Beer Steak Bullshit

That’s awesome. Former “person of interest” turned “Jasmine Fiore Murder Suspect” Ryan Jenkins fled back to his homeland of Canada to roam in my neighborhood. The “Megan Wants a Millionaire” reality TV star Ryan Jenkins must have ate some of that silicone from his dead wife’s tits to think that escaping to Canada will save him from being turned over to the Orange Country police. N00b. If he wanted to flee, he should have bolted for Mexico and then to Venezuela or another lawless country. Where is he gonna hide here in Canada. Unless Sasquatch himself shelters him inside a Tunnel Mountain in the Rockies, he’s not gonna be on the loose for too long. But then again, he never showed much smart. Afterall, he married Jasmine Fiore.

Orange County District Attorney confirmed that Reality TV star Ryan Jenkins is wanted for murder of Jasmine Fiore and warrant has been issued for his arrest. Tom Monson, Chief of Police from the Buena Park Police Department said they were gonna hunt Ryan Jenkins down in a “vigorous pursuit of justice” – lol. When a cop gets all poetic and poop, it gives me shizzles.

The police also revealed further details regarding murder of Jasmine Fiore – Ryan Jenkins allegedly also busted her teeth out and chopped off her finger. The motive of murder is unknown. It has also not been specified whether Ryan Jenkins is being charged with first degree or second degree murder.

Given Ryan Jenkins’ reality TV career – I keep wondering how he got on the show and how he stayed there? I thought Megan wanted to score herself a millionaire, but not a married millionaire. Ryan Jenkins was married to Jasmine Fiore. I also don’t get how he didn’t realize he would be the primary suspect in his wife’s murder case. Being a millionaire, he could have paid a hitman to take her down. Or just give a couple hundred bucks to some El Salvadorian gang members to rape her and slice her up and that would be it. He’d have solid alibis by being a guest of honor at a resort in Ibiza, the life would go on nice and sweet. Megan Wants a Millionaire TV show would not get any negative PR and there would be more interesting story to write.

I’m also surprise the homeless man who discovered the dead body of Jasmine Fiore in a Buena Park dumpster did not try to take her tits. Isn’t silicone recyclable? He could have made himself a couple of bucks. That’s what he was looking to get by going through garbage anyway – something to recycle. BTW, according to Alberta Justice, Ryan Jenkins was sentenced to 15 months of probation for assault in January 2007. Background checkers from Megan Wants a Millionaire definitely slacked out when they’ve let this star on their reality TV.

Look at the face of a douche. Jasmine Fiore was found dead in a dumpster, stuffed inside a suitcase (must have been quite a job to fit those silicones in there) and Ryan Alexander Jenkins is a “person of interest”. Whether he’s a murderer we don’t know yet, but looking at the picture I can answer one thing for sure – yes, he’s a douche. You got to be a douchebag if you wear stupid pubestache like that.

Aside from being a potential murderer, garbage bin depositor and suitcase stuffer of Jasmine Fiore, Ryan Alexander Jenkins is also a reality TV contestant. That’s right, Ryan Alexander Jenkins got his douche ass on VH1’s Megan Wants A Millionaire. That means that he’s a millionaire, right? Well, he better be, cause if convicted of murder of Jasmine Fiore, he’s gonna need some change to buy Hubba’s favor which is the only way to get fucked with lube. Otherwise he’s gonna have to take Hubba’s dick up his dry ass.

I can hear you asking – aside from being a douche and a reality TV contestant, what else is this Ryan Alexander Jenkins? Well sadly – he’s a Canadian. And not only that. He’s Alberta, right from Calgary. If I looked outside the window, I might see him there. Why do people from my province have to be such amateur murderers? I thought after Jasmine Fiore’s dead body was discovered, that it’s gonna be one of those mindblowing criminal cases similar to Black Dahlia in which the murderer has never been found. That would immortalize Jasmine Fiore but now that there is a suspect basically right after her body was discovered, she’s got no chance of becoming as famous as Elizabeth Short. I’m sorry Jasmine Fiore, I tried finding something worthy of remembering about you, but Buena Park police spoiled it all. Skilled chaps, these are, I tell ya.

The police say that Jasmine Fiore was strangled to death. If Ryan Alexander Jenkins is in fact her murderer – I can’t help but wonder what would prompt a 32 year old real estate developer/investment banker (whatever title you give it, at the end of the day it equals “millionaire”) to kill young woman. Seemingly he had everything he wished for – a pubestache, an appearance on VH1, a bank account full of green stuff… why killing a blonde? WHat was missing in his life that he would wrap his douche hands around her neck and squeeze tight? This will be an interesting case to follow. Ryan Alexander Jenkins is probably somewhere in Venezuela or Thailand by now.

EDIT: latest news has it that Ryan Alexander Jenkins and Jasmine Fiore were married. TMZ was allegedly contacted by lawyers of Ryan Alexander Jenkins who said that their client will co-operate with the authorities. See? I told you he was a douche. Who else would marry Playboy representative with fake boobs? RIP Jasmine Fiore