Beer Steak Bullshit

NY Post Page 6 reports that comic Artie Lange who’s best known for being a Howard Stern sidekick stabbed himself nine times in a suicide attempt. How can he stab himself in a suicide attempt? Are there no self preservation mechanisms in Artie Lange’s mind that would prevent him from inflicting pain upon himself continuously with intentions to take his own life? I mean – I can understand someone taking pills, jumping off the building or pulling a trigger of a handgun in their mouth, cause this type of suicide attempt only takes a simple one time action and that should be it. But stabbing yourself? How can you stab yourself and do it repeatedly while you’re at it?

According to Page 6, Artie Lange was discovered bloodied in his Hoboken apartment by his mom who alerted the police by calling 911 and had him taken to a hospital. Surgeons say Artie Lange was bleeding heavily due to excessive stab wounds but they managed to save his life. So now that his life is saved, Artie Lange can chalk this suicide attempt off as another of his life failures. If you can’t even kill yourself properly then you seriously fail at life. Bloody show off.

Artie Lange Photo by Bobby Bank, WireImage

When Artie Lange mentioned on Joe Buck Live that there are coyotes fucking 18 year old girls on the internet, I immediately started to pay attention. Sucker did not say where and searching for it on my own proved to be a bitch. Wanna be comedians are just like that – they’d turn you on, drive up expectations, and then they’d leave you there unsatisfied. Artie Lange, you bastard (Joe Buck surely rephrased this line in his mind many a time as he watched Artie Lange completely destroying his show).

Joe Buck Live Show premiered last night on HBO.com – yes, it was an internet broadcast talk show and it doesn’t look like it went the way Joe Buck would have wished. There was an online only segment the video of which is below and one of the guests was the joke buddy of Howard Stern’s – Artie Lange. Since this was Joe Buck’s first show which was in the works for half of year, I’m pretty sure he was banging his head against the wall to have invited Artie Lange to be a part of it. And I’m also pretty sure Artie Lange ain’t getting no more invites to any shows anymore.

While it was kind of funny, Artie Lange surely is a big try hard. I’m all for intelligent humor, but the moment you try hard to make sure you come up with a line that must be offensive, then you are a joke. Funny people don’t need to try hard and throw a line that makes you giggle. Artie Lange doesn’t reach that level of intelligence, so he tries hard. The result is in the video below:

Note – that idiotic maggot Pete Wentz is purposefully cropped out of this pic. You can see part of his faggy shoulder next to Ashlee Simpson’s gay coat. I seriously can’t stand that maggot’s mug. He’s got the most irritating face in the world. It’s one of those stupid mugs that calls for you to punch it in the face to save it from itself. And he walks like he’s got the broom up his faggy ass.

Pete Wentz paid visit to the Howard Stern show and guess what – they talked about sex. No fucking way… a Howard Stern guest who talks about sex? When did this trend start… Not fucking funny, moron. To sum it all up, Ashlee Simpson takes it in the ass from Pete Wentz. I’m surprised those two lamers know what anal sex is. I mean, I know. I’ve seen it on the net. But Ashlee Simpson having anal sex with Pete Wentz… Something doesn’t add up here.

Pete Wentz probably thought he’s gonna come out of it as fucking jock when Howard Stern asked him about women he slept with, but Ashlee Simpson is not impressed. Skank just gave birth to a kid that’s not mine. You know what that means? That means that someone other than me sprayed his stinking sperm all over her cervix leaving her pussy in pure man juice mess. How fucking disgusting. Did you get the same visual I got? Gross fucking shit. Imagine that man juice is from that maggot Pete Wentz… I won’t mind if you can’t hold vomit any longer. I puked all over my testes myself. That shit’s just fucking disgusting. And they’d named the kid Bronx Mowgli. Enough said!

Pete Wentz fucks Ashlee Simpson in the ass… when she lets him. Totally… those two have anal sex together. Who would have imagined. Pete Wentz probably shoved his mini man in Ashlee Simpsons belly button and it felt like ass to him. Now he’s bragging to Howard Stern about it.

“We have an amazing sex life,” that’s what he said. Yeah right. Maggot watched Titanic and imagined himself in a fogged vintage car when Ashlee was sleeping. Amazing sex life my ass.

Anyway, no real point here other than according to Pete Wentz, he has anal sex with Ashlee Simpson. He should put lube on his hand – it’ll stop feeling like Ashlee Simpson’s ass and he’ll get the impression of her vagina instead. Change is good, moron!

Diana DeGarmo participated in season three of the American Idol when she was 16. She ended up second and went on to have a successful career as an actress on Broadway.

Diana DeGarmo is now 21 year old and her success at the American Idol four years ago opened up some doors which lead to a score of roles in New York theaters. Fantasia Barrino, a girl who beat Diana DeGarmo and won season three of the American Idol is also in New York and also having a successful acting career going on Broadway.

Howard Stern did an interview with Diana DeGarmo this morning in which she talked about her acting and how everything fell nicely in place for her. Talk about great start to life at the age of 16. Lucky girl. Best of luck to her.

Beth Ostrosky and Howard Stern Wedding Picture

Check out Beth Ostrosky and Howard Stern wedding pictures. Not much right? Well, that’s because their wedding was kept rather low profile and all wedding pictures there are so far are the sneaky paparazzi ones, who never got a chance to snap any good ones. Beth Ostrosky and Howard Stern are not like Lindsay Lohan who lives to promenade herself for the paparazzi.

No, I wasn’t invited and neither were you. We both suck, my friend. There were some high profile guests that attended Howard Stern and Beth Ostrosky wedding. Multi billionaire and TV show off Donald Trump was one of the guests (picture is available in the gallery below), Joan Rivers was also at the wedding, John Stamos was at the wedding, Denise Richard was at the wedding, Robin Quivers was at the wedding, Al D’Amato (former senator) was at the wedding, Billy and Katie Lee Joel were at the wedding – in other words, quite the cream of the crop attended, got themselves some good time going while you and me were wondering what to do next with our lives. Just to make the list bigger, here are some other celebrity names that showed up for Beth Ostrosky and Howard Stern wedding (no pictures) – Barbara Walters, Chevy Chase, Billy Joel, Jimmy Kimmel and Sarah Silverman.

Billy Joel sang two songs for the wedding guests and Chevy Chase delivered a roast for newly wed couple (so they say). So yeah, that sexy hot ass Beth Ostrosky married his awesomeness Howard Stern exactly as I have said in that previous post.

Congrats to the married coupled. Some Beth Ostrosky and Howard Stern Wedding Pictures in the gallery below:

Beth Ostrosky, she the hot piece of ass that Howard Stern gets to bone. Life’s definitely not fair.

Beth Ostrosky was born to a mother who was a professional model and she wanted to whore herself up on a cat-walk just the same. Living in Pittsburg didn’t quite cut it, so she moved to New York where there are more golden penises to suck. Some people in New York have so much money, they shoot dollar bills out of their dicks when they cum. It’s true. Ask Beth Ostrosky!

Well, something definitely worked out, cause Beth Ostrosky was able to score an acting job alongside Ben Stiller in Flirting with Disaster. Later Beth scored yet better role in Whipped and got herself started as successful swimwear model. Then she joined genital juices with Howard stern and has been his fiancee since.

Beth Ostrosky and Howard Stern met at some white collar party of sorts that neither of them was supposed to attend, but auntie Faith called in and dragged their asses there, they hooked up, fingered each others anal cavity and have been participating in poop exchange as fiancee couple since. Nah, I’m just fucking jealous cause mofo Howard Stern gets handjobs from Beth Ostrosky. I really don’t know what they do in their spare time. Probably play chess. Chess is actually a fantastic foreplay. Gets you all heated up for Sudoku.