Not here, geeee. Beer Steak Blog is a safe for work site. But we know where to go to see the pic of Robert Pattinson naked. And I will tell, but let me tell you first – the kid has grown up on me. I used to see just a hairy dude, now I see Edward Cullen. And I’m not even a 12 year old girl and I kind of enjoyed Twilight. Does it mean I’m gay?

If you didn’t know, Robert Pattinson played Salvador Dali in the upcoming movie Little Ashes (release date set for May 8th, 2009). Little Ashes is rated R and as it turns out, at one point Robert Pattinson aka Salvador Dali poses in front of the mirror butt naked with his penis tucked in. Pubes are showing, not sure about butt. Does talking about naked dudes make me even more gay?

Click here for NSFW pic of Robert Pattinson Naked!

Cloris Leachman jumped on a bandwagon full of celebrities who release their tell all autobiographies. The banwagon is known for reaching said celebrities at such stage in their lives, when nobody really gives a poop about them (we all get there sooner or later) and this is just about the last shout in the dark they can make. The autobiography like that is guaranteed to include some spiced up stories full of sex and booze and midget amputee tranny bukake parties cause otherwise no one would buy that crap. And so does the Cloris Leachman autobiography.

The New York Post got a pre release peak of the upcoming tell-all book by Cloris Leachman titled simply “Cloris” (am I the only one who thinks of clitoris each time I see her name?) and shared a few lines with their readers which include… you guessed it – a story of how Cloris Leachman bumped into Gene Hackman in San Francisco while they were both shooting in the area in the 1970′s. The two went to have a dinner together, they didn’t even finish eating, ran upstairs and had epic sex together.

What a boring story, Cloris Leachman. You should have blown him in the elevator and get busboy clean up the sperm by telling him it much have been a dog vomit. To be fair, Cloris Leachman did add a spark to it at the end when she said she’d never seen Gene Hackman since. I like love stories with happy ending.

Kudos to grandma Cloris Leachman, though. Nice of her to be still so cheerful and share (most likely) truthful stories from her life. I hope her book does well. Cloris Leachman is now 82 year old.

Cloris Leachman Photo by Stefano Paltera for Los Angeles Times

23 year old Kerby Revelus has gone insane. First he stabbed his 17 year old sister to death, then in front of the police officer decapitated his other sister, who’s only 5 year old and then went after his 9 year old sister but the police officer shot him dead to prevent another needless killing. Now, I’ve heard of all sorts of messed up personalities, but if a man beheads his own 5 year old sister like Kerby Revelus did, that’s beyond messed up.

I was gone whole weekend. Had an awesome time in Jasper (that’s a nice town in the Rocky Mountains in Canada), I come back home and all I can see are Man Beheads Sister headlines. I’m like – you have got to be kidding me. I look into it – no… no joke. Kerby Revelus delivered. I don’t even know how to write about it, it’s so messed up. Girl was only 5 year old – he beheaded that little creature. And it was his own sister. And yet before the beheading, he knifed his other sister. And had cop not shot him, there would be another sister murdered. What would he do to this one? Carve her heart out and eat it, cause decapitation was already performed on another?

The man beheads sister rampage of Kerby Revelus took place in Milton, a wealthy suburb of Boston, Massachusetts on Saturday March 28, 2009. Bianca Revelus, his little 5 year old sister who was decapitated just celebrated her birthday one day prior. When officers entered the crime scene, 17 year old Samantha Revelus was already dead on the floor while 9 year old Sarafina Revelus (student at the Tucker Elementary School), who called the police watched his brother shot dead.

The police learned Kerby Revelus got into a fist fight with a neighbor the day before his rampage. He was still agitated on Saturday and seems to have relieved his anger on his own sisters. From old police records it seems Kerby Revelus truly had issues. He served time in jail on gun charges and the police previously visited the house where he carnaged his sisters after a domestic violence report. Kerby Revelus had allegedly punched a woman that time. The report does not confirm how many times Kerby Revelus was shot at by the police, but I wouldn’t be surprised if each officer who entered the scene emptied their weapon on him. Must have been a shock seeing one little girl knifed on the floor and another one just beheaded as you enter. The Revelus family was originally from Haiti.

The video about the man beheads sister rampage of Kerby Revelus from Milton, Mass is below:

I’ll be brief on this one – watch Monsters vs Aliens Trailer. The movie is in theaters near you right now and it’s awesome. Monsters vs Aliens is an animated movie brought to you by Dreamworks and made by the same people who created Shrek – need I say more? Shrek freaking rocked and so does Monsters vs Aliens. There’s nothing hotter than two monster creatures fighting each other anyway. The list of cast contains some well recognized names such as Hugh Laurie, Seth Rogen, Keifer Sutherland, Paul Rudd, Reese Witherspoon or Rainn Wilson. Well worth your time. Monsters vs Aliens movie trailer is below:

On its way of going down and down and down, Playboy continues with its endless charade of fail. Naming Joanna Krupa the sexiest swimsuit model in the world is Playboy’s latest showcase of how irrelevant and ridiculous this magazine is. I mean look at her – Joanna Krupa has got fake tits. The moment there are fake tits involved is the moment word sexy leaves the play and becomes completely irrelevant. Playboy has been irrelevant with the focus on fake breasted women for decades. It’s about time the operation of the irrelevant publication reached the end. And from sales of the magazin it seems like that day is not too far.

Joanna Krupa Bio

Joanna Krupa was born in Poland and just as 80% of poles, her parents moved out of there and settled abroad. This time in Chicago where Polish population is through the roof. According to interview with Fox New, Joanna Krupa has no issues posing topless or naked and tells other models that worrying about posing for the camera without clothes is ridiculous. Joanna Krupa said she took inspiration from quote of Pope John Paul II who said that people are born named, so showing naked bodies means showing works of God.

Aside from Playboy, Joanna Krupa also posed for other magazines for men, including Stuff, FHM, Inside Sport, Personal, Maxim,S teppin’ Out, and Teeze.

Below is the gallery of photos with Joanna Krupa. Take a look and tell if you really think this woman is the sexiest swimsuit model in the world as Playboy claims. No way, says me!

What a store of loving relationship between the father and the son. Carl DeCotis hits his own son Anthony DeCotis with his GMC Yukon truck, almost running his son over, then gets out of the truck, starts yelling at him, takes his car keys and drives off while his son is down on the ground with injuries after having just been almost run over by his own dad. The whole ordeal that took place on a of Town Line Ten Pin bowling alley parking lot was recorded on a surveillance camera proving father’s malicious intentions (battery with a dangerous weapon). With such video proof, Carl DeCotis is facing up to 10 years in jail.

68 year old multi-millionaire from Carl DeCotis is scheduled to appear before the judge on April 7 in Malden District Court. His son, 34 year old Anthony DeCotis says he doesn’t want his father in jail, even though he suffered arm and chest injuries after having been hit by the GMC Yukon in October of 2008.

Town Line Ten Pin bowling alley parking lot where the incident took place is owned by the DeCotis family. There’s a whole melee going on between the father and the son which now also involves slander and fraud charges. The case is so messed up I’m not even going to bother with it. However video of the incident as recorded by the CCTV camera has just become available and it’s shared right below. I’m surprised that Carl DeCotis did not take into account there was a camera filming him, since it’s his own parking lot. The dude must have some senile issues and takes it out on everyone around.

You know how it’s a common knowledge on the internet, that when someone disagrees in what somebody else has wrote, they call him a Nazi? Well, seems like Nazi label is even more popular among Jews who throw here back and forth whether its use is justified or not. It happened to be the case with the above pictured cartoon by Pat Oliphant which depicts current behavior of Jews in Israel – heartless and headless aggressors who push against people of Gaza at any cost. The Pat Oliphant Cartoon depicts a Jewish Star of David with angry fangs, propelled by Jewish soldier with headless actions pushing the Gaza civilian to the edge.

Devil and Jew never sleeps. The Pat Oliphant Cartoon was only published yesterday and today all mainstream media are full of complaints by the Jews. Simon Wiesenthal Center, a Jewish rights organization based out of Los Angeles labels the political cartoon as anti-Semitic, comparing the Star of David with fangs to pre-holocaust Nazi imagery. It’s kind of like with Barack Obama the black president. One can’t point out his abuse of power or war crimes he happily commits, because you’re gonna end up getting labeled a racist. If you point out atrocities of Israeli Jews against civilians in Gaza, you’re gonna end up labeled a Nazi. Fuckers have themselves covered.

At the time of this post, the Pat Oliphant Cartoon can still be found on many mainstream websites, such as Yahoo. The distributors of the cartoon – Universal Press Syndicate, have not responded to the political pressure yet. Pat Oliphant is the Pulitzer Prize winner from 1967 and is one of world’s most syndicated editorial cartoonists. Born in Australia, Pat Oliphant (full name Patrick Bruce Oliphant) moved to the USA in 1964 and started working for The Denver Post. To this day, his political cartoons are on permanent display at the Library of Congress – that’s how good he is.

Cartoonists truly have it hard. There’s very little objectiveness when it comes to cartoons. Some parties are mocked non stop and it’s OK. Others get offended and drag their name calling through international waters. If you look at it closely, it’s always the extremists who shake fists and throw around threats when cartoon artists release their work that depicts unspoken truth. Lars Vilks’ Modog Cartoons had Al Qaeda after his head. Sean Delonas’ Dead Monkey Chimp Cartoon forced the New York Post to apologize. Now Pat Oliphant is being targeted by the Jews for his cartoon. That’s the point of cartoons. They point out what’s otherwise politically incorrect to say out loud. Go Pat Oliphant.

Kinsey Scale is a simple way to test your sexuality. As it turns out, there aren’t many men or women who are exclusively heterosexual. As you’re reading this, you’re probably ewwwing in your mind at thought of having homosexual sex with another member of your gender, but let me tell you, deep inside your desires possess gay tendencies. Whether you think you’re gay or not, you most likely are. Just not exclusively gay, or maybe still in a closet, denied to the world, but let’s not get there.

Kinsey Scale divides human sexuality into 7 sections with 0 being exclusively heterosexual and 6 being exclusively homosexual. Try to answer questions in the following simple quiz to see how much of a homosexual you could be. This is not a complete, nor approved Kinsey Scale Sexuality Test, it’s just an activity for lazy humpday evening:

Kinsey Scale Sexuality Test

• Have you ever had a dream in which you were sexually attracted to a member of same sex?
• Have you ever had a threesome which involved a member of same sex?
• Have you ever found yourself surprised that you liked physical contact with a member of same sex?
• Have you ever considered getting intimate with a member of same sex?
• Have you ever considered getting intimate with a member of same sex?

All right, all right. I’ll stop it right here before you get angry at me for revealing you’re gay. Not that’s anything wrong with it. As long as you can get laid, who cares, right? Kinsey Scale ratings are as follows:

Kinsey Scale Ratings

Kinsey Scale Rating 0 – Exclusively heterosexual with no homosexual
Kinsey Scale Rating 1 – Predominantly heterosexual, only incidentally homosexual
Kinsey Scale Rating 2 – Predominantly heterosexual, but more than incidentally homosexual
Kinsey Scale Rating 3 – Equally heterosexual and homosexual
Kinsey Scale Rating 4 – Predominantly homosexual, but more than incidentally heterosexual
Kinsey Scale Rating 5 – Predominantly homosexual, only incidentally heterosexual
Kinsey Scale Rating 6 – Exclusively homosexual

So? To gay or not to gay?

Weight loss has become an unexpected hot topic now with all those new breakthroughs that we the innocent obese people with no lives have to listen to. As if magical African Mango Extract was not enough, now we have a celebrity publically displaying significant weight loss. Valerie Bertinelli is best known for being Barbara Cooper Royer, the daughter of Bonnie Franklin in One Day at a Time TV series. 48 year old Valerie Bertinelli, who’s always been overweight posed for the cover of People Magazine and damn… she’s no overweight woman no more. She’s a sexy looking, lean cougar. What happened? What’s the Valerie Bertinelli Weight Loss Secret?

The career of Valerie Bertinelli took off when she was a young girl. It started with being Barbara Cooper and continued with being becoming a wife of Eddie Van Halen, who was at the time the biggest rock star ever. Wild lifestyle with bad drinking and eating habits put some pounds on her. Fast forward few decade later – Valerie Bertinelli sees herself as overweight and self conscious because of it. She joins the Jenny Craig weight loss program, sheds 20 pounds and writes the book about her weight loss success titled “Losing It: And Gaining My Life Back One Pound at a Time.”

Now there is no secret – if you were hoping to find a get-slim-fast formula here, I will let you down. Get-slim-fast schemes are the same as get-rich-fast schemes. Only the person who sells the schemes benefits. Others never see results and all they got was monetary loss (as you have to spend money to join the scheme). If I were you, I’d say – eff it! Don’t buy no book, don’t join no program. Yes, Valerie Bertinelli lost some nice weight, but hell – don’t think the same is gonna happen to you if you buy her book or join her program (or a program she’s associated with). It all screams all forms of weird at me. There are too many names and items that cost money attached to the Valerie Bertinelli weight loss secret. Surely she did something right and did lose a lot of weight, but I find it ridiculous how everybody jumped on a bandwagon and is looking to monetize on it. This part I don’t like.

Forget about Valerie Bertinelli weight loss secret. Listen to Mark’s weight loss secret – quit eating fast food junk, you fat bastard. Buy as much organic as you can. 100% organic is the preference, but there aren’t many such out there. You got to get rid of addiction that preservative in conventional foods keep you stuck at. Get yourself a pedal bike and ride to work, instead of driving your ugly, penis-enhancing truck. It helps the environment anyway. And then when you stop being an ugly fat bastard, you can write your own book and you monetize on it. Don’t be a tool and make someone else rich by buying the dream they are selling. The dream is a dream is a dream. There are no magic formulas. But there are wise lifestyle choices. They will need help, but you can find it in health food and organic produce stores. See you when you’re lean. And don’t forget to eat lots of organic mango from Africa. I’m sure that stuff has some beneficial, weight loss promoting properties. You’ll feel much better about it than by following some questionable Valerie Bertinelli weight loss secret.

Let’s get real – you laugh at me for being a fat bastard, but your gt is just as fat as mine. You’re a fattie, you just don’t admit it. Luckily, there’s hope for us fat losers – African Mango Extract is the latest in magical fix-all-your-fat-problems discoveries. According to latest study (got to love those studies), extract from West African Mango can not only help you lose your nasty fat gut, it can allegedly also lower your cholesterol. Now I know you care not about cholesterol, as that’s not gonna get you laid, but shedding that fat gut you’re carrying around… uhhhhh, imagine the hotties that will start rubbing your butt.

To be fair, though – all of you ladies with cropped images on MySpace, let’s not pretend you’re all hotties. You’re just as fat as that guy I was talking to. You need African mango extract more than everyone else cause you’re all fat. You’re fat and ugly and you hook up with everyone but me. But there’s help – African mango extract will make you lean and pretty and when I drop my 600 pounds, you’ll be flattered I wink at you.

African Mango

African Mango, also known as Irvingia Gabonensis grows profusely in West Africa. Extract from seeds of this fruit inhibits fat production – according to lab tests from the University of Yaounde in Cameroon (published by Lipids in Health and Disease journal). Through positive effect on metabolism regulating genes and enzymes, African mango extract sheds those pounds while you sleep. The study was conducted on several fat individuals who were told not to change their diet or exercising habits, but were provided the pills they were expected to take. Some pills were African mango extracts, others were placebo sugar pills. Fat gut individuals who were taking African mango extracts magically turned from ugly fat bastards into sexy lean studs and hotties. Well, not quite so, but there was an average of 28 pounds lost among those taking African mango extracts where as those taking placebo experienced no change and remained as fat as they were before. Fat bastards who took African mango extract also showed dropped sugar and LDL cholesterol levels.

So here – African mango extract aka Irvingia Gabonensis is your ultimate weight loss solution. No more fat gut, take some mango, and become slim.