Beer Steak Bullshit

Dear Jesus, what pathetic joke this is. I mean it. Scarlett Johansson should be banned from singing for eternity. This is the first time I’ve heard her sing and I don’t recall last time I’ve heard anyone suck so bad as a singer. She should stick with acting and forever forget about singing.

Falling Down is Scarlett’s latest music video and I don’t know what the producers and co musicians were singing. If you can play an instrument, you obviously understand music samewhat. They must have suffered during rehearsals and recording, but just squeezed their tight assholes and put up with it, because it’s the infamous Scarlett Johansson that’s singing. And as it goes with ass kissers, they’re just following her around and nobody has the guts to tell her that she can’t sing worth shit. OMG though.

It’s only good she still looks half decent, cause she sucks donkies as a singer.

US Presidential candidate John McCain was on Ellen DeGeneres‘ show and Ellen was asking him questions about gay marriages. As you may know, Ellen is a lesbian who’s been in a long term gay relationship with her girlfriend Portia de Rossi. The show will air today, but was prerecorded yesterday.

You can tell John McCain is a well rounded chap who can talk on any topic, even if he disagrees with the interviewer in a peaceful, calm voice. I seriously admire this guy. I’m not an American and will not be participating in US elections 2008, but I can’t imagine either of the monkeys (Barack Obama or Hillary Clinton) being this sophisticated and mature about the topic they disagree with. Frankly, I don’t have a favorite candidate, but John McCain at least has some charisma. Which saved the video anyway, cause Ellen DeGeneres is a complete fucktard.

The host obviously had some very pokey lines handy (she can thank ceassation of writer’s strike for that) but John McCain always responded with such awesomeness it was fascinating. Not even that stupid dumbass could surprise him. Watch the video below to see what they were talking about and how lame Ellen is. And whoever you root for, go and vote for him/her.

This bitch is useless. Tila Tequila joined forces with rapper Hot Rod (had ties with 50 Cent and G Unit) to produce the crappiest song you have ever heard. There should be capital punishment for everyone who produces piece of shit music like this. I’m ashamed to be part of the same human race that creates this type of awful music. Damn, somebody put a stop to that crap already!

So of course since your music sucks, the trick is to deploy some form of offensive lyrics to the mix in order to get attention, cause that’s all you have if you otherwise totally suck. So Hot Rod invited that whore Tila Tequila and equally useless B. Dozier to rap bullshit into the crappy tune. They gave it a name - “I Like To Fuck”.

While B. Dozier raps about nothing, Tila Tequila sings “I Like To Fuck and Suck Cock until I Hurl and Want To Fuck Everybody in the World“. Sweetie, nobody wants to fuck with you. As a matter of fact, I’d hurl on your gross fake boobs for they are so disgusting they induce vomiting on sight. Get a clue, stupid bitch. You’re as useless as Ashlee Simpson’s microphone.

Hot Rod featuring Tila Tequila and B. Dozier in I Like To Fuck video below. Make sure you have your vomit bags at the ready. It’s seriously crappy.

Is today an international douchebag day? It must be, cause a couple of international douchbags got married to everybody’s surprise. Jessica Alba gave up and married her long time boyfriend Cash Warren today. I seriously don’t find Jessica Alba interesting in any way, shape or form… especially now that she’s pregnant and looking all super gross, but OK. If you’re gonna get married in a spur of a moment, I’m all for the mayhem.

It started with this useless ho Jessica Alba dumping her boyfriend of a very long time - Cash Warren. Shortly after the news of the ho being pregnant hit the waves and she’s been carrying that fetus in her uterus all by her onsey and eventually gave up to grief and mind torture, grabbed Cash Warren by his left nut, dragged him to the Beverly Hills City Hall and said - I fucking DO! There was nobody there but the douche pair themselves. Oh the awesomeness.

I don’t know. Jessica Alba has never been hot and now that she’s knocked up and married, she’s just joined the long line of average MILFs. Nothing special, I’d still finger her brown eye. Not the pussy anymore. Someone sprayed his semen in there and knocked her up. that;s just fucking gross, man.

How does she do it? Sharon Stone is 50 year old yet still ass beautiful as ever. Just plain incredibly gorgeous. I’m short for words. There are younger actresses out there but most can’t touch Sharon Stone. There something so sexy about her.

Sharon Stone was born of March 10, 1958 which means she just celebrated her 50th birthday. And look at how gorgeous she is. The picture is from Cannes film festival and I have yet to see another woman who would outshine Sharon in beauty. Hair is absolutely fantastic and the dress is complementing her very well too. Well done Sharon, 50 year old yet still up there with hotness.

Looks like Phoebe Price was having a good time at Cannes. She was seen everywhere and made good use of her time spent.

Phoebe attended several premieres, including new Indiana Jones and Panda Kung Fu. And you know she gave paparazzi the peace sign over and over while emitting her giant beaming smile with those signature cheek bones.

And who the fuck is Phoebe Price you ask? That’s a good question, cause I myself have no clue, but her pictures fill up the magazines and blogs all over the world yet nobody has a G*d damn clue who exactly she is.

It looks like she had some fairly miserable acting career going, having appeared in some B movies but not much. Red hair, freckles, big smile and super ability to force her ass on every celebrity portal in existance. How does she do it?

Russian youth gets props for the best prank in the history of pranks. Little buggers built a remote controlled flying penis that looked like a helicopter only it was a real rubber dildo you can stick up your ass and wired it up with electronics until it could fly. Then the buggers attended the press conference with former chess champion Garry Kasparov and launched a flying penis air strike at Garry during his monumental speech.

Garry Kasparov is known to be a big critic of Kremlin aka current Russian government and it is believed the flying penis attack was conducted by pro Kremlin young Russians. Ever so present Security personnel took the flying penis down with a single swoosh of his mighty hand. He was probably getting an itch in his rectal opening and wanted a little rubber to massage his prostate and then flying penis came into view. Seeing sexy times ahead, he reached for the penis and gave it a wank ultimately ending its mission as Garry Kasparov speech interruptor.

Damb security, he instead of knocking the thing out, he should have just captured it and shove it up his ass while the blades were still spinning. He’d get both prostate massage and a scrotum spanking for the price of one. Whoever said security had bread crumbs for brain was right. Dude didn’t think that shit through.

Below is the video of this hilarious incident. BTW, Garry Kasparov was the shit back in the day.

Salma Hayek is losing her grip with reality. First of all, she needs to fire her stylist. That fake eyelash is falling off her right eye lid making her look like a complete goose and her dress is too covering. It doesn’t expose nothing. Who the fuck cares about a full body gown on a fully grown, well developed broad? Get a grip, Salma… What the crap were you thinking?

Salma Hayek attended the premiere of new Indiana Jones movie (was also attended by Harrison Ford) at Cannes and she just brought pure scandal upon herself. How unlady like. No exposed tits, fake eyelash falling off, what is she new? She’s clearly losing it. Somebody save Salma Hayek before it’s too late.

Image: WENN

Adrien Brody needs to get some facial trimming done. His hair is long and messy and his goatee gives him the look of first grown pubes on a 17 years old Jewish boy. What’s up with that shit?

Adrien Brody made a stellar appearance at Cannes film festival. There are hundreds of famous peeps there pretending to be high class only to get trashed out of their minds when the sun goes down and the evening gala begins.

Thanks God for his giant nose. If it wasn’t for that highly recognizable feature, Adrien would look like a clown.

Loni Anderson, 62 year old American actress and former wife of Burt Reynolds got married again - for the fourth time - today, to Bob Flick, a founding member of folk band The Brothers Four. The above is their wedding pic.

Before marrying Bob Flick, Loni Anderson had been married to Ross Bickell, Bruce Hasselbeck and Burt Reynolds, a divorce with whom was a long and hard battle that received lots of publicity.

Loni Anderson and Bob Flick have known each other since the 60’s. They met in Minneapolis at the movie premiere and briefly dated for 6 months, but managed to break up right before Loni’s acting career took off big time. This must have been quite a reunion - after 40 year, the two souls that always belonged together found each other again and are now married and will live happily ever after. At least this is what we here at Bullshit Blog wish them both