If you near pooped in your menstruation pad as your eyes landed on the pictures of the new Miss America above, don’t be ashamed – it happens to the best of us. Afterall, you were expecting to see a beauty pageant contestant, not a horror movie screenshot, right? I understand. Let me explain what’s going on here: Miss Virginia Caressa Cameron has just been crowned Miss America 2010 and I can’t help but ask – were the judges blond (meant to say “blind” originally but “blond” works just as well)? Caressa Cameron looks absolutely horrid, but I surely don’t have to tell you that, you have your own eyes to fill you in.

Who exactly is behind Miss America? It almost looks as though the winner was predetermined by the test the contestants would have gone through prior to the gala. Caressa Cameron looks like she can blow four people at the same time with mouth of that size so she got the vote. I can’t explain her victory otherwise.

Sadly enough, there was no contestant at the 2010 Miss America pageant who would look half decent. No cute girl next door, just slutty stripper pole polishing types who look like they have solid history of crack abuse. Don’t tell me there are no cute girls in America. There must be at least a handful out of over 300 million people. Why do the skankiest looking ones make it to Miss America? It’s disgusting.

Gallery of pictures of horrid looking Miss America 2010 Caressa Cameron is below:

Caressa Cameron – Miss America 2010 photos by Ethan Miller / Getty Images and Steve Marcus / Reuters

When comparing latest tablet with the oldest one, there aren’t many differences to spot. Above is a visual comparison of iPad tablet from Apple vs Ancient Stone as a tablet. Aside from the touch screen, the 2010 iPad is about as advanced as an ancient stone from 40,000 BC. That’s pretty much where Apple stands as a company.

Aside from having the capabilities of an ancient stone tablet, iPad also sports truly ugly frame around the screen that sports a 4:3 ratio (aka no widescreen), it has no support for Flash, no support for multitasking (that’s right, if you’d like to listen to music while you are checking emails – forget it, iPod won’t allow you to do that. It’s just too much for it), no camera – whether facing forward or back, no USB slots (WTF, seriously), need for adapters – you will need to buy whole pile of adapters if you would like to do something as fundamental as uploading your pictures from a digital camera onto an iPad, and you are limited to App Store with new applications – you simply can’t install an application you want, you can only install an application offered in App Store. iPad is plain and simple a prehistoric failure of bullshit. Steve Jobs has proven me right again – Apple Sucks!

Apple iPad tablet was intended to be a replacement for notebooks, yet it lacks support for one of the most important components needed to surf the net – Flash. Without Flash support iPad will not be able to show content of website where Flesh elements are used (many, many websites use that) so instead of seeing their attractive, interactive features, you will see blue legos on the screen of your iPad. Great win on behalf of Apple. Fanboys can wipe off the cream from their panties.

iPad is the biggest technological failure of last few decades. It’s made by Apple so expecting it to suck is fair, but Apple went way overboard delivering suckiness when iPad was released without support for Flash.

Did you realize that all YouTube videos are playable on your computer only because your computer supports flash? That’s right and it’s not only YouTube. Most of the big players in online video sharing use flash platform to offer video streaming. The videos you see when you go to DailyMotion, LiveLeak, MySpace Videos, Google Videos, MetaCafe, etc – they all stream files with .flv extension which is an extension for Flash Video. So if you surf any of those websites on an iPad, instead of seeing their vids, you will see blue legos. Because that’s how Apple rocks. Blue Legos everywhere flash is needed. Count millions of websites, many of which are some of internet’s most visited portals. iPad = FAIL

I take great pleasure at mocking Apple as a company cause they are pure failure front to back. But Steve Jobs really tried hard to serve me a ball for a smash introduction of iPad. So much anticipation, Apple fanboys were creaming their gay pants over new Apple tablet and what they got is iPad. I mean – what did they expect? It’s an Apple product, it’s bound to fail and suck. I know – nobody quite expected it to suck this much but there’s just one answer to that – it’s an Apple product. That says it all. Case closed.

Apple is responding to the failure of iPad and introduces new, breakthrough, miraculous device called iPan Nano. iPad Nano fits in your pocket and you can make phone calls with it. And let’s not forget it also has a camera. iPad Nano is the poop… Wait a minute!

The news is that all three children of Michael Jackson will be at the Grammys on January 31, 2010 and will give some kind of speech as part of Grammys’ tribute for the King of Pop. People behind the Grammys must be starving for talent now that Michael Jackson is dead.

Michael Jackson has three children. His firstborn son Prince Michael Jackson was born in 1997, his only daughter Paris Michael Katherine Jackson was born in 1998 and his youngest child Prince Michael II Jackson (aka Blanket) was born as recently as in 2002. They all are expected to be at the Grammys along with some other members of the Jackson’s family. 2010 Grammys will take place in the Staples Center in Los Angeles.

Speeches at mega events like the Grammys or Oscars are major snoozers so it’s normal the organizers are looking for something that will spark the interest of general public. They can’t replicate Kanye West and his failed, pre-arranged bust of Taylor Swift cause that’s already been used, so how about bringing Michael Jackson’s children? That should work right? Children of deceased mega stars should boost views and ratings and that’s what they desperately need at the Grammys. Put kids in the spotlight and have them say some heart breaking words and possibly shed a tear and your views will instantly sky rocket.

It’s also likely that The Jackson family agreed with it and supported it in exchange for some mad cash. Since Michael is no longer with us (or is he?), might as well abuse his children to milk some money at his death. Joe Jackson, the father of Michael especially seems to be the one who would not hesitate to sell anything out for money and publicity. Joe Jackson is also said to have been invited to attend the 2010 Grammys. Leave the kids alone.

Michael Jackson’s children photo by Reuters

For all the green thinking people out there, the 2010 Environmental Performance Index was released on January 28, 2010 to show with of world’s countries are the greenest so to speak. the 2010 Environmental Performance Index was based on a research conducted by Environmental Law & Policy at Yale University and The Center for International Earth Science Information Network (CIESIN) of Columbia University in collaboration with World Economic Forum
in Geneva, Switzerland and Joint Research Centre of the European Commission in Ispra, Italy. The 2010 Environmental Performance Index is their third release and is being revisited every two years after initial research started in 2006.

Not surprisingly, Iceland is the undisputed world leader when it comes to “addressing pollution control and natural resource management” as stated in the 2010 Environmental Performance Index (EPI) press release. What does surprise me is the presence of Costa Rica in top 4 placements which contains countries with EPI scores between 85 and 100. Iceland scored 93.5 point and remains the only country with more than 90 points. Switzerland scored second with 89.1 points, Costa Rica ranked third with 86.4 points and top scores list is concluded with Sweden which scored 86.0 points.

Aside from surprisingly high scoring Costa Rica which is a very rough and vastly unsafe country, other than a few tourist trap spots, I was also surprised to see Denmark all the way down at spot #32, scoring mere 69.2 EPI points. Denmark has been ranking for many consecutive years as a country with highest standards of living in the world but surprisingly, they don’t seem to focus on the environment as much as I would like to think. Switzerland on the other hand that’s been hanging right behind Denmark in ranks of quality living is only a few points behind Iceland making it both environmentally friendly and high standard of living providing country.

My home country of Canada is way below Denmark yet. Shame on us. I know many Canadians think green and use reusable bags and what not, but we drive cars everywhere, public transport is a joke, idling is normal and oil field multibillion dollar companies only care about profits, not the environment, so I’m not that shocked Canada failed a bit on the 2010 Environmental Performance Index list.

I have been to Slovakia and can confirm that it is an amazingly green country with great laws in place ensuring protection of their beautiful forests and people always eager to preserve their stunningly jaw-dropping nature. Slovakia is one of the finest countries in the world and if you haven’t visited yet, you’ll be up for a pleasant surprise once you do. People and the country itself are amazing. You won’t find that anywhere else – except from maybe Iceland.

United States of America ranks worse than Canada on the 2010 Environmental Performance Index list. Perhaps for many Americans it could be surprising their country got this high because as it is with Canada, there is more than too much room for improvements when it comes to environment protection. Industrialized countries are known for being world’s biggest polluters so seeing Canada and the USA this low on the list is not all that shocking. Greenhouse gas emissions and air pollution were main contributors to low ranks of our countries, but we didn’t go all that down thanks to forest sustainability and provision of safe drinking water.

I’m glad to see Cuba in top 10, even though I’m surprised Slovakia ranks below Cuba. I have visited both countries and would definitely consider Slovakia greener than Cuba. Slovakia is not a communist country anymore so profit often goes before health and many food producers dope up their produce to speed up and boost sales. This doesn’t take place in Cuba which is likely why their life expectancy and child mortality rates are some of the lowest in the world and quite possibly why it outranked Slovakia on the 2010 Environmental Performance Index. However water in Cuba is vastly unsafe which must have contributed immensely in loss of many points so seeing Cuba this high on the list is amazing.

Bhutan is another major surprise. This Asian country located on the slopes of the Himalaya mountains has been closed to foreigners for a long time and has only recently opened but restricts tourists rigorously making for an extremely exclusive feel for those who get a chance to visit it. These restrictions are in place to ensure that Bhutan’s nature and culture live on hence it’s surprising to see them all the way down at spot #68 – even lower than the Dominican Republic.

Speaking of the Dominican Republic – it’s another country I have visited and while there are places with pristine nature protected by the government, I didn’t find it all that green. However is anyone surprised that their neighbor – Haiti is one of the worst ranking countries on the 2010 Environmental Performance Index. It only proves exactly what I have said about Haiti before – it is one of the biggest shitholes on the planet and channeling millions of dollars to them after the earthquake may not be the smartest of ideas. Given how ridiculously corrupt Haiti is, the money will not find its way to where it’s meant to go. Most of it will disappear in the hands of corrupt officials, the rest will be stolen. And don’t forget to check out the difference between forestation on the border separating Haiti from the Dominican Republic. The reason why Haiti ranks at the bottom of the Environmental Performance Index will be instantly clear.

The 2010 Environmental Performance Index took into account 25 different metrics to derive their rankings from. 163 countries were put into test in 10 categories including air quality, environmental health, biodiversity and habitat, water resource management, fisheries, forestry, climate change and agriculture. More information about the 2010 Environmental Performance Index can be found on Yale University website HERE.

I wouldn’t believe this story if you bribed me with blowjobs from your sister, but since masses at large out there are prone to believe anything they are served (Barack Obama becoming the president is the proof of the previous statement), let me tell you about a sheep in Turkey that gave birth to a dead lamb with human face:

Turkish veterinarian Erhan Elibol performed Cesarean section on the sheep in Izmir, Turkey but when lamb came out, it had snout that resembled human face (has Barack Obama been to Turkey recently?). Given that this story originates from Turkey one would have to think twice before they believe it. Mutating a sheep with human genes would not be that easy but then again, Turkey is a predominantly Muslim country (almost everyone is Muslim – 99%) and you never know what a Muslim would stick his dick into.

If you add to it the fact that most deformities come from these parts of the world (India rules in this regard), you could easily come to conclusion that this story is real, regardless of how crazy it may seem at first. Of course there are no videos of the lamb with human body, only questionable quality pictures and locals burned the body after it was born so scientists couldn’t study it and confirm the claims. You believe Barack Obama is the savior of the world, feel free to believe a sheep in Turkey gave birth to a lamb with human face. Meantimely, I’ll go and enjoy quality time with your sister.

Yesterday what was many considered a big deal in the techie world because Apple jock Steve Jobs introduced what was to be the next big thing – iPad. As for me, whether it’s iPad, iPod, iPhone, iSuckballs or whatever else you call it – those are all Apple products and Apple never delivers. Their overpriced, underperforming gadgets for fanbois are for show off, not for use. I can find a better way to throw money out the window if I choose to do so and will leave buying of lame Apple products to people without brains. But let’s focus on the ever-mighty iPad and the truth behind the device:

No matter how much Apple fanbois end up being crybabies all over the internet worshipping their little sexually dysfunctional Gods by brownnosing their anal warted cavities, it changes nothing on the fact that iPad, just as every other Apple product FAILs hard. And what iPad really is? I’ll let the picture above answer that question. Just take duct tape from your kitchen drawer and tape four iPhones together and you will get this super awesome device there has been so much secrecy about prior to yesterday’s press conference. iPad = yet another Apple FAIL.

Andes Teletransporter is an invention of a genius. It saves relationships and adds quality to man’s life. It could only be better if it came with complimentary blowjobs from hot Argentinean chicks. The premise of Andes Teletransporter is to create a believable ambient sound so you can shut your irritating girlfriend down when you are having a blast with your buddies. We all know girlfriends are worthless pieces of flesh around a vagina but unfortunately those worthless chunks of flesh can talk and dial numbers on cell phones. That creates a whole different level of discomfort for a concerned man who is minding his own business, enhancing quality of his own life his girlfriend doesn’t care about. Andes Teletransporter to the rescue.

When you see your worthless girlfriend calling you after you have already busted your nut on her face and just want a beer with buddies afterwards, walk into an Andes Teletransporter, select an ambient sound best suited for your needs and shut her down by telling her you’re in a hospital or looking after your little nephew or whatever else works. Shut stupid ho down, end the phone call, walk out of Andes Teletransporter and enjoy the rest of your wonderful day. The only question now remains – how come we don’t have those in Canada? All Canadian bars should be equipped with one or more of those. It should be mandatory. Life would be so sweet. And ban female drivers while you’re at it so a man can get to and from the bar safely.

Check out this new creation by awesome boys from The Lonely Island who brought us Jizz in My Pants to annoy our girlfriends with. The song is called I’m On A Boat and features T-Pain. I have no idea who T-Pain is cause I don’t listen to faggy music but I’m On A Boat is pure gem. I’ve been waiting for something new from The Lonely Island and as always, the boys delivered.

I’m On A Boat is some kind of rap music video with all that belongs to rap – lots of swearing with f-bombs and s-bombs and mf-bombs and what not, gayish hand swinging the wigger style, half naked mermaid and all that other gay stuff that accompanies hip-hop music. The only thing the video misses is the use of racial N word. They make up for it with excessive use of f$#k, though.