It was big enough a surprise for me to find out that ducks have penises, but the fact that their penis is often longer than their entire body – that’s too much already. What do ducks need a monster penis of such dimensions for? Life’s not fair. The particular specimen of Argentine lake duck (Oxyura vittata) seen in picture above had a 42.5 cm long penis.

Only few male bird species have penises. Ducks belong among the few. Duck penis looks like a corkscrew and unfolds in chunks to reach the size of almost half a meter. The mind-blowing video below shows the process of an unfolding screw penis coming out of a duck. Duck ladies obviously have massive vaginas if their male counterparts sport a penis that’s this big. And why is it so twisted? Do they screw themselves into the lady duck? Duh!

Further Reading:

• Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattison Stoned at UK Premiere of Twilight
• Travis Stork’s Naughty Penis Is Bumping Carrie Underwood’s Vagina
• Fishing Idiot Drew Gregory Owned by Horny Goose
• Five Women, Ten Vaginas with Tyra Banks
• Andes Teletransporter – We Need Those in Canada

Since you all have Tiger Woods oozing out of your asses by now, let’s talk about choosing right passwords for use on the internet. Screw that, no matter what you do, you won’t choose right password. You can either have a password you will naturally remember after some time has passed, or you can have a password that’s impossible to guess, but you will have no idea what it was three months from now. Passwords are mean like that. The best way to choose right password is to take a baby word you use with your Thai hooker and abuse it – misspell it in a way not even someone as slow as the hooker herself would. Capitalize last letter of the word (first is too easy) and add a sequence of three numbers. Make it your birthday backwards. If your day and month of birth adds up to being a four digit sequence, cut the last digit. Voila, here you are with strong password you didn’t have to choose. You built it and you will remember it.

Further Reading:

• Melissa Smith – Second Mistress of Jessie James (photo)
• Veronica Siwik-Daniels Fakes Tears to Milk More Money off Tiger Woods
• Tiger Woods Public Statement – Watch Live Now
• Where is Tiger Woods?
• Duck Penis is a True Unfolding Monster (video)

Shoe-Humping Turtle will make your day. He made mine. I never realized turtles can hump faster than they can walk, but that’s understandable. I masturbate faster than I walk too. Only I don’t masturbate into a shoe… unless I have a visit cause humping your own shoes is just gross.

Shoe-Humping Turtle, star in this hilarious video is one horny boy and what is he supposed to do. So he climbs up on a loose shoe and starts humping it. His penis is erect hard and long, but he’s too far from any holes. How do turtles hump anyway? Female turtle would still have the armor on her, how would get to her vagina? Seriously, being a turtle sucks, you even fuck with armor on and a chick you fuck is also wearing an armor. Where’s fun in that.

On the other hand, being a turtle doesn’t suck that bad. Just look at the size of this bad boys penis. Seen that thing? His penis is 1/3 of his body size. Imagine if fatty like me had a penis 1/3 of my size. That thing would be 50 feet… around!

I also never realize turtles make these cute noises when they hump. It reminds me of JAV (Japanese Adult Videos) stars – they also make those cute noises when they get humped. I wander what noises girl turtles make when they take it in doggy style. Hmmm…

Enough talk. Enjoy the video starring Shoe-Humping Turtle. That boy is the shit. The only thing I don’t like are people in the background laughing at him Have they never been so horny they’d fuck a shoe? Comon!

Further Reading:

• Duck Penis is a True Unfolding Monster (video)
• Choosing Right Passwords
• New York Post Apology – Barack Obama Hands Down The Worst US President
• Shocking – Barack Obama Reveals the Size of his Penis
• Meet Amy Colley – New Girlfriend of Kenny Chesney

Barack Obama is hands down the worst president not only of the US, but overall in the world ever. I hated George Bush with passion. He was pure fail boat, but it was common to make fun of the jack ass. Everywhere you looked, someone mocked George Bush in some way. George Bush, despite being complete moran, took it like a champ. Barack Obama is not like that. Barack Obama the Antichrist and his army of blind sheep apologists aren’t having any of that. If a cartoon is made, it is a cartoon. Obama apologists took New York Post cartoon by the comic strip artist Sean Delonas and plowed their filthy mouth back and forth until New York Post was forced to apologize. Apologize for what you pathetic morans? For Barack Obama being a complete fail? For Barack Obama being unable to take criticism? For Barack Obama seeking to see offenses against him where there may be none? You are all a failure, just as the president you have voted for.

New York Post apology, even though half assed, is still an apology and signals the end to political humor and satyre as we know it. Don’t you dare to say something negative in regards to Barack Obama, or you’ll be lynched. Much props to New York Post editor Col Allen who defended the cartoon. I understand the editorial team behind New York Posts so their apology makes sense. I have seen how vicious and short sighted Obama Worshippers get. These antichrist minions are not to be messed with hence it was either spologize, or we’re taking you to hell. New Your Post apologized – which is what smart people would do. Don’t want to get antichrist on your ass. His cock is big, such ass rape would hurt. Actually, maybe not.

New York Post Apology is below:

Wednesday’s Page Six cartoon – caricaturing Monday’s police shooting of a chimpanzee in Connecticut – has created considerable controversy.

It shows two police officers standing over the chimp’s body: “They’ll have to find someone else to write the next stimulus bill,” one officer says.

It was meant to mock an ineptly written federal stimulus bill.

Period.

But it has been taken as something else – as a depiction of President Obama, as a thinly veiled expression of racism.

This most certainly was not its intent; to those who were offended by the image, we apologize.

However, there are some in the media and in public life who have had differences with The Post in the past – and they see the incident as an opportunity for payback.

To them, no apology is due.

Sometimes a cartoon is just a cartoon – even as the opportunists seek to make it something else.

Further Reading:

• Barack the Barbarian Comic Book Cartoons – Check Them Out
• Comic Strip Artist Sean Delonas and Barack Obama the Dead Monkey Chimp
• 101 Year Old Zhang Ruifang from China – Woman with Devil Horns
• Miss Me Yet Billboard Mysteriously Reminds Us of George Bush
• Barrack Hussein Obama Bows to Saudi King Abdullah

Well, I kind of figured it would be this big, Mr. Barack Obama, but thanks for filling us in. And trust me, I know what it feels like having clit for penis. This picture of Barack Obama revealing the size of his penis was taken at a Caterpillar plant in East Peoria, Illinois. Barack Obama formerly showed up to talk about creating new jobs after Caterpillar announced it would fire 20,000 of their employees. Among all the sweet talk regarding global recession and what not, Barack Obama used hand signals to hint onlookers regarding his penis size.

I’m not having any of that. We all know men exaggerate when it comes to showing how big their dicks are. By my calculations, man of presidential ranks would exaggerate the dick size twice fold. That would mean what – Barack Obama’s penis is half inch long? I’m assuming that’s erect. No man talks about his flaccid size. Everyone talks erect.

I guess he could always say that he’s got huge penis, but for a smaller body. Maybe the size of Verne Troyer. Unless Barack Obama was talking about the size of his horns that he gets hidden every day before he goes public. That would actually make more sense than penis. I don’t even know anymore. I don’t work for Caterpillar, I was not at that meeting. I can only guess what Mr. president was referring to. But I swear next time there is a picture of Michelle Obama showing the same size with her fingers, then we’ll know for sure how big a penis Barack Obama has.

Barack Obama pic by Scott Olson, Getty Images North America

Further Reading:

• Barack Obama Doesn’t Need a Costume for Halloween (watch the video)
• Barack Obama in France – Carla Bruni Sarkozy Doesn’t Like Him Either
• Michelle Obama Hugging Queen – What a n00b (photo)
• Barack Obama’s Another Epic Fail – Gift to the Queen Elizabeth II
• New York Post Apology – Barack Obama Hands Down The Worst US President

Amy Colley made her first mark on the list of cool when she won Miss Tennessee 2005. After the pageant she went back to being, well… a nobody. And now her gold digging efforts eventually paid off. Amy Colley hooked up with country singer Kenny Chesney and the two are successfully exchanging genital fluids.

Renee Zellweger is not impressed. Or maybe she doesn’t care – who knows. She’s Kenny Chesney’s ex wife so he can exchange genital fluids with whomever he wants, right?

Amy Estella Colley was born in Jonesborough, Tennessee. After participating in various Miss pageants for several years, she eventually won the title of Miss Tennessee and went to represent her state in the Miss USA 2005 but didn’t place. At present time Amy Colley works as a nurse at the burn unit. Wait – a nurse? I betcha she gives Kenny Chesney prostate massages with latex gloves on. Naughty, naughty. Great success!

Amy Colley has been Kenny Chesney’s girlfriend for 4 months and the couple has already taken several vacations together. Unless Amy Colley swallows, Las Vegas, Malibu and the Bahamas are forever territorially marked with the sperm from Kenny Chesney’s penis.

Further Reading:

• Miss North Carolina Kristen Dalton Crowned Miss USA 2009
• Sky Jump from Stratosphere Casino in Las Vegas – 855 Foot Drop
• Consumer Electronics Show 2010 Review – The Best Of
• Thinnest TV in the World Introduced by LG at Consumer Electronics Show
• 3D TV Sets for Sale

Actually, I don’t know for sure if they’re stoned out of their vaginas, but look at the pic.. That’s Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattison, the stars from a big ass chick flick movie Twilight during movies UK Premiere. Don’t they look like they’ve just spent the evening puffing on a doobie and rubbing vaginas together? I’m sure Robert Pattison has a vagina. That being said, I wouldn’t be surprised if Kristen Stewart had a penis. Kristen looks pretty hot stoned though.

Or maybe it’s my pot that clouds my sight so I see all hot bitches as stoned. Too many Cuban cigars I had in Cuba, the smoke still keeps me afloat. And I did go to see Twilight. I actually liked it. Even though I feel that if there is one more chick flick that I like, I should grow a vagina. Maybe Robert Pattison can lend me his. Unless Kristen Stewart rubbed the crap out of it so it’s all worn and overused.

Further Reading:

• Duck Penis is a True Unfolding Monster (video)
• Kristen Stewart from Twilight Knocked Up with Robert Pattinson’s Child
• First New Moon Set Pictures Just Leaked – Check Them Out
• Chris Weitz – New Director of Twilight Sequel: New Moon
• Travis Stork’s Naughty Penis Is Bumping Carrie Underwood’s Vagina

Paparazzi got a million dollar shot capturing the pics of Prince William’s naked penis as he was pissing in the field during a polo game. I don’t know what one would expect from a pic of a penis – it kind of looks like a penis to me, but fact be told – it’s a royal penis. That one penis that belongs to future king of Britain. Or as Brits would say – that’s Willy’s willy…

I’m not posting no pics of Prince William Naked Penis on here. But if you’re a fan of watersports or just like seeing pics of penises, the uncensored version of heir’s to the British throne’s piss gushing, uncircumcised penis can be found on the link below (it’s NSFW):

Prince William Penis Pics – Pissing and Uncircumcised

Further Reading:

• Duck Penis is a True Unfolding Monster (video)
• Choosing Right Passwords
• Alessandra Ambrosio Nowhere Near as Hot as Miranda Kerr
• Michael Jackson Alive – New Video Proof
• Robert Pattinson Naked? No Way… Actually… Yes Way! Check it Out!

They say it’s official. The naughty penis of Dr. Travis Stork has enjoyed the pleasures of rubbing the insides of lusty vagina of Carrie Underwood. The 2006 Bachelor and The Doctors co-host Dr. Travis Stork is reportedly dating American Idol winner and popular country singer Carrie Underwood. I can totally hear the genitals flapping as I wrote about it. These two must do wild things in bed.

36 year old Travis Stork had its run at The Bachelor and picked Sarah Stone who proved to have incompatible genitalia. Her pussy juices did not match the PH of Travis Stork’s Naughty Penis so their romance was over before The Bachelor came to a close. They say the weekend in Paris was bad ass, though. I doubt any mention worthy genital juices exchange took part though.

Carrie Underwood won season 4 of American Idol and she’s been just growing in popularity since. Her award collection now contains Teen Choice Award and Billboard Music Awards and Country Music Awards and Academy of Country Music Awards and God knows what else. Simply put, she knows how to suck cock and probably sing too.

Carrie Underwood’s vaginal powers are now subject to routine medical scrutiny under supervision of Dr. Travis Stork himself. My unnamed sources say she can… wait, that’s too juicy for this site! If they go on, the stork is gonna deliver children… Get it? The stork

Further Reading:

• Duck Penis is a True Unfolding Monster (video)
• Carrie Underwood at CMA 2009 – What a Dress (pic)
• Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattison Stoned at UK Premiere of Twilight
• Five Women, Ten Vaginas with Tyra Banks
• Andes Teletransporter – We Need Those in Canada

Ranae Shrider, the chick who co-stars in Verne Troyer Sex Tape gave an over the phone interview to the obnoxious DJs from MJ Morning Show today and disclosed details regarding her relationship with Verne Troyer, about how she moved in wth him and how they broke up. There was lots of crap talk going on before they got right down to point – Ranae Shrider was asked about the Verne Troyer’s penis size and whether it’s proportionate to the size of his body. Guess what she told them?

What is it with radio DJs who always try so hard to pull cool sounding voice and talk like they’re no more than 12 year old. WTF is wrong with those jackasses? Anyway, Ranae Shrider did in a sense confirm that the penis of Verne Troyer is in proportion to the 2’8″ body he has. Whatever that means. I’m kind of thinking – pinky. But maybe there’s something to the funny walk midgets have. If you think about it – don’t midgets walk as though they had testicules the size of their head? I swear this is what one would walk like if hi balls and penis were fucking massive. But Ranae Shrider insists that Verne Troyer’s penis is no tripod.

Ranae Shrider’s agent, who was sick and sounded rather weird, chimed in and said something about her client not being a gold digger and included several reasons why that is… Laughing my fucking ass off. Those people seriously think we’re all dumb and will eat their shit. So Ranae Shrider started the interview saying that she’s an aspiring actress looking to enter into the industry and score a big role and her agent is tellin us that there were no funny intentions of her client’s part when she started going out with Verne Troyer. Comon now, this was her oportunity to meet with possible important people and get her foot in the door. Does she really expect me to believe that she was genuinely in love with him and that was the only reason why she was with him? Give me a fucking break, bitch!

If you wish to listen to entire interview MJ Morning Show had with Ranae Shrider, ex girlfriend os Verne Troyer and his co-star in recently leaked sex tape, cick the player below.

Further Reading:

• Shocking – Barack Obama Reveals the Size of his Penis
• Mini-Me Sex Tape Released Despite Lawsuit, Website Revealed Here
• Meet Ranae Shrider, The Chick who Fucked Verne Troyer
• Duck Penis is a True Unfolding Monster (video)
• Choosing Right Passwords