Beer Steak Bullshit

This 24 year old ho Melissa Berry got all feisty and shit cause her ex-boyfriend Mark Dawson posted her naked pics on MySpace. First of all – ewww – Damn this Melissa Berry has an ugly pair of fake boobs mounted on her. No wander Mark Dawson the douche is an ex-boyfriend. I mean the ho would work fine for morning after when booze is oozing out of my ears and I need to puke. I’d just look at Melissa Berry’s fake tits and I’d throw up – problem solved. But I don’t get plastered every day. What’s the use for those ugly, vomit inducers then?

Melissa Berry is a lingerie football league player for Tampa Bay Breeze. Damn, that’s different. I didn’t know there was such thing as lingerie football league. How fucking useless. Make it naked or GTFO. Seriously, who wants to watch ugly whores with fake boobs prounce around in lingerie. Get a fucking life people. Stripping dodgeball – that’s the shit. Lingerie football can suck my left nut.

And obviously Melissa Berry doesn’t get that shit either. She got her tits faked out to gross everybody out and gets all pissy when her gay boyfriend posts nude pick on MySpace. The silicone must have gone toxic cause Melissa Berry is suing gay’s ass for publishing those nude pics. Internet users should sue Mark Dawson too for screwing their day by making them look at those gross fake tits naked. Ewww, that’s one disgusting visual right there.

Angry people of Russia voted Alexander Nevskythe greatest Russian of all time in a Rossiya state television poll titled “Name of Russia”.

Alexander Nevsky is a Saint. He was a Prince of Novgorod in the 1200s and is remembered among Russians for his victories over Swedes and Teutonic knights who were making advanced on Russia. 300 years later, Alexander Nevsky was canonized by the Russian Orthodox Church as a saint.

Oddly enough, 50 million Russian voters who participated in the poll voted dictator Josef Stalin third most popular historical figure. During Stalin’s 30 year rule, millions of Russians who opposed his policies either disappeared or were forced into hard labor in Gulags.

Congrats to Alexander Nevsky for being the greatest bad ass Russian of all time.

The blasphemy, the nerve… Robert Pattinson Cut his Hair – what are all those 11 year old chick going to rub their mini clits to now? Robert Pattinson’s signature hair made pussies of pre teen girls dribble with passion and made Summit Entertainment shit loads of money despite poor execution, terrible special effects and pathetic acting. Still, because of Robert Pattinson’s hair, the titty-less little girls were getting their pink panties wet and paid to see Twilight 20+ times each. Now the hair is gone. Robert Pattinson cut his hair – what are they gonna masturbate to? The blasphemy!

Some speculate that production of Twilight sequel New Moon is in danger due to Robert Pattinson’s new haircut. I don’t understand what the fuss is all about – the shit will grow back, bitches. Put your panties back on and enjoy damn Christmas, skanks. You’re just 11 anyway. Shouldn’t you be watching movies with Red Nosed Reindeer instead? Or it simply pisses you off that your pre-school classmates saw Twilight more times than you? Fuck that.

Production of New Moon is not scheduled to start until March of 2009. I’m sure Robert Pattinson will have his original hair back by then. He probably cut it cause it was a pain in the butt. Maybe his boyfriend was getting all pissed as it was getting in his face when he was bumping his pie hole upright in public washroom.

One more pic of Robert Pattinson and his new haircut is below.

Robert Pattinson Cut his Hair Pic

Meet Paloma Jimenez, some ho who sucks Vin Diesel’s cock. He must have liked it. Cause he boned the fuck out of her, sprayed his semen all over her vagina, made her preggo and a brat was born. That was back in April of 2008. Vin Diesel didn’t go too public with it all, or maybe he was just too budy boning this ho and didn’t have time to let everyone know.

Paloma Jimenez is a 24 year old originally from Acapulco, Mexico. She’s a model – not sure what her modeling career was like prior to taking Vin Diesel’s dick up the ass, but I’m sure it was a positive boost once she sucked on famous penis. Vin Diesel is 40.

According to some portals that know more than I do, Paloma Jimenez appeared in high profile some commercials for Honda and Coca Cola. What they fail to mention is whether she got those gigs prior to getting boned by Vin Diesel or after. Maxim magazine (they still exist) had Paloma Jimenez on a cover in January 2005. Nobody knows how long Vin Diesel and Paloma Jimenez have been bumping genital pies for hence no one can tell what contributed to her career.

Below are some more pics of Paloma Jimenez

Do you remember back in August of 2008 when Snakehead Fish wreaked havoc in New York rivers and had to be eliminated by force before they eliminated other native fish? Well, major mainstream media are putting together the list of most significant events of 2008 and guess what – Snakehead Fish are famous, they’re on the list. Snakehead Fish deserve to dominate that damn list. 2008 should forever be remembered as the year of Snakehead Fish.

Aside from New York, Snakehead Fish also took over the rivers in Arkansas in 2008. That was back in April and Piney Creek in Lee County had to be rescued by the biologists who declared war on Snakehead Fish. The final score – obviously – is in favor of biologists, Snakehead Fish lost, but do not underestimate the power of this Asian native species. Snakehead Fish are already on the most bad ass list. That’s the way it starts and before you know it, Snakehead Fish will rule the world. Every smart man will join them cause there will be no beating them. Planet Earth will become a fish planet. The fish will breed humans for food. How awesome. Leave it up to Snakehead Fish – there will be no global warming no more and the ozone hole will patch itself. Sweet!

Awesome Snakehead Fish photo by Associated Press (AP)

Another one bites the dust… on Christmas. John Costelloe, who played Johnny Cakes, little fireman fag who dick massaged prostate of big capo in The Sopranos committed suicide in the basement of his Sunset Park home.

47 year old John Costelloe was a FDNY firefighter who got his break through role in the 2006 HBO series The Sopranos as Jim “Johnny Cakes” Witowski ran a bullet though his head on December 16.

Must have been tough for him to deal with an easy income from acting. Nice Christmas present for your family and friends, John Costelloe. Even a broke loser like me who spends his Christmas by himself cause I suck like that has enough balls to live on. Merry Christmas to you…

Paris Hilton and her (currently) ever present BFF Brittany Flickinger went out to show off Paris’ new toy yesterday – brand new, custom built, pink as fuck Bentley. Complete with Paris Hilton holograms on rims, leather upholstery and front mask. According to British Daily Mail, this hawt new gay ride cost Paris Hilton $200 000. Not bad, considering Paris Hilton lost $2 million in jewelry that was stolen from her by a burglar who broke in to her house last week. I want to fuck Paris Hilton. This Bentley is so faggy pink, I want a ride in it.

Brittany Flickinger is obviously much more successful in whoring herself out than me. And she knows it well so she’s holding on to Paris Hilton like her pussy dependent on it. Smart pussy that Brittany. That’s where money, poshy life and rides in a new custom pink Bantley are. Stick to it and enjoy it while it lasts, bitch. I will be replacing you soon. If I can make myself look like a complete idiot, I will. I don’t think anything tops riding pink Bentley when it comes to that…

More pics of Paris Hilton’s new ride below:

All pics of Paris hilton, Her BFF Brittany Flickinger and Paris’ Hawt New Pink Bentley by Photo Agency

Level of FAIL = EPIC! Pamela Anderson and her silicon brain attempted to fill up a gas tank on an automobile and it went as expected – a fucking FAIL. As if it wasn’t enough that’s she a female – she shouldn’t be driving – but we’re also talking about a clueless dumbass of a female. What the fuck is she doing at the gas pump?

Now, I understand the gas prices dropped significantly, but it still doesn’t mean one should squirt it around like it’s Tommy Lee’s dick? I wish I could ask someone to teach this ho how to gas up an automobile, but it’s in vain. Pamela Anderson at the gas pump = FAIL.

Pamela Anderson gas pump fail pics credit: Photo Agency

You know you’re a redneck when… In this video, poor dog fell through thin ice into freezing cold water. Smarter than humans, dog did the best thing he could – nothing. Most death associated with falling through thin ice are because of drowning. At first, your body experiences major shock which could lead to an attempt for a big gasp of air. If you’re surrounded by water, you’re gonna fill your lungs with it and drown immediately. If you survive this initial shock and don’t drown, you can try to return to the part of the ice from where you fell in (it should be strong enough as it held you up to the point where you fell through), shake your legs so you get yourself to as horizontal a position as you can and try to slide on to the ice. Sometimes it doesn’t work and if first few attempts to get out fail, you will likely get your body to the point at which it doesn’t have enough power to get itself out of there. In such case, you must wait for help. It will take on average a few hours before cold water kills you. Put your hands on the ice and try to get someone to call help or throw you something to drag you out of there.

The dog in the video did exactly that – realized he could not spring himself out from the water on the ice, so he just waited. Despite my lecture on how not to kill yourself if you fall through thin ice, this video is not about it. It’s about stupid family that went overboard after their dog fell in cold water and third party rescue was needed.

Basically, first the moronic dad doesn’t appreciate the presence of the police. What were they supposed to do – they did not have the equipment to save the dog safely without sacrificing their own life. That’s always the idea of every rescue mission – make sure you don’t become a victim yourself. The police showed up, assessed the situation but found themselves unable to help with the equipment they had. They adviced the owner to wait for proper rescue team. The owner did not appreciate that and started yelling and pushing the officers. Into all that, his wife starts acting like a cunt and gets feisty with the news cameraman and the police too. What a fucking white trash family.

Watch the video for yourself – incredibly ungrateful family. I feel sorry for the dog. I wish they could find him a better family.

PS – you may need to fast forward to a 0.40 second mark of the video. The beginning is just a neverending notice that the video contains vulgar language.

Sherry Johnston, mother Levi Johnston, the fiancé of Bristol Palin was arrested earlier today at her home in Wasilla, Alaska. Chuck Heath, the father of governor Sarah Palin mentioned that his grand daughter Bristol Palin was due this Saturday. Wow – so little girl is giving birth while her future mother in law is getting arrested on drug charges. That’s right – Sherry Johnston was charged with six felony counts of misconduct involving a controlled substance.

Damn, you’s think Sherry Johnston would know better. Unles it’s marihuana she got busted for. Weed is good and everybody smokes it. Except that people still get arrested for it. If she was smoking weed and got arrested for it, then WTF? But if Sherry Johnston was involved with some shit drugs, like Meth or Coke, the fuck’er! She should have stayed away from that shit now that her future daughter-in-law is the daughter of future president of the United States. WTF?

According to Politico, Sherry Johnston has been released on a $2000 bond form the Mat-Su Pretrial Facility. Sarah Palin’s spokes whore did not provide any official statement other than this was not a state government matter so they had nothing to add to it.

That’s kind of shitty. As of right now we don’t know what drugs Sherry Johnston got busted for. It’s all in the level of guessing. I hope it’s Meth, cause that would make for some wicked headlines!

Sherry Johnston Pic credit: Associated Press AP