Beer Steak Bullshit

If you near pooped in your menstruation pad as your eyes landed on the pictures of the new Miss America above, don’t be ashamed – it happens to the best of us. Afterall, you were expecting to see a beauty pageant contestant, not a horror movie screenshot, right? I understand. Let me explain what’s going on here: Miss Virginia Caressa Cameron has just been crowned Miss America 2010 and I can’t help but ask – were the judges blond (meant to say “blind” originally but “blond” works just as well)? Caressa Cameron looks absolutely horrid, but I surely don’t have to tell you that, you have your own eyes to fill you in.

Who exactly is behind Miss America? It almost looks as though the winner was predetermined by the test the contestants would have gone through prior to the gala. Caressa Cameron looks like she can blow four people at the same time with mouth of that size so she got the vote. I can’t explain her victory otherwise.

Sadly enough, there was no contestant at the 2010 Miss America pageant who would look half decent. No cute girl next door, just slutty stripper pole polishing types who look like they have solid history of crack abuse. Don’t tell me there are no cute girls in America. There must be at least a handful out of over 300 million people. Why do the skankiest looking ones make it to Miss America? It’s disgusting.

Gallery of pictures of horrid looking Miss America 2010 Caressa Cameron is below:

Caressa Cameron – Miss America 2010 photos by Ethan Miller / Getty Images and Steve Marcus / Reuters

Nicole Lamarche is a swimsuit model and a Miss San Francisco 2003 who left the career of being pretty and became the reverend of Cotuit Federated Church. Now I know there is something incredibly attractive about women who give their body and soul to God – that’s why nun porn has always done very well within adult industry and continues to be a popular niche and the story of Nicole Lamarche doesn’t make it any better. Especially since she was previously promenading herself on the stage wearing only bikini and now she’s a reverend.

Nicole Lamarche is now 30 year old, but as attractive as ever. A cougar you might say. As former swimsuit model, she’s tall and slender, with long hair and gorgeous, beaming smile. 2 years ago, when she became minister of Cotuit Federated Church, parishioners of Cape Cod village were not impressed by having a reverend with the modeling past. If I was a Cape Cod village resident, I’d insist our Reverend Nicole Lamarche serves masses wearing a bikini. I’d start attending church again. I’d even donate to church. Got to make sure Nicole Lamarche can afford more swimsuits to guide her lost sheep.

Nicole Lamarche attended Miss pageants with purpose of monetizing on her good looks (afterall, all models and wannabe Miss contestants do it for that very reason). She won Miss Greater Bay Area, followed up to win Miss San Francisco and moved on to become Miss California all in 2003. During that time, she was already enrolled in the seminary school. Being Miss California, she went to represent her state on Miss America, which landed her $24,000 in prize money and things were looking good. Her school got more traffic than any other time in history.

Things are good for Reverend Nicole Lamarche. Her parishioners got used to having a pastor who posed for millions of people in the bikini, she got married to Jeremy Nickel and had a wonderful honeymoon in Morocco. She’s good looking and happy, Could life get any better?

Photo of Rev Nicole Lamarche with the parishioners by John Bohn (Globe).

Oh noooos, Miss Washington Elyse Umemoto got high on booze, had good time with her gay friends and took some photos. Photos got leaked (translation: sold) and TMZ posted them. Bis scandal now – racy photos of young bitch are all over the net. Unheard of, what’s this world coming to?

Miss Washington Elyse Umemoto finished third at the 2008 Miss America Pageant. Then sometimes earlier this year, Elyse Umemoto got excited about life and did what all young people do – consume alcoholic beverages. Cameras are ever present nowadays, and people are ever greedy. Elyse Umemoto’s fun times were captured on camera and photos sold to TMZ. Now it turned into big ass scandal, cause I suppose once you become Miss Washington, you are expected to put on a nun dress and lock your vagina behind chastity belt.

I don’t know what the big deal is all about. Nobody remembers any Miss contestants, unless they cause a scandal. What’s the deal with snorting a little cocaine anyway?

Mike Miller – one of executive directors at Miss Washington told TMZ that Miss Washington organization is embarrassed. However, at least these people did not immediately over-react and strip Elyse Umemoto off her crown. According to Mike Miller, Elyse Umemoto has been representing Miss Washington Scholarship Organization and did good job (translation: bitch sucks mean cock) so they are not considering any disciplinary action against her ass based on the behavior depicted in these racy photos. Anyone hiring for a position of executive director at any Miss pageant? My needs a quality blow job.

More scandalous racy pictures of Miss Washington Elyse Umemoto posted by TMZ in the gallery below. You can leave comments on each photo individually: