper sweet nothings into your ear, boo. Now what you say?
(It’s nothing)
Guess what I’ll do?
I’ll refresh your memory when you said ”I want you”
Now should I keep going or should we call truce?
(You think you’re cute, right? Hahaha)
You bet your sweet ass I do
(I’m Mary Poppins, b)
And I’m Superman, mmm
(Mary P. Slim Shady)
Comin’ at you
So if you’ll still be my (babygirl)
Then I’ll still be your (Superhero, Wilma M.)
Yeah, I’m right here
(You like this)
Nope. Not anymore, Dear.
It cuts like a (knife) when I tell ya get a (life)
But I’m movin on with mine
Nick, is that your (wife)
Well tell her to shut her mouth then I’ll leave her alone
If she don’t (sing this script?) then I’ma just keep goin
(I see Mary Ann. Mary Ann’s saying ”cut the tape, cut the tape”. Knife!)

Eminem released a rap song titled The Warning in which he disses Mariah Carey like there’s no tomorrow. The Warning is Eminem’s response to Mariah Carey’s song Obsession (if you don’t remember that song anymore, don’t worry, hardly any song from Mariah Carey is worth remembering). When Obsession was released, Mariah Carey was asked whether it was about Eminem but she said it wasn’t. Turns out she was telling lies and Eminem responded with class. The Warning holds nothing back. The rap goes right under the skin and crawls in there like parasite. Awesome work on that one, Eminem. Great lyrics. No official video, but play the YouTube video above as it has the audio for the song, which is all you need.

Not that anyone cares, but the most intriguing part of The Warning’s lyrics is when he says that he pictures of questionable nature. Who would want to see Mariah Carey naked? Chirp… chirp… chirp… Well, ahhhh!

Mariah Carey is likely going to respond to this after she’d collected the poop from her underwear, but she won’t do it in style. Eminem will destroy her again. She can’t stand up to Eminem’s ability to write really powerful lyrics. He totally slayed Mariah Carey and her current clit licker Nick Cannon. Actually I wouldn’t be surprised if we have never heard of Mariah Carey again. She’s gonna depart on a deserted island and pray every day so no one discovers where she hides. Nice work on The Warning, Eminem. Got to love when a capable dude completely destroys a stupid ho.

There are all sorts of FAIL in this story. Kevin Provencher, a seasoned sports reported for the New Hampshire Union Leader must have thought writing news reports on sports was not financially rewarding enough so he found himself a new gig – a prostitution ring. 50 year old Kevin Provencher would recruit women with inviting vaginas and pimp them out on Craigslist. It doesn’t matter what sort of a slump an economy takes, prostitution will always pay off. Nowadays, even ugly skanks like Ashley Alexandra Dupre can score themselves $5000/hour clients like Governor Eliot Spitzer. You can even take it international and have a Governor fly over to Argentina to get a blowjob. And Kevin Provencher realized all that, set up his own prostitution ring and used high trafficked classified site Craigslist to advertise his whores.

According to prosecutor Michelle Defeo, Kevin Provencher had five hookers working for his prostitution ring ran from a hotel in Andover, Massachusetts. Michelle Defeo believes that Union Leader reporter’s prostitution ring may also have operated in Canada. To cover his ass, Kevin Provencher would tell the clients scouted through Craigslist that they would be boinking his girlfriend or wife. Ya know, pulling a dedicated husband trick.

Kevin Provencher did it right, though. He fucked each whore first, before he would recruit them. That’s my type of man. If you’re going to exploit some ho, use her first. This way you’re getting the best of both world – you get to fuck a ho and make money off of her. Doesn’t get any better than that.

Kevin Provencher was running whole operation. He would set hookers rates, run background checks on clients and schedule the place where the exchange of bodily fluids would take place. Obviously, somewhere in the process a background check didn’t work out and he got his ass ratted out.

Management of New Hampshire Union Leader suspended Kevin Provencher who had worked for them for more than 25 years in their Manchester location. He has two teenage kids. I’d hate to be one of them. But you never know these days. Being known among your peers for having a dad who fucked and exploited hookers can actually get you laid. I’m in the wrong business, I swear.

Madonna needs to take a break from those roids and an obsession to work out for more muscles. Those biceps look nothing like what you would want to see on a female. And i don’t even want to imagine what her vagina and clitoris looks like. If they are as veiny and muscular as her biceps then holy eff.

Me thinks Madonna is going through some midlife crisis and the fact that she’s 50 year old and no longer that twenty something hot lay is getting onto her. So she obsesses herself with gym workouts and strict diet which result in crap you see in these photos. But then again, the more people focus on her biceps and other muscles, the less they focus on her skeletal face which hasn’t been much to sing praises of lately. I mean we all age and she needs to go with it. She can’t be a teen forever. Not even her millions can buy her that. Sure it can buy loads of human growth hormone injections which take off few decades of life and add muscles, but damn…

On a positive note, Madonna could pose as model for remake of Mars Attacks. Aliens taking form of Madonna’s muscles would look pretty darn freakish. I’d totally rent that movie.

More photos of Madonna and her biceps muscles of doom in the gallery below:

Photos by Flynet, Matrix