Beer Steak Bullshit

What a worthless waste of cover page. Jennifer Anniston made a desperate attempt at pulling off “the sexy” and stripped naked for the cover of GQ but it’s all just one big fat fail cause we can’t see shit. No nipples, no labia, not even motherfucking areola. What a let down. I call for redo of the GQ cover. We need some sex there, not mindless tease.

I’ve been desperately trying to find a reason to like Jennifer Anniston ever since the beginnings of Friends but I can’t. She’s just one worthless, mediocre looking piece of naked ass with fugly feet (just look at this cover).

And since Jennifer Anniston is on the cover of GQ, it goes without saying that the GQ whores made an interview with her and there is no interview with Jennifer Anniston without dabbing into the whole Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie bullshit. And what did the smart ass Jennifer Anniston say? She called it an “insane Bermuda Triangle”. Her manager must have told her what to say. I don’t think she has a clue where Bermuda Triangle is.

Jen also told GQ that she’s more confident with herself now that she’s 39 than when she was in her 20s or 30s. I never realized she was a MILF. She’s still that crazy ho from Friends who pretends to be a teen to me. Obviously, not even if you live in Hollywood the time stops for you. She must have a giant collection of MILF vibrators at home.

People’s magazine has published their annual Sexiest Man Alive list for 2008 and I really don’t know what the fuck they’re smoking. According to People’s, the sexiest man alive is Hugh Jackman Australian actor best known as Logan/Wolverine from X-Men trilogy. And while yes – he’s done a great job on Logan, and as Gabriel Van Helsing in that other movie he stared in – the sexiest man alive? But then again, what do I know about men and sexy… If it doesn’t have vagina, it’s not sexy to me. Actually, that’s not quite true, Bill Kaulitz of Tokio Hotel is fuckable even to a deviated straight male with no morals

Speaking of vaginas – why exactly is Zach Effron on People’s Sexiest Man Alive list? I’m sure that guy has a vagina. He must have more make-up in his purse than any chick in a whorehouse.

By being voted People’s Sexiest Man Alive 2008, Hugh Jackman has joined the ranks of Matt Damon, Brad Pitt or George Clooney (the latter two had been voted People’s Sexiest Man Alive twice).

In vitro fertilization is a way of making an infertile woman pregnant. I made it sound very simple, but that’s basically it and that’s the secret behind the twin pregnancy of Angelina Jolie. Despite being 33 year old, Angelina Jolie gave birth to twins Knox Leon and Vivienne Marcheline. 33 year old women have 1% chance of giving birth to twins. And now Angelina Jolie’s miraculous double pregnancy got exposed – it was In Vitro Fertilization.

In its latest issue, US Magazine claims that Angelina Jolie did not get pregnant by regular penis in the vagina and ejaculation all over her womb, she had her egg fertilized outside of her body by a donor sperm (did Brad Pitt donate his sperms to get Angie knocked up, or did they use somebody else’s?).

In Vitro Fertilization is pretty much the last resort after all other attempts to knock the bitch up fail. If she’s totally infertile, there’s an option to get the egg removed form bitch’s ovaries and have it artificially inseminated by a sperm in specially controlled environment, before it is inserted back into the bitch to make her conceive. And this type of In Vitro Fertilization is what Angelina Jolie allegedly underwent to give birth to Knox Leon and Vivienne Marcheline.

The source tells US Magazine that Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt desperately wanted more kids but since chances to have twins at 33 years of age are under 1% Angelina and Brad opted for In Vitro Fertilization which boost the chance for having twins to 25%.

Well, Brad Pitt is turning 45 soon. They should have just given me a call instead of paying $12k for In Vitro. I have such massive deposits of unused sperm in my testes that it would get even the most infertile vagina knocked up. Angelina Jolie would give birth to four kids and my desperate gold digging effort would actually pay off. Everyone wins. Brad Pitt can watch and thank me later.

Angelina Jolie just gave birth to twins Knox Leon and Vivienne Marcheline last weekend but looks like Vanity Fair, Italy has had her for a photo session prior to that because they’re putting her mugshot on the cover and have a spread with her pictures in their upcoming issue. And we got the teaser pics.

As you surely know, Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt enjoy their life on French Riviera in a wonderful Chateau Miraval Estate and France is not all that far from Italy. It’s like going from New York to Miami. Italian issue of Vanity Fair found her way to Angelina Jolie and got her photographer but damn… she looks like a wax figurine to me. And those pics are heavily photoshopped. They are doctored, perfected… yet Angelina Jolie still looks like crap.

Unless pregnancy deforms people faces and makes them look all oily and shit – in which case I’ll shut my mug, but Angelina Jolie pics in Vanity Fair, Italy did not impress me at all. Fugly!

More pics after the break. Click on each for larger version and you can comment on each individually. What do you think? Would you hit it? Doesn’t she look waxy?

Today, Angelina Jolie gave birth to son Knox Leon and daughter Vivienne Marcheline. Voila, this event has long been awaited by the media and several false alarms were raised claiming the kids of Angie and Brad Pitt were born. None of it were true (none of the false alarms were reported by Beer Steak Bullshit Blog, cause we just rule like that) but it’s all official now.

Knox Leon and Vivienne Marcheline became official after mayor of Nice, France presented a birth certificate of Knox Leon’s to the media earlier today (Sunday) in front of Fondation Lenval hospital in Nice where Angelina Jolie gave birth to the twins on Saturday.

Birth Certificate of Knox Leon suggests that the boy was born on July 12, 2008 at 6:27 pm and according to People who got info from Dr. Michel Sussmann, Vivienne Marcheline would be the younger of the two, having been born few minutes after her older twin brother.

Mayor Christian Estrosi called Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt the most famous couple in the world. And why Knox Leon and Vivienne Marcheline? The boy got his first name Knox after the middle name of Brad Pitt’s father and Marcheline was the name of Angelina Jolie’s mother.

Congratulations to the most famous couple in the world