Beer Steak Bullshit

Ashley Greene stirred some waters around herself with naked pictures she leaked of herself on the internet. To proceed with more publicity, she deployed a lawyer who started threatening everyone who posted the naked pics back and forth so now everyone knows there are naked pictures of Ashley Greene somewhere out there. Since Beer Steak Blog is a work safe blog, I did not participate in mass posting of these nude shots. Instead I come at you with follow up to her naked pics – Ashley Greene looking all hot posing for Men’s Fitness magazine (who in the hell reads men’s fitness magazines?).

Without further ado, the gallery of photos of the Twilight starlet is below. Ashley Greene does look smoking in all of them, even though they are as it goes – photoshopped. She’s a hottie.

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Australian magazine NW has it that Kristen Stewart from Twilight is knocked up and her Twilight co-star Robert Pattinson is the daddy. Kristen Stewart who plays the role of Bella Swan in the Twilight Saga is allegedly devastated because she never got her menstruation on time and was too afraid to go to the drug store to pick up a pregnancy test herself because the paparazzi are on her at all times. NW maintains that Kristen Stewart sent her good friend to pick up that pregnancy test and the big news of her being knocked up is allegedly true. Who knows? Tabloids are always after big sales and nothing sells better than an overinflated story involving currently popular celebrity. The rumors of Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson being romantically involved on only in the Twilight movie, but also in real life have been floating around the blogosphere for a while, so what best way to increase sales than by claiming that Kristen Stewart is knocked up? Eyes of millions teenagers are affixed on upcoming Twilight sequel titled New Moon. Any shocking news involving the cast is bound to attract attention.

So here we go. It was only a matter of time before mainstream tabloid pushes hoax to a whole new level and claims that Kristen Stewart is knocked up. When Jamie Lynn Spears got pregnant, it was a massive, massive news so any news involving pregnancy of a young girl is bound to make it big. Granted, Kristen Stewart is older than Jamie Lynn Spears where she got pregnant, but she’s also the most talked about young actress right now. We’ll just have to wait and see what comes out of this. My guess is that NW is full of poop.

However I can totally imagine Robert Pattinson inserting his penis into Kristen Stewart’s vagina and ejaculating full load of semen all over her cervix. Little baby child would start forming in her womb and knocked up she would have been. But with filming of New Moon now concluded, Kristen Stewart is lined up to shoot sequel to a sequel titled Eclipse, not to mention that she’s currently shooting Joan Jett biopic The Runaways. If Robert Pattinson knocked Kristen Stewart up, we will never know for sure. She’s young and has many roles lined up for her. If Kristen Stewart is knocked up, she will have the fetus aborted before it becomes official and we’ll never know for sure. That’s my guess.

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Summit Entertainment, the production company behind Twilight – the vampire love story saga have announced that their third installation titled Eclipse will be directed by David Slade. Let me tell you something – David Slade is the Baddest Director in the World. Not only has he filmed 30 Days of Night, which totally rocked, he also filmed some of the finest music videos:

• Aerials by System of a down
• Donkey Rhubarb by Aphex Twin
• Strange Little Girl by Tori Amos
• Girl’s Not Grey by AFI

couple more for Muse and other artists. David Slade simply rocks like that. He doesn’t direct faggy music or faggy movies. Summit Entertainment definitely got themselves a good director for Eclipse. But let me tell you one more thing which proves that David Slade truly is the baddest director in the world. It has nothing to do with directing, but being a director and hating on kid on a plane like that makes him the coolest director who speaks out against that shit. Look at this:

David Slade reacted exactly the same way I would have reacted. I effin hate kids on a plane. It should be illegal for kids to board a plane, unless it’s in a cage for snakes by the engines somewhere. When I flew to Europe in 2004, there were those stupid two kids who would not shut up for 5 minutes right across the middle walkway from me. During a 9 hour flight I was TAF, wanted to take a nap and was falling asleep all the time but with the noise those kids were making, it threw me out of my sleep as soon as I fell into it. Kid’s parents would not tell them to shut up and flight attendants were doing their jobs so they were nice to kids.

I was the only one who voiced my opinion on that plane by asking the flight attendant if I could borrow an axe from the cockpit. I wanted to make the flight pleasurable for all. I’d do the service to society by silencing those stupid kids with a merciful axe to the face. Oh how enjoyable a flight would have been afterwards. Sadly, my wish was not granted so the kids were given green light to make for the most miserable 9 hours of everybody who was on that plane.

When I board a plane, I always look around to see if there are any kids also boarding and if I see some, I immediately alert flight attendants and loudly ask for a seat as far away from those obnoxious kids as possible. Ban kids from flying. David Slade understands that principle and that makes him the most bad ass director in the world.

David Slade photo by Phil McCarten, Reuters USA

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Not here, geeee. Beer Steak Blog is a safe for work site. But we know where to go to see the pic of Robert Pattinson naked. And I will tell, but let me tell you first – the kid has grown up on me. I used to see just a hairy dude, now I see Edward Cullen. And I’m not even a 12 year old girl and I kind of enjoyed Twilight. Does it mean I’m gay?

If you didn’t know, Robert Pattinson played Salvador Dali in the upcoming movie Little Ashes (release date set for May 8th, 2009). Little Ashes is rated R and as it turns out, at one point Robert Pattinson aka Salvador Dali poses in front of the mirror butt naked with his penis tucked in. Pubes are showing, not sure about butt. Does talking about naked dudes make me even more gay?

Click here for NSFW pic of Robert Pattinson Naked!

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The Twilight Series craze does not ease up. The cast took a little break after an insane success of first installment of The Twilight Saga and now they’re back hard at work on the sequel – New Moon. And your authority blog on all things Hollywood is here to present to you first New Moon set pictures which just leaked. Check them out!

From the pictures it appears as though the New Moon set was one big smoking area, though. Every member of the New Moon cast is smoking a cigarette, except from I am so excited to see these first pictures from the New Moon set. What freaks me out though is that everyone seems to have a smoke in their hands except for Taylor Lautner and Jackson Rathbone.

The production on New Moon started on the set in Vancouver. Kristen Stewart was not seen anywhere near Robert Pattinson – which most likely doesn’t mean anything, I’m just saying. Taylor Lautner kind of bulked up, at least seems to me as though he did and the wig looks sick on him. Kellan Lutz, Jackson Rathbone, Ashley Greene and Nikki Reed also showed up and appear on those just leaked pictures from the set of New Moon.

First New Moon Set Pictures in the Gallery Below:

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This one’s for the ladies, all right? Cause they don’t get much to jerk off to from me. Robert Pattinson, the star of Twilight – you all masturbate to his clothed pictures so some smartasses tracked down what it is that makes this dude hawt. And voila, he’s a fucking mutant. A Frankenstein type of creature pasted together from several contemporary hawt males. Brace your clits, the secret to Robert Pattinson’s hotness revealed. Robert Pattinson has:

• Eyes of Orlando Bloom
• Hair of Matthew McConaughey
• Eyebrows of Jake Gyllenhaal
• Lips of Chace Crawford
• Chin of Jude Law

There, that was the secret to why Robert Pattinson makes every girl’s vagina sweat. Unlike me, who has cute face of Lotney Fratelli from The Goonies and abs of SpongeBob SquarePants. Duh!

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This guy up there, Chris Weitz, will be directing the sequel to Twilight called New Moon. Chris Weitz replaced Catherine Hardwicke – director of first Twilight movie because Summit Entertainment didn’t like the bitch. Apparently she was too bitchy and didn’t want to suck owners cock. I made up that past part, the one about sucking cock. She’s probably just a real bitch so they booted her ass out of Twilight despite apparent success of the movie she directed.

As a director, Chris Weitz is best known for American Pie and The Golden Compass. Main protagonists of Twilight Kristen Stewart (Bella Swan) and Robert Patterson (Edward Cullen) are allegedly not impressed with major change on director’s seat, but fat pay check will make shut their pie holes irrevocably. Twilight grossed $140 million so far and 8-11 year old are still competing at who’ll see the movie more times.

Hopefully Chris Weitz has the ability to convey special effects – one obvious part at which Catherine Hardwicke failed. He’s gonna have much thicker budget since movie was an obvious success. Needless to say, Summit Entertainment will expect more dough out of New Moon so expectations are not low. Chris Weitz will have to put up with that pressure and deliver. It won’t be too difficult, me thinks. Any romantic chick flick will sell out like hot cakes. That’s the easiest demographics to target. These pre teen bitches suck money out of their dads like there’s no tomorrow and they spend it all on that shit just because it’s fucking IN.

Good luck to Chris Weitz. I hope he delivers with New Moon. Afterall, I went to see Twilight and I liked it. I guess I’m not all that different from a pre pubescent little whore.

Actually, I don’t know for sure if they’re stoned out of their vaginas, but look at the pic.. That’s Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattison, the stars from a big ass chick flick movie Twilight during movies UK Premiere. Don’t they look like they’ve just spent the evening puffing on a doobie and rubbing vaginas together? I’m sure Robert Pattison has a vagina. That being said, I wouldn’t be surprised if Kristen Stewart had a penis. Kristen looks pretty hot stoned though.

Or maybe it’s my pot that clouds my sight so I see all hot bitches as stoned. Too many Cuban cigars I had in Cuba, the smoke still keeps me afloat. And I did go to see Twilight. I actually liked it. Even though I feel that if there is one more chick flick that I like, I should grow a vagina. Maybe Robert Pattison can lend me his. Unless Kristen Stewart rubbed the crap out of it so it’s all worn and overused.

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