Beer Steak Bullshit

Under normal circumstances, I don’t like people who come on camera with irritating speech impediment, but this is a sad news. Alexis Cohen, an American Idol contestant who became known as the Glitter Girl was killed in a traffic accident. The New Jersey police are investigating the incident and are looking for a hit and run driver connected to her death. Alexis Cohen first auditioned for American Idol season 7, she literally sucked and the response she got from judges was just like that. Believing, she was the next big thing America has seen, she took it harshly and gave Simon Cowell and the rest of American Idol middle finger attitude on cameras off audition room.

After her failed attempt in season 7, Alexis Cohen gave American Idol another shot during season 8. That didn’t work out for her either and never made it past audition. So she gave Simon Cowell Fuck Yous again. Glitter Girl believed she was gonna be famous one day and it looks like her dream came true. Too bad she’s dead to enjoy it. Weird how our society works. While she was alive, Alexis Cohen was just some American Idol contestant with speech impediment and attitude. Now she’s the most searched for person on the internet for the day. Death brings fame. It truly is so. NJ police are on hit and run driver’s ass. The world has lost a Glitter Girl today. Seaside Heights where the accident took place has lost its glitter. RIP Alexis Cohen. You’re a star you’ve always wanted to be now.

YouTube video with Alexis Cohen’s endless rant about American Idol and how she’s gonna show them is below.

Susan Boyle, the most amazing woman in the world has been on the Oprah Winfrey Show who asked her about a make-over and the fame that was bestowed upon her over night. The video from the show including full interview and a segment about Susan is below. It’s awesome how Oprah Winfrey’s team added subtitles to Susan’s speech. Obviously they were concerned that North American audiences would not understand her Scottish accent. I was in Scotland few years ago (Edinburgh is phenomenal in August for Fringe Festival) and having experienced it like that, I actually don’t find Susan Boyle all that bad. I actually can occasionally understand her.

So what did Susan Boyle tell Oprah Winfrey after she was asked if she enjoyed the fame that her performance at Britain’s Got Talent brought upon her? Susan Boyle said she loved it. She enjoys it, even though it’s rather overwhelming. Even her cat Pebbles gets fan mail. Despite all the popularity, Susan still keeps it down to Earth and didn’t go overboard with any of her statements on the Oprah Winfrey Show. She’s ready to take on other Britain’s Got Talent contestants many of whom she thinks are very talented (not sure if she was talking about Greg Pritchard).

Overall I think Susan Boyle kicks ass. As Simon Cowell (was on Oprah too) confirmed, Susan Boyle has the whole world behind her. And with over 100 million YouTube views that the video of her performance got, it is expected that the semi final of Britain’s Got Talent will be the most watched broadcast ever. You got my cheers, Susan Boyle. Even though I must say I find Oprah Winfrey extremely irritating. Is this what each of her shows look like? Cause she’s making me want to stab baby bunnies in the eyes.

Video of Susan Boyle on Oprah co hosted by Simon Cowell is below:

Quentin Tarantino is the shit. He was a guest judge on American Idol in 2004 and Simon Cowell co. has invited his awesomeness to guest judge the competition one more time. Considering that’s he’s a rather extravagant movie director, it is hard to believe he would have the clue as to how people sing, but he actually does. As reepy as it sounds, Quentin Tarantino is the tits on American Idol and he actually makes sense.

Below is the video montage from Quentin Tarantino’s old judging back at season three of American Idol. Even though he actually sounds like a real douche, he’s at the same time retaining thew charm that’s so typical for him and that’s really awesome. I think Quentin Tarantino is a decent choice for guest judging of American Idol. Makes watching that otherwise boring crap worth while.

Quentin Tarantino Photo by Francois Mori, AP Photo

I’ll be honest with you, I’m a little bit uncertain about this American Idol performance of Adam Lambert. He was singing Tears for Fears song Mad World which happens to be one of my favorite songs and a song that incredibly fit Donnie Darko movie (Mad World was originally written by Tears for Fears but was re-recorded by Gary Jules and Michael Andrews for Donnie Darko). I’m torn because of two things – first of all, Adam Lambert is without doubt a good singer who has great control over his voice. However… at the same time – he butchered my favorite song. You can’t sing Donnie Darko’s Mad World and sound like gay slave who’s getting early morning prostate massage from his master. Adam Lambert should simply grow up and realize that he’s got a penis, which means he’s a boy, not a 12 year old girl. Girls pee from their bums. You Adam Lambert pee from your peepee. That’s why they effin call it a pee pee.

Still, Adam Lambert has got an erotic voice that can make any gay man cringe in his pants. Girls have a thing for gay singers too, I’m sure. Maybe they could share the vibrating anal plug with him. Or should I say – Adam Lambert could share his vibrating anal plug with the girls, cause it’s still up his ass spinning around since he put it up there before going on stage to sing Mad World. Great singing, Adam Lambert. You may be gayer than pink pony from Matel, but you’re a good singer. Even Simon Cowell gave you standing ovation. Maybe he wanted to try some of that anal plug you’re using.

Video of Adam Lambert singing Donnie Darko song Mad World by Tears for Fears is above. Hold your gay holes tight while you watch and don’t cream on your computer chairs. It’s gross.

I scarcely ever watch American Idol, but Lisa Lampenelli makes me want to get into it again. That chick’s the tits. Jay Leno had Simon Cowell as guest on his show and added Lisa Lampenelli to the mix later on, who totally stole the show. The woman’s insane, just the way I like it. She basically did not shut her yap and kept spewing funniest shite I’ve seen in a long time.

I particularly liked at the beginning when she took a breath and unleashed her ode to hot piece Simon Cowell. Quoting Lisa Lampenelli:

“Why do people watch American Idol? Simon Cowell! Am I right folks? Please! Who are they going to watch? Randy Jackson? Please… that fat bastard. He looks like the chef from South Park. And that Paula Abdul… OMG – everybody’s good, everybody’s good. Bitch, pick the three guys you wanna bang this season, tell the rest they stink.”

How can you not like that woman. She’s hilarious and very witty. Added great amount of energy to otherwise mundane Jay Leno show. Video worth watching, check it out.

It’s long weekend here in Canada and I just thought I’d screw it up for you with some truly awful singing. This is Guylene Rosange and her absolutely mindblowing performance singing My Heart Will Go On song by Celine Dion at X Factor 2008 auditions.

At least I think this was an audition, don’t tell me the actual X-Factor features star performers like Guylene Rosange. I don’t really watch that shit, I find Simon Cowell seriously obnoxious but at least the X Factor doesn’t have that super obnoxious Paula Abdul.

So Guylene Rosange gave it a try. I don’t think it quite went for her as she would ahve imagined and rightfully so. She truly was singing notes that have not yet been invented, as Simon Cowell said. Let’s just hope Celine Dion doesn’t get to see it or she’s gonna stab herself in the head with pencil.

Guylene Rosange is out of X Factor 2008, may the best singer win. Damn…

Kara who? Kara DioGuardi? Who the f%&k is she again? Or better yet – who the f%$k she was, cause we know who she is now. Kara DioGuardi is new American Idol judge. That’s right, Kara DioGuardi will spend the eight’s season of the American Idol (premieres in January 2009 on FOX) sitting on a judge stool right next to the likes of Paula Abdul and other creeps – Simon Cowell and Randy Jackson.

Kara DioGuardi Profile – What is she known for?

Kara DioGuardi is a singer and songwriter with quite a career, just nobody knows about her. At least not unless you listen to some of the gayest music. Look at the list of artists Kara DioGuardi collaborated with – Christina Aguilera, Kelly Clarkson, Gwen Stefani, Carlos Santana, Celine Dion, Faith Hill, Enrique Iglesias, Lindsay Lohan, Britney Spears, Clay Aiken, Jonas Brothers and more. They all could get together and film gay porn.

Kara DioGuardi also did two songs for “Cheetah Girls 3: One World” – movie soundtrack. The songs were titled “Cheetah Love” and “I’m the One”.

Cecile Frot-Coutaz, Producer of American Idol says they’ve wanted to have four judges straight from season one. I guess Paula Abdul’s gonna freak out now that she’s got competition. Congrats to Kara DioGuardi for joining the crazy team and becoming an American Idol Judge.