Beer Steak Bullshit

Look at the face of a douche. Jasmine Fiore was found dead in a dumpster, stuffed inside a suitcase (must have been quite a job to fit those silicones in there) and Ryan Alexander Jenkins is a “person of interest”. Whether he’s a murderer we don’t know yet, but looking at the picture I can answer one thing for sure – yes, he’s a douche. You got to be a douchebag if you wear stupid pubestache like that.

Aside from being a potential murderer, garbage bin depositor and suitcase stuffer of Jasmine Fiore, Ryan Alexander Jenkins is also a reality TV contestant. That’s right, Ryan Alexander Jenkins got his douche ass on VH1′s Megan Wants A Millionaire. That means that he’s a millionaire, right? Well, he better be, cause if convicted of murder of Jasmine Fiore, he’s gonna need some change to buy Hubba’s favor which is the only way to get fucked with lube. Otherwise he’s gonna have to take Hubba’s dick up his dry ass.

I can hear you asking – aside from being a douche and a reality TV contestant, what else is this Ryan Alexander Jenkins? Well sadly – he’s a Canadian. And not only that. He’s Alberta, right from Calgary. If I looked outside the window, I might see him there. Why do people from my province have to be such amateur murderers? I thought after Jasmine Fiore’s dead body was discovered, that it’s gonna be one of those mindblowing criminal cases similar to Black Dahlia in which the murderer has never been found. That would immortalize Jasmine Fiore but now that there is a suspect basically right after her body was discovered, she’s got no chance of becoming as famous as Elizabeth Short. I’m sorry Jasmine Fiore, I tried finding something worthy of remembering about you, but Buena Park police spoiled it all. Skilled chaps, these are, I tell ya.

The police say that Jasmine Fiore was strangled to death. If Ryan Alexander Jenkins is in fact her murderer – I can’t help but wonder what would prompt a 32 year old real estate developer/investment banker (whatever title you give it, at the end of the day it equals “millionaire”) to kill young woman. Seemingly he had everything he wished for – a pubestache, an appearance on VH1, a bank account full of green stuff… why killing a blonde? WHat was missing in his life that he would wrap his douche hands around her neck and squeeze tight? This will be an interesting case to follow. Ryan Alexander Jenkins is probably somewhere in Venezuela or Thailand by now.

EDIT: latest news has it that Ryan Alexander Jenkins and Jasmine Fiore were married. TMZ was allegedly contacted by lawyers of Ryan Alexander Jenkins who said that their client will co-operate with the authorities. See? I told you he was a douche. Who else would marry Playboy representative with fake boobs? RIP Jasmine Fiore

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The most awesome reality TV fight in which Sharon Osbourne beats the ass of skanky Megan Hauserman who opened her filth hole on Ozzy Osbourne is labeled on VH1 website under “Sharon and Megan’s big fight”. Thyey call it a big fight, but they really should call it “Megan the-skank Hauserman gets Owned by Sharon Osbourne” – end of story. If you haven’t seen the goodness, head over here –> Sharon Osbourne Fight with Megan Hauserman Video.

As it could have been expected, Megan Hauserman’s boyfriend or perhaps her step dad got greedy and advised her to sue Sharon Osbourne. It definitely must have been someone other than Megan Hauserman herself who came with an idea of a lawsuit as that dumb skank surely doesn’t have enough brain cells to even understand what a lawsuit is. And since her 5 minutes of fame came to a complete and ultimate stop, she might as well try to monetize on it as that would be the last time her name makes it on pages of mainstream media. Megan Hauserman is a fucking loser.

Megan Hauserman is suing Sharon Osbourne “for battery, negligence and infliction of emotional distress” which took place during Rock of Love: Charm School reunion show on VH1. Megan Hauserman called Ozzy Osbourne brain dead, Sharon Osbourne responded by flushing wine in skank’s face and ripping hair off hear dumb head. Sharon has my utmost kudos for being a complete badass. She even said herself she’s OK if skanks are a bitch to her, but don’t attack her family. Sharon Osbourne for the win. Hope judge wipes the lawsuit off the table because dumb whores have no case.

Sharon and Megan’s big fight pic collage by TMZ

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The relationship between former WWE star, now a movie star Dwayne Johnson aka The Rock and his new girlfriend Lauren Hashian seems to literally “rock”. The couple have spent the weekend in Hawaii enjoying the sun, the beach and each other. The Rock looks damn good. Did he always have that tattoo on his left upper torso?

Lauren Hashian is allegedly involved with VH1′s Rock of Love and she’s allegedly the reason why Dwayne Johnson’s 10 year old marriage to Dany Garcia went into the pooper. The reports say Dwayne met Lauren Hashian 2 years ago on the set of Game Plan, and have been secretly dating her since November of last year. While this affair certainly contributed to his failed marriage, Dany Garcia and Dwayne Johnson had been in a shaky relationship for at least a year prior to Dwayne meeting Lauren Hashian.

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This hot piece of twink is Brett Novek one of the contestants on VH1’s America’s Most Smartest Model. Brett Novek placed fourth – I don’t watch that shit, but does he look smart to you? If all of such smarties participated, then there’s no wander h placed fourth. Congrats to his hot ass.

This Brett Novek is allegedly dating Stephanie Pratt. Not much is known about Stephanie Pratt, other that she’s the sister Spencer Pratt (from The Hills) and friends with Lauren Conrad. She looks pretty good. This is the pic of her:

It’s probably all one big rumor. you know what it starts like. They both make an appearance at the same party, o pick up the glass of wine, twink tells hot ass he wishes they had red dry and the ever so present media reps go bonkers about them dating. Did i just shit in my own mouth? That’s sad, cause I got shit in my mouth and I wasn’t even invited to that party. Anyway, Brett Novek is probably gay, but he’s gonna get o polish Stephanie Pratt’s clitoris anyway, cause that’s what they do before they come out of the closet. She should be polishing my scrotum instead.

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