Beer Steak Bullshit

This awful looking blond in the picture is Jasmine Fiore. 28 year old Jasmine Fiore is a bikini model and Playboy representative. Why am I not surprised that when I see a fake blonde with atrocious fake boobs and beastly make-up with chola eyebrows, it’s somehow associated with Playboy. Hugh Hefner has the worst taste in women and he imposes it on unsavvy men through his outdated magazine. Hef needs to realize that there’s only one creature worthy of coveted title “model” – Squirrel the Magnificent. Nobody can pose those moobs like he can, nevermind the best impersonation of Nosferatu since Max Schreck.

However, despite her horrendous looks, I’m not gonna focus on that too much as poor Jasmine Fiore may be going through some hardship. Lisa Lepore, mother of Jasmine Fiore reported to the police that her daughter was last seen on Friday, August 14, 2009 and has not been heard from since.

Jasmine Fiore, whose name was Jasmine Kinkaid until her recent move to Los Angeles, moved to California from Las Vegas to start a personal training business there. She lived in the 800 block of Edinburgh Avenue, close to Melrose Avenue and according to her mom, she was not planning to go anywhere. And then bam – missing. Lisa Lepore says it’s not typical of her daughter to vanish without saying where she’s going so she’s rightfully freaked out.

If you see said Jasmine Fiore, don’t freak out. Collect yourself and contact LAPD about her whereabouts. I know she may scare the living poop out of you, but she’s just a harmless blonde with nasty tits is all.

Limp Bizkit frontman Fred Durst decided to tie a knot and remove himself from the pool of available bachelors by marrying Esther Nazarov. Fred Burst used Twitter to express his true feelings in April of this year – yeah, people who use Twitter rock like that. He said Esther Nazarov is his true love and that he has never known true love until now and blah blah all that stuff that Twitter can be good for. To show he means business, Fred Durst also posted a picture of a wedding ring Esther Nazarov will have worn. Come today, Esther Nazarov and Fred Durst are a married couple. File Esther Nazarov under “another successful gold digger”.

Is it me or does Esther Nazarov really look like Miley Cyrus with those nasty upper gums? You know how unpleasing Miley Cyrus looks when she smiles and upper gums get exposed like she’s a fucking horse, right? Well, Esther Nazarov suffers from the same awfulness. Maybe women who have big upper gums give good head. I wouldn’t know, I only do anal (yeah, I wish). If she makes Freddie happy, then good luck to them. Couple that licks upper gums together, stays together.

After the wedding that went down in Las Vegas, Fred Durst resorted to Tweeting again: “Cheers to the universe from me and my lovely wife Esther Durst!! We are now one and complete. )” I wonder if he tweeted about the wedding night blowjob. Imagine that: “Dude, Esther is totally licking my ballsack. That’s so awesome. WTF woman, pull that shit out of my ass you bitch. Yeah, that’s what I’m talking about. more pee please!”

Let’s hope this marriage doesn’t end up in pooper like his first one.

Just when you thought Miss USA could not get any worse, the title was given to perhaps the most plastic looking, overused blonde by the name of Kristen Dalton. Donald Trump has awful taste in women. Have they seriously run out of pretty girls or does Donald Trump purposefully request plastic looking, Playboy style Barbie doll blondes without charisma?

Kristen Dalton who won Miss North Carolina pageant represented her state at Miss USA 2009 and won the contest. Miss West Virginia Jessi Pierson won herself the Miss Photogenic title and Miss Congeniality award was won by Miss Wyoming Cynthia Pate. Miss California Carrie Prejean ended as first runner up and second runner up was Miss Arizona Alicia-Monique Blanco. The Miss USA 2009 was held at the Planet Hollywood Resort Casino in Las Vegas and was broadcast live nationally on NBC.

Miss North Carolina turned Miss USA 2009 Kristen Dalton is a 22 year old Wilmington native with family history of Miss pageants. The Miss North Carolina title was won by her mother in 1982 and her sister won Miss North Carolina Teen USA 2008. Kristen Dalton also contested in Miss North Carolina Teen USA in 2005 and was first runner up back then.

Having won Miss USA 2009, Kristen Dalton will go to represent her country in the Miss Universe pageant. Here’s hoping Kristen Dalton will continue with hilarious tradition of Miss USA at Miss Universe and will fall on her ass like her two predecessors Miss USA 2007 Rachel Smith and Miss USA 2008 Crystle Stewart. Perhaps being from North Carolina, she could outdo her South Carolina counterpart and be both dumb and fall on her ass.

Gallery of pictures from Miss USA 2009 pageant with newly crowned Miss Kristen Dalton is below.

Photos by Judy Eddy, WENN.com

When Carrie Underwood got on stage at last night’s Academy of CMA 2009 – Country Music Awards in Las Vegas to perform her hit song “I Told You So”, everyone’s jaws dropped. It wasn’t her stunning performance, it was the dress she was wearing. And truth be told, it was something else. Look at the pic above.

Six times entertainer of the year CMA award winner Carrie Underwood was wearing a cascading russet ball gown which literally filled up the stage at MGM Grand. It looks majestic, but I have to give Carrie Underwood kudos for actually being able to move wearing such dress. You’d think one would need seven concubines to assist with the dress if you’re wearing one of that size.

Prior to being awarded the best entertainer of the year award, Carrie Underwood also received the top female artist award. The video of her I Told You So performance along with the acceptance speech is below. Carrie Underwood totally owned the CMA 2009. Not bad for a former American Idol winner. :

Photo of Carrie Underwood at CMA 2009 by Mark J. Terrill, AP Photo

Yes, it’s the same gold digger Sarah Larson who was chewing on George Clooney’s nut sack just last year and yes, it’s the same Ryan Cabrera who was fisting Ashlee Simpson’s prostate yet before that. Yes, I wouldn’t be surprised if Ashlee Simpson had a prostate. But let’s get back to our awesome couple of failed gold diggers – Sarah Larson and Ryan Cabrera.

Sarah Larson had a little bit too much to drink at the Sundance Film Festival in Las Vegas and got all raunchy with half a dozen men. Failed gold diggers seek attention anywhere they can, even if it requires showing 6 dicks in your mouth at the same time. When her pussy-rubbing-against-six-men session was done with, dumb gold digger dumped failed losers and left with Ryan Cabrera. She must have took a smarten up pill later that night to have had dumped failed losers and swapped them for a failed gold digger. Ryan Cabrera’s name at least made it on some sites and magazine pages. What a has been either way.

What the couple of failed gold diggers did together is a big mystery, maybe they’d sat at the round table and had a business talk. next thing we see is a new business formed in Las Vegas. Name of the business? Sarah Larson and Ryan Cabrera school of failed gold digging – have your whoring destroyed the spectacular way.

Sarah Larson pic credit: AP (Associated Press)

There is no doubt Robbie Maddison got laid last night. He got lucky big time, but screw that shit. Did you saw the ho that was gonna suck on his dick? She’s an ugly fug. Ewww, so much for a 100 foot drop on a motorcycle, Robbie Maddison if all you got out of that was that ugly whore blowing your junk.

This video of a crazy motorcycle stunt pulled off by Robbie Maddison was broadcast live on New years Eve 2008 as part of Red Bull No Limit New Years Eve show (copyright ESPN 2009). Robbie Maddison jumped on top of a building riding his motorcycle and then jump down 100 feet on a platform below where an ugly fake whore was wating for him giving him signs that she was gonna swallow his man juice in whole tonight. Dude risked his fucking life and gets laid with a fug. Great job, duche. Nice stant though.

Happy New Year to all of my wonderful readers for putting up with my lame ass during 2008 and making Beer Steak Bullshit blog a success. You guys rock. You also get laid more than I do. May your genital juices get lots of loving in 2009 and may herpes stay away from you and jump on everyone who doesn’t want to fuck with you. This one’s gonna one hell of a year. PF 2009

Snow in Las Vegas – yeah, that phrase doesn’t go together very well. Las Vegas is better known for its hot, often very hot weather and now this. 3.6 inches of snow fell in Las Vegas during rare snowstorm that engulfed the sin city on Wednesday and Thursday. It’s the most snow Las Vegas has seen since January 1979, when the city got covered with 7.5 inches of snow.

This type of sprinkle is not even considered snow here in Canada. But it’s always fun to see how areas of the world located in warmer climates deal with unusual snow falls. Vegas was just as anything else – paralyzed. The airport was closed, traffic was head over heels, people freaked out… Makes me laugh my ass off. But to ease it all up, it happens in Canada too. Province of Alberta, where I’m from is very cold and we get snowed a lot. After we’d dealt with cold weather and blizzards for months, Ontario gets a little sprinkle and it’s on national news cause the whole city of Toronto gets paralyzed. Fucking newbs

Anyway, after crazy snow storm on Wednesday, the it has cleared up in Las Vegas on Thursday but snow was still all over the place. The planes were landing again and people had the opportunity to snap pictures by the famous “Welcome to Fabulous Las Vegas Nevada” sign surrounded by white sheet of snow.

More pics from snowy Las Vegas below. All pics are copyright Getty Images.

Amy Colley made her first mark on the list of cool when she won Miss Tennessee 2005. After the pageant she went back to being, well… a nobody. And now her gold digging efforts eventually paid off. Amy Colley hooked up with country singer Kenny Chesney and the two are successfully exchanging genital fluids.

Renee Zellweger is not impressed. Or maybe she doesn’t care – who knows. She’s Kenny Chesney’s ex wife so he can exchange genital fluids with whomever he wants, right?

Amy Estella Colley was born in Jonesborough, Tennessee. After participating in various Miss pageants for several years, she eventually won the title of Miss Tennessee and went to represent her state in the Miss USA 2005 but didn’t place. At present time Amy Colley works as a nurse at the burn unit. Wait – a nurse? I betcha she gives Kenny Chesney prostate massages with latex gloves on. Naughty, naughty. Great success!

Amy Colley has been Kenny Chesney’s girlfriend for 4 months and the couple has already taken several vacations together. Unless Amy Colley swallows, Las Vegas, Malibu and the Bahamas are forever territorially marked with the sperm from Kenny Chesney’s penis.

Eve Mazzarella started her Las Vegas journey as a maid after she’d dropped out of Seattle high school because she got pregnant. Las Vegas real estate market was becoming hot so Eve Mazzarella took a course and obtained a real estate certificate allowing her to start a career in the housing market. That was back in 2000.

By 2006, Eve Mazzarella was one of top “30 under 30″ realtors in the US. Her sales for the year reached $13.8 million and all competition was impressed with her success. She seemed to be talented, hard working and determined all of which contributed to her success – in the eyes of others.

The things took sudden turn in March of 2008. Eve Mazzarella and her husband Steven Grimm were indicted on six counts of bank fraud by the U.S. Attorney for Nevada and FBI raided their house the day after. It appears as though Eve Mazzarella and Steven Grimm took advantage of lax money lending policies, arranged sales on certain houses, took a mortgage and walked away from it. The whole process worked something like this:

Eve Mazzarella and Steven Grimm would pay few thousand dollars to a person with good credit who would pose as a buyer of a particular property. Eve Mazzarella and Steven Grimm applied for a mortgage on the straw buyer’s behalf. The buyers were instructed to offer the seller more than an asking price, and the difference was to be used on repairs and/or remodeling. This repair money was then send to the company controlled by Eve Mazzarella and Steven Grimm after the deal closed. Newly acquired property was then transferred into a limited liability company owned by Eve Mazzarella and Steven Grimm who subsequently hired another straw buyer who was paid to purchase the same property in the same way – for a higher price which was purposefully over inflated in order to cover for repair/remodeling done by the seller. This process was repeated over and over until there were no more straw buyers to buy it for any higher price. The last straw buyer ended up with his/her name on the loan which ultimately lead to their default notices, destroyed credit and unless they were really wealthy and capable of buying their way out of it – bankruptcy.

According to assistant U.S. Attorney Brian Pugh, Eve Mazzarella and Steven Grimm defrauded $8.7 million in their little mortgage scam games. The case is on going.

OJ Simpson Verdict: Guilty on all 12 Counts, Faces Life in Prison

OJ Simpson Verdict: Guilty on All 12 Counts. First of all though – they’ve got midnight court room trials in Las Vegas or what? How can a trial take in the middle of the night? But I gues that’s Vegas for you baby… And damn. Sucks to be OJ Simpson but that’s what you get. Karma took 13 years, but it showed no compromise. OJ Simpson verdict was strict and heavy. He’s now facing 15 years to life in prison for just the kidnapping charge itself. Other charges could fetch him additional 10 years behind bars. I hope he’s got enough Vaseline. Bubba is surely looking forward to a new, tight salad in the yard.

The sentencing will take place on December 5. While OJ Simpson faced his verdict with straight face, his sister cried and fainted in the front row as his bro was being taken away in handcuffs. This concludes the trial that took 4 weeks.

13 is definitely not OJ Simpson’s lucky number. 13 years after the 1995 murder and 13 hours on the hour he’s found guilty of everything he was charged with. Count your luck, OJ Simpson.

The OJ Simpson case was highly publicized so everybody probably knows about it already, so just a brief reminder – OJ Simpson (allegedly) stab murdered his ex-wife Nicole Brown Simpson and her lover Ronald Goldman but was found NOT guilty… The last year OJ Simpson robbed two sport memorabilia dealers at gunpoint in Vegas and that’s when he sealed his faith.

OJ = Guilty. Obviously, the defense will appeal on the all white jury.

Handcuffed O.J. Simpson Photo Credit: Steve Marcus, The New York Times