Beer Steak Bullshit

How insignificant – Kate Middleton was photographed out shopping. Days from her marriage to future King of England and she still has it all together. Kate Middleton – the woman who is on her way to become the Queen of England. The wife of the heir to the throne – it does have an amazing ring to it, doesn’t it? It truly requires no exaggeration to state that Kate Middleton could not have dreamed of a better husband. She’s about to become royalty.

Is there a lesson to learn? Yes, there is. Girls need to take notice that if they retain skinny figure, stick to decent behavior in public and suck a mean royal cock, they too may luck out and become a queen of some large and powerful nation one day. If Kate Middleton could pull this off, anyone can. Do it and the rest of your life will be all about shopping and attending fancy functions.

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The Obama sect continues their mission of complete idiocy at an unprecedented pace. Michelle Obama, first lady of the USA and a wife of president Barack Obama broke royal protocol and hugged Her Majesty The Queen Elizabeth II during their visit in Buckingham Palace. What a bunch of n00bs? Everybody knows that you don’t touch the queen. Period. Not even if your name is Michelle Obama. Or should I say – especially if your name is Michelle Obama.

According to Buckingham Palace insiders, the type of back-packing that Michelle Obama pulled off at the queen has not been seen in 57 years. It is without doubt against royal protocol to touch the queen, unless the queen reaches out first. The Obamas need to get their act straight and start acting like sophisticated people for once. Effin n00bs.

Luckily for n00b Michelle Obama, Queen Elizabeth II is cool enough and won’t order her head to be offed. She actually didn’t seem to mind and never made a deal out of it. There are however certain protocols to follow when one gets an audience before the queen and not touching the queen certainly seems like an important one.

That being said – I wonder what it’s like being a queen. She can’t get touched… she must be longing for a random hug from a random stranger. That totally reminded me of one of the first major hit videos on YouTube in which the guy was giving away free hugs to a song by Sick Puppies. That guy should totally go to England and give Queen Elizabeth II a big hug. She must need one big time. Michelle Obama doesn’t count.

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I can’t seem to get enough of Barack Obama‘s failures. In all fairness though – can that guy be any more of a fail than he already is? The answer is simple – Yes, He Can! And he does. Barack Obama delivered yet another epic fail during his private ceremony with Her Royal Highness Queen Elizabeth II. This is what Queen Elizabeth II presented the Obamas with during the ceremony:

• Earliest known copy of Henry V by William Shakespeare
• Original sheet music of Amazing Grace by John Newton

The Obama daughters were presented with:

• Dollhouse sized replica of Windsor Castle with working train station
• Prize Shetland pony

Michelle Obama, Barack Obama’s wife was presented with:

• Ruby ring commissioned and worn by Queen Victoria herself!

Following is what Barack Obama and his family handed as gifts to the Queen Elizabeth II. The gifts were all within the Heathrow airport duty free shopping bag:

• Signed copy of Dreams of My Father book from the WH Smith shop at the airport
• Johnny Walker Scotch (black label)
• ABBA Greatest Hits CD (in shrink wrap with “2 for 1″ sticker on it)
• 10 packs of M&Ms with presidential seal on them

Upon receiving unsurpassed gifts, Queen Elizabeth II responded with “How delightful.” Got to love British charm. What can I say…. Barack Obama = Epic fail!

PS – have you checked the date lately? Either way, iPod is a dumb gift for anyone. Apple products just plain suck. Besides, queen already has one. Despite today being an April Fools Day, it changes nothing on the fact that Barack Obama is an epic fail.

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I know you all can’t wait what Prince William’s penis and Kate Middleton’s vagina looks like and your wishes are about to come true. Prince William and Kate Middleton hed their personal digital camera stolen and as it turns out, the chip could contain sex pics of the couple doing nasty things to each other. Let the sexual fantasies take off – what do you think sex between Prince William and Kate Middleton looks like? Prince William probably puts a ring gag in Kate Middleton, ties her up in unescapable Japanese bondage, puts clothes pins on her nipples and labia and slashes her with a cane. And she screams: “Thank you, Master!” – Nah, I made that all up. Prince William would never do that to her. Kate Middleton looks like she could easily take it in the ass. My type of lay…

Enough blabber. British The Sun reports that they were offered sex pics of Prince William and Kate Middleton that are reportedly on a flash card from a stolen camera. Two guys who claim they’ve got the cam with intimate pics asked for £50,000.

Instead of creating another sex scandal, The Sun reported the buggers to the police who arrested one guy who’s now held on suspicion of theft and attempted money laundering. FAIL!

Aside form boring pictures of Prince William and Kate Middleton swimming and frolicking together, the camera reportedly contained pictures of the couple making out in the Caribbean while on the holiday. The Royals made sure none of the pics leak to the public and The Sun did their civic duty in protecting the family. I’m sure there were pictures much juicier than what we’re being told, but Queen wouldn’t be impressed if hard core BDSM pics of her grand son got plastered all over the net. If he keeps it up, we’re gonna get them sooner or later. I’m all juiced up already…

Prince William and Kate Middleton image credit: WENN

Source: Bumpshack

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