Beer Steak Bullshit

Much expected Public Statement by Tiger Woods is live right now. You can watch it via the UStream window above. Tiger Woods is going to say “I’m Sorry” several times and apologize over and over.

UPDATE:

Since some of you may have missed the Tiger Woods Public Statement in real time, I have updated the window with the video recording from his press conference as live streaming was no longer relevant to Tiger Woods. The public statement wasn’t really a press conference because the golfer was not accepting any questions from the media representatives and only addressed the public in presence of a few close friends, family and a couple of select media outlets. It was basically just a monologue read out of the paper which Tiger Woods had allegedly written by himself. It was full of self pity and assurances that he realizes what he had done and that he is working hard to amend things. Tiger Woods also apologized to his fans and supporters a few times and asked the media to leave his wife Elin Nordegren and kids alone. On top of that, in his public statement, Tiger Woods insisted that there has never been any domestic violence involved in his marriage with Elin Nordegren ever, including the alleged golf club incident during which Tiger Woods was rumored to have gotten beat up by his wife after she had found out about his “transgressions”. The video of Tiger Woods’ Public Statement is above.

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Golfers and non golfers alike are asking – where is Tiger Woods? Given that he was born on December 30, 1975, his 34th birthday is coming up but there’s gonna be no Tiger Woods Birthday Bash Party this year. At least not to an extent he may have been used to in previous years. Tiger Woods will never forget 2009 – the worst year in his life. Within a few days everything went down the pooper for world’s best golfer. But where is he now? Where is Tiger Woods? Anyone knows? Has the world moved on and quit focusing on his transgressions? I’d say it’s quite so… at least until another mistress comes out of woodworks looking to get her 5 minutes of fame preying on already devastated Tiger.

Last time we’ve heard of Tiger Woods it was when he asked for privacy to get his personal life in order. Well, here’s a newsflash for you, Tiger. Nobody cares about your “private life”. Nobody has either. What tabloids did care about was your “secret life”. Your private life you were SUPPOSED to live as per your wows you have given to Elin Nordegren has somehow slipped off your hands. The tabloid took you on simply because of your secret life. If 2009 was a shit year for you, it’s not because multimedia got on your ass. It’s because they got on your secret life’s ass. Your transgressions, your below the waste punches you had been delivering were exposed and that’s what ran you to the pooper. You had maintained your image as a devoted family man and loving husband for years. Successfully. While in your back pocket the cell phone was buzzing with text messaging from some whore in Las Vegas.

So where is Tiger Woods now? Well, let’s hope he’s truly trying to find himself. He’s 34 years old and he’s had it all. More than vast majority of us could ever dream of but success doesn’t come without obligations. Unless he’s capable of finding this balance within himself, he will have had it all, but deep inside he will have not.

Breaking News regarding Tiger Woods again – Barbro Holmberg, Tiger Woods’ mother in law moved in and was moved out by the ambulance. It’s been pissing cats and dogs on the Tiger Woods parade as of late and there seem to be no end to it. Rumors of Elin Nordegren – Tiger’s wife moving out and into the house close by were spread on by Radar Online but this has not been confirmed. But when an ambulance pulled over by Tiger’s house earlier today and an elderly woman was carried out on a stretcher – all hell’s broken loose. It is not clear that the woman taken by ambulance was Elin Nordegren’s mother and Tiger Woods’ mother in law – Barbro Holmberg.

According to TMZ, Barbro Holmberg was taken in due to complaints about the stomach pains. At this time, Barbro Holmberg is still in the hospital and has not yet been released, in spite of several on line posts claiming otherwise. Given the melee arounf Tiger Woods persona, I’m not surprised Barbro Holmberg’s stomach called it quits. When she saw the hoards of mistresses her son in law cheated on her daughter with while running high on Ambien, her stomach probably took a 360 turn and hurled up the content on the kidneys.

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Pictured above are wife of Tiger Woods – Elin Nordegren and her identical twin sister Josefin Nordegren. This is Tiger Wood’s close family – his wife and sister in law. Even if we forget about double beauty and leave Elin Nordegren’s twin sister out of the equation, we’re still looking at a gorgeous blonde the presence of which would make any man’s dream come true. Yet Tiger Woods pulled out his dick and inserted it in the mouth of someone like Rachel Uchitel. For the record, let’s take a side by side comparison photo between Elin Nordegren and Rachel Uchitel and then you can ask with me again – what on Earth was Tiger Woods thinking when he pulled his dick out of Elin Nordegren and put it in Rachel Uchitel. WTF?

I’m puzzled. Why exactly would Tiger Woods cheat on Elin Nordegren, who’s an incredibly hot wife with someone like Rachel Uchitel? But let’s not talk about Rachel Uchitel, let’s talk about Elin Nordegren’s Twin Sister Josefin Nordegren. We all know Elin is out of question – first of all she’s married, secondly she’s married to Tiger Woods. Your name would have to be Bill Gates in order to be more interesting to her than Tiger Woods. Not only is Tiger Woods a billionaire, he’s also famous and one of the most celebrated athletes. No matter what you do, you ain’t getting in Elin Nordegren’s underwear.

But that matters not, because there’s one more woman out there, who’s identical to Elin so you would be compromising absolutely nothing when it comes to sheer beauty. Elin Nordegren’s twin sister has all the hotness of Elin but no ties with anyone whom you can’t outdo with fame and wealth.

Josefin and Nordegren both grew up in a coastal town just outside of Stockholm called Waxholm. Tiger Woods was introduced to Elin Nordegren by Swedish pro golfer and his friend Jesper Parnevik, for whom Elin (as well as Josefin) worked as a nanny. There is very little info out there on Josefin Nordegren. I should trace down her email.

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Tiger Woods stepped up and apologized on his official website tigerwoods.com for his “transgressions”. The Tiger Woods Apology came as a response to massive media bombing that was driving him insane and making his family unhappy. Obviously, Tiger Woods is a public figure but also a man with penis and as we all know, men with penises need to ejaculate semen into women. And when Elin Nordegren is not there, what’s a little tiger to do. He shoves his dick up the ass of some random cocktail waitress or a marketing manager from Las Vegas.

The apology statement is a rather long read, but if you’re up for learning the whole truth as Tiger Woods has it to say, then real the whole text. It’s provided in full below:

I have let my family down and I regret those transgressions with all of my heart. I have not been true to my values and the behavior my family deserves. I am not without faults and I am far short of perfect. I am dealing with my behavior and personal failings behind closed doors with my family. Those feelings should be shared by us alone.

Although I am a well-known person and have made my career as a professional athlete, I have been dismayed to realize the full extent of what tabloid scrutiny really means. For the last week, my family and I have been hounded to expose intimate details of our personal lives. The stories in particular that physical violence played any role in the car accident were utterly false and malicious. Elin has always done more to support our family and shown more grace than anyone could possibly expect.

But no matter how intense curiosity about public figures can be, there is an important and deep principle at stake which is the right to some simple, human measure of privacy. I realize there are some who don’t share my view on that. But for me, the virtue of privacy is one that must be protected in matters that are intimate and within one’s own family. Personal sins should not require press releases and problems within a family shouldn’t have to mean public confessions.

Whatever regrets I have about letting my family down have been shared with and felt by us alone. I have given this a lot of reflection and thought and I believe that there is a point at which I must stick to that principle even though it’s difficult.

I will strive to be a better person and the husband and father that my family deserves. For all of those who have supported me over the years, I offer my profound apology.

Those are some pretty colorful words Tiger Woods is using. I wish there was one man who would just man up and come out straight. For example:

Well, fuck it. I’ve fucked some skanks to see what other pussy feels like from the inside. Have not each men done the same. What’s so special about me. If any other cocktail waitress comes my way, I’ll fuck her too. What’s the big deal bitches?

Tiger Woods Photo by Glyn Kirk, Getty Images

Now that the alleged affair between golf star Tiger Woods and some random gold-digger Rachel Uchitel has gone public and took off like there’s no tomorrow, more and more gold-diggers are coming out of the woodwork claiming that Tiger Woods also had an affair with them. Is this some gold-diggers society they are all proud members of? Cause it sure seems like they wait patiently until chief gold digger gives a sign and then they all come out and start claiming they had Tiger Wood’s penis in their mouth. Gross. Rachel Uchitel was followed by Jaimee Grubbs who swears she’s got over 300 text messages from Tiger Woods she would be sent during her affair with the golf pro. And now the Tiger Woods affair scene was also entered by gold digger Kalika Moquin who maintains that she was sucking on Tiger Wood’s penis as recently as in October of 2009. Photo of Kalika Moquin from Life & Style magazine is included above.

Oddly enough, Kalika Moquin is NOT a cocktail bar waitress from Los Angeles of Las Vegas. Kalika Moquin allegedly works as a marketing manager for Las Vegas nightclub called The Bank. So Las Vegas is there, but no cocktail waitress as job title. That’s freaking odd. The oddballs who come out of nowhere to gain their five minutes of fame typically work as coctail waitresses (shoutout to Jaimee Grubbs), but this one breaks the golden rule. FIRED!

Elin Nordegren disapproves. She’s gonna own those bitches with a golf club. I wonder if this alleged Tiger Woods affair with Kalika Moquin is just a publicity stunt on behalf of The Bank night club. Being in Las Vegas, they are surely struggling with decreased revenue just as any other Vegas venue and this could put The Bank in the spotlight. And if Kalika Moquin truly is a marketing manager for the club, then she’s an effin good one cause the club could not have asked for any more publicity than this. Just pick a random celebrity that’s being currently slammed with affair allegation and throw your own in the pile. Collect media attention and revenue that it delivers and move on with your life when someone else’s secret affairs hit the news. Kalika Moquin is an effin genius marketer. But can she lift a ball with her vagina?

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Everybody wants to see Rachel Uchitel Pictures, and I won’t deny it… myself included. I’m a grumpy old man who gets off on fluffing crap on everyone famous, but I have had undeniable respect for Tiger Woods and his… what appeared to be a perfect life. I was kind of surprised when scandal around his persona surfaced but at the same time I was not. That’s because the scandal bore the title Tiger Woods Mistress.

Everything seemed to be so perfect in Tiger Woods’ life that I could not think of anything that could have gone better for him. He has a beautiful family, Scandinavian model Elin Nordegren is a wife to die for, and let’s not forget that he’s one of the most celebrated sports figures of all time and the best paid one too. Yet something was missing in Tiger Woods’ life. And that’s probably where mistress needed to step in. And what best way to fill in the need for a successful person to get a spank than by a wannabe gold digger. Enter Rachel Uchitel.

There has been way too much buzz around Tiger Woods and then some more. Yesterday accident and gold club through the window was just a cherry on top, but let’s focus on Rachel Uchitel and her pictures. Look at the gallery below. WTF is wrong with Tiger Woods. Why do all these rich and famous people go for the ugly and skanky sluts? Why not pick a cute girl next door? Rachel Uchitel is fucking nasty and so plastic it makes me wanna puke dildos. Duh!

Gallery of Rachel Uchitel Pictures aka Tiger Woods Mistress is below:

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Tiger Woods pisses me off – he’s everything I always wished I would be. He’s rich and famous because he’s good. He trained his all life, practiced relentlessly when fellow kids went to play and as result, he gets to play golf and makes shit loads of money doing it. While you and I go to 9-5 and barely make it living in a rented out basement. Sucks. Tiger Woods is the shit. Plus he has a wonderful family, beautiful loving wife and two gorgeous kids. What more could a guy ask for.

As you surely know, Tiger Woods welcomed a new addition to his family a few weeks ago – his first son Charlie Axel Woods. His sister Sam Alexis Woods is already a big girl. And of course there is this always gorgeous cougar Elin Nordegren. What a family, Tiger Woods is the luckiest guy in the whole wide world. The above is the family portrait of The Woods along with their two dogs. Even though the portrait looks kind of cheap, like done in a Walmart photography studio, it changes nothing on the fact that this is one awesome family.

If I ever have kids, I’ll do them a favor and put them on golf as soon as they can walk. And will cut out all articles from magazines about Tiger Woods for them to read and will make them watch all documentaries about awesomeness of the greatest golf player in the world so they see how a little bit of dedication and determination during their youth can lead to a wholesome life later on.

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Golfing sensation Tiger Woods has a son. Charlie Axel Woods was born on February 8, 2009 and both Tiger Woods and his gorgeous wife Elin Nordegren are delighted. Charlie Axel Woods is Tiger’s first son and a second baby, his daughter Sam Alexis Woods is now 19 months old.

The news of Tiger Woods and Elin Nordegren expecting second baby has been around for a while and here he is. I’m sure we’ll have first pictures of Charlie Axel Woods soon. If he inherited golf skills of his father, then unsurpassed reign of The Woods as best golfers of all time will continue for another generation.

Tiger Woods is arguably the best golf player of all time and I doubt anyone could suggest otherwise. He met his wife Elin Nordegren in 2001. Elin was a Swedish model at the time and got introduced to Tiger Woods by his buddy, Swedish golfer Jesper Parnevik for whom Elin Nordegren worked as an au pair (yeah, that’s European for baby sitter). Tiger and Elin immediately clicked, got married had first child and now there’s Charlie Axel Woods – another baby and a son of the best golfer. What a happy family.

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