Beer Steak Bullshit

By the time Apple iPad, the shittiest piece of technology to have ever been put together by humans hit the markets of Europe, there have been one million units of this piece of junk sold in the United States alone. The first thing that got in my mind after I’d heard about this was – LULz, that’s one million dumb Americans who have just been dumbed down even more. It didn’t take long and major security issues associated with Apple iPad have been identified. It’s not surprising, though. IPad is an Apple product and security issues, instability, pathetic performance for an excessive price are primes of Apple as a company. The best thing about it is that a security slap was delivered to Apple by some group of self proclaimed hackers who call themselves Goatse Security. I could not imagine anything more humiliating happen to Apple than having their iPad’s security destroyed by Goatse Security group. If you are new to the interwebz and don’t know what Goatse is, go look it up but be ready for the most upsetting picture of your dad you’ve ever seen.

The security breach of Apple’s iPad by Goatse Security exposed email addresses and AT&T’s integrated circuit card identifiers (ICC-ID). Goatse Security now controls a list of email addresses of some of the most prominent figures in the USA, including high military commanders, politicians, CEO’s of top companies, media executives and more. Some of the recognizable names include:

• Janet Robinson – New York Times Co. CEO
• Diane Sawyer – ABC News
• Harvey Weinstein – Film Producer
• Michael Bloomberg – Owner of Bloomberg
• Rahm Emanuel – White House Chief of Staff
• William Eldredge – US Airforce Commander
• Ann Moore – CEO of Time Inc.
• Chase Carey – President and COO of News Corp.
• Cathie Black – President of Hearst Magazines
• Les Hinton – CEO of Dow Jones

I like Goatse Security. Kids have previously busted Firefox and Opera, two of the shittiest wannabe web browsers for their major security issues and now they busted Apple and their wannabe laptop iPad. The iPad security breach was done to iPad 3G units with cellular connections. Goatse Security claims it has email addresses of 114,000 subscribers to AT&T services but it is possible that personal information of all people who purchased (LOL, a bunch of losers) iPad have also been compromised, because Apple is one of the most invasive companies in existence and requires everyone who purchases their junk iPad to expose their private information to them.

Following the iPad security breach by Goatse Security, The New York Times and other major media and public service players have instructed their employees to turn off their iPads and access to the 3G networks until further notice. That’s what you get for buying Apple products. Failed company with failed results, but lots of dumbed down citizens willing to get exploited.

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I find it funny when I see all those Adobe Crash Reports that happen on a Mac suck box. I’ve been using Adobe products for years and have been on Adobe Design Premium Suit since it’s come bundled with former Macromedia products and have never had any problems with crashes. But then again – I’ve never used it on a Mac suck box. I need computers for work, hence I use PC. I don’t simply buy it to become an obnoxious fanboy. As someone who’s living depends on a computer, I can’t possibly dumb myself down to a level of a Mac user.

Everyone with half a brain knows that Mac sucks. You can’t get anything done on a Mac, it always crashes and availability of usable software is ridiculous. However even if there was comparable number of usable soft for Mac, I still couldn’t put up with extreme user unfriendliness and constant crashes. Nothing is where you would naturally expect it on a Mac. You can’t just natively use it like you do with a PC. Mac plain and simple sucks and these countless albeit funny Adobe crash reports are a proof of that.

There are two types of creative design professionals. Those who are serious about their work and need to get it done and those on a Mac. The former are the real deal peeps who deliver some spine shattering computer work, whereas the Mac fanboys just show off and yap their filth gap holes cause Macs can’t keep you productive, so you spend your time yapping. On the other hand, thanks to them we have all these funny Adobe crash reports we can enjoy browsing through. Below is a gallery of screenshots of some pretty hilarious Adobe crash reports from various parts of Adobe creative design suite – all of which happened on a Mac because it takes a Macintosh to crash all the time. It doesn’t matter whether it’s an Adobe program or anything else, once you have lame, unstable platform, the software itself will continue crashing at nauseum. There is nothing software developers can do. You are plain and simple on a platform that sucks and crashes all the time.

Do you want to avoid seeing your Adobe crash at every click? Switch to PC. It’s a simple solution that will cost you less money, will allow you to get more done and will keep you sane by enjoying your experience using a computer. If you don’t, you will be stuck with being a fanboy, unable to get crap done and always forced to see everything you open, close or otherwise interact with crash on you. Afterall, closing a program is a major deal for a Mac. You can’t expect it to perform it properly. Can you imagine how much it takes to shut the program down? Geeee!

Mac sucks. See the gallery of screenshots of funny Adobe crash reports that prove it below:

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Do you know what Miley Cyrus is scared of? Apparently she’s scared of needles but what’s more important is why kids are always so scared of Miley Cyrus. In a video above, one year old girl shows how much she hates Miley Cyrus – at least that’s what her dad claims. While a song by Miley Cyrus plays, baby starts to scream, then when dad puts on Bon Jovi, baby starts to laugh. Dad is just plain dumb.

Dad thinks his baby hates Miley, but he has no idea what really is going on. If you take a closer look, it appears as though the dad had a Mac computer. Every baby, unless suffering from complete lack of intelligence is bound to puke when you put it before a Mac. Unless you play an old school Bon Jovi tune – certain Bon Jovi tunes are so epic, they even negate the bullshit Mac computers induce in people. Miley Cyrus can sleep well. She still has a long way to go before she can match Apple products with lameness.

When comparing latest tablet with the oldest one, there aren’t many differences to spot. Above is a visual comparison of iPad tablet from Apple vs Ancient Stone as a tablet. Aside from the touch screen, the 2010 iPad is about as advanced as an ancient stone from 40,000 BC. That’s pretty much where Apple stands as a company.

Aside from having the capabilities of an ancient stone tablet, iPad also sports truly ugly frame around the screen that sports a 4:3 ratio (aka no widescreen), it has no support for Flash, no support for multitasking (that’s right, if you’d like to listen to music while you are checking emails – forget it, iPod won’t allow you to do that. It’s just too much for it), no camera – whether facing forward or back, no USB slots (WTF, seriously), need for adapters – you will need to buy whole pile of adapters if you would like to do something as fundamental as uploading your pictures from a digital camera onto an iPad, and you are limited to App Store with new applications – you simply can’t install an application you want, you can only install an application offered in App Store. iPad is plain and simple a prehistoric failure of bullshit. Steve Jobs has proven me right again – Apple Sucks!

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Apple iPad tablet was intended to be a replacement for notebooks, yet it lacks support for one of the most important components needed to surf the net – Flash. Without Flash support iPad will not be able to show content of website where Flesh elements are used (many, many websites use that) so instead of seeing their attractive, interactive features, you will see blue legos on the screen of your iPad. Great win on behalf of Apple. Fanboys can wipe off the cream from their panties.

iPad is the biggest technological failure of last few decades. It’s made by Apple so expecting it to suck is fair, but Apple went way overboard delivering suckiness when iPad was released without support for Flash.

Did you realize that all YouTube videos are playable on your computer only because your computer supports flash? That’s right and it’s not only YouTube. Most of the big players in online video sharing use flash platform to offer video streaming. The videos you see when you go to DailyMotion, LiveLeak, MySpace Videos, Google Videos, MetaCafe, etc – they all stream files with .flv extension which is an extension for Flash Video. So if you surf any of those websites on an iPad, instead of seeing their vids, you will see blue legos. Because that’s how Apple rocks. Blue Legos everywhere flash is needed. Count millions of websites, many of which are some of internet’s most visited portals. iPad = FAIL

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I take great pleasure at mocking Apple as a company cause they are pure failure front to back. But Steve Jobs really tried hard to serve me a ball for a smash introduction of iPad. So much anticipation, Apple fanboys were creaming their gay pants over new Apple tablet and what they got is iPad. I mean – what did they expect? It’s an Apple product, it’s bound to fail and suck. I know – nobody quite expected it to suck this much but there’s just one answer to that – it’s an Apple product. That says it all. Case closed.

Apple is responding to the failure of iPad and introduces new, breakthrough, miraculous device called iPan Nano. iPad Nano fits in your pocket and you can make phone calls with it. And let’s not forget it also has a camera. iPad Nano is the poop… Wait a minute!

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Yesterday what was many considered a big deal in the techie world because Apple jock Steve Jobs introduced what was to be the next big thing – iPad. As for me, whether it’s iPad, iPod, iPhone, iSuckballs or whatever else you call it – those are all Apple products and Apple never delivers. Their overpriced, underperforming gadgets for fanbois are for show off, not for use. I can find a better way to throw money out the window if I choose to do so and will leave buying of lame Apple products to people without brains. But let’s focus on the ever-mighty iPad and the truth behind the device:

No matter how much Apple fanbois end up being crybabies all over the internet worshipping their little sexually dysfunctional Gods by brownnosing their anal warted cavities, it changes nothing on the fact that iPad, just as every other Apple product FAILs hard. And what iPad really is? I’ll let the picture above answer that question. Just take duct tape from your kitchen drawer and tape four iPhones together and you will get this super awesome device there has been so much secrecy about prior to yesterday’s press conference. iPad = yet another Apple FAIL.

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Steve Jobs came on stage to introduce iPad like it’s the next big thing, yet iPad has been around for a good little while now. The official iPad Release Date was to be announced today but before Steve Jobs could do so, he got his balls busted. MAD Tv announced the release of iPad long before this embarrassing introduction of this Apple product. MAD Tv should totally sue Apple for this trademark theft

Watch the video proof below:

Techworld is all about iPad today. iPad – a tablet from Apple is supposed to offer somewhat the capabilities of a laptop but at a size just a tad bigger than a cell phone. From the first official picture of iPad released, it looks just like iPhone, only a bit wider along the x axis. Engadged is posting pictures of iPad live as the conference with Steve Jobs is happening as we speak. Stay tuned.

What this iPad is – it’s basically one portable online browser. Sadly, because iPad is an Apple, it’s a big portable Safari, which blows chunks of dried up sperm. More iPad pictures in the gallery below:

iPad photos from Engadget

Well, at first sight this is a pretty hilarious Adobe After Effects Crash Report that outlines the reality of working with Adobe After Effects (video special effects software by Adobe) but smart people will see where the issue lies right away. And it’s not in Adobe After Effects, it’s in the platform the user is on. Dude, get yourself a real computer, not a MAC and your problems will diminish. Or did you actually think that you will get any work done by working on a failed platform? MAC users are hilariously dumb…

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