Would you care to have your penis look like an impressionist had painted on it? Use one of those artistically painted condoms to give your tool a different look.
Meanwhile in New York, some kool dude gets on a subway train, sees a dumb virgin whore and flashes his penis at her (allegedly). She spots a bit of manhood and starts screaming her nuts out, yapping like a virgin hooker with lower back tattoo that needs a set of sweaty balls down her throat. Not only that, she’s also a freaking hisser that hisses when she speaks and that’s beyond irritating. I hope the penis flasher never left her side and took her to the police station for needlessly irritating public with her stupid hissing. That shit should be illegal. If I were on that train, I’d be pissed for being forced to listen to a hissing whore and would demand repercussions.
It was big enough a surprise for me to find out that ducks have penises, but the fact that their penis is often longer than their entire body – that’s too much already. What do ducks need a monster penis of such dimensions for? Life’s not fair. The particular specimen of Argentine lake duck (Oxyura vittata) seen in picture above had a 42.5 cm long penis.
Only few male bird species have penises. Ducks belong among the few. Duck penis looks like a corkscrew and unfolds in chunks to reach the size of almost half a meter. The mind-blowing video below shows the process of an unfolding screw penis coming out of a duck. Duck ladies obviously have massive vaginas if their male counterparts sport a penis that’s this big. And why is it so twisted? Do they screw themselves into the lady duck? Duh!
Since you all have Tiger Woods oozing out of your asses by now, let’s talk about choosing right passwords for use on the internet. Screw that, no matter what you do, you won’t choose right password. You can either have a password you will naturally remember after some time has passed, or you can have a password that’s impossible to guess, but you will have no idea what it was three months from now. Passwords are mean like that. The best way to choose right password is to take a baby word you use with your Thai hooker and abuse it – misspell it in a way not even someone as slow as the hooker herself would. Capitalize last letter of the word (first is too easy) and add a sequence of three numbers. Make it your birthday backwards. If your day and month of birth adds up to being a four digit sequence, cut the last digit. Voila, here you are with strong password you didn’t have to choose. You built it and you will remember it.
Shoe-Humping Turtle will make your day. He made mine. I never realized turtles can hump faster than they can walk, but that’s understandable. I masturbate faster than I walk too. Only I don’t masturbate into a shoe… unless I have a visit cause humping your own shoes is just gross.
Shoe-Humping Turtle, star in this hilarious video is one horny boy and what is he supposed to do. So he climbs up on a loose shoe and starts humping it. His penis is erect hard and long, but he’s too far from any holes. How do turtles hump anyway? Female turtle would still have the armor on her, how would get to her vagina? Seriously, being a turtle sucks, you even fuck with armor on and a chick you fuck is also wearing an armor. Where’s fun in that.
On the other hand, being a turtle doesn’t suck that bad. Just look at the size of this bad boys penis. Seen that thing? His penis is 1/3 of his body size. Imagine if fatty like me had a penis 1/3 of my size. That thing would be 50 feet… around!
I also never realize turtles make these cute noises when they hump. It reminds me of JAV (Japanese Adult Videos) stars – they also make those cute noises when they get humped. I wander what noises girl turtles make when they take it in doggy style. Hmmm…
Enough talk. Enjoy the video starring Shoe-Humping Turtle. That boy is the shit. The only thing I don’t like are people in the background laughing at him Have they never been so horny they’d fuck a shoe? Comon!
Barack Obama is hands down the worst president not only of the US, but overall in the world ever. I hated George Bush with passion. He was pure fail boat, but it was common to make fun of the jack ass. Everywhere you looked, someone mocked George Bush in some way. George Bush, despite being complete moran, took it like a champ. Barack Obama is not like that. Barack Obama the Antichrist and his army of blind sheep apologists aren’t having any of that. If a cartoon is made, it is a cartoon. Obama apologists took New York Post cartoon by the comic strip artist Sean Delonas and plowed their filthy mouth back and forth until New York Post was forced to apologize. Apologize for what you pathetic morans? For Barack Obama being a complete fail? For Barack Obama being unable to take criticism? For Barack Obama seeking to see offenses against him where there may be none? You are all a failure, just as the president you have voted for.
New York Post apology, even though half assed, is still an apology and signals the end to political humor and satyre as we know it. Don’t you dare to say something negative in regards to Barack Obama, or you’ll be lynched. Much props to New York Post editor Col Allen who defended the cartoon. I understand the editorial team behind New York Posts so their apology makes sense. I have seen how vicious and short sighted Obama Worshippers get. These antichrist minions are not to be messed with hence it was either spologize, or we’re taking you to hell. New Your Post apologized – which is what smart people would do. Don’t want to get antichrist on your ass. His cock is big, such ass rape would hurt. Actually, maybe not.
New York Post Apology is below:
Wednesday’s Page Six cartoon – caricaturing Monday’s police shooting of a chimpanzee in Connecticut – has created considerable controversy.
It shows two police officers standing over the chimp’s body: “They’ll have to find someone else to write the next stimulus bill,” one officer says.
It was meant to mock an ineptly written federal stimulus bill.
But it has been taken as something else – as a depiction of President Obama, as a thinly veiled expression of racism.
This most certainly was not its intent; to those who were offended by the image, we apologize.
However, there are some in the media and in public life who have had differences with The Post in the past – and they see the incident as an opportunity for payback.
To them, no apology is due.
Sometimes a cartoon is just a cartoon – even as the opportunists seek to make it something else.
Well, I kind of figured it would be this big, Mr. Barack Obama, but thanks for filling us in. And trust me, I know what it feels like having clit for penis. This picture of Barack Obama revealing the size of his penis was taken at a Caterpillar plant in East Peoria, Illinois. Barack Obama formerly showed up to talk about creating new jobs after Caterpillar announced it would fire 20,000 of their employees. Among all the sweet talk regarding global recession and what not, Barack Obama used hand signals to hint onlookers regarding his penis size.
I’m not having any of that. We all know men exaggerate when it comes to showing how big their dicks are. By my calculations, man of presidential ranks would exaggerate the dick size twice fold. That would mean what – Barack Obama’s penis is half inch long? I’m assuming that’s erect. No man talks about his flaccid size. Everyone talks erect.
I guess he could always say that he’s got huge penis, but for a smaller body. Maybe the size of Verne Troyer. Unless Barack Obama was talking about the size of his horns that he gets hidden every day before he goes public. That would actually make more sense than penis. I don’t even know anymore. I don’t work for Caterpillar, I was not at that meeting. I can only guess what Mr. president was referring to. But I swear next time there is a picture of Michelle Obama showing the same size with her fingers, then we’ll know for sure how big a penis Barack Obama has.
Barack Obama pic by Scott Olson, Getty Images North America
Amy Colley made her first mark on the list of cool when she won Miss Tennessee 2005. After the pageant she went back to being, well… a nobody. And now her gold digging efforts eventually paid off. Amy Colley hooked up with country singer Kenny Chesney and the two are successfully exchanging genital fluids.
Renee Zellweger is not impressed. Or maybe she doesn’t care – who knows. She’s Kenny Chesney’s ex wife so he can exchange genital fluids with whomever he wants, right?
Amy Estella Colley was born in Jonesborough, Tennessee. After participating in various Miss pageants for several years, she eventually won the title of Miss Tennessee and went to represent her state in the Miss USA 2005 but didn’t place. At present time Amy Colley works as a nurse at the burn unit. Wait – a nurse? I betcha she gives Kenny Chesney prostate massages with latex gloves on. Naughty, naughty. Great success!
Amy Colley has been Kenny Chesney’s girlfriend for 4 months and the couple has already taken several vacations together. Unless Amy Colley swallows, Las Vegas, Malibu and the Bahamas are forever territorially marked with the sperm from Kenny Chesney’s penis.
Actually, I don’t know for sure if they’re stoned out of their vaginas, but look at the pic.. That’s Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattison, the stars from a big ass chick flick movie Twilight during movies UK Premiere. Don’t they look like they’ve just spent the evening puffing on a doobie and rubbing vaginas together? I’m sure Robert Pattison has a vagina. That being said, I wouldn’t be surprised if Kristen Stewart had a penis. Kristen looks pretty hot stoned though.
Or maybe it’s my pot that clouds my sight so I see all hot bitches as stoned. Too many Cuban cigars I had in Cuba, the smoke still keeps me afloat. And I did go to see Twilight. I actually liked it. Even though I feel that if there is one more chick flick that I like, I should grow a vagina. Maybe Robert Pattison can lend me his. Unless Kristen Stewart rubbed the crap out of it so it’s all worn and overused.
Paparazzi got a million dollar shot capturing the pics of Prince William’s naked penis as he was pissing in the field during a polo game. I don’t know what one would expect from a pic of a penis – it kind of looks like a penis to me, but fact be told – it’s a royal penis. That one penis that belongs to future king of Britain. Or as Brits would say – that’s Willy’s willy…
I’m not posting no pics of Prince William Naked Penis on here. But if you’re a fan of watersports or just like seeing pics of penises, the uncensored version of heir’s to the British throne’s piss gushing, uncircumcised penis can be found on the link below (it’s NSFW):