Andes Teletransporter is an invention of a genius. It saves relationships and adds quality to man’s life. It could only be better if it came with complimentary blowjobs from hot Argentinean chicks. The premise of Andes Teletransporter is to create a believable ambient sound so you can shut your irritating girlfriend down when you are having a blast with your buddies. We all know girlfriends are worthless pieces of flesh around a vagina but unfortunately those worthless chunks of flesh can talk and dial numbers on cell phones. That creates a whole different level of discomfort for a concerned man who is minding his own business, enhancing quality of his own life his girlfriend doesn’t care about. Andes Teletransporter to the rescue.

When you see your worthless girlfriend calling you after you have already busted your nut on her face and just want a beer with buddies afterwards, walk into an Andes Teletransporter, select an ambient sound best suited for your needs and shut her down by telling her you’re in a hospital or looking after your little nephew or whatever else works. Shut stupid ho down, end the phone call, walk out of Andes Teletransporter and enjoy the rest of your wonderful day. The only question now remains – how come we don’t have those in Canada? All Canadian bars should be equipped with one or more of those. It should be mandatory. Life would be so sweet. And ban female drivers while you’re at it so a man can get to and from the bar safely.

Further Reading:

• Crazy Canadian Curling Fans at Vancouver Olympic Games 2010
• 20 Most Romantic Cities in Canada – Amazon.ca Study
• Five Women, Ten Vaginas with Tyra Banks
• Milk in a Bag in Canada
• 2010 Environmental Performance Index Ranks The Greenest Countries

Following massive international coverage, both US and Argentinean media have been on a hunt for actual photos and videos of Maria Belen Chapur, the mistress of South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford and the hunt resulted in… SUCCESS. High Five. Above is the actual photo of Maria Belen Chapur. Argentinean TV has been able to trace down the fact that at some point in her life, Maria Belen Chapur had worked as TV producer and reporter. She got around from an early age.

In a video statement for Buenos Aires’ TV channel C5N Maria Belen Chapur admitted that she had an affair with South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford (who wouldn’t?) and said that romantic emails which leaked on the internet were private and were stolen from her computer by a hacker. A hacker story never fails. It’s the most overused and most ridiculous excuse ever. If you reach the end with excuses, you can always say that your computer was hacked – case closed.

Meanwhile, unlike the pledge he made during the press conference, South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford is refusing to step down until his term is over. He said that he’s determined to work hard in order to fix his public and personal image. LOL, Governor… what the hell are you talking about? You have been going to Argentina to have your balls sucked on by mistress Maria Belen Chapur. You have disappeared for 5 days and told everyone you went hiking along the Appalachian Trail. You’re full of poop, you don’t appreciate your family and you lie. What exactly are you intending to do to fix your public and family image? I don’t think your wife Jenny Sanford can be any more publically embarrassed than by being internationally known as a wife of a cheater. Your sons are probably exposed to the same type of mockery. You got a long way to go if you want to fix that public image. Mistress from Argentina? Geeeee! Keep in mind that when Governor Eliot Spitzer got involved with filthy hooker, the affair brought him down. The only bitch who went up was the filthy hooker herself – Ashley Alexandra Dupre is still riding the cock of infamy that made her famous after the affair exploded in public.

Video of Maria Belen Chapur as broadcast by Argentinean C5N is below. That’s the real deal Maria Belen Chapur who was massaging Mark Sanford’s prostate with her 4 inch tongue.

Further Reading:

• Maria Belen Shapur – Mark Sanford’s Mistress from Argentina
• Emails South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford Sent to Mistress Maria Belen Chapur
• Governor Mark Sanford Affair Revealed (Check Out the Press Conference Video)
• The Disappearance of the South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford
• Andes Teletransporter – We Need Those in Canada

As public embarrassment and humiliation of South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford continues following his press conference confession that he had an affair with an Argentinean mistress Maria Belen Chapur, further details, including steamy emails he was sending to Maria surfaced to push the embarrassment and humiliation to a whole new level. So without further ado, check out the romantic emails that South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford sent to his long distance mistress Maria Belen Chapur:

Email From Gov. Mark Sanford,
To Maria Belen Chapur
Sent on Thursday, July 10, 2008, 12:24 a.m.

“One, tomorrow leave at 5 a.m. for New York and meetings. Will think about you on its streets and wish I was going to be there later in the month when you are there. Tomorrow night back to Philadelphia for the start of the National Governor’s Conference through the weekend. Back to Columbia for Tuesday and then on Wednesday, as I think I had told you, taking the family to China, Tibet, Nepal, India, Thailand and then back through Hong Kong on world wind tour. Few days home then to Bahamas for 5 days on a friend’s boat for the last break of the summer. The following weekend have been asked to spend it out in Aspen, Colorado with McCain – which has kicked up the whole VP talk all over again in the press back home …

Two, mutual feelings …. You have a particular grace and calm that I adore. You have a level of sophistication that so fitting with your beauty. I could digress and say that you have the ability to give magnificent gentle kisses, or that I love your tan lines or that I love the curve of your hips, the erotic beauty of you holding yourself (or two magnificent parts of yourself) in the faded glow of the night’s light – but hey, that would be going into sexual details …

Three and finally, while all the things above are all too true – at the same time we are in a hopelessly – or as you put it impossible – or how about combine and simply say hopelessly impossible situation of love. How in the world this lightening strike snuck up on us I am still not quite sure. As I have said to you before I certainly had a special feeling about you from the first time we met, but these feelings were contained and I genuinely enjoyed our special friendship and the comparing of all too many personal notes …

Lastly I also suspect I feel a little vulnerable because this is ground I have never certainly never covered before – so if you have pearls of wisdom on how we figure all this out please let me know… In the meantime please sleep soundly knowing that despite the best efforts of my head my heart cries out for you, your voice, your body, the touch of your lips, the touch of your finger tips and an even deeper connection to your soul.”

Email From Maria Belen Chapur
To Governor Mark Sanford
Sent on Wednesday, July 9, 2008 8:14 p.m.

“As I told you I shouldn’t have done this trip but I would have felt worst if I wouldn’t have come because it was too over the date, he is a very nice guy, great heart … but unfortunately I am not in love with him … You are my love … something hard to believe even for myself as it’s also a kind of impossible love, not only because of distance but situation. Sometimes you don’t choose things, they just happen… I can’t redirect my feelings and I am very happy with mine towards you.”

Email From Gov. Mark Sanford,
To Maria Belen Chapur
Sent on Tuesday, July 8, 1:42 a.m.

“Got back an hour ago to civilization and am now in Columbia after what was for me a glorious break from reality down at the farm. No phones ringing and tangible evidence of a day’s labors. Though I have started every day by 6 this morning woke at 4:30, I guess since my body knew it was the last day, and I went out and ran the excavator with lights until the sun came up. To me, and I suspect no one else on earth, there is something wonderful about listening to country music playing in the cab, air conditioner running, the hum of a huge diesel engine in the back ground, the tranquility that comes with being in a virtual wilderness of trees and marsh, the day breaking and vibrant pink coming alive in the morning clouds – and getting to build something with each scoop of dirt.”

Wow, did he really say this in an email: “I could digress and say that you have the ability to give magnificent gentle kisses, or that I love your tan lines or that I love the curve of your hips, the erotic beauty of you holding yourself (or two magnificent parts of yourself) in the faded glow of the night’s light – but hey, that would be going into sexual details…” That’s too much for me. I wish I was sent such eloquent and poetic emails. Ahh well. Kudos to Governor Mark Sanford for being such a gentleman in his emails but still… what was he thinking?

South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford Photo Credit: Getty Images

Further Reading:

• Actual Photo and Video of Maria Belen Chapur – The Real Deal
• Maria Belen Shapur – Mark Sanford’s Mistress from Argentina
• Governor Mark Sanford Affair Revealed (Check Out the Press Conference Video)
• The Disappearance of the South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford
• Andes Teletransporter – We Need Those in Canada

The story of Mark Sanford’s Affair with Argentinean mistress is becoming weirder. Previously, Beer Steak was the only independent news source that correctly identified the reasons behind the disappearance of South Carolina Governor. Today, the name of a hooker from Buenos Aires, Argentina for whom Mark Sanford ruined his well set in place life for. Her name is Maria Belen Shapur.

Who the Eff is Maria Belen Shapur?

First of all, Maria Belen Shapur (sometimes spelled as Maria Belen Chapur) is 43 year old. What the hell? I can’t wrap my head around it – what the hell was Mark Sanford thinking? He was a governor of South Carolina. A career made in heaven. He had a wife – Jenny Sanford who comes from a family of millionaires, owners or power tool company Skil. He had everything vast majority of people could only dream of and will never achieve in their entire lives. Why mess with a mess of a hooker from Argentina? Maria Belen Shapur is effing 43 year old. Don’t they have professional hookers who take your money and leave in South Carolina? If Mark Sanford desired some extraordinary services, something that his wife Jenny Sanford would not do, he could always pay the likes of filthy whore Ashley Alexandra Dupre, get a little ass spanking from this type of hooker mistress and be done with it for a few hundred dollars. What is he left with now? A nasty mistress from Argentina? WTF? Give me your life, Mark Sanford and I’ll never touch any Maria Belen Shapur. I’d never touch her now and I have no life. Why did you get involved with likes of Maria Belen Shapur being who you are? BTW, when I said “Give me your life, Mark Sanford” I meant “ex life”, life when you were a governor making shit loads of money with a wife whose family is loaded beyond words. Damn dude, what were you thinking?

Maria Belen Shapur works for a multinational agricultural company Bunge y Born. She has two sons (that’s a whole lotta sons, governor Mark Sanford has four). Maria Belen Shapur lives in Buenos Aires, near the zoo in prestigious Palermo District. Her apartment is on the 14th floor. No wonder she lives in poshy area getting sponsorship money from her boy pet Governor of South Carolina.

The photo above allegedly pictures that mistress Maria Belen Shapur. I don’t get it. She’s supposed to be 43 year old. Either that photo was taken before she was all wrinkly with saggy tits, or that’s not her. I’m betting on the latter. I don’t trust any Argentinean mistress to look this hawt.

Hands down, Maria Belen Shapur ranks at the top of the list of the most successful gold diggers of all times. What’s Mark Sanford going to do now? Move to Argentina and pay “protection money” to the mafia in Buenos Aires? Unreal!

Further Reading:

• Actual Photo and Video of Maria Belen Chapur – The Real Deal
• Emails South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford Sent to Mistress Maria Belen Chapur
• Governor Mark Sanford Affair Revealed (Check Out the Press Conference Video)
• The Disappearance of the South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford
• Andes Teletransporter – We Need Those in Canada