Beer Steak Bullshit

Golfing sensation Tiger Woods has a son. Charlie Axel Woods was born on February 8, 2009 and both Tiger Woods and his gorgeous wife Elin Nordegren are delighted. Charlie Axel Woods is Tiger’s first son and a second baby, his daughter Sam Alexis Woods is now 19 months old.

The news of Tiger Woods and Elin Nordegren expecting second baby has been around for a while and here he is. I’m sure we’ll have first pictures of Charlie Axel Woods soon. If he inherited golf skills of his father, then unsurpassed reign of The Woods as best golfers of all time will continue for another generation.

Tiger Woods is arguably the best golf player of all time and I doubt anyone could suggest otherwise. He met his wife Elin Nordegren in 2001. Elin was a Swedish model at the time and got introduced to Tiger Woods by his buddy, Swedish golfer Jesper Parnevik for whom Elin Nordegren worked as an au pair (yeah, that’s European for baby sitter). Tiger and Elin immediately clicked, got married had first child and now there’s Charlie Axel Woods – another baby and a son of the best golfer. What a happy family.

This truly is no joke. This video compilation of female drivers and their capabilities while behind the steering wheel of an automobile sets the record straight. Female drivers plain and simple suck. Women belong in the kitchen and not behind the wheel. Ban female drivers. It should be illegal for anyone with a vagina to drive. People get arrested if they pose threat to public, how come females are still allowed to drive? When are we going to learn our lesson? Damn!

King of all speech impeding morans Christian Bale apologized for his fuck filled tirade against Director of Photography on the movie set for Terminator, Salvation – Shane Hurlbut. Kevin & Bean from radio show on L.A.’s KROQ caught up with Christian Bale over the phone and gave the moran a chance to apologize and explain himself. Of course Christian Bale clarified that they are best of buddies with DP Shane Hurlbut and continue tossing each other’s salads like they always have. BTW – as I was writing title for this post, I managed to misspell Christian Bale’s name. I was basically done with the post when I noticed that two of the letters at the end swapped order turning the moran into who he actually is – a fucking cry baby girl Christina Bale!

During the phone apology Christian Bale told Kevin & Bean (BTW, do all LA radio DJs suck gay cock or just these morans do, cause they are the most pathetic hosts I’ve ever heard) that his cock took over his head and as a result verbal fuck filled diarrhea came out. He was supposed to ejaculate man cum during scheduled masturbation break, but he had a permature ejaculation – through his speech impediment screwed set of mouth. Actually, he said he felt embarrassed for ejaculated fuck filled diarrhea on the set and asked everybody to ask themselves to see if they had a bad day and spewed fuck tirade just the way he did. He kind of got me when he encouraged everyone to mock his moranic ass as he deserves it. Well, here you go Christian Bale, you still fucking suck, you moran!

Full audio from an over the phone talk with Christian Bale conducted by absolutely pathetic Kevin & Bean from KROQ is below.

Christian Bale mugshot pic by WENN

Sheyla Hershey had 8 plastic surgeries to get her boobs up to 34 FFF size. Obviously, that gallon of silicon she had stuffed in her bust started invading her brain cavities and fill up the space where brain should be. Because laws of her home state of Texas limit amount of silicon dumb skanks can put in their boobs for health reasons, she could not legally enlarge her tits any more there. So what does a dumb skank do? She packs up her silicone brain and goes to Brazil, where they don’t give a shit how much silicon you have in your brain. They’d stuff you up with some more. The result? Sheyla Hershey is now sporting size 38 KKK Boobs. I don’t even want to know what her head size is now.

To date, Sheyla Hershey had 18 surgeries, including nose jobs, lip jobs, fat ass job and of course – boob fucking job. Her 38 KKK Boobs got her a spot in Brazilian Guinness Book of World Records – something to be proud off. She should have got that spot for being the dumbest woman on Earth. She seriously needs to get back on the short bus.

I’m sure it’s an meant to be coincidence that her 38 KKK Boobs have that KKK in it. I mean – boobs that size should be considered armed and dangerous and a threat to the public. If that silicone explodes in presence of a black child and pokes it in the eye, Sheyla Hershey is gonna get charged with racially motivated attack. I’m still curious, though – how the fuck did Sheyla Hershey get from Houston to Brazil? She can’t take a plane. Her tits would detonate at 500 feet altitude.

Sheyla Hershey’s 38 KKK Boobs Pic from her official website SheylaHershey.net

Legendary guitarist (BTW, who decides which guitarist becomes “legendary”) Eddie Van Halen is taking his relationship with Janie Liszewski seriously. Eddie Van Halen and Janie Liszewski got engaged in October last year and by now they already have a wedding day set up. The plans are for this Summer, likely in June but I don’t know exact date yet. Janie Liszewski has been Eddie’s publicist, a girlfriend and a manager of Van Halen for a while.

In a recent interview with The Rolling Stones, Eddie Van Halen revealed his intentions to record first Van Halen’s album with David Lee Roth in 25 years and first Van Halen album in general in over a decade. It’s surprising, but despite their grandpa type of age, Van Halen still kicks it and makes crap loads of money playing music. Damn…

With all that commotion happening around him, Eddie Van Halen also introduced a new guitar to the world of six strings – The Fender Wolfgang Guitar. Eddie has a son whom he named Wolfgang now plays base guitar with Van Halen. Wolfgang is also a name of Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart – arguably the best music composer of all time. The Fender Wolfgang Guitar, as one of Eddie Van Halen collection guitar has been available for sale since mid January 2009. The Fender Wolfgang Guitar comes in three colors – tobacco burst (pictures above), vintage white and black and costs around $3000. You can find out more about it on EVH Gear Site

Video of Eddie Van Halen introducing and playing The Fender Wolfgang Guitar with Guitar World Magazine is below:

Below is a complete reproduction of a hilarious complaint letter sent to Richard Branson, owner of Virgin Group, from a customer who has flown with Virgin Atlantic Airways from Mumbai, India to Heathrow in London, UK. This is one funny complaint letter, the dude (who is not named) really took time to express himself and does so with lots of passion and dedication. Enjoy:

Dear Mr. Branson

REF: Mumbai to Heathrow 7th December 2008

I love the Virgin brand, I really do which is why I continue to use it despite a series of unfortunate incidents over the last few years. This latest incident takes the biscuit.

Ironically, by the end of the flight I would have gladly paid over a thousand rupees for a single biscuit following the culinary journey of hell I was subjected to at the hands of your corporation.

Look at this Richard. Just look at it:

I imagine the same questions are racing through your brilliant mind as were racing through mine on that fateful day. What is this? Why have I been given it? What have I done to deserve this? And, which one is the starter, which one is the desert?

You don’t get to a position like yours Richard with anything less than a generous sprinkling of observational power so I KNOW you will have spotted the tomato next to the two yellow shafts of sponge on the left. Yes, it’s next to the sponge shaft without the green paste. That’s got to be the clue hasn’t it. No sane person would serve a desert with a tomato would they. Well answer me this Richard, what sort of animal would serve a desert with peas in:

I know it looks like a baaji but it’s in custard Richard, custard. It must be the pudding. Well you’ll be fascinated to hear that it wasn’t custard. It was a sour gel with a clear oil on top. It’s only redeeming feature was that it managed to be so alien to my palette that it took away the taste of the curry emanating from our miscellaneous central cuboids of beige matter. Perhaps the meal on the left might be the desert after all.

Anyway, this is all irrelevant at the moment. I was raised strictly but neatly by my parents and if they knew I had started desert before the main course, a sponge shaft would be the least of my worries. So let’s peel back the tin-foil on the main dish and see what’s on offer.

I’ll try and explain how this felt. Imagine being a twelve year old boy Richard. Now imagine it’s Christmas morning and you’re sat there with your final present to open. It’s a big one, and you know what it is. It’s that Goodmans stereo you picked out the catalogue and wrote to Santa about.

Only you open the present and it’s not in there. It’s your hamster Richard. It’s your hamster in the box and it’s not breathing. That’s how I felt when I peeled back the foil and saw this:

Now I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking it’s more of that Baaji custard. I admit I thought the same too, but no. It’s mustard Richard. MUSTARD. More mustard than any man could consume in a month. On the left we have a piece of broccoli and some peppers in a brown glue-like oil and on the right the chef had prepared some mashed potato. The potato masher had obviously broken and so it was decided the next best thing would be to pass the potatoes through the digestive tract of a bird.

Once it was regurgitated it was clearly then blended and mixed with a bit of mustard. Everybody likes a bit of mustard Richard.

By now I was actually starting to feel a little hypoglycemic. I needed a sugar hit. Luckily there was a small cookie provided. It had caught my eye earlier due to its baffling presentation:

It appears to be in an evidence bag from the scene of a crime. A CRIME AGAINST BLOODY COOKING. Either that or some sort of back-street underground cookie, purchased off a gun-toting maniac high on his own supply of yeast. You certainly wouldn’t want to be caught carrying one of these through customs. Imagine biting into a piece of brass Richard. That would be softer on the teeth than the specimen above.

I was exhausted. All I wanted to do was relax but obviously I had to sit with that mess in front of me for half an hour. I swear the sponge shafts moved at one point.

Once cleared, I decided to relax with a bit of your world-famous onboard entertainment. I switched it on:

I apologise for the quality of the photo, it’s just it was incredibly hard to capture Boris Johnson’s face through the flickering white lines running up and down the screen. Perhaps it would be better on another channel:

Is that Ray Liotta? A question I found myself asking over and over again throughout the grueling half-hour I attempted to watch the film like this. After that I switched off. I’d had enough. I was the hungriest I’d been in my adult life and I had a splitting headache from squinting at a crackling screen.

My only option was to simply stare at the seat in front and wait for either food, or sleep. Neither came for an incredibly long time. But when it did it surpassed my wildest expectations:

Yes! It’s another crime-scene cookie. Only this time you dunk it in the white stuff.

Richard…. What is that white stuff? It looked like it was going to be yoghurt. It finally dawned on me what it was after staring at it. It was a mixture between the Baaji custard and the Mustard sauce. It reminded me of my first week at university. I had overheard that you could make a drink by mixing vodka and refreshers. I lied to my new friends and told them I’d done it loads of times. When I attempted to make the drink in a big bowl it formed a cheese Richard, a cheese. That cheese looked a lot like your baaji-mustard.

So that was that Richard. I didn’t eat a bloody thing. My only question is: How can you live like this? I can’t imagine what dinner round your house is like, it must be like something out of a nature documentary.

As I said at the start I love your brand, I really do. It’s just a shame such a simple thing could bring it crashing to its knees and begging for sustenance.

Yours Sincererly

xxxxx

According to confirmation British Telegraph got from Paul Charles, Virgin’s Director of Corporate Communications, Richard Branson did call disgruntled customer and apologized saying that he was sorry the guy didn’t enjoy their award winning food which is served and is popular on their flights to and from India.

Miley Cyrus Racist Scandal turned the web upside down and Asian Pacific American group (OCA) is not impressed. In her racist tirade, Miley Cyrus slanted her eyes which is believed by Asian Pacific American to be a mockery of Asians.

In a picture leaked on the net, Miley Cyrus is seen with a group of gay friends slanting her eyes, which is a common impression of an person of Asian descent. Miley’s gay boyfriend Justin Gaston is present too, but he’s not slanting his eyes, he’s lavishing that vibrating anal plug he’s got on full up his ass.

An Asian American is present in the picture, he’s not pulling no slant-eyed stunt, but then again – how would that work out? It’s like telling a fat person to blow up his cheecks to make himself look fat. It’s stupid, cause he looks fat to begin with.

But anyway. Not impressed with Miley Cyrus going racial, Asian Pacific American issued following statement to TMZ:

“The photograph of Miley Cyrus and other individuals slanting their eyes currently circulating the Internet is offensive to the Asian Pacific American community and sets a terrible example for her many young fans. This image falls within a long and unfortunate history of people mocking and denigrating individuals of Asian descent. Not only has Miley Cyrus and the other individuals in the photograph encouraged and legitimized the taunting and mocking of people of Asian descent, she has also insulted her many Asian Pacific American fans. The inclusion of an Asian Pacific American individual in the photo does not make it acceptable.”

Christian Bale needs to shut the fuck up already. Not so because of his 4 minutes long fuck infested verbal diarrhea itchy fag ass tirade he unleashed upon Shane Hurlbut, the Director of Photography while filming Terminator Salvation, but because of his irritating speech impediment that feels like I’m getting poked the eye with a screwdriver. Can someone explain this dumb fuck that he doesn’t belong on silver screen and should take talking classes first?

And by the way – did you think Terminator could not get any worse than it already was? The how about having an actor with speech impediment promenading his stupid ass across your screen as you’re watching that shit? FAIL quadrupled. Christian Bale contributed in great deal to complete failure of The Dark Knight and now he’s contributing to complete failure of Terminator 4. Christian Bale tirade of profanity is something I’d expect from a complete moran.

Apparently what proceeded the tirade, was Shane Hurlbut who was adjusting the lights as Christian Bale was unleashing his annoying speech impediment on cameras and it ticked him off. Moran flipped and spewed shit out of his ass. Threats against Shane Hurlbut were included – just as if director of photography really needed to get his ass kicked. He was already suffering enough having to listen to moron’s speech impediment and inferior acting. I’m glad the tirade was recorded (thanks, audio tech) so every film crew can get an idea what law life, this untalented, speech impeded moran is. Hope he never gets hired again in his entire life. And I’m saying that so I can go enjoy movies like Terminator Salvation without having to listen to his moronic mouth as it moves to speech impediment busted talk.

During his 4 minute long tirade of speech impediment, Christian Bale dropped 36 f-bombs. Congrats to you, Moran! Audio of Christian Bale Tirade is in a video below:

Ken Hutcherson – former football star turned reverent has been one of the loudest speakers against gays and lesbians. His health has not been serving him quite well for a few years and many a speculation surfaced as to what is boggling his body temple. Prayers Warriors website was repeatedly showing notes from him asking the believers to pray for his health. Latest message seems to suggest that Ken Hutcherson may be suffering from cancer:

Friday, 23 January 2009

Next Monday I will be having a follow up medical appointment and blood test. Once the results are in, I will find out when I will be starting chemotherapy. Please pray that the Lord provides a miracle and I won’t need chemo! Thank you!

Pastor Hutch

Gay and lesbian people have heavy heart on Reverend Ken Hutcherson becuase of his unceasing anti gay activism. While I deem myself rather gay friendly (as long as you’re not a guy looking to stick your dick in my ass) but Ken Hutcherson’s extremism doesn’t offend me. Perhaps if I was gay myself, I’d look at it differently, however one thing is for sure – no matter the hating, I would not wish cancer upon anyone. Nor would I cheer if my proverbial enemy revealed that he suffered from one. Hopefully we won’t see gay parades in honor of Ken Hutcherson’s cancer as a way to celebrate silencing of one of biggest anti gay activists. Cancer is terrible.

I hope Ken Hutcherson pulls through and I’m not even fan of the guy. I wish all cancer patients strenght and hopefully they can win the battle. Keep it up

I like it when producers of Public Service Announcements or any anti something campaigns don’t mess up and make their work bloody and gory to get the point across. This anti breast enhancement video is just like that – it’s bloody graphic to show what plastic surgery is all about.

I know hoards of prudes will complain about it – they always do. Too graphic, too much blood, not safe for kids, blah blah. World needs to realize that life out there is not exactly pretty. There’s shit on the street, shit in the malls, shit in kids noses, shot in your step mom’s vagina. Just because you refuse to admit it, it doesn’t mean it’s not there.

And yea – breast enhancements are gross. They are far uglier than all blood in this video. When I grow up, I’m gonna make a zombie anti breast enhancement video. Wait till you see blood in that shit!