Beer Steak Bullshit

Russian people are hilarious. They are the most violent and most honor-lacking, but girls are hot and based on a small sample of what I have had the privilege of meeting, they give great blowjobs. But let’s not go there. Yet! This hilarious video is from Russia as well. The police had stopped a car the driver of which appeared intoxicated, so they asked him to step out of the vehicle and submit to the breathalyzer test. Visibly drank grandpa agrees to take on the test and that’s where he fails in such hilarious way I’d never imagine.

When you’re so drunk that you grab at the breathalyzer and try to take sip of more booze from it, then you’re really effin drunk. The laughter that one of the police makes only adds to the whole awesomeness of the video. Gradpa smiles himself cause he thinks they pulled a joke on him by tricking him into drinking from an empty bottle. The fail in this case is truly epic. Instead of blowing into the breathalyzer, he went to drink from it. Does it get any better than that?

It might be different in Russia, but I know in Canada DUI lawyers make ridiculous amount of money exploiting holes in the drinking and driving law. However with video evidence like that, I don’t see how they could possibly make any case. Bye, bye drivers license

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I’m filing this under “Celebrities” even though Crystal McCahill really isn’t one. At least not yet, unless we count her appearance on The Girls Next Door. This could quickly change as Crystal McCahill is scheduled to appears in May issue of Playboy Magazine (Playboy still exists? You mean it’s 2009 and people would still pay for photos of overphotoshoped women with undeveloped labia and fake tits?) as Playboy’s Miss May 2009. But before the centerfold, Crystal McCahill unvolunterily introduces a different kind of photos of herself – mugshots. She was caught driving under influence on January 7, 2009 and must appear before a Cook County judge on March 19. Hmmm, who would have thought Playboy bunnies could drive. Perhaps DUI is how they do that…

Crystal McCahill was arrested for DUI after she drove through red light in Chicago. 25 year old future Playboy Miss told the police she only had three shots at Climax, a nightclub where she works (why does it not surprise me that aspiring Playboy model would start her career working at a nightclub?). The police smelled strong reek of alcohol coming from her mouth and her eyes were blood shot. Crystal McCahill blew a load from her lungs into an alcohol detector which shower her alcohol levels were twice the legal limit. Busted. Nice mugshot photo, BTW Miss Crystal McCahill.

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I know mug shots are not the most flattering photography in the world, kind of like passport pictures, but Shante Broadus, wife of rapper Snoop Dogg better tell her husband to get her some facial maintenance stuff going. Maybe it’s just a bad time of month for her. She probably went to get pain killers and the best shit they had was two bottles of Jack Daniels, Shante Broadus saw the No. 7 Brand, picked a couple bottles up, chugged that shit right down her throat, killed the menstrual pain and went for a ride. Too bad Jack only kills the pain and doesn’t fix your acne, her mug shot would look much better then.

Snoop Dogg’s wife Shante Broadus was arrested for DUI early this morning in Fullerton, California. At least she picked right place to drive under the influence through. Shante Broadus right after the arrest, because in Fullerton’s DUI arrests, the bail is not needed. How awesome is that? You get your guts loaded with booze, go for a spin, cops bust your ass for DUI and release you on the spot, because that’s how much Fullerton rocks. They pull you over, you DUI, they take you to the City Jail, they book you, issued a citation to appear in court and after that you’re free to go.

Cordozar Calvin Broadus Jr., which is the real name of Grammy award nominater rapper and his wife Shante Broadus have been married since 1997. That’s over 10 years of happy marriage. Shante Broadus should give Shaniqua Tompkins tuitions on how to be a good wife to a busy rapper. Cause Shaniqua has no damn clue.

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The hairdo is puke-worthy, but let’s not get there for now. Amanda Overmyer is one of American Idol Contestants and she’s totally awesome. Her cool history is questionable to say the least… let’s just say she knows what jails look like from inside the cell. But it wasn’t too bad, only 6 hours for DUI. Her blood test came back with wonderful figures – 0.108… legal limit is 0.08!

Traffic offenses seem to be the weakness of Amanda Overmyer. Aside from drinking and driving she also managed to drive her car at 100mph in a 45mph zone and running a red. And people wander where “female drivers” mockery jokes came from.

Kiefer Sutherland released a statement in regards to his recent DUI arrest, for which he will have to serve 30 days in county jail. “I’m very disappointed in myself for the poor judgment I exhibited recently, and I’m deeply sorry for the disappointment and distress this has caused my family, friends and co-workers on ’24′ and at 20th Century Fox. I appreciate the support and concern that has been extended to me these last weeks both personally and professionally.” He will be sentenced December 21.