Eddie Van Halen, 53 year old guitarist of legendary Van Halen is got engaged to Janie Liszewski, Van Halen manager and Eddie’s publicist and girlfriend.

Eddie Van Halen proposed to Janie Liszewski back in August in Hawaii and guess what – the bitch said “Yes”. It’s now official – the two are engaged? Insiders say Eddie kneeled before her to propose and bitch accepted on the spot.

Is this really how engagement works? You take a bitch to Hawaii and tell her you want to tie a penis knot with her clitoris and voila – away you go? Is that how it works with engagements? I’ve never been engaged, I have no fucking clue how it works. What I know, is that the next thing you do is diamond ring shopping, cause that’s how it’s done when you get engaged and then you get married and have post marital sex, like every good Christian. Then you make lots of babies, go to church every Sunday and out for a few with your buddies once a week – life is good.

Eddie Van Halen is no newb to getting engaged. Before Janie Liszewski, he was married to Valerie Bertinelli for 16 years. He’s got a son with Wolfgang her. 16 years – that’s a long ass time to remain married. And who the hell names their son Wolfgang?

Janie Liszewski is a 38 year old ho who’s never been married before. Talk about determined gold digger. She saved her virginity to score a big one.

Janie Liszewski and Eddie Van Halen are scheduling the wedding for June of 2009.

Oh, Van Halen still make shit loads of money – BTW. They are in top 10 richest rockers of 2008, according to Forbes. Janie Liszewski scored herself a gold mine.

Most People Reading This Article Found It Searching For:

• Janie Liszewski