Beer Steak Bullshit

The most awesome reality TV fight in which Sharon Osbourne beats the ass of skanky Megan Hauserman who opened her filth hole on Ozzy Osbourne is labeled on VH1 website under “Sharon and Megan’s big fight”. Thyey call it a big fight, but they really should call it “Megan the-skank Hauserman gets Owned by Sharon Osbourne” – end of story. If you haven’t seen the goodness, head over here –> Sharon Osbourne Fight with Megan Hauserman Video.

As it could have been expected, Megan Hauserman’s boyfriend or perhaps her step dad got greedy and advised her to sue Sharon Osbourne. It definitely must have been someone other than Megan Hauserman herself who came with an idea of a lawsuit as that dumb skank surely doesn’t have enough brain cells to even understand what a lawsuit is. And since her 5 minutes of fame came to a complete and ultimate stop, she might as well try to monetize on it as that would be the last time her name makes it on pages of mainstream media. Megan Hauserman is a fucking loser.

Megan Hauserman is suing Sharon Osbourne “for battery, negligence and infliction of emotional distress” which took place during Rock of Love: Charm School reunion show on VH1. Megan Hauserman called Ozzy Osbourne brain dead, Sharon Osbourne responded by flushing wine in skank’s face and ripping hair off hear dumb head. Sharon has my utmost kudos for being a complete badass. She even said herself she’s OK if skanks are a bitch to her, but don’t attack her family. Sharon Osbourne for the win. Hope judge wipes the lawsuit off the table because dumb whores have no case.

Sharon and Megan’s big fight pic collage by TMZ

It’s party day at Seussville. Why is it a party day? Because it’s Dr. Seuss birthday today. That’s right, kids. Theodor Seuss Geisel, author of popular childrens book would have been 105 year old today.

Theodor Seuss Geisel was born on March 2, 1904 in Springfield, Massachusetts. Dr. Seuss is the author of “The Cat and the Hat” book, which only uses 223 vocabulary words, making it suitable for first time readers. It’s a story about two “home alone” children and their adventures with a rogue cat in the hat. Writer and cartoonist Theodor Seuss Geisel aka Dr. Seuss published over 60 children’s books

To celebrate Dr. Seuss birthday, even Google adjusted their main graphic to celebrate the anniversary. Happy birthday, Dr. Seuss, I’m sure Seussville will put on one hell of a party.

This is an extreme case of police brutality from Seattle, Washington. Recently released video shows two deputy officers from King County violently beating up a 15 year old girl inside a jail cell for throwing a shoe after them. Shoe Throwers rock!

The beat up of this fine 15 year old ass took place on November 29, 2008. It was entirely recoded on a security camera installed inside the cell where girl was being confined. She was arrested after her parents reported their car stole. The police tracked down the car, and arrested this girl who was a passenger. Because she’s a minor, her name has not been released. One name that was released as the name of that cock sucker who felt like feeling some 15-year-old flesh and grabbed at the opportunity as soon as it arrived. His name is Deputy Paul Schene and he’s being charged with assault. The other cop’s name is Travis Brunner. He’s the one who got the girl arrested after he’s spotted the car she was driving in in the middle of the night without headlights on. The car was driven by another 15 year old girl who was also arrested.

31 year old cop Paul Schene has been with the police force for 8 years. Deputies Paul Schene and Travis Brunner escorted the girl to a holding cell. Once she was in, Paul Schene asked her to take off her shoes. The girl slipped the shoe off her foot and kicked it at Paul Schene. The cop responded by kicking the teen, pushed her against the wall, then flinged her on the floor by her hair and deliver two punches, even though it is not evident from the video where the punches landed.

If convicted, Paul Schene could face up to one year in prison. He’s been on administrative leave since beginning of investigation in December.

Miley Cyrus loves to show off her boobs. She does. Nevermind the pedobear, this is the fact – Miley yrus loves to provoke and have her boobes out just enough so her nipples and areola are covered. One more thing she likes to do is show up with her clearly homosexual boyfriend Justin Gaston. That guy is gayer than American Football.

Miley Cyrus boobs decided to go for a little jog with her homosexual boyfriend Justin Gaston. The two picked the best place for jogging ever – a road. There are cars behind them, cars before them, exhaust smog, paparazzi and pedo bear everywhere you look. Makes sense right? If your name is Miley Cyrus, this is exactly the place where you’re gonna show how much your boobs flop, isn’t it?

To top it all up, Miley’s choice of jogging wear consists of bikini bathing suit, fashion sneakers and jean shorts. Was she really jogging or just showing her boobs off to the paparazzi? I’m sure Billy Ray Cyrus approves. Whatever draws more attention to his little ho and makes more monye is fine with him.

More pics of Miley Cyrus Boobs Flopping Up and Down in the gallery below:

Miley Cyrus and Justic Guston Picture credit: Wenn, Splash

The story of Whitney Cerak and Laura Van Ryn begins sometime in late April of 2006. In a shocking string of events, Whitney Cerak was proclaimed dead and had a funeral that was attended by 1400 people. It wasn’t until five weeks later that the mix-up was revealed. It wasn’t Whitney Cerak who died and was buried, it was Laura Van Ryn. What exactly happened? Read on:

The death certificate of Whitney Cerak says she died on April 26, 2006. She was buried in Gaylord, Michigan (damn, they have a town named Gaylord in Michigan? I wanna live there and become the lord of all gay), her home town. Whitney Cerak and four other people were killed in a vicious car accident when their van got into a crash with a semi trailer.

There were a total of 9 people in the van. Whitney Cerak, Laura Van Ryn and their seven friends were all students at Taylor University in Indiana. They were on their way back to the campus from a gig they attended as staff to make some student cash. As they were driving home, the oncoming semi trailer lost control and swooshed across the media running into the van at full speed. Five people were killed, including Whitney Cerak and Laura Van Ryn. Four other were severely injured, but survived the crash.

The accident was really bad, the entire Interstate 69 in Grant County, Indiana was shut to clear off the debris and collect the bodies, many of which suffered head trauma to the point of no recognition. And that is where the whole mistaken identity story begins. When bypassers stopped to see if there are any survivors, they saw a girl struggling for life. There was a purse belonging to Laura Van Ryn right next to her so everyone assumed that was her name. During following 5 week, a girl who was previously Whitney Cerak became Laura Van Ryn. This was just one odd span of events that lead to a fascinating story of mistaken identity.

Whitney Cerak, believed to be Laura Van Ryn suffered level 1 head trauma with massive brain injuries that cause her brain to swell. She was in an intensive care unit with doctors fighting for her life. Unable to respond, everyone believed that this badly damaged body was Laura Van Ryn.

Meantimely, the family of Whitney Cerak was notified about their daughter’s death. Coroners mistakenly identified dead body of Laura Van Ryn as Whitney Cerak, but it was an identity never the less so her parents were not needed to identify her. Her sister chose not to come and see her either as she wanted to keep the memory of the way she was when she was alive, not crushed beyond recognition. Coroners, who based identification of victims on IDs found within proximity of each victim now regret not insisting on Whitney’s sister coming to confirm the identity of the victim. Had she come to the morgue, the mistaken identity story would have ended there.

As soon as doctors got Whitney Cerak who was believed to be Laura Van Ryn out of immediate danger, the Van Ryns were notified of it, but were told not to expect her to look like herself. When Don Van Ryn came to see what he believed was his daughter in the hospital, he saw a body with cuts and bruises and head in bandages. Tube was sticking out of her mouth and brain. Doctors gave him victim’s purse and shoes. Purse belonged to Laura Van Ryn, it had her IDs and wallet inside, but Susie Van Ryn, Laura’s mother did not recognize the shoes. Still, she didn’t give it much thought. It seemed weird, but there were more important things of concern at the time. Afterall, she lived on a campus, maybe she borrowed shoes from one of her friends.

Four weeks after the accident, the family of Whitney Cerak held a funeral for their deceased daughter. No one knew at the time that the body in the casket is not Whitney Cerak, but Laura Van Ryn.

Meantimely, girl in the hospital – Whitney Cerak believed to be Laura Van Ryn – started to slowly recover. Members of Van Ryn family were by her side all the time. As time went by, she was slowly able to speak. When someone would call her Laura, she would correct them by saying she was Whitney. Suspicion over mistaken identity was building and when Whitney clearly stated that her last name was Cerak and her parent’s names were Newell and Colleen, the mistaken identity became completely apparent.

Colleen Cerak, Whitney’s mother got a phone call from the same coroner who called her 5 weeks ago with the devastating news of her daughter death. This time, 5 weeks later the coroner said they had reasons to believe that her daughter was alive. Colleen was asked to bring Laura’s dental records to the hospital so they could verify her identity. Having had buried what they believed was their daughter just a week prior, Colleen Cerak thought this was an uncalled for nasty prank.

Whitney Cerak is now a fully recovered young woman. She went through near death experience and had her identity mistaken for 5 weeks. What a story. She has no memory of the accident and hardly any memory of her stay in the hospital. She remembers being at the banquet, going for pizza, then boarding the van and that was it. To put her experience in words, Whitney Cerak wrote a book titled Mistaken Identity: Two Families, One Survivor, Unwavering Hope.

This is a half hilarious video of Fat Americans getting owned for being fat fucks. The video itself it name “Fat Americans” which is where I got the name for, but this type of ownage could be applied to any nation. We are a bunch of fat fuck wherever you look.

The reason why video is half hilarious are needless re-runs of the same footage and then pathetic slow motion that makes the video painfully long instead of enjoyable. I mean, it’s still enjoyable, but… I don’t even know what I’m saying anymore. Enough words, enjoy the video of Fat Americans getting owned (vid by fatties at Break.com).

Cats are so gorgeous. Look at this beautiful boy who got nicknamed Ugly Bat Boy. Isn’t he just previous?

Ugly Bat Boy is bold all over his body, except from his chest where fur grows widely. He’s currently a resident kitty at Exeter Veterinary Hospital and his favorite spot is atop a computer (because of the heat). Because of his unique appearance and striking name, Ugly Bat Boy has been a celebrity with local and international media coverage. We at Beer Steak Bullshit industry recognize worthy adepts to the hottest bitch on the net library and Ugly Bat Boy definitely deserves a nomination.

Obviously, veterinary clinic in Exeter is abusing the fact that Ugly Bat Boy is such a beautiful kitty to boost their advertising efforts and it’s working out. Dr. Stephen Bassett surely approves of this. But let’s go back to our gorgeous kitty Ugly Bat Boy.

When he was born, Ugly Bat Boy had a twin sister who looked just like him. Sadly, she didn’t live to see the fame and died when she was only weeks old. I’m sure deep inside his gorgeous soul, Ugly Bat Boy dedicates all his thoughts to his little sister.

Ugly Bat Boy is 8 years old. The stuff at Exeter Veterinary Hospital addressed questions about him be putting up fliers that said he was a normally kitty, just looked ugly (dumb bitches, he’s beautiful, why would you call that beauty “ugly”?). I hope he enjoys the attention and lives a long a happy life. Here’s to Ugly Bat Boy – the beauty of the day.

More pics of Ugly Bat Boy are in a gallery below:

There are times I really wish I was rich. Tyler Perry is rich so he plans to do what rich people can do – buying his own private island. While I’m freezing my ass off back in Canada, I’m vaguely remembering my recent stay in Dominican Republic and Cuba – gorgeous islands in the Caribbean where there is warm any day of the year. I secretly wished to be able to buy my own island, down there where it’s always warm, where the sea is never too far, where you can go pick up a coconut off the tree and drink it on the spot. Ahhh well, instead I’m stuck here blogging about it. What a wannabe I am.

Yes, Tyler Perry is buying an island. Unlike me, he’s not a wannabe and can afford an island. According to reports by People, his own private island will be the present for himself for his 40th birthday. Well, come to think of it, maybe by the time I’m 40, I’ll score a big one and will get myself an island too. Perhaps one next to Tyler Perry so we can smoke weed together like good neighbors.

Director, producer and actor all in one – Tyler Perry says he enjoyed his stay on a private island in the Great Exumas in the Bahamas that he’d recently rented. Freedom from hassles of the world has appealed to him so much he’s looking to buy his own island. He doesn’t have an eye on one yet, doesn’t know where he’ll be looking to buy one from but he already know he’s not gonna name it the Tyler Perry’s Island. According to his own words, “I’ll know what to call it once I’m there.”

Anyone rich enough wanna marry me so I can buy myself a private island? Seriously. I’ll even start working out. Damn, I’d even watch American football with you for an island. Wait… I’m not sure I can turn gay that easily.

Yeah, bitches got married. Tom Brady and Gisele Bundchen have been bumping genitals like there’s no tomorrow and yesterday they sealed the deal and joined their genital juices exchange in holy matrimony.

That basically seals the deal with me and Gisele Bundchen. I’m no longer jacking off to that ho. Anyone who spreads their pussy for a dick of a football player is hands down dumb. I mean comon – sex with a football player is likely as exciting as football itself. Gisele was probably using sex with Tom Brady as nap time: “Hey dear, can come fuck me, I could use a little nap”!

According to reports, Brazilian supermodel Gisele Bundchen and New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady got married at the St. Monica Catholic Church in Santa Monica, less than a mile from beach in a small and intimate ceremony on Thursday. Neither Tom Brady nor Gisele Bundchen had been married before. This is their first time. You can call them marriage virgins. Or n00bs if you rather. Gratz!

Sergey Tuganov is the shit. This fine lad died of sex… literally. I send my highest regards to the seventh heaven you became an honorable citizen of. Sergey Tuganov, hats off to you. May 77 lusty virgins suck on your cock forever.

What went down is a story to behold. Sergey Tuganov, 28 year old Russian was not getting enough sex. His two female friends were teasing him about it and made a bet that that he would not be able to fuck them for 12 hours straight. Lusty Russian bitches if you ask me. Sergey Tuganov took them up on the bet, there was $4,300 and two hot bitches at stake. Of course he would have taken them on that shit. Wouldn’t you fuck two bitches for 12 hours to win yourself nice cash? Hell yeah. I’d pay for that shit… if I weren’t fat as fuck and could actually locate my dick.

In order to support his little fella and keep him hard for 12 hours, Sergey Tuganov swallowed whole bottle of Viagra. Little fella did not let him down and drilled into cervixes of two frigid Russian bitches for 12 hours. Sergey Tuganov won the bet, got himself more action in 12 hours than me and you will have in our whole lives and then… few minutes later, suffered from massive heart attack and died. Seriously, he just wanted to fuck some more and bitches were exhausted so he went to fuck heaven where he will be able to fuck bitches 24/7. No Viagra needed.

Sergey Tuganov is my hero of the day. Seriously, his name should be put in science books – a man who died fucking.