Beer Steak Bullshit

American journalists Laura Ling and Euna Lee were released from jail in North Korea after months of detention and everybody is freaking out. I don’t understand what the big deal is – it’s North Korea we’re talking about. If they were put in jail by Americans, then there would be a reason for concern as Americans are known for sending prisoners to countries in Middle East and Africa to torture them. North Koreans are civilized compared to Americans. And don’t even get me started on the “nuclear weapons” bullshit. There is only one country with history of (ab)use of nuclear weapons and that’s not North Korea. To assume that a peaceful nation such as North Korea would abuse nuclear weapons is absurd. If there is a nation to fear, it’s the USA. They are the only ones with history of use of nuclear weapons as they are the ones with history of oppression and military aggression against other countries for no reason. The people of North Korea are fine. They have even released Laura Ling and Euna Lee from jail after Bill Clinton asked them nicely. Would Americans do something like that? Forget it, just look at Cuban 5. Americans keep people illegally in jails and enjoy doing it.

So retired US president Bill Clinton went over to North Korea to speak with Kim Jong-il who gracefully granted Laura Ling and Euna Lee amnesty. The entourage boarded the private Boeing jet owned by Steve Bing – Hollywood producer and friend of Bill Clinton. Laura Ling and Euna Lee were facing 12 years of work in a hard labor camp for illegal entry and engagement in hostile acts. There’s nothing to discuss here – Laura Ling and Euna Lee broke laws of a sovereign country and were arrested. They deserved the punishment to the fullest extent but merciful North Korean government led by Kim Jong-il granted them amnesty. Now these “freed journalists” are looked upon as heroes. They are effin criminals. They should have been punished to the full extent of North Korean law. You don’t go to Saudi Arabia to film porn, because it’s illegal there. You can film porn in California, but not in Saudi Arabia. If you do it in Saudi land, you could get arrested and sent to prison. You would be a criminal for breaking laws of the country you have entered. It is the same with Laura Ling and Euna Lee – criminals dressed up as journalists. And they got away with it. Now they can resume their abuse freely. Such wonderful world we live in.

Yet another Cameron Douglas arrest. 30 year old stepson of actor Michael Douglas got busted in an undercover Crystal Meth sting operation at the Gansevoort Hotel in New York. Cameron Douglas was allegedly trying to take $18,000 worth of crystal meth from New York to Los Angeles (or the other way around?) with intentions to sell it there.

The DEA task force arrested Cameron Douglas in a room at the Gansevoort Hotel where he’s lived for a while. The room was paid for by Michael Douglas. What a dad, he’d even pay for his stepson’s long term stay in a hotel. Are there no available apartments to rent in New York anymore?

Cameron Douglas is no newb to jail. He was arrested twice before, this is his charming third time. Each of his three arrests were drug related. Dude knows how to party it out through life. All he needs to do is to play a drug addict. He’ll be sent to a rehab instead of a choker and the life will be back to normal once more. Afterall, they still want some meth in LA, right?

Or maybe Michael Douglas could cut him from his sponsorship pay check and let him live on his own. Dude gets paid for his hotel room by his step dad – he has no financial worries cause dad sorts it all out for himself. Let Cameron Douglas hit the rock bottom and wake up to reality.

Check out the lyrics for the song The Warning by Eminem in whcih he responds to the song Obsession by Mariah Carey. Here’s the video for Eminem The Warning

Eminem The Warning Lyrics

Only reason I dissed you in the first place is because you denied seeing me
Now I’m pissed off
Sit back homey relax, in fact grab a six pack, kick back while I kick facts,
Yeah Dre’s sick track, perfect way to get back
Wanna hear something wick wack?
I got the same exact tat that’s on Nick’s back
I’m obsessed now
Oh gee, is that supposed to be me in the video with the goatee
Wow Mariah, I didn’t expect you to go balls out
Bitch, shut the fuck up before I put all them phone calls out you made to my house when you was wild n out before Nick
When you was on my dick and give you somethin to smile about
How many times you fly to my house? Still trying to count
Better shut your lying mouth if you don’t want Nick finding out
You probably think cuz it’s been so long if i had something on you I woulda did it by now
On the contrary, Mary Poppins, I’m mixing our studio session down and sending it to mastering to make it loud
Enough dirt on you to murder you
This is what the fuck I do
Mariah, it ever occur to you that I still have pictures?
However you prefer to do and goes for you too, Nick, faggot
You think I’m scared of you?
You gonna ruin my career you better get one
Like I’ma sit and fight with you over some slut bitch cunt who made me put up with her psycho ass over 6 months and only spread her legs to let me hit once
Yeah, what you gonna say? I’m lucky? Tell the public that I was so ugly that you fucking had to be drunk to fuck me?
Second base? What the fuck you tell Nick, punk?
In the second week we was dry humping. It’s gotta count for something.
Listen, girly. Surely you don’t want me to talk about how I nutted early cos ejaculated prematurely and bus all over your belly, and you almost started hurling and said I was gross, go get a towel you’re stomachs curling. Or maybe you do.
But if I’m embarrassing me, I’m embarrassing you and don’t you dare say it isn’t true.
As long as the song’s getting airplay I’m dissing you.
I’m a hair away from getting carried away and getting sued.
I was gonna stop at 16. This is 32. This is 34 bars. We ain’t even a third of the way through.
Damn, Slim. Mariah played you. Mariah who?
Oh did I say ”whore”, Nick? I meant a liar too.
Like I’ve been goin off on you all this time for no reason.
Girl you out ya alcholic mind. Check ya wine cellar. Look at all the amounts of wine.
Like I fuckin’ sit around and think about you all the time.
I just think this is funny when I pounce you on a rhyme.
But fuck it now i’m about to draw the line.
And for you to cross it that’s a mountain that I doubt you wanna climb.
I can describe areas of your house that you wouldn’t find on an episode of Cribs
A blubba load ribs if I hear another word so don’t go opening your jibs cos every time you do it’s just another load of fibs
I ain’t saying this shit again, ho. You know what it is.
It’s a warning shot for before I blow up ya whole spot
Call my bluff and I’ll release every fucking thing I got
Including the voicemails right before you flipped your top
When me and Luis were tryin’ to stick two CD’s in the same spot
(Slim Shady I love you)
I love you too
Let me whisper sweet nothings into your ear, boo. Now what you say?
(It’s nothing)
Guess what I’ll do?
I’ll refresh your memory when you said ”I want you”
Now should I keep going or should we call truce?
(You think you’re cute, right? Hahaha)
You bet your sweet ass I do
(I’m Mary Poppins, b)
And I’m Superman, mmm
(Mary P. Slim Shady)
Comin’ at you
So if you’ll still be my (babygirl)
Then I’ll still be your (Superhero, Wilma M.)
Yeah, I’m right here
(You like this)
Nope. Not anymore, Dear.
It cuts like a (knife) when I tell ya get a (life)
But I’m movin on with mine
Nick, is that your (wife)
Well tell her to shut her mouth then I’ll leave her alone
If she don’t (sing this script?) then I’ma just keep goin
(I see Mary Ann. Mary Ann’s saying ”cut the tape, cut the tape”. Knife!)

Eminem released a rap song titled The Warning in which he disses Mariah Carey like there’s no tomorrow. The Warning is Eminem’s response to Mariah Carey’s song Obsession (if you don’t remember that song anymore, don’t worry, hardly any song from Mariah Carey is worth remembering). When Obsession was released, Mariah Carey was asked whether it was about Eminem but she said it wasn’t. Turns out she was telling lies and Eminem responded with class. The Warning holds nothing back. The rap goes right under the skin and crawls in there like parasite. Awesome work on that one, Eminem. Great lyrics. No official video, but play the YouTube video above as it has the audio for the song, which is all you need.

Not that anyone cares, but the most intriguing part of The Warning’s lyrics is when he says that he pictures of questionable nature. Who would want to see Mariah Carey naked? Chirp… chirp… chirp… Well, ahhhh!

Mariah Carey is likely going to respond to this after she’d collected the poop from her underwear, but she won’t do it in style. Eminem will destroy her again. She can’t stand up to Eminem’s ability to write really powerful lyrics. He totally slayed Mariah Carey and her current clit licker Nick Cannon. Actually I wouldn’t be surprised if we have never heard of Mariah Carey again. She’s gonna depart on a deserted island and pray every day so no one discovers where she hides. Nice work on The Warning, Eminem. Got to love when a capable dude completely destroys a stupid ho.

There are all sorts of FAIL in this story. Kevin Provencher, a seasoned sports reported for the New Hampshire Union Leader must have thought writing news reports on sports was not financially rewarding enough so he found himself a new gig – a prostitution ring. 50 year old Kevin Provencher would recruit women with inviting vaginas and pimp them out on Craigslist. It doesn’t matter what sort of a slump an economy takes, prostitution will always pay off. Nowadays, even ugly skanks like Ashley Alexandra Dupre can score themselves $5000/hour clients like Governor Eliot Spitzer. You can even take it international and have a Governor fly over to Argentina to get a blowjob. And Kevin Provencher realized all that, set up his own prostitution ring and used high trafficked classified site Craigslist to advertise his whores.

According to prosecutor Michelle Defeo, Kevin Provencher had five hookers working for his prostitution ring ran from a hotel in Andover, Massachusetts. Michelle Defeo believes that Union Leader reporter’s prostitution ring may also have operated in Canada. To cover his ass, Kevin Provencher would tell the clients scouted through Craigslist that they would be boinking his girlfriend or wife. Ya know, pulling a dedicated husband trick.

Kevin Provencher did it right, though. He fucked each whore first, before he would recruit them. That’s my type of man. If you’re going to exploit some ho, use her first. This way you’re getting the best of both world – you get to fuck a ho and make money off of her. Doesn’t get any better than that.

Kevin Provencher was running whole operation. He would set hookers rates, run background checks on clients and schedule the place where the exchange of bodily fluids would take place. Obviously, somewhere in the process a background check didn’t work out and he got his ass ratted out.

Management of New Hampshire Union Leader suspended Kevin Provencher who had worked for them for more than 25 years in their Manchester location. He has two teenage kids. I’d hate to be one of them. But you never know these days. Being known among your peers for having a dad who fucked and exploited hookers can actually get you laid. I’m in the wrong business, I swear.

Madonna needs to take a break from those roids and an obsession to work out for more muscles. Those biceps look nothing like what you would want to see on a female. And i don’t even want to imagine what her vagina and clitoris looks like. If they are as veiny and muscular as her biceps then holy eff.

Me thinks Madonna is going through some midlife crisis and the fact that she’s 50 year old and no longer that twenty something hot lay is getting onto her. So she obsesses herself with gym workouts and strict diet which result in crap you see in these photos. But then again, the more people focus on her biceps and other muscles, the less they focus on her skeletal face which hasn’t been much to sing praises of lately. I mean we all age and she needs to go with it. She can’t be a teen forever. Not even her millions can buy her that. Sure it can buy loads of human growth hormone injections which take off few decades of life and add muscles, but damn…

On a positive note, Madonna could pose as model for remake of Mars Attacks. Aliens taking form of Madonna’s muscles would look pretty darn freakish. I’d totally rent that movie.

More photos of Madonna and her biceps muscles of doom in the gallery below:

Photos by Flynet, Matrix

Elisabetta Canalis is the latest winner of gold digger extraordinaire award for scoring herself George Clooney. Gold digging with George Cloone is a temporary sport anyway. Elisabetta Canalis better make the most out of the moment while it lasts and brace for quick end to it. Clooney’s got that poop down already. I mean look at where Sarah Larson ended up at. Even gold digging ain’t what it used to be. Newbs don’t understand the drill. Here’s a brief lesson for Elisabetta Canalis:

Learn to give best deepthroat on Earth, wait till you’re alone with Clooney, take initiative, undo his pants and suck meanest cock ever. Give blowjob everyone would want more of. Next time you won’t have to undo his pants, the cock will come whipping at you on its own, suck a bit on it, then shove it up your snatch and make sure you don’t let him pull out. You got to get yourself pregnant. Once a kid is born and you have had DNA tests done to prove it’s George Clooney’s, then you can throw a party on Turks and Caicos and live happily ever after.

Get it, Elisabetta Canalis? That’s how pros do it. Once in a lifetime opportunity, don’t blow it, stupid. I mean blow IT, blow it like your life depends on it. BTW, Elisabetta Canalis is an actress. She’s from Italy and is 30 year old. Italian bitches rule. George Clooney has been spending a lot of time in Italy, since he’s got a bad-ass villa on Lake Como and his next movie will be filmed in Italy as well. There’ll be lots of opportunities for snugging between the two. She’ll still get the boot when the time comes, unless she follows my simple tutorial to riches by gold digging. Even though in case of Elisabetta Canalis, I’m pretty sure her previous modeling and acting gigs paid quite well.

When I saw this video it immediately recalled the sight of Barack Obama speaking to the followers of his church of Barack Obama Worship. Like turkeys on a turkey farm, Barack Obama worshippers agree with everything he says and will chant praises to him in unison. Amazing video… did you find yourself there? Or is it really that a turkey won’t see him/herself as turkey?

Under normal circumstances, I don’t like people who come on camera with irritating speech impediment, but this is a sad news. Alexis Cohen, an American Idol contestant who became known as the Glitter Girl was killed in a traffic accident. The New Jersey police are investigating the incident and are looking for a hit and run driver connected to her death. Alexis Cohen first auditioned for American Idol season 7, she literally sucked and the response she got from judges was just like that. Believing, she was the next big thing America has seen, she took it harshly and gave Simon Cowell and the rest of American Idol middle finger attitude on cameras off audition room.

After her failed attempt in season 7, Alexis Cohen gave American Idol another shot during season 8. That didn’t work out for her either and never made it past audition. So she gave Simon Cowell Fuck Yous again. Glitter Girl believed she was gonna be famous one day and it looks like her dream came true. Too bad she’s dead to enjoy it. Weird how our society works. While she was alive, Alexis Cohen was just some American Idol contestant with speech impediment and attitude. Now she’s the most searched for person on the internet for the day. Death brings fame. It truly is so. NJ police are on hit and run driver’s ass. The world has lost a Glitter Girl today. Seaside Heights where the accident took place has lost its glitter. RIP Alexis Cohen. You’re a star you’ve always wanted to be now.

YouTube video with Alexis Cohen’s endless rant about American Idol and how she’s gonna show them is below.

Italians sport some incredibly hot public figures. And I’m not only talking about sportscasters, I’m also talking about politicians. But then again – pornstar Ciciolina was a member of Italian parliament once and based her campaigning by driving around and exposing her breasts at bystanders. That’s Italy for you, they sure know how to have fun. Now take a look at Mara Rosaria Carfagna, wipe of your drool and read on. Mara Rosaria Carfagna was appointed the Minister for Equal Opportunity in Italy by premier Silvio Berlusconi. According to Maxim (who reads that shit still?), Mara Rosaria Carfagna is the hottest politician in the world. Well duh.

Mara Rosaria Carfagna is a former showgirl, which only further proves how much Italians rock. If your past involves some form of skin showing, your chances of making it big increase. It doesn’t work like that among prudes of North American. Here governors are forced out of their office if they get their dicks sucked on by a hooker. These governors should be fired for having no class and paying outrageous amounts to nasty skanks. Should have gone to Thailand and have a cheap, yet pretty prostitute instead. Anyway, back to Italy.

Remember when I took heat for comparing a US Sportscaster Lesley Visser to an Italian podcaster Federica Fontana? Yeah, that’s exactly what I’m talking about. Effing prudes with no class. Just imagine I’d compare Italian politician Mara Rosaria Carfagna to some US female politician. I better not go to Michelle Obama cause that’s like comparing Pontiac Aztek to Mercedes SLR McLaren. Mara Rosaria Carfagna for the win.

Check out the video with Mara Rosaria Carfagna – Hot Italian Politician and World’s Hottest Minister

Gallery of pictures with Mara Rosaria Carfagna is below. Get your dose of sexy for Friday: