Beer Steak Bullshit » Fail

Alexandra of America’s Next Top Model Falls and Gets Owned by Swinging Gong

Happy — Thu, 18 Mar 2010 16:13:00 +0000

21 year old Alexandra of Kerrville, Texas is very competitive and let things really get to her so she got double owned on a catwalk of America’s Next Top Model. It was brilliant! When a biotch who thinks too much of herself falls on her mug promenading her fat ass before the people, the feeling of happiness soars in the sky like angels. But when the same biotch collects herself and thinks she can still pull it off, but gets subsequently owned by a swinging gong, you know the world is instantly becoming a better place. The only thing that could make it better is having said Alexandra come on camera in tears and say that she’s very competitive. This video made my day. The pictures of that gay guy in yellow suit who does those gay movements with his hands and says things like “Wow” and “She’s Mad” only make it so much better.

The swinging gong told Alexandra straight up what everyone was thinking – she doesn’t belong on America’s Next Top Model and needs to get off that catwalk cause she’s too fat and ugly. When in doubt, listen to the gong.

Thomas Bruso Interview

Happy — Mon, 22 Feb 2010 16:29:09 +0000

Thomas Bruso aka the Epic Beard Man who put young punk of a thug in place in an episode of poetic justice onboard a bus is one of those guys you would want to buy a drink for. Having become a celebrity overnight after his epic ownage of a thug who attacked him, people from the area caught up with Thomas Bruso and filmed this interview. As expected, Thomas Bruso proved he’s as bad ass as we think he is. the only fail during the interview were his last words where he kissed Obama’s ass. That was pure FAIL, but otherwise Thomas Bruso is for the win. Video with an interview is below:

Tablet Comparison – iPad vs Ancient Stone

Happy — Sun, 31 Jan 2010 21:32:52 +0000

When comparing latest tablet with the oldest one, there aren’t many differences to spot. Above is a visual comparison of iPad tablet from Apple vs Ancient Stone as a tablet. Aside from the touch screen, the 2010 iPad is about as advanced as an ancient stone from 40,000 BC. That’s pretty much where Apple stands as a company.

Aside from having the capabilities of an ancient stone tablet, iPad also sports truly ugly frame around the screen that sports a 4:3 ratio (aka no widescreen), it has no support for Flash, no support for multitasking (that’s right, if you’d like to listen to music while you are checking emails – forget it, iPod won’t allow you to do that. It’s just too much for it), no camera – whether facing forward or back, no USB slots (WTF, seriously), need for adapters – you will need to buy whole pile of adapters if you would like to do something as fundamental as uploading your pictures from a digital camera onto an iPad, and you are limited to App Store with new applications – you simply can’t install an application you want, you can only install an application offered in App Store. iPad is plain and simple a prehistoric failure of bullshit. Steve Jobs has proven me right again – Apple Sucks!

iPad and Flash Support Lacking Feature – Get Used to Seeing Blue Legos

Happy — Sun, 31 Jan 2010 20:55:59 +0000

Apple iPad tablet was intended to be a replacement for notebooks, yet it lacks support for one of the most important components needed to surf the net – Flash. Without Flash support iPad will not be able to show content of website where Flesh elements are used (many, many websites use that) so instead of seeing their attractive, interactive features, you will see blue legos on the screen of your iPad. Great win on behalf of Apple. Fanboys can wipe off the cream from their panties.

iPad is the biggest technological failure of last few decades. It’s made by Apple so expecting it to suck is fair, but Apple went way overboard delivering suckiness when iPad was released without support for Flash.

Did you realize that all YouTube videos are playable on your computer only because your computer supports flash? That’s right and it’s not only YouTube. Most of the big players in online video sharing use flash platform to offer video streaming. The videos you see when you go to DailyMotion, LiveLeak, MySpace Videos, Google Videos, MetaCafe, etc – they all stream files with .flv extension which is an extension for Flash Video. So if you surf any of those websites on an iPad, instead of seeing their vids, you will see blue legos. Because that’s how Apple rocks. Blue Legos everywhere flash is needed. Count millions of websites, many of which are some of internet’s most visited portals. iPad = FAIL

iPad – The Truth About the Apple Device

Happy — Thu, 28 Jan 2010 22:55:12 +0000

Yesterday what was many considered a big deal in the techie world because Apple jock Steve Jobs introduced what was to be the next big thing – iPad. As for me, whether it’s iPad, iPod, iPhone, iSuckballs or whatever else you call it – those are all Apple products and Apple never delivers. Their overpriced, underperforming gadgets for fanbois are for show off, not for use. I can find a better way to throw money out the window if I choose to do so and will leave buying of lame Apple products to people without brains. But let’s focus on the ever-mighty iPad and the truth behind the device:

No matter how much Apple fanbois end up being crybabies all over the internet worshipping their little sexually dysfunctional Gods by brownnosing their anal warted cavities, it changes nothing on the fact that iPad, just as every other Apple product FAILs hard. And what iPad really is? I’ll let the picture above answer that question. Just take duct tape from your kitchen drawer and tape four iPhones together and you will get this super awesome device there has been so much secrecy about prior to yesterday’s press conference. iPad = yet another Apple FAIL.

Burger King Drama – Angry Customer Fails at Smashing the Window

Happy — Tue, 12 Jan 2010 19:20:40 +0000

It’s hard to imagine anything more humiliating than this. A customer in Burger King got really pissed off at something and went to vent his frustration with the building. He started by throwing his drink at the wall and followed by grabbing a chair which he intended to smash against door windows to break them to shards. He took a swing, ran towards the door and then bam – failed. You got to wait for it and see to laugh your stinky ass off, but the icing on the cake is the remark by the cameraman who concludes angry customer’s failure with “You fookin’ knobhead!” That’s when I went down laughing. Precious video.

Adobe After Effects Crash Report FAIL

Happy — Sat, 12 Dec 2009 19:55:59 +0000

Well, at first sight this is a pretty hilarious Adobe After Effects Crash Report that outlines the reality of working with Adobe After Effects (video special effects software by Adobe) but smart people will see where the issue lies right away. And it’s not in Adobe After Effects, it’s in the platform the user is on. Dude, get yourself a real computer, not a MAC and your problems will diminish. Or did you actually think that you will get any work done by working on a failed platform? MAC users are hilariously dumb…

Golf Digest Cover Features Tiger Woods with Barack Obama (pic)

Happy — Thu, 10 Dec 2009 17:18:10 +0000

Golf Digest, a popular magazine about golf features two biggest failures of 2009 on their January issue cover – Tiger Woods and Barack Obama. The Golf Digest cover also bears a title of the story which reads: “10 Tips Obama Can Take From Tiger.” Obviously, the editors of Golf Digest have no idea what they are talking about. The story should have been named as I have implied above: “Two Biggest Failures of 2009″. That would have been more appropriate and accurate.

According to a spokesperson associated with Golf Digest, the January issue was put together two weeks prior to Tiger Woods’ scandals and the article inside does not address any of that. Yet they are not considering to pull the issues from the shelves. Still, it’s precious timing how they managed to photoshop two biggest failures of 2009 before they both crown themselves as such. Hilarious.

Complete Loser Groom Updates His Facebook and Twitter During Wedding Ceremony

Happy — Wed, 02 Dec 2009 16:11:12 +0000

No matter how hard you try, you can’t be any more of a loser than this groom in the video. He’s standing before the minister, he pulls out his cell phone to update his status on Facebook and Twitter. His wife to be in a few second – Tracy was handed a cell phone too to help updating cause when loser marry, you wanna make sure both are on the same page. Complete fail at life.

Ban Female Drivers!

Happy — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 07:11:30 +0000

Laws exist to ensure public safety. How is it possible that there is no law banning females from driving is beyond me. Each woman behind a wheel of an automobile is a deadly weapon and a danger to public safety. No matter how politically correct you choose to be, women can NOT drive. Period. This should not be discussed any further. It’s an undisputed fact and action should be taken to prevent further damage to lives and property. Ban Female Drivers NOW!

The video above hit the internet several days ago. I was the only one who immediately identified the driver as a female when the video was posted on AlbertaStars.com. It was a no brainer – it takes a woman to deliver parking fail of such epic proportions and then casually drive away like nothing happened. I’ve been saying it all along, now it’s time to take action: Ban Female Drivers. For the sake of public safety, act not and ban female drivers immediately.

The woman who has no business driving in this video is Tripta Kaushal. 62 year old worthless driver (just as all women are) wanted to go to Extreme Fitness club in Thornhill, Ontario, Canada to get some fitness in her useless body but changed her mind after this epic parking fail. Instead of getting some fitness going, Tripta Kaushal casually reversed her BMW X5 and drove off like nothing happened.

What stupid wench did not realize (woman), is that her epic driving capabilities were recorded on club’s surveillance camera and posted on the internet. From there it was a mere question of time before the video took off and went viral. It takes a woman to deliver this shit.

One of the cars Tripta Kaushal destroyed was a 2004 Hyunday Elantra which belonged to Todd Jamison, system administrator at Extreme Fitness. He was obviously not happy seeing his piece of crap Hyunday destroyed, consulted the surveillance tapes and contacted the police. Through video enhancements, the police were able to get the license plate number of the SUV that destroyed Elantra and traced down the female driver – Tripta Kaushal.

Tripta Kaushal was charged with failing to remain at the scene of an accident and Todd Jamison… he was offered a brand new, 2010 Hyunday Elantra as a random act of kindness by Hyunday Canada. The best PR Hyunday could ever do for themselves. Congrats. Now if they only could lobby for banning of female drivers. We need to get the likes of Tripta Kaushal off Canadian roads.

Beer Steak Bullshit » Fail

Alexandra of America’s Next Top Model Falls and Gets Owned by Swinging Gong

Further Reading:

Thomas Bruso Interview

Further Reading:

Tablet Comparison – iPad vs Ancient Stone

Further Reading:

iPad and Flash Support Lacking Feature – Get Used to Seeing Blue Legos

Further Reading:

iPad – The Truth About the Apple Device

Further Reading:

Burger King Drama – Angry Customer Fails at Smashing the Window

Further Reading:

Adobe After Effects Crash Report FAIL

Further Reading:

Golf Digest Cover Features Tiger Woods with Barack Obama (pic)

Further Reading:

Complete Loser Groom Updates His Facebook and Twitter During Wedding Ceremony

Further Reading:

Ban Female Drivers!

Further Reading: