Beer Steak Bullshit

Much expected Public Statement by Tiger Woods is live right now. You can watch it via the UStream window above. Tiger Woods is going to say “I’m Sorry” several times and apologize over and over.

UPDATE:

Since some of you may have missed the Tiger Woods Public Statement in real time, I have updated the window with the video recording from his press conference as live streaming was no longer relevant to Tiger Woods. The public statement wasn’t really a press conference because the golfer was not accepting any questions from the media representatives and only addressed the public in presence of a few close friends, family and a couple of select media outlets. It was basically just a monologue read out of the paper which Tiger Woods had allegedly written by himself. It was full of self pity and assurances that he realizes what he had done and that he is working hard to amend things. Tiger Woods also apologized to his fans and supporters a few times and asked the media to leave his wife Elin Nordegren and kids alone. On top of that, in his public statement, Tiger Woods insisted that there has never been any domestic violence involved in his marriage with Elin Nordegren ever, including the alleged golf club incident during which Tiger Woods was rumored to have gotten beat up by his wife after she had found out about his “transgressions”. The video of Tiger Woods’ Public Statement is above.

Golfers and non golfers alike are asking – where is Tiger Woods? Given that he was born on December 30, 1975, his 34th birthday is coming up but there’s gonna be no Tiger Woods Birthday Bash Party this year. At least not to an extent he may have been used to in previous years. Tiger Woods will never forget 2009 – the worst year in his life. Within a few days everything went down the pooper for world’s best golfer. But where is he now? Where is Tiger Woods? Anyone knows? Has the world moved on and quit focusing on his transgressions? I’d say it’s quite so… at least until another mistress comes out of woodworks looking to get her 5 minutes of fame preying on already devastated Tiger.

Last time we’ve heard of Tiger Woods it was when he asked for privacy to get his personal life in order. Well, here’s a newsflash for you, Tiger. Nobody cares about your “private life”. Nobody has either. What tabloids did care about was your “secret life”. Your private life you were SUPPOSED to live as per your wows you have given to Elin Nordegren has somehow slipped off your hands. The tabloid took you on simply because of your secret life. If 2009 was a shit year for you, it’s not because multimedia got on your ass. It’s because they got on your secret life’s ass. Your transgressions, your below the waste punches you had been delivering were exposed and that’s what ran you to the pooper. You had maintained your image as a devoted family man and loving husband for years. Successfully. While in your back pocket the cell phone was buzzing with text messaging from some whore in Las Vegas.

So where is Tiger Woods now? Well, let’s hope he’s truly trying to find himself. He’s 34 years old and he’s had it all. More than vast majority of us could ever dream of but success doesn’t come without obligations. Unless he’s capable of finding this balance within himself, he will have had it all, but deep inside he will have not.

Golf Digest, a popular magazine about golf features two biggest failures of 2009 on their January issue cover – Tiger Woods and Barack Obama. The Golf Digest cover also bears a title of the story which reads: “10 Tips Obama Can Take From Tiger.” Obviously, the editors of Golf Digest have no idea what they are talking about. The story should have been named as I have implied above: “Two Biggest Failures of 2009″. That would have been more appropriate and accurate.

According to a spokesperson associated with Golf Digest, the January issue was put together two weeks prior to Tiger Woods’ scandals and the article inside does not address any of that. Yet they are not considering to pull the issues from the shelves. Still, it’s precious timing how they managed to photoshop two biggest failures of 2009 before they both crown themselves as such. Hilarious.

Pictured above are wife of Tiger Woods – Elin Nordegren and her identical twin sister Josefin Nordegren. This is Tiger Wood’s close family – his wife and sister in law. Even if we forget about double beauty and leave Elin Nordegren’s twin sister out of the equation, we’re still looking at a gorgeous blonde the presence of which would make any man’s dream come true. Yet Tiger Woods pulled out his dick and inserted it in the mouth of someone like Rachel Uchitel. For the record, let’s take a side by side comparison photo between Elin Nordegren and Rachel Uchitel and then you can ask with me again – what on Earth was Tiger Woods thinking when he pulled his dick out of Elin Nordegren and put it in Rachel Uchitel. WTF?

I’m puzzled. Why exactly would Tiger Woods cheat on Elin Nordegren, who’s an incredibly hot wife with someone like Rachel Uchitel? But let’s not talk about Rachel Uchitel, let’s talk about Elin Nordegren’s Twin Sister Josefin Nordegren. We all know Elin is out of question – first of all she’s married, secondly she’s married to Tiger Woods. Your name would have to be Bill Gates in order to be more interesting to her than Tiger Woods. Not only is Tiger Woods a billionaire, he’s also famous and one of the most celebrated athletes. No matter what you do, you ain’t getting in Elin Nordegren’s underwear.

But that matters not, because there’s one more woman out there, who’s identical to Elin so you would be compromising absolutely nothing when it comes to sheer beauty. Elin Nordegren’s twin sister has all the hotness of Elin but no ties with anyone whom you can’t outdo with fame and wealth.

Josefin and Nordegren both grew up in a coastal town just outside of Stockholm called Waxholm. Tiger Woods was introduced to Elin Nordegren by Swedish pro golfer and his friend Jesper Parnevik, for whom Elin (as well as Josefin) worked as a nanny. There is very little info out there on Josefin Nordegren. I should trace down her email.

Now that the alleged affair between golf star Tiger Woods and some random gold-digger Rachel Uchitel has gone public and took off like there’s no tomorrow, more and more gold-diggers are coming out of the woodwork claiming that Tiger Woods also had an affair with them. Is this some gold-diggers society they are all proud members of? Cause it sure seems like they wait patiently until chief gold digger gives a sign and then they all come out and start claiming they had Tiger Wood’s penis in their mouth. Gross. Rachel Uchitel was followed by Jaimee Grubbs who swears she’s got over 300 text messages from Tiger Woods she would be sent during her affair with the golf pro. And now the Tiger Woods affair scene was also entered by gold digger Kalika Moquin who maintains that she was sucking on Tiger Wood’s penis as recently as in October of 2009. Photo of Kalika Moquin from Life & Style magazine is included above.

Oddly enough, Kalika Moquin is NOT a cocktail bar waitress from Los Angeles of Las Vegas. Kalika Moquin allegedly works as a marketing manager for Las Vegas nightclub called The Bank. So Las Vegas is there, but no cocktail waitress as job title. That’s freaking odd. The oddballs who come out of nowhere to gain their five minutes of fame typically work as coctail waitresses (shoutout to Jaimee Grubbs), but this one breaks the golden rule. FIRED!

Elin Nordegren disapproves. She’s gonna own those bitches with a golf club. I wonder if this alleged Tiger Woods affair with Kalika Moquin is just a publicity stunt on behalf of The Bank night club. Being in Las Vegas, they are surely struggling with decreased revenue just as any other Vegas venue and this could put The Bank in the spotlight. And if Kalika Moquin truly is a marketing manager for the club, then she’s an effin good one cause the club could not have asked for any more publicity than this. Just pick a random celebrity that’s being currently slammed with affair allegation and throw your own in the pile. Collect media attention and revenue that it delivers and move on with your life when someone else’s secret affairs hit the news. Kalika Moquin is an effin genius marketer. But can she lift a ball with her vagina?

Tiger Woods pisses me off – he’s everything I always wished I would be. He’s rich and famous because he’s good. He trained his all life, practiced relentlessly when fellow kids went to play and as result, he gets to play golf and makes shit loads of money doing it. While you and I go to 9-5 and barely make it living in a rented out basement. Sucks. Tiger Woods is the shit. Plus he has a wonderful family, beautiful loving wife and two gorgeous kids. What more could a guy ask for.

As you surely know, Tiger Woods welcomed a new addition to his family a few weeks ago – his first son Charlie Axel Woods. His sister Sam Alexis Woods is already a big girl. And of course there is this always gorgeous cougar Elin Nordegren. What a family, Tiger Woods is the luckiest guy in the whole wide world. The above is the family portrait of The Woods along with their two dogs. Even though the portrait looks kind of cheap, like done in a Walmart photography studio, it changes nothing on the fact that this is one awesome family.

If I ever have kids, I’ll do them a favor and put them on golf as soon as they can walk. And will cut out all articles from magazines about Tiger Woods for them to read and will make them watch all documentaries about awesomeness of the greatest golf player in the world so they see how a little bit of dedication and determination during their youth can lead to a wholesome life later on.

Golfing sensation Tiger Woods has a son. Charlie Axel Woods was born on February 8, 2009 and both Tiger Woods and his gorgeous wife Elin Nordegren are delighted. Charlie Axel Woods is Tiger’s first son and a second baby, his daughter Sam Alexis Woods is now 19 months old.

The news of Tiger Woods and Elin Nordegren expecting second baby has been around for a while and here he is. I’m sure we’ll have first pictures of Charlie Axel Woods soon. If he inherited golf skills of his father, then unsurpassed reign of The Woods as best golfers of all time will continue for another generation.

Tiger Woods is arguably the best golf player of all time and I doubt anyone could suggest otherwise. He met his wife Elin Nordegren in 2001. Elin was a Swedish model at the time and got introduced to Tiger Woods by his buddy, Swedish golfer Jesper Parnevik for whom Elin Nordegren worked as an au pair (yeah, that’s European for baby sitter). Tiger and Elin immediately clicked, got married had first child and now there’s Charlie Axel Woods – another baby and a son of the best golfer. What a happy family.

See that hot piece of golfing ass in the pic above? That’s Anna Rawson – arguably the hottest athlete in the world. I know there’s no way any athlete is this hot and you’re right – Anna Rawson is in fact a model on golf tours. She’d probably beat my ass in golf, but I wouldn’t care anyway if I was to play her, I’d just get her to bend to rub that ball and grab the stick firmly in her hands then give it a stroke. Golf chicks must be hot fucking lay, no shit.

Anna Rawson took the whole awesomeness to a brand new level – she shared her cell phone number on a public blog so anyone can call her and tell her how sweet her ass looks. You’re probably just gonna get an answering machine, but Anna Rawson swears she’s the one who’ll be picking up the messages and she also says she’ll listen to them all. Great PR for a sweet but unknown ass. Models are a dime in a dozen, wanna make yourself stand out? Share your cell phone number publically. All sleazy stalkers are gonna droll and you get media attention no other model gets. Bitch’s got it all figured out.

I suspect we’ll hear the messages people will leave on her answering machine popping up all over the place. There are gonna be some hilarious offers to marry her, to have the best sex of her life, to help her teach some fucker golf or to exchange erotic pics. Seriously, I know… I’ve already left some. Bitch is gonna post the one where I masturbate while I pretend I talk to her. I’ll even get off to listening to myself whining on her phone. Anna Rawson, will you fucking marry me?

BTW, call her – 213-785-7675 – I don’t wanna be the only sleazy stalker! And remember, whoever can beat Dmitri and his priceless message in the video below gets to pop Anna Rawson’s cherry.

Anna Rawson image credit: GolfPunkOnline.com

Elin Woods, also known by her maiden name Elin Nordegren and her husband, famous golf player Tiger Woods are expecting a baby. This will be their second baby Woods as they already have one daughter named Sam Alexis Woods.

Elin Nordegren and Tiger Woods have been married since 2004 and they look very happy together, plus they’re both beautiful looking people. Elin Nordegren is a model and she’s mind-blowing gorgeous.

Tiger Woods is currently taking a break from golfing because of his knee operation. He was disappointed because the season was otherwise going very well for him, but the news of Elin Woods expecting another baby made it all worth while.

Tiger Woods mentioned on a few occasions that he wanted more than one child since he grew up as the only child of his parents. His wish should become reality in winter. Sam Alexis Woods is going to get a little sibling from a stork.