NY Post Page 6 reports that comic Artie Lange who’s best known for being a Howard Stern sidekick stabbed himself nine times in a suicide attempt. How can he stab himself in a suicide attempt? Are there no self preservation mechanisms in Artie Lange’s mind that would prevent him from inflicting pain upon himself continuously with intentions to take his own life? I mean – I can understand someone taking pills, jumping off the building or pulling a trigger of a handgun in their mouth, cause this type of suicide attempt only takes a simple one time action and that should be it. But stabbing yourself? How can you stab yourself and do it repeatedly while you’re at it?
According to Page 6, Artie Lange was discovered bloodied in his Hoboken apartment by his mom who alerted the police by calling 911 and had him taken to a hospital. Surgeons say Artie Lange was bleeding heavily due to excessive stab wounds but they managed to save his life. So now that his life is saved, Artie Lange can chalk this suicide attempt off as another of his life failures. If you can’t even kill yourself properly then you seriously fail at life. Bloody show off.
Artie Lange Photo by Bobby Bank, WireImage
When Artie Lange mentioned on Joe Buck Live that there are coyotes fucking 18 year old girls on the internet, I immediately started to pay attention. Sucker did not say where and searching for it on my own proved to be a bitch. Wanna be comedians are just like that – they’d turn you on, drive up expectations, and then they’d leave you there unsatisfied. Artie Lange, you bastard (Joe Buck surely rephrased this line in his mind many a time as he watched Artie Lange completely destroying his show).
Joe Buck Live Show premiered last night on HBO.com – yes, it was an internet broadcast talk show and it doesn’t look like it went the way Joe Buck would have wished. There was an online only segment the video of which is below and one of the guests was the joke buddy of Howard Stern’s – Artie Lange. Since this was Joe Buck’s first show which was in the works for half of year, I’m pretty sure he was banging his head against the wall to have invited Artie Lange to be a part of it. And I’m also pretty sure Artie Lange ain’t getting no more invites to any shows anymore.
While it was kind of funny, Artie Lange surely is a big try hard. I’m all for intelligent humor, but the moment you try hard to make sure you come up with a line that must be offensive, then you are a joke. Funny people don’t need to try hard and throw a line that makes you giggle. Artie Lange doesn’t reach that level of intelligence, so he tries hard. The result is in the video below:
