Beer Steak Bullshit

Russian people are hilarious. They are the most violent and most honor-lacking, but girls are hot and based on a small sample of what I have had the privilege of meeting, they give great blowjobs. But let’s not go there. Yet! This hilarious video is from Russia as well. The police had stopped a car the driver of which appeared intoxicated, so they asked him to step out of the vehicle and submit to the breathalyzer test. Visibly drank grandpa agrees to take on the test and that’s where he fails in such hilarious way I’d never imagine.

When you’re so drunk that you grab at the breathalyzer and try to take sip of more booze from it, then you’re really effin drunk. The laughter that one of the police makes only adds to the whole awesomeness of the video. Gradpa smiles himself cause he thinks they pulled a joke on him by tricking him into drinking from an empty bottle. The fail in this case is truly epic. Instead of blowing into the breathalyzer, he went to drink from it. Does it get any better than that?

It might be different in Russia, but I know in Canada DUI lawyers make ridiculous amount of money exploiting holes in the drinking and driving law. However with video evidence like that, I don’t see how they could possibly make any case. Bye, bye drivers license

British royal Princess Eugenie, younger daughter of The Duke and Duchess of York and a sister of Princess Beatrice is 18 year old and knows how to have fun. She was seen running around naked and drunk on the grounds of Marlborough College - a posh school in Wilts, UK.

Now that’s my kind of royal blood. How do I hook up with her? We could run around any college grounds naked, drinking Jack Daniels from my flask and have sexy times together. Great success. I love royals who started having sex when they were 12 and take double anal by the time they’re 18. Actually, I don’t know if Princess Eugenie is anything like that, but she could rub those braces against my thick shaft any day.

According to a staff member at Marlborough College who was on duty that night, he was woken up by students’ voices and found about dozen of them naked and drunk and dancing around. No mention of sex, but he probably just missed it. i mean, who the fuck dances around naked and drunk and doesn’t have a giant orgy when there’s another 11 naked and drunk people doing the same thing. Give me a break. The janitor probably wanted to dip his penis into the roal pussy but she was already taking 4 in at the same time, he got pissed and reported her ass.

According to Fox News, it was all girls, though. I’m heart broken. Princess Eugenie is a lesbian. They were rubbing vaginas together never caring for healthy man mean in their asses. That pushes tears in my eyes. My do royals have gay relationships leaving me out. Grrr.

Image credit: Associated Press