Beer Steak Bullshit

Big controversy in South Carolina – Mark Sanford, the Republican governor disappeared and nobody knew where he was. He was last seen by his wife Jenny Sanford, who said Mark Sanford took off in a black SUV last Thursday and there’s been no word from him since. They know how to rock and roll in South Carolina.

Jenny Sanford told the Associated Press that her husband Mark Sanford wrote a nite that he wanted to get away from the kids and have a little space for himself. When asked about his disappearance, the spokes person for the governor’s office said that South Carolina Governor was “taking some time away from the office”.

Mark Sanford was unreachable on either of his cell phones – a personal one and a state issued one. After 4 days of not having heard from him, the case of South Carolina Governor’s disappearance has started to turn peculiar. But it was all needless.

Mark Sanford’s communication director Joel Sawyer told the press today that the governor will be returning to his office tomorrow. What an anticlimactic end to a mysterious case of vanished state official. The word is that the governor spent his time hiking along the Appalachian Trail and when he called to check in with his chief of staff, he was shocked to hear that his little trip attracted so much interest. Joel Sawyer said that: “It would be fair to say the governor was somewhat taken aback by all of the interest this trip has gotten,”

I say: “It would be fair to check whether Ashley Alexandra Dupre or other governor facilitator has gone missing at the same time”

Photo of South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford by Getty Images

19 year old Australian actress Mia Wasikowska has been cast to play the role of Alice Kingsley in the upcoming Tim Burton’s feature movie rendition of Lewis Carroll’s tale Alice in Wonderland. Mia Wasikowska will be playing Alice Kingsley alongside Johnny Depp who plays Mad Hatter, Helena Bonham Carter who’s the Red Queen and Anne Hathaway as the White Queen.

Mia Wasikowska has appeared in some B-List movies but she’s generally an unknown actress to most and now she’ll be in a movie directed by Tim Burton with some big names, such as Johnny Depp. If she gets recognized, it would be from her role as Sophie in the HBO series “In Treatment”. Tim Burton’s Alice in Wonderland will be available in 3D format. The release date is set for March of 2010.

From Alice in Wonderland still released so far, it looks as though Mia Wasikowska will be the only actress in the movie who will have a “normal” appearance. All other actors and actresses will clothes and make ups worthy of Tim Burton’s imagination. Alice in Wonderland is being shot in Cornwall, England and from reports of insiders, the movie will be a mixture of live acting and computer generated CGI.

Photo of Mia Wasikowska as Alice Kingsley in Tim Burton’s Alice in Wonderland by Goff/INFphoto.com

Here’s a Morgan Freeman affair visual – 27-year-old E’Dena Hines wraps her lips around the dick of 72-year-old Morgan Freeman, sucks on it, nibbles on it, licks around the glands and chews on testicules. Then gives it a hand stroke and shoves it deep down into her throat and keeps blowing it while her one hand massages the balls and the other one massages the…. prostate through that saggy anal cavity. You should have stopped reading as soon as I had said Morgan Freeman affair visual. Did you really want details of his secret love life with 27-year-old step-granddaughter? That shit is even hard to pronounce – affair with a step-granddaughter. I’m just uncertain what exactly was E’Dena Hines after. Did she want to be the only name on Morgan Freeman’s will? That would kind of make sense. I’d suck on old man’s limp dick if there was a nine digit number looking out of it.

As it turns out, Morgan Freeman’s affair with his 27-year-old step-granddaughter E’Dena Hines has been going on for 10 years. That’s a lot of limp dick cock sucking E’Dena Hines must have gone through and Morgan Freeman is still alive. Maybe it’s pure love. I know nothing about love so I can’t judge. Maybe E’Dena Hines genuinely fell in love with her step grandfather and put aside all political incorrectness and age difference. Afterall, it’s not incest if he’s your step-grandfather, is it? You’d have to be same blood, or do same family ties count as well?

Wait a minute… if Morgan Freeman was having that affair with E’Dena Hines for 10 years and she’s 27 year old now, that would mean he started plunging his tongue into her vagina when she was still underage. Damn Morgan Porterfield Freeman, Jr. Have you lost your fucking mind? I feel like stabbing kittens with dull fork after all this. Let’s hope it turns out being a dumb joke. Afterall, it was National Enquirer that broke the news first. I know National Enquirer is anything but a trusted source, but they occasionally get shit right and seem to be rather serious about this affair. Morgan Freeman + E’Dena Hines = match made in heaven.

Seriously – I hate Barack Obama as much as the next guy, but when it comes to retards at PETA, no one can beat them. If you haven’t seen the spectacle, the video of Barack Obama killing a fly is below. The president was interviewed by CNBC and some annoying fly paid no respect so Barack Obama showed it who the boss is. Now PETA is voicing their opinion that the president should have served a better example than by swatting and killing a fly publically. What better example you idiots? What was he supposed to do when he’s trying to address important matters and he’s being distracted by an obnoxious fly? It’s not like you’re gonna tell the fly that we’re on the air and it’s gonna wait till you’re done. Barack Obama did the right thing and that’s actually the first time I’m saying that. Too bad he effs up everything else.

Now, I truly understand the idea of compassion for animals of any size but let’s not confuse animals with parasites. PETA is obviously made of publicity hungry attention whores who jump at any occasions to get a bit of a spotlight. If this fly killing is not entirely and needlessly blown out of proportions, then I don’t know what is. Reports have it that Barack Obama was sent a Katcha Bug™ – a device made for human catching of bugs which can then be released back into the open. Video of Barack Obama skillfully killing a fly is below:

Megan Fox must have had a glassful of camel milk for breakfast that morning in Paris. Paparazzi caught up with her just as she was about to board a plane and they were greeted by a giant camel toe peaking at them form between her thighs. You know camel toes are a sign of undeveloped pussy right? Healthy vulva has protruding labia to chew on. Camel toes suggest that the labia is near non existent which makes any pussy look like an extended ass crack. Megan Fox can make up for camel toe with really wicked hair.

I like the way she’s dressed. Chicks can never go wrong wearing casual house clothes. For one it makes the camel toe stand up (for those who care) and secondly – you don’t have to kill your erection spending five minutes undoing some stupid belt. Some belts are a bitch to undo. With simple sportswear like Megan Fox is wearing in these photos, you just pull it down and inside the camel toe you go. Simple, easy to remember. I also like how Megan Fox developed an ability to casually hide her nasty thumbs.

Gallery with more Megan Fox Camel Toe pictures is below. All images by Bauer Griffin Online

When Artie Lange mentioned on Joe Buck Live that there are coyotes fucking 18 year old girls on the internet, I immediately started to pay attention. Sucker did not say where and searching for it on my own proved to be a bitch. Wanna be comedians are just like that – they’d turn you on, drive up expectations, and then they’d leave you there unsatisfied. Artie Lange, you bastard (Joe Buck surely rephrased this line in his mind many a time as he watched Artie Lange completely destroying his show).

Joe Buck Live Show premiered last night on HBO.com – yes, it was an internet broadcast talk show and it doesn’t look like it went the way Joe Buck would have wished. There was an online only segment the video of which is below and one of the guests was the joke buddy of Howard Stern’s – Artie Lange. Since this was Joe Buck’s first show which was in the works for half of year, I’m pretty sure he was banging his head against the wall to have invited Artie Lange to be a part of it. And I’m also pretty sure Artie Lange ain’t getting no more invites to any shows anymore.

While it was kind of funny, Artie Lange surely is a big try hard. I’m all for intelligent humor, but the moment you try hard to make sure you come up with a line that must be offensive, then you are a joke. Funny people don’t need to try hard and throw a line that makes you giggle. Artie Lange doesn’t reach that level of intelligence, so he tries hard. The result is in the video below:

Fact – sales of Kevin Klein are going to sky rocket this week. This is what I would call a perfect marketing campaign. Any marketing that doesn’t upset anyone is money wasted. Whereas if you come with an idea that stirs up controversy and gets everyone upset, especially the ranks of religious prudes, you know you’re gonna get insane media coverage and that drives sales. Latest Kevin Klein Billboard delivers just that. The billboard is posted in SoHo on Houston Street and Lafayette Street and shows four people engaging in what could be classified as sexually charged. There is definitely a threesome going on with another stomach revealing man at the feet of another not engaging in sex, but still being present, suggesting possible foursome. When it comes to billboards, Kevin Klein hit the nail on its head.

Of course random passer byers let themselves head immediately after the billboard was posted calling it “borderline pornographic”. Borderline pornographic my ass. I could never get off to that. There is an unfair man to women ratio on the billboard. There is only one topless girl making out with two topless men while another near topless man dreams of gay sex (that’s the way I see it).

To be honest, I’m kind of upset by the billboard myself. Seriously, we need more topless women than men on our billboard. I don’t know about Kevin Klein, but becoming a fashion designer often means that one is gay. That’s perhaps why the billboard has a sausage fest feel. Where the hell are provocative billboards with chick threesomes. I’m offended. Take that billboard down now!

Kevin Klein Billboard Photo by Costanza, New York Daily News

It’s Friday afternoon, we need some items for men. Bia and Bianca Feres are identical twins form Brazil. The twins practice synchronized swimming and almost made it to the Olympic Games in Beijing to represent their home country of Brazil but didn’t make it on the boat. It makes no difference to the fact that they are one extremely hot couple of beach bodies. Surprisingly enough, the Feres Twins don’t look typically Brazilian. They are actually hot and natural. Both are naturally blond, have their own boobs and no penis in the underwear. Nice feminine look to both of them and that must be the first time I’m saying that about a Brazilian chick – I’d hit that. OK, I’m lying, I’d even hit a tranny if it came down to it, I’m so sex deprived but it changes nothing on the fact that Bia and Bianca Feres are ridiculously hot.

To make good use of the fact that Bia and Bianca are identical twins and that they both look incredibly hot, MTV Brazil employed the twins and gave them their own show. I can already see piles of North Americans buying new satellite receivers that can get Brazilian channels. Portuguese may still be an issue, but who cares what two blonds blabber about, just show those asses and we have a deal.

The gallery with lots of pics of Feres Twins is below. Nice material.

This mash-up contains so much idiocy I don’t even know where to start. Paris Hilton got into a food fight with Kendhal Beal – blond ho from the photo above. Kendhal Beal is a nobody, a wannabe model and a wishful actress and by the looks of it, she’s ready to throw her vagina at any direction from where she could embark on her journey to becoming a publicized ho. Her wish was partially granted when Doug Reinhardt came her way.

Doug Reinhardt was at the time a boyfriend of Paris Hilton but sheer elegance of plastic blondie Kendhal Beal bewitched him and moron started dreaming of nirvana engulfed in Kendhal’s pussy juices. We all would have no idea anything like that went down, but it appears sources of Paris Hilton knew that and when Paris met with Kendhal face to face in LA’s Darkroom Club, the encounter turned into a food fight. That’s right, two blondes food fighting over Doug Reinhardt. Only one of the blondes is actually rich where as the other one is simply plastic. Paris Hilton wins.

23 year old wannabe model from , Houston, Texas claims that Paris started it and threw ice and fruit at her while calling her all sort of nasty names. Doug Reinhardt probably never buried his face into Kendhal Beal’s vagina. He was simply seen hanging out with the company of friends and she was there too. If that’s really the case, then Paris Hilton had just helped a clueless wannabe model to fast forward her non existent career. What more could Kendhal Beal wish for. She’s just a plastic looking blonde who had no life before her. Now she’s talked about all thanks to Paris Hilton. What blessings.

While I don’t mind Megan Fox and would certainly like to bury my perfect fingers in her perfect vagina, I never found her anything that exceptional. However many men think Megan Fox is perfect. Well… wake up – she’s not. Despite decent face, sexy body, presumably hot vagina and uber presumed ability to take it in the ass, Megan Fox is not perfect. This idol of so many men has toe style thumbs. Those are thumbs that look like bit tow on Oprah’s feet. Nothing you would want to suck on while she’s sucking on your penis.

While Megan Fox toe thumbs are not breaking news, many don’t seem to be aware of the fact and there is nothing more pleasurable than revealing the shit parts of women who think they are perfect. The joy of blowing self esteem of otherwise self important woman up her ass is the most rewarding experience ever.

Since her thumbs look like toes, I kind of hoped her toes would look like thumbs, which would make for an incredibly satisfying laughter, but it doesn’t seem to be the case. As it turns out, Megan Fox has actually half decent feet so no mocking her that way. She also looks like kind of a chick who would have properly developed vagina. Women with undeveloped vaginas have that odd Barbie doll look. Labia on Megan Fox surely is a decent size. I was also thinking – toe thumbs, while not appealing to men will likely appeal to women – cause they look like butt plugs. I can see lesbians getting all worked up over the pics of Megan Fox toe thumbs. Ummm, yumm!

Gallery of photos with Megan Fox’s toe thumbs is below: