Beer Steak Bullshit

You can’t do anything more for your video as a YouTube uploader, than naming it “Awesome Video“. Especially if that’s the only accompanying text that comes with it anywhere – in title, in description, in tags. It took someone like Christian rock group from Midland, Texas called Final Placement to pull that off. Their song Shine is done to a spine shattering “Awesome Video”.

Thanks to their Awesome Video, Final Placement are on their way to making it big. If you’re struggling to make it on YouTube and would like to see your views go into tens of thousands within a day instead of staying in hundreds after months, learn from the Awesome Video put together by Final Placement. Angle shots such as the one at a 1.10 mark are essential. Making a phone call by an ATM machine – can’t go wrong, but most of all… short footage of a passing train. There is no such thing as “Awesome Video” without footage of trains. And if you’re a solo guitar player, don’t forget to prance around like the guy on the right at a 2.58 mark. Combined with angled camera, that’s a professional shot.

Seriously, can someone from Texas confirm whether Final Placement are for real or just pulling some form of funny prank at everyone? This video is too awesome not to have been done in jest. The music itself is like honey to my ears. What an Awesome Video.

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Apple iPad tablet was intended to be a replacement for notebooks, yet it lacks support for one of the most important components needed to surf the net – Flash. Without Flash support iPad will not be able to show content of website where Flesh elements are used (many, many websites use that) so instead of seeing their attractive, interactive features, you will see blue legos on the screen of your iPad. Great win on behalf of Apple. Fanboys can wipe off the cream from their panties.

iPad is the biggest technological failure of last few decades. It’s made by Apple so expecting it to suck is fair, but Apple went way overboard delivering suckiness when iPad was released without support for Flash.

Did you realize that all YouTube videos are playable on your computer only because your computer supports flash? That’s right and it’s not only YouTube. Most of the big players in online video sharing use flash platform to offer video streaming. The videos you see when you go to DailyMotion, LiveLeak, MySpace Videos, Google Videos, MetaCafe, etc – they all stream files with .flv extension which is an extension for Flash Video. So if you surf any of those websites on an iPad, instead of seeing their vids, you will see blue legos. Because that’s how Apple rocks. Blue Legos everywhere flash is needed. Count millions of websites, many of which are some of internet’s most visited portals. iPad = FAIL

I know you’ve been dying to hear new, striking Chrismas music this holiday season so let me introduce you to the masterpiece titled It’s Christmas by latest singing sensation Andrew Hart. You best jump on the bandwagon because Andrew Hart is the new Tay Zonday and It’s Christmas is the new Chocolate Rain. You don’t want your neighbors to own It’s Christmas before you, because it will show how slow and backwards you are so get right on it. You can purchase future #1 song on t3h interwebz by going to gottabeandrew.bandcamp.com. The song only costs $.99 and there is no denying this will be a major hit. You’ve heard it here first.

Once you got yourself your new It’s Christmas song from talented Andrew Hart, you can sing along with me: “Santa’s coming down the CHIMM-ERR-NEEEEE”. If you wish to see more videos by Andrew Hart, check out his YouTube channel by looking up his username GottaBeAndrew (Gotta Be Andrew – for easy remembering). The video of the song is below:

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Hold your pedo dicks. This is not a child exploitation site, I’m just posting a video that’s on YouTube. This little girl is 9 year old and is from Peru. She’s re-enacted the music video of song Toxic by Britney Spears scene after scene. While production of the cover is pretty impressive, watching a 9 year old pulling off adult moves screams Pedo Alert big time.

It is important to recognize that anywhere in the world this girl will be seen as cute and awesome for pulling this off. In North America people will be outrage and will call for censorship of the internet. The land of the free!

The video is below. It contains footage of a 9 year old shaking her booty to Toxic the same way Britney Spears does in the same video:

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Check out this trailer – isn’t that one of the most controversial things you have ever seen? Illegal Use of Hands is a movie about sex offenders. I don’t actually know much about this movie, maybe it’s not even a movie, just a trailer of sorts, like YouTube is full of. Great idea never the less and an awesome way to start a trailer. Illegal Use of Hands does not exist on imdb.com which makes me think it’s just a homemade video, rather than an actual movie, but you never know what could come out of that. Check it out.

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There is plain and simple too much pressure on Susan Boyle. Susan is literally Boyle-ing over and it’s starting to take its toll. Within the span of last week, the most popular Scottish woman exploded in a series of fuck filled tirades, dropping F-Bombs here and there in outbursts of rage. Susan needs to get herself a publicist who would cover out for her flip outs and make it look like she’s a victim, because she really is, in this case. Unlike seasoned celebrities who are simply too spoiled and like the spotlight, Susan Boyle’s world has turned upside down overnight. No one could handle that with grace.

The pressure escalated yesterday when couple of punks decided to poke fun at Susan Boyle while she was in the lobby of North London’s Wembley Plaza Hotel. Susan flipped out and yelled: “How fucking dare you! You can’t fucking talk to me like that.” The police were present and intervened by asking Susan if there was a problem. Susan responded with style by saying: “Of course there’s a fucking problem.”

Reports from Britain also say that Susan Boyle flipped out in another fuck filled tirade as she was watching Britain’s Got Talent and judge Piers Morgan gave praise to fellow Britain’s Got Talent contestant Shaheen Jafargholi, calling it the best pound for pound singing performance. Susan watched it in the lobby of a hotel with other people present, flipped the fuck out, dropped the F-Bomb, did a hip wiggle, took a U-Turn and darted off.

Susan Boyle became the most popular person on the internet for a few days. The video of her audition to Britain’s Got Talent remains the most watched video on YouTube. At 48, this is all she could ever wish for. She can taste fame, she can taste popularity, she’s got it all within reach but there are still obstacles, it seems. There are other talented people, there are also people who (for whatever reason) may not like her or her singing and that puts way too much pressure on her. She knows she must win Britain’s Got Talent. She can’t otherwise. but that forces her to feel stressed out and that’s why her second round (semifinals) performance wasn’t as flawless as her audition.

Susan Boyle definitely has talent and deserves to win Britain’s Got Talent and embark on a path to being a famous singer, just the way Elaine Paige, her idol is. But so much depends on it, she’s stressed out and under pressure she’s never known. It results in not so stellar singing and flip outs with frequent F-Bombs. Mind you, F-Bombs in Scottish must sound pretty hot. If I married Susan Boyle, I’d ask her to unleash the most ruthless fuck tirade with the rawest Scottish accent she can pull off while I’m pounding her doggy style. Good times.

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Susan Boyle, the most amazing woman in the world has been on the Oprah Winfrey Show who asked her about a make-over and the fame that was bestowed upon her over night. The video from the show including full interview and a segment about Susan is below. It’s awesome how Oprah Winfrey’s team added subtitles to Susan’s speech. Obviously they were concerned that North American audiences would not understand her Scottish accent. I was in Scotland few years ago (Edinburgh is phenomenal in August for Fringe Festival) and having experienced it like that, I actually don’t find Susan Boyle all that bad. I actually can occasionally understand her.

So what did Susan Boyle tell Oprah Winfrey after she was asked if she enjoyed the fame that her performance at Britain’s Got Talent brought upon her? Susan Boyle said she loved it. She enjoys it, even though it’s rather overwhelming. Even her cat Pebbles gets fan mail. Despite all the popularity, Susan still keeps it down to Earth and didn’t go overboard with any of her statements on the Oprah Winfrey Show. She’s ready to take on other Britain’s Got Talent contestants many of whom she thinks are very talented (not sure if she was talking about Greg Pritchard).

Overall I think Susan Boyle kicks ass. As Simon Cowell (was on Oprah too) confirmed, Susan Boyle has the whole world behind her. And with over 100 million YouTube views that the video of her performance got, it is expected that the semi final of Britain’s Got Talent will be the most watched broadcast ever. You got my cheers, Susan Boyle. Even though I must say I find Oprah Winfrey extremely irritating. Is this what each of her shows look like? Cause she’s making me want to stab baby bunnies in the eyes.

Video of Susan Boyle on Oprah co hosted by Simon Cowell is below:

Bakhtawar Bhutto Zardari is a daughter of Former Pakistani Prime Minister Benazir Bhutto who was assassinated on December 27, 2007 in Pakistani town of Rawalpindi. One year after her mother’s assassination, Bakhtawar Bhutto Zardari released a hip hop song to pay tribute to her mom. The song is titled “I Would Take the Pain Away” and is quickly becoming a hit on YouTube.

Sean “Diddy” Combs, who met Bakhtawar Bhutto Zardari shortly before her mother was assassinated collaborated with her on the song. The video for “I Would Take the Pain Away” includes footage of Benazir Bhutto’s assassination, but is primarily focusing on her accomplishments as a high profile political figure and mother.

18 year old Bakhtawar Bhutto Zardari who is a university student in Edinburgh is not looking to make career in hip hop. “I Would Take the Pain Away” is simply meant to be an anniversary song to commemmorate her mother’s death. Asif Ali Zardari, father of Bakhtawar Bhutto has been the president of Pakistan since last September.

Bakhtawar Bhutto Zardari Anniversary Song for her Mother’s Assassination is in a video below

Bakhtawar Bhutto Zardari Photo credit: Associated Press (AP)

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Jessica Lee Rose is an actress from the Kiwi land of New Zealand. Her call to fame were vlogs (video blogs) she was posting on YouTube under the nick Lonelygirl15. Jessica Lee Rose pretended to be a 16 year old girl called Bree that vlogged about regular issues that address to teenagers. Her Lonelygirl15 YouTube account became one of the most subscribed to and many people ate what she was telling them. What they didn’t know, was that Lonelygirl15 vlogs were all pre-scripted and filmed by a few guys who were looking to make it the next big thing. It worked.

Investigative journalists from Los Angeles Times went to track down who that Lonelygirl15 – the biggest thing on the internet was and what they found out shocked millions. Bree was not a 16 year old girl, she was a 19 year old Jessica Lee Rose and her vlogs were not her personal experiences but nothing more than a work of fiction. This revelation brought Jessica Lee Rose international attention which eventually resulted in her scoring a film role in the crappiest movie of all time – I Know Who Killed Me, starred by Lindsay Lohan.

Jessica Lee Rose is now 21 year old and was offered a job similar to Lonelygirl15 one. Shes gonna film a series of 40 vlogs titled Sorority Forever. Sheltered by Warner Bros and MySpace, fans of Lonelygirl15 will be able to get some more of that hot piece.

That’s the profile of Jessica Lee Rose – a wannabe actress who became a web star.

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Here’s another internet superstar. Kate McAlpine has a YouTube profile under the nick Alpinekat and her call to fame? Kate McAlpine raps about particle physics and the 17 mile circumference machine called Large Hadron Collider (LHC), which is about to starts up on September 10, 2008.

You probably didn’t understand a thing of what I just said in that last sentence and neither do I. This is what I was able to learn about it (Kate McAlpine kind of explains it with her rap) – there’s a particle physics lab close to Geneva in Switzerland known as CERN. They’ve been working for 14 years on a machine called Large Hadron Collider (LHC), which they believe will find new particles, such as Higgs boson that give subjects weight characteristics, or the dark matter – the source of gravity, or antimatter that is believed to cancel matter. I’m as clueless about it as you are. Don’t ask…

Kate McAlpine is a 23 year old chick who raps about that stuff. She’s young and hot and all, but where’s the booty. Alpinekat, if you’re going to rap, show some booty or else it’s the waste of time. Regardless of how hot you are. You got to shake some of that booty, oil it up and show it in slim thong. What do you think rap is for? Science?

Kate McAlpine is getting popular on YouTube, though. She uploaded her video Large Hadron Rap a month ago and it already had over 600 000 views. That’s from an unknown author. I know that Chris Crocker can get 600k views in a manner of hours, but he’s Britney Spears’ gay twin sister. That gives him advantages.

BTW – I didn’t last through entire rap. I could not find any booty in it for over a minute so I got bored. Let’s just hope Kate McAlpine gets the memo and takes off some clothes next time. Ans let’s hope that Large Hadron Collider doesn’t get us owned when it’s turned on (did I just use words “hardon” and “turned on” in a single sentence?). I’ve already paid for a trip to Cuba I’m taking later this year.

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