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Andes Teletransporter is an invention of a genius. It saves relationships and adds quality to man’s life. It could only be better if it came with complimentary blowjobs from hot Argentinean chicks. The premise of Andes Teletransporter is to create a believable ambient sound so you can shut your irritating girlfriend down when you are having a blast with your buddies. We all know girlfriends are worthless pieces of flesh around a vagina but unfortunately those worthless chunks of flesh can talk and dial numbers on cell phones. That creates a whole different level of discomfort for a concerned man who is minding his own business, enhancing quality of his own life his girlfriend doesn’t care about. Andes Teletransporter to the rescue.

When you see your worthless girlfriend calling you after you have already busted your nut on her face and just want a beer with buddies afterwards, walk into an Andes Teletransporter, select an ambient sound best suited for your needs and shut her down by telling her you’re in a hospital or looking after your little nephew or whatever else works. Shut stupid ho down, end the phone call, walk out of Andes Teletransporter and enjoy the rest of your wonderful day. The only question now remains – how come we don’t have those in Canada? All Canadian bars should be equipped with one or more of those. It should be mandatory. Life would be so sweet. And ban female drivers while you’re at it so a man can get to and from the bar safely.

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Steve Jobs came on stage to introduce iPad like it’s the next big thing, yet iPad has been around for a good little while now. The official iPad Release Date was to be announced today but before Steve Jobs could do so, he got his balls busted. MAD Tv announced the release of iPad long before this embarrassing introduction of this Apple product. MAD Tv should totally sue Apple for this trademark theft

Watch the video proof below:

Techworld is all about iPad today. iPad – a tablet from Apple is supposed to offer somewhat the capabilities of a laptop but at a size just a tad bigger than a cell phone. From the first official picture of iPad released, it looks just like iPhone, only a bit wider along the x axis. Engadged is posting pictures of iPad live as the conference with Steve Jobs is happening as we speak. Stay tuned.

What this iPad is – it’s basically one portable online browser. Sadly, because iPad is an Apple, it’s a big portable Safari, which blows chunks of dried up sperm. More iPad pictures in the gallery below:

iPad photos from Engadget

Air New Zealand came with a wonderful idea to be the first commercial airliner to offer beds for sleeping in the economy class. Skycouch – as Air New Zealand is calling it will be offered on their new fleet of Boeing 777-300 aircrafts and will be available later this year (2010). Air New Zealand is looking to make long haul flights more enjoyable and I fully agree, except from one thing.

While discomfort of being confined in a small space, on a small seat, cramped among other confined passengers is certainly a factor that contributes to tiresome flights, the ability to have a bed like Skycouch on Air New Zealand aircrafts is worthless unless their executives decide to take a real step in the direction of real travel comfort and ban kids from flying. What good will Skycouch do to you if two screaming kids who won’t shut up for one minute during an 8 hour flight sit right behind you. Kids are a plague on any flight. It doesn’t matter what kind of extra comfort a carrier offers if it still allows kids on their planes. The journey will be painful and torturous for as long as kids are allowed aboard.

Skycouch on Air New Zealand flights will be wide enough to accommodate a couple or a couple with a kid (see, that’s what I’m talking about) and will cost the value of two and a half seats. This is definitely a great deal since two people would have to pay for two seats anyway but if for a quarter of seat value per person extra you get a chance to spent the flight laying down and real close to your significant other, it really seems worth it. Air New Zealand came definitely with a good idea introducing Skycouch, they just need to quit doing it half-assed and ban kids on their flights as well and they’ll become the best airliner in existence. First Air New Zealand planes with Skycouch service will serve Auckland – Los Angeles route but Auckland – London, UK route will be added in 2011 just in time for Rugby World Cup (people still go to rugby matches?). Three quarters of Air New Zealand are owned by New Zealand government.

Skycouch photo by Associated Press

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When Mother Nature shows us her true power and shakes the ground in an Earthquake such as the one that took place in Haiti in January 2010, we the humans are left with but sore eyes for we are so pathetically weak and incompetent. The 2010 Haiti Earthquake killed more than 100,000 people and left millions homeless. It’s a horrible tragedy and whole world turned their eyes to Haiti to aid with relief efforts. To be perfectly politically correct, one would need to feel sympathetic with poor Haitians and aim all their news reports to reflect that fact. All of the news reporters would do that and they are all wrong. I will be the only one who will remain politically incorrect, but unlike all others, I will call a spade a spade and put it how it is. Here’s the truth about the 2010 Haiti Earthquake:

Haiti is a lawless country. It’s a disgusting shithole where prior to this 2010 earthquake, no UN (United Nations) workers would dare to enter, unless they were suicidal. Haiti is run by crime, in its true core, Haiti is crime. As such, despite fake sad faces and tears pulled by the victims of Earthquake, to Haitians this Earthquake was the biggest blessing they could have asked for. For one it created more havoc in their POS country so they could loot, rob and kill uncontrollably, but at the same time it brought a lot of international aid, free stuff, free assistance which is something they have always craved. Yes, survivors of 2010 Haiti Earthquake are blessing the day this tragedy took place because it gets them more than they could bargain for. All of those goodies would be unattainable prior to the Earthquake and now it comes in heaps and with a bonus.

Let’s not fool ourselves – Haiti is an awful country. If you believe in karma, you know that Mother Nature directed her wreath at the right location. If you don’t believe in karma, educate yourself to see what real Haiti is all about. Keep your eyes open for reports of charity workers getting robbed, raped, or worse. There is no reason to turn blind eye to true face of Haiti in the name of sympathy brought upon by this devastating earthquake. None of you would dare stepping a foot in Haiti prior to the earthquake – I wouldn’t either. Do you think people have magically changed after the earthquake and will turn into nice folks after centuries of uncontrolled crime? Think again and pull your head out of your arse.

What happened in Haiti is a tragedy but it should not take away our focus from the fact that Haiti is a dangerous country and no one in there is safe. They are enjoying the freebies the aftermath of the earthquake brought upon them and will take full advantage of aid workers being there for their own selfish benefit. Out of sheer solidarity, many crimes will not be reported because uneducated helpers will feel for “poor” Haitians and will believe that instruments they stole last night end up in the hands of people who have suffered a lot, but they are just delusional. Haiti is a shithole – plain and simple. It is a dangerous country and since the earthquake brought whole new possibilities for them to enrich themselves without work, the survivors see it as sheer blessing. Face the real truth behind the 2010 earthquake in Haiti and quit acting like you’re sorry for people of the country.

Oh, and if you feel like, take a look at satellite images from Google Maps or Bing Maps of the border between Haiti and the Dominican Republic. Notice how forest line stops at the border. While Dominican Republic protects and sustains natural resources, Haiti destroys all of it. Deforestation is rampant beyond words in Haiti, they have no respect for people and no respect for nature. Screw that, I’ll look it up for you. The map below is from Google Maps – you can navigate through it as it’s an interactive iframe provided by Google. Thickly forested areas on the north and west are in the Dominican Republic. The barren land begins right across the border with Haiti. No respect for nature. Haitians are disgusting:

And a video of poor workers helping those disgusting people out by setting up an inflatable hospital in Haiti which will serve as a free for all Haitians enterprise that they will take good advantage of. Hot French speaking chick is especially worth checking out:

And another video with British commentary about looting and lynching in Haiti. The commentary starts with the most ridiculous statement: “The stability of Haiti is collapsing.” What bullshit. There has never been any stability in Haiti to begin with. You can collapse something that doesn’t exist:

2010 Haiti Earthquake Photo by Ricardo Arduengo, Associated Press

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Remember kids – Gingers Have Souls. I would never make fun of ginger people because red head girls are so effin hot only Japanese cutely moaning softballs can beat them. But this boy went a bit overboard with his ginger rant. I do understand he’s irked over a line in South Park, but that’s South Park. Their show is based on being offensive. They intentionally say things to offend because that gets people talking and talking people keep their ratings high. Gingers do have souls – no question about it, but why mix Christianity into it. And can Christians use the F word so readily? I’m all in support of ginger people, but he needs to work on his soul. Otherwise I give him the thumbs up and will confirm that gingers have souls. And BTW – I’m not ginger.

If you have the balls it takes, starting April of 2010, you will be able to take a Sky Jump off of the Stratosphere hotel and casino in Las Vegas. Sky Jump is the 4th ride offered by Stratosphere Casino (after Insanity, X-Scream and Big Shot) and picture above shows what kind of thrill can be expected.

The 855 foot drop will cost $100 to take, as confirmed by Frank Riolo, chief executive officer of American Casino & Entertainment Properties LLC which owns and operates Stratosphere hotel and casino. The 855 foot drop makes the Stratosphere sky jump the highest sky jump in the world. Individuals with brass balls will wear a custom jump suit and will be fastened to a metal cable that will retain their course as they drop 108 stories. The cable will then deliver gentle breaking to secure participants with safe landing.

I wish I could play a big boy and pretend I have the balls of steel to take a sky jump but I don’t think I could do that. Yeah, I’m chicken like that. This is insane!

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Can you see me on this beach? No you can’t, because I’m not there yet. Not until tomorrow. I’m gonna head to bed early today, for my alarm clock goes off at 4am to get me ready to board a plane to Punta Cana, Dominican Republic. This will be my 2010 edition of an unforgettable annual vacation in the Dominican Republic. I’m so excited…

I visited Dominican Republic last year (2009) but only got a chance to explore all of the north coast, from Puerto Plata, through Sosua, Cabarete, Rio San Juan, Cabrera, all the way to Samana peninsula where I spent most of my time. I wanted to go whale watching, but it didn’t work out for me. Hopefully this year and hopefully I’ll also get a chance to check out Los Haitises national park. I climbed the magnificent 27 waterfalls on the river Damajagua last year though, which was the highlight of my trip. However a horse ride to El Limon waterfall up the mountain was also exciting and a swim under thundering falls was enthralling.

This year I’m heading to Punta Cana and other than making it back to Samana to get some whale watching happening, I’m gonna focus on the east coast around Bavaro and some of the south. I love Dominican Republic. I’m renting an SUV for a week so I’ll be moving around. I don’t do all inclusive vacation stays at resorts. Last year was all about the Atlantic Ocean, 2010 will be more about the Caribbean Sea. It is quite likely that I won’t get a chance to get on the internet until after I have returned back to Canada on January 22, 2010 so Beer Steak Blog may not get any updates while I’m vacationing. It’s all for the good for after I have returned, my mind will be fresh and my body relaxed and I’ll be able to jump right on more bullshitting. Stick around, I got to go kick some ass in the Dominican Republic. This country is so awesome I go there every year. 2010 sounds like a good one. I so can’t wait.

Check out this video about the highlights of the Dominican Republic:

Punta Cana Beach Photo courtesy of the Dominican Republic Tourist Board

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It’s hard to imagine anything more humiliating than this. A customer in Burger King got really pissed off at something and went to vent his frustration with the building. He started by throwing his drink at the wall and followed by grabbing a chair which he intended to smash against door windows to break them to shards. He took a swing, ran towards the door and then bam – failed. You got to wait for it and see to laugh your stinky ass off, but the icing on the cake is the remark by the cameraman who concludes angry customer’s failure with “You fookin’ knobhead!” That’s when I went down laughing. Precious video.

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Lauri Price used to work with the Cypress-Fairbanks school district in suburban Houston as a substitute teacher in Sigh Fair ISD but does no more. She was fired and is now forever labeled as a sexual predator for having an encounter with a minor. Lauri Price met 16 year old boy from Canada on the internet and her desire to have an underage penis inside her vagina made her fly to my country to meet with the boy and have sex with him. Sounds like something normal people would do, right? Well, not in this day and age. Lauri Price is now being featured under such headlines as “Predator Check” as can be seen from the Fox 26 report in the video below.

Houston Mother of four Lauri Price met the Canadian boy while playing an interactive game World of Warcraft on the internet in September 2008. The boy was 15 at the time. Through ongoing interaction and communication, Lauri Price got to know the boy and when he reached the age of 16, which is the age of consent in Canada, Lauri Price boarded a Canada bound plane to get that teenage cock in her mouth. She took her first trip to Barrie, Ontario where the boy lives in February of 2009 but got no teenage meat because the boy chickened out. She returned to Texas and continued to work on the boy on line until she got him all worked up and took another trip to Canada on December 29 – right after Christmas. Wild sex between a 42 year old substitute teacher from Texas and a 16 year old WoW fan from Canada took place in a hotel in Rosseau, 70 km from Barrie where the boy lived.

Lauri Price spent the New Years Eve in Canada and returned home on January 5th. She was arrested by the US authorities upon landing at Houston’s Bush Intercontinental Airport. Her time in Canada was spent with the boy who left the note at home that he was leaving with Lauri Price. His parents freaked out and alarmed the police. Since the boy was 16 year old, the Canadian RCMP did not have any case against Lauri Price, however they’ve ratted her out to the US police and let them know when she was planning to return. She was set up, the police were waiting for her and put a bitter end to an adventure of her lifetime.

Life is not fair. I’ve always said that and there are several cases of a teacher busting a nut of a teenage boy on Beer Steak Blog to prove my point. Why would Lauri Price not contact me instead when she was coming to Canada? I would pull my teenage looking cock out of my pants to let her have her way with it. Teachers know how to handle the meat. Must have been hell of an adventure for the boy too.

Video news report about Lauri Price from Houston is below:

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