Beer Steak Bullshit

Andes Teletransporter is an invention of a genius. It saves relationships and adds quality to man’s life. It could only be better if it came with complimentary blowjobs from hot Argentinean chicks. The premise of Andes Teletransporter is to create a believable ambient sound so you can shut your irritating girlfriend down when you are having a blast with your buddies. We all know girlfriends are worthless pieces of flesh around a vagina but unfortunately those worthless chunks of flesh can talk and dial numbers on cell phones. That creates a whole different level of discomfort for a concerned man who is minding his own business, enhancing quality of his own life his girlfriend doesn’t care about. Andes Teletransporter to the rescue.

When you see your worthless girlfriend calling you after you have already busted your nut on her face and just want a beer with buddies afterwards, walk into an Andes Teletransporter, select an ambient sound best suited for your needs and shut her down by telling her you’re in a hospital or looking after your little nephew or whatever else works. Shut stupid ho down, end the phone call, walk out of Andes Teletransporter and enjoy the rest of your wonderful day. The only question now remains – how come we don’t have those in Canada? All Canadian bars should be equipped with one or more of those. It should be mandatory. Life would be so sweet. And ban female drivers while you’re at it so a man can get to and from the bar safely.

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Tamara Mellon is a multi-millionaire, president of Johnny Choo designer shoes company and a former girlfriend of Christian Slater. She doesn’t look too bad for an old hog, but don’t let those finely defined breasts underneath the bikini deceive you. Tamara Mellon had plastic surgery done on her tits and when she’s in any position other than upright, they look horrendous. You know how skin wrinkles up along the sides of woman’s torso when she has silicones in her breasts and bends over? Yeah, that’s what Tamara Mellon looks like thanks to plastic surgery. Other than fake tits, Tamara Mellon looks mighty good in the bikini for a 43 year old MILF.

Tamara Mellon photo by Bauer Griffin

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Just when you thought you couldn’t take any more news about Tiger Woods and his transgressions, here comes another woman who feels she must take advantage of the man being down and take her own kick at him. Dina Parr used to bump her genitals with Tiger Woods’ when they were going out together during high school. As Tiger’s ex girlfriend, Dina Parr claims he used to call her crying because his dad Earl Woods was with another woman. Any woman whose voice is as annoying as that of Dina Parr (listening to her for just 15 seconds made me want to poke my ears with knitting needles) who says her boyfriend at a time was crying raises red flag on my bullshit radar instantly. All these bitches keep coming out of the woodwork it makes you wonder how much media outlets like E! Online pay them for bullshitting on camera.

The video of Dina Parr collecting her two minutes of fame with E! Online is below. Hope it was worth it, Dina:

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Evan Rachel Wood knows where her priorities lie. When she was a girlfriend of Marilyn Manson, not only was she getting lots of press and lucrative roles in music videos, but also a big boost to her ego. Then when Evan Rachel Wood and Marilyn Manson were no longer an item, the spotlight was taken off the wench. It took her a while to come out of the woodworks and admit to herself that she misses that spot and went on to reunite with the only man that could take her from being a plain Jane to being a talked about girlfriend of a famous rock star. Yes, Evan Rachel Wood and Marilyn Manson are back together.

The news of their reunion was broken by Marilyn Manson himself in an interview with Metal Hammer (fuck, that magazine still exists? I used to read it when I was like 15. Who would have thought they’d endure…). Brian Hugh Warner went on a big melee about “being me” and how it helped him to get back with Evan Rachel Wood.

Evan Rachel Wood tried her pussy luck with some other wannabe celebrities like Shane West or Alexander Skarsgard, but it was never it. She simply looks the best next to Marilyn Manson, especially when she has make up on. Otherwise she’s nothing special. I’m glad Marilyn Manson has her pretty snatch back. She’s the only one who looks hot enough to be by his side.

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Former tennis star Martina Navratilova has eventually come public with her new partner in pussy – Julia Lemigova. Martina Navratilova appeared on I’m A Celebrity… Get Me Out Of Here! last year and mentioned she had a new, drop dead gorgeous girlfriend but there were no other hints who exactly she’s rubbing vaginas with. The secret is no longer the secret. Julia Lemigova is a combined peen sucker as well as clit licker (aka bisexual) and a former bewuty queen who represented Soviet Russia on Miss Universe in 1991 in London. Martina Navratilova is 52 year old already, her new girlfriend Julia Lemigova is 36. Julia is the one with big, saggy tits.

The pictures of Julia Lemigova and Martina Navratilova are from St Tropez in South France where the couple went on a little sexy trip together. It was the first time Martina went public with her new girlfriend so it turned into a big deal. French media speculate that the clit lickers may be engaged to each other, judging by the fact that both were wearing rings on their left hands when photographed in France.

Julia Lemigova was Soviet Russia’s last Miss as after 1991 the Soviet Union collapsed and was no more. Aside from being a Miss Universe pageant contestant, Julia Lemigova is a successful entrepreneur. She’s lived in Paris, France since the 90′s where she owns a beauty spa called the Joiya and a cosmetics company White Russia. She turned rich after she pulled a successful gold digging move and got engaged with peen sucking sessions with big time French banker Edouard Stern. The name of Julia Lemigova didn’t mean much to anyone until 2005 when her affair with Edouard Stern surfaced following his murder by his mistress Cécile Brossard during a BDSM session. Edouard Stern was found shot dead, bondaged up and wearing latex outfit. Julia Lemigova is still reaping benefits of correct gold-digging move from back then.

Julia Lemigova had her path crossed by Cécile Brossard before the death of Edouard Stern. The beginnings of her gold digging with this French banker date back to 1997. She was doing everything right, sucked on that banker’s dick and when the chance came, she had his sperm collected inside her vagina and spawned a kid in 1999. Maximilien only lived to be 5 months old. He was found dead in March of 2000 and autopsy report says he died of internal injuries. Julia Lemigova believed he was killed by the nanny she hired shortly before his death. The nanny, who was from Bulgaria disappeared after Maximilien’s death and has not been heard from since.

The case of Maximilien’s death was closed in 2002 for lack of evidence, but took a strange turn in 2004 when Julia Lemigova got a phone call from Cécile Brossard who told her she knew the truth regarding her son. Cécile was probably just pissed that Julia was doing better as gold digger than her who also sucked on banker’s dick but never got to spawn his kid and collect heavy paycheck.

So that’s the woman who swapped one billionaire dick for one celebrity clit. She knows how to keep the gold digging money flowing through. Bloody Russians. Martina Navratilova is now going though legal crap with her ex girlfriend who wants some checks for sucking on the tennis clit as well. It’s all about the money.

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Regina Lasko is one of the most obscure celebrity girlfriend’s in the world. David Letterman, host of Late Show on CBC is a well earning millionaire who despite its financial worth doesn’t go out with new hot chick every couple of months. David Letterman has been with Regina Lasko since 1989 and they lived together in North Salem, New York since 2001. That’s a long ass time for being together. They’re not married, as far as I know, Regina Lasko is just David Letterman’s girlfriend, but they have a son named Harry together and David seems to value her above anything else.

It is very hard to come by any picture of Regina Lasko. David Letterman keeps his family a secret and very little is known about it. The picture above is one rare find and just shows that Regina is not a supermodel. But obviously she has some values no hot chick can offer and I totally agree with David on this one. He could care less about some super hot, young ass. He’s got his loving girlfriend and everybody else can go fuck themselves. And he’s right.

Regina Lasko is a former production manager with past in show business.

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