Beer Steak Bullshit

This is the most disgusting thing I have seen in my whole life. Filthy hooker by the name of Veronica Siwik-Daniels, who functions as dysfunctional porn star with nick Joslyn James paid a lawyer to respond to today’s Tiger Woods Public Statement. The video of this ridiculousness is below and I truly can’t believe what I have just seen. How can someone be so openly fake and greedy? Veronica Siwik-Daniels – pull your dumb head out of your overused ass. Do everyone a favor and hide from public eye cause you’re an embarrassment to human race.

In her statement, Veronica Siwik-Daniels’ attorney Gloria Allred read the most ridiculous pile of crap one can allow out of their mouth. I don’t understand how the seat she was twitching on did not catch fire from the ass of Beelzebub himself by uttering this bullshit. Gloria Allred prepared a statement that was to portray her client Veronica Siwik-Daniels as a saint who fell in love with Tiger Woods and quite possibly instructed her to fake tears on camera for better effect. Veronica Siwik-Daniels did not care for Tiger Woods one bit ever. Not now, not in the past, not ever in the future. All she cared about was his money and that’s what she wants more of so she hired the attorney to get her some. People who are in love don’t hire lawyers to get an apology from someone. People pay lawyers in hopes that they will get much more as result out of someone with assets.

If you watch the video, you will feel like you want to poke kittens in their ears with knitting needles, but when she say that “My client deserves better than this” – at that point she pushes it way too far. What? Your client is a filthy whore who did not hesitate to force herself into the life of a married man despite her knowledge that he was married. She wanted his money and is still hungry for it. She fakes tears on camera like we can’t tell that she’s a fake. Veronica Siwik-Daniels aka Joslyn James is a porn star. She spreads her legs for random men for money as a profession. And here she wants us to believe that she was in love with Tiger Woods? Yeah right. She used to be in love with nothing but his money while the was his “mistress” and now she magically turned around and loves him for who he is? Yeah, I get it. Because there is no more a chance he would be feeding her with gifts and cash forwards in exchange for sexual services, so she wants to make as much off of the publicity as possible. If regular income is to stop because of Tiger Woods’ new way of life, then why not milk as much out of him in the last go as possible, right?

Gloria Allred wants Tiger Woods to apologize to Veronica Siwik-Daniels and explain why he lied to her, over and over again. Well, Mrs. Allred let me fill you in. You do not apologize to whores. You do not explain crap to whores. They suck your tool, you pay them, they shut their mouth. That’s how it works with prostitutes. They sell their bodies for money. That’s what Veronica Siwik-Daniels was doing, that’s where she got the money from to pay you in the first place.

Veronica Siwik-Daniels is not Tiger Woods’ wife. She’s never been and never will be. She’s a prostitute and a gold digger – plain and simple. She has never felt anything for him, she only loved his money. As such, was unable to express her feelings because there are now. Instead, she had to read the statement just as you did, because she doesn’t feel in her heart what you needed her to say. I’ve never seen anyone this fake and this corrupted. How can she live with herself and look in the mirror. What a disgusting piece of worthless flesh around vagina. Veronica Siwik-Daniels, you are unbelievably disgusting and so are you, Gloria Allred for staging this charade and instructing your “client” to take part in this circus.

Much expected Public Statement by Tiger Woods is live right now. You can watch it via the UStream window above. Tiger Woods is going to say “I’m Sorry” several times and apologize over and over.

UPDATE:

Since some of you may have missed the Tiger Woods Public Statement in real time, I have updated the window with the video recording from his press conference as live streaming was no longer relevant to Tiger Woods. The public statement wasn’t really a press conference because the golfer was not accepting any questions from the media representatives and only addressed the public in presence of a few close friends, family and a couple of select media outlets. It was basically just a monologue read out of the paper which Tiger Woods had allegedly written by himself. It was full of self pity and assurances that he realizes what he had done and that he is working hard to amend things. Tiger Woods also apologized to his fans and supporters a few times and asked the media to leave his wife Elin Nordegren and kids alone. On top of that, in his public statement, Tiger Woods insisted that there has never been any domestic violence involved in his marriage with Elin Nordegren ever, including the alleged golf club incident during which Tiger Woods was rumored to have gotten beat up by his wife after she had found out about his “transgressions”. The video of Tiger Woods’ Public Statement is above.

Funny or Die came with another skit video this time targeting the most talked about persona of last few weeks – Tiger Woods. In this “I’m Tiger Woods and I fuck bitches” video, the world’s most famous golfer sets the record straight and confesses to his sexual deviations. According to his words, Tiger Woods doesn’t pick up high class bitches (don’t get this fool you though, Ashley Dupre is NOT a high class bitch, she only charges a lot), he wants sloppiest bitches that can be found. Tiny midget girls with horns glued to their heads who would ram him like a bull till he comes, or would jerk off to a dog pooping on a table. Tiger Woods simply rocks like that, but then again, he’s no ordinary man. He’s Tiger Woods and he fucks bitches.

Now that Tiger Woods is in the spotlight, all forms of weird characters are coming out of the woodwork to share juicy details about his affairs. The latest one has to do with Ambien Sex. Yes, friends of Rachel Uchitel told Radar that Tiger Woods was seeing her to have Ambien Sex with him. That’s what they allege he asked for. Now don’t be surprised that someone like Tiger Woods knows and practices Ambien Sex yet you have never even heard of it. You’re not alone. Not even a deviated mind like mine has come far enough to understand Ambien Sex. Looks like I have not been lucky to boink with crazy enough bitches. Let’s look into what Ambien Sex is to get it explained once and for all:

When you take Ambien, the drug gets you into the infamous Ambien Haze and if you engage in a sexual activity while still hazing, the sex will be wild and uninhabited. You’ll do things you’d never do sober. Then when you wake up in the morning, you won’t remember a damn thing. That could be beneficial cause you will only see the aftermath of your kinky night, such as the toilet brush up your ass. Unless of course you set up the cameras to film your charade but then you could end up puzzled like those kids in The Blairwitch Project. As long as you don’t gut and dismember your Ambien Sex partner, it’s all cool. Where do I get some, anyway? I’d like to know what I’m capable of when I don’t hold back. Let’s have Ambien Sex. We’ll keep it a secret. Tiger Woods does it, why can’t we all?

Pictured above are wife of Tiger Woods – Elin Nordegren and her identical twin sister Josefin Nordegren. This is Tiger Wood’s close family – his wife and sister in law. Even if we forget about double beauty and leave Elin Nordegren’s twin sister out of the equation, we’re still looking at a gorgeous blonde the presence of which would make any man’s dream come true. Yet Tiger Woods pulled out his dick and inserted it in the mouth of someone like Rachel Uchitel. For the record, let’s take a side by side comparison photo between Elin Nordegren and Rachel Uchitel and then you can ask with me again – what on Earth was Tiger Woods thinking when he pulled his dick out of Elin Nordegren and put it in Rachel Uchitel. WTF?

I’m puzzled. Why exactly would Tiger Woods cheat on Elin Nordegren, who’s an incredibly hot wife with someone like Rachel Uchitel? But let’s not talk about Rachel Uchitel, let’s talk about Elin Nordegren’s Twin Sister Josefin Nordegren. We all know Elin is out of question – first of all she’s married, secondly she’s married to Tiger Woods. Your name would have to be Bill Gates in order to be more interesting to her than Tiger Woods. Not only is Tiger Woods a billionaire, he’s also famous and one of the most celebrated athletes. No matter what you do, you ain’t getting in Elin Nordegren’s underwear.

But that matters not, because there’s one more woman out there, who’s identical to Elin so you would be compromising absolutely nothing when it comes to sheer beauty. Elin Nordegren’s twin sister has all the hotness of Elin but no ties with anyone whom you can’t outdo with fame and wealth.

Josefin and Nordegren both grew up in a coastal town just outside of Stockholm called Waxholm. Tiger Woods was introduced to Elin Nordegren by Swedish pro golfer and his friend Jesper Parnevik, for whom Elin (as well as Josefin) worked as a nanny. There is very little info out there on Josefin Nordegren. I should trace down her email.

Now that the alleged affair between golf star Tiger Woods and some random gold-digger Rachel Uchitel has gone public and took off like there’s no tomorrow, more and more gold-diggers are coming out of the woodwork claiming that Tiger Woods also had an affair with them. Is this some gold-diggers society they are all proud members of? Cause it sure seems like they wait patiently until chief gold digger gives a sign and then they all come out and start claiming they had Tiger Wood’s penis in their mouth. Gross. Rachel Uchitel was followed by Jaimee Grubbs who swears she’s got over 300 text messages from Tiger Woods she would be sent during her affair with the golf pro. And now the Tiger Woods affair scene was also entered by gold digger Kalika Moquin who maintains that she was sucking on Tiger Wood’s penis as recently as in October of 2009. Photo of Kalika Moquin from Life & Style magazine is included above.

Oddly enough, Kalika Moquin is NOT a cocktail bar waitress from Los Angeles of Las Vegas. Kalika Moquin allegedly works as a marketing manager for Las Vegas nightclub called The Bank. So Las Vegas is there, but no cocktail waitress as job title. That’s freaking odd. The oddballs who come out of nowhere to gain their five minutes of fame typically work as coctail waitresses (shoutout to Jaimee Grubbs), but this one breaks the golden rule. FIRED!

Elin Nordegren disapproves. She’s gonna own those bitches with a golf club. I wonder if this alleged Tiger Woods affair with Kalika Moquin is just a publicity stunt on behalf of The Bank night club. Being in Las Vegas, they are surely struggling with decreased revenue just as any other Vegas venue and this could put The Bank in the spotlight. And if Kalika Moquin truly is a marketing manager for the club, then she’s an effin good one cause the club could not have asked for any more publicity than this. Just pick a random celebrity that’s being currently slammed with affair allegation and throw your own in the pile. Collect media attention and revenue that it delivers and move on with your life when someone else’s secret affairs hit the news. Kalika Moquin is an effin genius marketer. But can she lift a ball with her vagina?